Forsaken (29 page)

Jasmin
grabbed my hand with both of hers, but she wasn't trying to get free,
she was just trying to make sure I didn't choke her.

"I'm
sorry, Alec. I just found out myself. I know you're pissed, and
probably worried, but I'm not the one to take it out on, and you
don't want to be jostling Ash or Dom's elbows right now."

She
was right. Even my beast knew it. I forced my hand open and let her
drop to the floor. It took a couple of seconds of deep breathing to
force my beast back into its metaphysical cage, but when I looked
over at her again, I was back to the 'me' I wore most of the time.

"Okay,
take the plane. Send Dom back here, and then look for a way for you
and Isaac to get Ben out. If you have to, you can add in a couple of
Ash's hired guns. It's not very likely that I'll be able to send
James though, not with current circumstances."

"Thanks,
Alec."

Her
mouth said thanks, but her eyes said that I could do more. It would
only take one small word to change the status of the pack and put us
in a place where it wouldn't be risky to send James along. The only
problem with that scenario was that it would require me to give up on
my hopes. She didn't have the right to ask that, not just to save her
hopes, and she knew it.

I
started gathering up scraps of clothing and then saw Tasha still
sitting on the stool exactly where I'd arranged her. I'd nearly
forgotten about her.

"I
need to get some pants on. Do you want to call it a night?"

She
let her gaze dance across my bare chest and then smiled. "No,
I'm perfectly happy for us to continue."

I
slipped some pants on over my ha'bit and then went back into the
studio and picked my brush back up. The banter from just a few
seconds ago seemed to have evaporated, and apparently neither of us
was really in the mood for the shallow conversation we'd been having
before that.

I
worked in near silence for another couple of hours. Tasha was a good
subject. She held very still, and I only occasionally had to adjust
her back to the original position I'd put her in. I knew something
was up though when I looked back over and saw her staring at me
rather than looking off to the side like I'd posed her.

"Alec,
you know you could have guaranteed that you'd be able to send James
with her. All it would take is for you to agree to the alliance. Mom
could be up here a few hours later and drop any and all challengers
until we got the rest of the logistics sorted out."

"I
know."

"So
why won't you do it? I saw the way you looked at Mom the night we
went hunting. You've seen that she's able to keep the pack headed in
the same direction without the constant infighting that exists in
most other packs. She can guarantee your people won't get roughed up
too badly in the transition as the new power structure gets worked
through."

I
didn't have a good answer, not one I was willing to give her. The
silence stretched out for several seconds, and then she pulled her
knees up under her chin. She looked the most vulnerable I'd ever seen
her.

"It's
okay, I already know the answer. You're impressed with what my mom
has put together, so it has to be me that's the problem."

I
shook my head. "It's still bigger than that, Tasha. It's not
just about you. It's still a big risk for my people. Maybe not
physically, but we're talking about upending everything they know.
Your mom will impose an artificial power structure. It's one of the
things I admire about her, but who's to say Peter won't come out
above James because Peter has the experience tracking werewolves?
Your mom can enforce that kind of artificial dominance, but that
doesn't mean it's going to make James very happy."

Tasha
shrugged. "It's not necessarily about any one person being
happy, Alec. If that's what's best for the pack, then that's what Mom
will do. If James, for instance, ends up in a position he hates then
he's always free to leave."

"He'd
be dispossessed. It's rare for one of the dispossessed to find
another pack, at least not without challenging."

"My
original statement still stands. If it's what's best for the pack
then it's the right thing to do."

I
was still skirting around the issue, but I needed to buy some time.

"So
if I were to say yes, how would I know that I'd still be able to send
James to New York to help? Once your mom is top dog there isn't
anything to stop her from recalling Jas and Isaac and refusing to
send James anywhere."

I
got another confused shrug. "Put it in the negotiations with Mom
before you agree. She wants you on board in a big way. She'll give on
a lot of points to make that happen."

I
shook my head. "It's not about tomorrow or the day after, Tasha.
It's about the fact that I won't have the ability to chart the course
I think is best for my people. At some point, we'll be up against a
situation that isn't covered by the terms of my agreement with your
mother and then I'll just have to do whatever she wants done."

"She's
not an ogre, Alec. She'll listen to reason."

"Eventually
we'll disagree, Tasha. It's inevitable. I know that I'm
risking my people by leaving us out here exposed to additional
challengers, but I can't get around the fact that handing off my
responsibility to your mother feels wrong."

The
vulnerability was gone, and the fire was back.

"I
think that's just ego talking, Alec, but I think we should park all
of that for a minute and talk about me. Don't think I didn't notice
your very careful evasion a couple of minutes back. This is as much
or more about me than it is about my mom."

She
was forcing my hand. I opened my mouth to respond, but I didn't know
what to say. The silence stretched into several seconds and then
Kristin burst into the studio.

"I
just had another dream, Alec!"

As
both of us turned to look at Kristin, I caught a look from Tasha that
said this wasn't over.

"Calm
down, Kristin. Just tell us what happened and we'll come up with
options that we like better than whatever you saw."

She
nodded, but I could see the panic still lurking behind her eyes. "You
were somewhere else, somewhere I'd never seen before, and you were
fighting another hybrid. You were hurting him and he was hurting you,
but your wounds were bleeding more than they should have. He...he
killed you, Alec."

It
wasn't a very promising view of the future, but I tried to keep my
voice even and coax more details out of her.

"What
else can you tell me? Other people that were there, details of the
surroundings? Anything might help."

