Forgiveness and Second Chances (2 page)

Malanie pushed him. “Jeremy, what are you doing?”

“Shh…I won’t hurt you,” he said. “Do you love me?”

“Yes,” she answered, barely above a whisper.

“Then prove it,” he said, now gently kissing her. “Relax. I won’t hurt you.”

She tried to, taking deep breaths, closing her eyes.
I don’t want to lose him. He’s all I’ve got.

He grabbed his dick and tried to push into her, slowly.

Her tears began to roll down her face. “You’re hurting me,” she whispered, but he still continued. She’d never thought it would hurt like this.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asked, slowing down and eventually pulling out.

She just turned her head to the side and didn’t answer.

He must have taken her silence as no, and he re-entered her, this time a little harder. It was already too late. She was no longer a virgin. She felt a sharp pain as he finally broke through her. The boy she loved had taken the most precious thing away from her. Actually, he hadn’t; she had let him take it.

She just laid there in tears.

All of a sudden he stopped, staring at her. “You’re still a virgin?” He pulled out, but it was too late. “Lanie, I’m so sorry.” He rolled off her. “Fuck!”

She jumped up, crying, and fixed her dress.

Jeremy pulled up his pants and followed her as she ran down the stairs and out of the house.

“Lanie!”

Jeremy tried calling her cell to beg forgiveness, but kept getting her voicemail. “Lanie, I’m so sorry, please forgive me. I love you.” He called her house and her mother kept hanging up on him. He even went to her house and threw rocks at her window, like he always did whenever he needed to see her, but she never once showed her face. He was so sorry for believing what he’d heard, for forcing himself on the one person he loved.

On Monday morning, he saw her getting off the bus with Carmen, and waited until they were near the school. “Lanie, I need to talk to you.”

“About?” Carmen asked, putting her hands on her hips.

“Alone, please.” he said, looking at Carmen.

Carmen gave him a dirty look. “Haven’t you done enough?”

“It’s okay Carmen. I’ll see you in class,” Malanie said, walking along. Carmen rolled her eyes at both of them and stomped off.

He tried to take her hand in his, but she pulled away. “I’m sorry Lanie. I don’t know what came over me. I was jealous and fucking drunk. Sorry—”

“Jealousy? Drunk!” she yelled before turning to a whisper. “You practically raped me.”

“Lanie, do you really believe that?” he asked. “I would never….”

“I don’t know what to feel, Jeremy. You took something precious to me.”

“I stopped, Malanie. Please, forgive me. I would never hurt you again.”

“It’s too late,” she said with a stern voice. “You took something away from me that I will never get back.” She started crying. “I loved you. You were my everything, Jeremy.”

“You’re my everything. Lanie, I made a mistake.” He tried to grab her hand again and she smacked it. “I overheard something and I lost my mind. I shouldn’t have asked you to prove your love.”

“But you did…you didn’t trust me. Is sex what you wanted from me?”

“What? No. Lanie, you’re my best friend. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I did ask you if you wanted me to stop? And you didn’t answer. I really thought you wanted the same thing.”

“You didn’t do it because you wanted me, you did it because you thought someone else had. I trusted you, but you didn’t trust me the same. I can’t be with someone who believes the first thing he hears. I wanted my first time to be special.” The school bell rang. “I’m done. Don’t talk to me. If you see me, turn away, and don’t come back to my house. We are through, Jeremy, do you hear me? I hate you!” she screamed, running away.

That was the last day she talked to him. Those last words she’d said to him affected him in so many ways.
I hate you
! The words rattled around in her head. Had he really forced himself on her? He tried everything to make her forgive him. He even went to her house a couple of times and knocked on the door until her mother threatened to call the cops if he dared to come back. He wrote her notes, left messages, but all she did was ignore him for months.

He was standing near his locker and the moment she walked up to him, he could tell something was wrong. Her eyes were shining with tears. What did her mother do this time? he thought.

“I need to talk to you,” she whispered.

He couldn’t believe she was speaking to him. “Okay.”

She was about to tell him something when Amy ran up to him and tried to kiss him. He stuck his arm out to fend her off, and leaned away. “What are you doing?”

“I just wanted to thank you for last night! It helped me a lot,” she said, then kept on going.

Before he knew it, Malanie had started running away. He ran after her and grabbed her arm. “Lanie, it’s not what you think.” He’d helped Amy with her homework, but she made it seem like more had gone on. “What did you need to tell me?”

She wiped her tears. “It’s not important.”

“I’ve missed you, Lanie.” He caressed the side of her face. “I’m sorry.” He leaned down and kissed her on the lips.

“I miss you too.” She turned and ran down the steps.

That was the last time he saw her.

“Jeremy!” His father yelled for him.

“Yes, I’m coming.” He ran down the stairs to find his parents, his older sister Carolyn, and his little brother Jack, all looking at a newborn baby in a car seat. Getting closer, he asked, “Whose baby?”

His older sister Carolyn answered, smirking at him. “Apparently yours.”

Jeremy didn’t answer, just stared with his mouth slightly open in disbelief.

“Carolyn and Jack, go to your rooms. We need to talk to him alone.” Their father spoke sternly. Jack went up the stairs, but his sister didn’t move. “Now, Carolyn!”

She took one more look at him and ran upstairs.

“I knew she was a bad influence. Her kind always does this.” Jeremy’s mother paced in front of the baby. “What are we going to do with an infant?”

“What are you talking about, Mom?”

His dad handed him a letter. Jeremy started reading.

Jeremy,

This is the product of what we did. Please take care of her, because I can’t. I love her with all my heart, but I have nothing to offer her. I have no one, but you have your family. I know they will love her, because she’s part of you.

Malanie

“Is this your baby?” his father asked him, but he was still in shock. “Answer me, boy!”

Jeremy just looked at the baby, unable to form words, any words.
This is what she was trying to tell me that day.
The baby was so tiny, with skin the color of nutmeg and brown, curly hair, favoring Malanie.

“Answer me!” his Dad yelled, stepping in front of him.

He turned to look up at his dad. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I mean if Malanie is her mother, then yes, she is mine.”

“What do you mean ‘if Malanie is her mother’? Didn’t you read the freaking letter? She is.”

“I haven’t seen her in months, Dad. I didn’t know she was pregnant. She never told me.” He sat down next to the baby.

“How can she just abandon her baby on us? What will people say? What will we say? I mean, she might not fit in….” She kept ranting, her face getting red with anger. “Look at her.”

“Mom!” Jeremy yelled. “She’s my baby!”

“How do you know she’s yours? I wonder how many boys she slept with?” she asked, crossing her arms.

“It’s only been me.” He spoke sadly, remembering that night. At long last, his father spoke up.

“Does it look like I care what people think? Carol, I like Malanie. She is a fine young girl. She didn’t do this on her own. It takes two and our son was right there with her.”

“I do. It’s just like black girls to do shit like this.” His mom glared at Jeremy.

“You know how I feel about racist shit. I don’t want to hear another racist comment in this house!” he yelled.

“Son,” his dad said. “This is how this is going to work. First, we are going over to Malanie’s house and get some answers, and then we are going to get a paternity test to ease your mother’s concern, but for the record, I do believe she is your baby.”

“Yes, sir,” Jeremy answered.

On their way to Malanie’s house, his dad said, “Son, how many times did I talk to you about protection? If you were going to have sex, be freaking safe.”

“Dad, it happened once.” He couldn’t look at his dad.

“That’s all it took. Being a father is a big responsibility,” his dad said, driving into her neighborhood. Her house was located in a bad area of town. He could see the expression in his father’s eyes as they arrived.

They exited the car, and his dad made sure to lock the doors and set the alarm, something he never usually did.

They went up the cracked stairs and his dad knocked on the door. Mrs. Johnson answered and when she saw who it was, her eyebrows met. She wasn’t happy. Jeremy remembered the threat she’d made the last time he’d been there.

“Good evening, Mrs. Johnson. I’m Jim Wood,” his dad said, extending his hand to shake hers, but she just glared at him. He pulled back his hand. “Can we speak to Malanie?”

“No you can’t.” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Ma’am it’s very important I speak with your daughter. It’s abo—”

“Malanie no longer lives here. She left months ago. She went to live with relatives and even if she were here, you wouldn’t be speaking to her.”

Jeremy stepped up from behind his father. “Mrs. Johnson, it’s about the baby.”

“What baby?” She put her hands on her hips.

“Our baby,” he said, backing up because she stormed forward.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Malanie doesn’t have a baby.” She glared at him.

His dad put his hands up. “Ma’am, please watch the way you speak to my son.”

“He is lying on my child,” she said, shaking.

“He’s not lying. Your daughter left her baby on my porch with a letter and a birth certificate stating, she’s the mother, and she can’t take care of her.”

Mrs. Johnson just stared at them in disbelief. “I would know if my daughter was pregnant. I would’ve noticed. You’re mistaken.” She backed up to close her door.

His dad stopped her. “Can we have her number or address?”

“No, you can’t. Don’t come back.” She slammed the door in their faces.

“Let’s go home.” They stepped away from the house and walked through the broken gate. “She’s high. I don’t blame Malanie for leaving my granddaughter with us,” his father said, clicking the alarm off. “Do you know anything about her father?”

They entered the car and drove off. “After her parents divorced, Malanie said her father moved to Canada, but he cut all communication with her because he felt betrayed she chose to stay with her mom.”

“Did she mention any relatives?”

“No, sir, but I know someone who might know.” Jeremy dialed Carmen’s number.

“Hola,” she answered.

“Hi Carmen, it’s Jeremy.”

“What do you want?”

Carmen had never really cared for him.

“Have you seen Malanie? It’s very important.”

There was a moment of silence before she answered. “No, I haven’t seen her lately. Last time I saw her was months ago, when she told me goodbye.”

“Did she tell you where she was going?” he asked desperately.

“Honestly, Jeremy, all bullshit aside, I really don’t know where she is—but if I knew, I wouldn’t be telling you.” She hung up.

“Does she know where Malanie is?” his dad asked.

“No.”

Jeremy’s dad explained to his mother what happened over at Malanie’s house, and then he turned to Jeremy.

“Son, you’re only seventeen, but you were man enough to have unprotected sex and now you’re a father, so you have to man up. From now on, after school you will come home, do your homework, and take care of
your child
. After you graduate high school, in a couple months, you’re going to join the military, and support
your daughter
. I don’t care which branch.” His dad just stared at him. Jeremy could see the disappointment. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Dad.”