Kristin
shrugged. "Mostly they were just people that I'd never seen
before. Big guys with lots of tattoos and piercings. I think I saw
James and Dominic there. Ash was there, but I'm not sure about anyone
else. The focus of the dream was on the fight."

"No
split timelines showing us a way to win?"

Kristin
shook her head. "No, just a sense of inevitability. I don't know
how we got there or what led up to the fight, but whoever that is,
he's going to kill you, Alec."

"You're
positive I was dead? I wasn't just unconscious?"

"Yes.
You...you weren't breathing. That and your opponent made sure
you were dead."

I
looked back at Tasha and I could tell she was thinking the same thing
I was.

"Thank
you, Kristin. You can go back to sleep now."

After
it was just Tasha and me in the studio again, I found myself cleaning
my brushes. The silence grew uncomfortable after a couple of minutes,
and Tasha was the first one to crack.

"It
had to have been Agony, and he had a full complement of Coun'hij
thugs with him."

"Yeah.
The wounds bleeding like she said they were would match up with
Agony's power."

"What
are we going to do about it?"

I
found myself shrugging. It wasn't that I didn't care; I just couldn't
imagine a world where there was anything I could do about the future
that Kristin had just seen.

"We
aren't going to do anything, Tasha. If Agony finds a way to maneuver
me into a fight then I'll die just like Kristin says. My dad wasn't a
match for him and I'm not as good of a fighter as my dad was. With
Agony, it's always a question of fighting him or sacrificing
something you care about. It's just the way he works. If he asks for
something I can't give up then I won't have any choice."

Tasha
shook her head violently. "No, there are other options. Get Mom
up here and have her shadow you. Agony can't take her. If he pushes
the issue, she can step in and stand in your place."

I
was suddenly tired. Tasha was older than me, but she didn't
understand what it was to be dominant. She understood intellectually,
but she didn't really know. Not deep down inside where the beast made
decisions and the man had no choice but to try and shape things to an
outcome that was acceptable to both.

"Nothing
has changed, Tasha. Your mom isn't going to want to buck the
Coun'hij, not unless we've agreed to merge the packs. Even if she
were willing, I don't think I could let her bring that kind of
penalty down on her pack, not unless I was willing to stand shoulder
to shoulder with her and help weather the storm."

Tasha
had been slowly walking towards me while I was speaking. As I
finished, she reached up and slapped me. Not hard enough to rile my
beast up, not hard enough to injure me, just hard enough to tell me
she wasn't happy. She walked out of the studio without saying a word.

I
finished cleaning up and then closed my bedroom door and stumbled to
my bed. It was too early for me to go to sleep. There was a decent
chance that Adri was still asleep, but I couldn't bring myself to
care. We hadn't shared a dream yet and surely we'd had some overlap
over the last few weeks.

I
knew I was dreaming almost instantly. Given the state of things right
now, I couldn't imagine any other circumstance where I'd waste time
with a stroll through our estate. I recognized my surroundings, and I
found myself shaping my course through the hedge maze so that I'd end
up at the pond.

It
was another of my refuges that I hadn't visited since Adri had left.
Just like so many other things, it had been poisoned slightly by the
knowledge that I wouldn't be able to go there with her ever again.
The pain had lessened a lot lately though. Kristin's news from
earlier had pretty much put the final nail in the agony.

It
didn't matter so much anymore that she had left. I didn't have much
time remaining to me. I could either spend it hiding from my past, or
I could embrace it and try to squeeze whatever enjoyment out of it
that I could.

The
pond was just like I remembered it, a lush sandy beach with
freshwater fish darting back and forth in the warm water. I stepped
up to the edge of the water stripped down to my ha'bit. A few minutes
later I was floating on my back in almost perfect stillness.

I
heard Adri approaching from within the hedge maze for several minutes
before she actually arrived. I knew it was her even before I could
see or smell her. There was no explanation for how I knew, I just
knew. I used a flick of my wrist to move me around so I could turn my
head and see her as she walked onto the sand. She stood on the sand
for nearly a minute watching me float, watching me watch her.

I
was still wondering how long we'd stay there without speaking, when
she stepped forward into the water and suddenly wasn't wearing jeans
and a white top. Her street clothes had been replaced with a lovely,
light green two-piece. I watched as the water crept up her beautiful
white legs and swallowed her firm stomach. A couple of seconds later
she was floating on her back only a couple of feet away from me.

"Have
we done this before, Alec?"

"Floated
here together or shared a dream?"

"Both...neither.
I'm not sure. I guess this just feels familiar. Kind of
comfortable—like I've done it before."

It
seemed the threat hanging over my head was going to cut through my
normal defenses. I opened my mouth to 'talk about the weather' and
instead found myself turning so I could look her in the eye.

"How
have you been, Adri? I mean, how have you really been? I've missed
you. I knew I would miss you after you left, but I didn't realize it
would leave this kind of gaping hole inside me. It seems like I no
longer have the will to do what needs to be done."

Adri
held my gaze, and for a second it was like she sucked me into her
eyes. There wasn't anything else but the two of us, and that felt
like it was how things should be.

"It's
been hard for me too. I...I guess I'm kind of stuck. It's like I
made the wrong choice, and now I can't get past it."

I
shook my head gently, sending tiny waves out from my face to touch
her. "No, more and more I think you were right. I just can't
seem to find a way to get back on the path I was on before Agony
visited us. I want to, but I'm just not sure how to do it."

Adri
got a faraway look on her face. "Have we had this conversation
before? It feels familiar too."

"Maybe.
I don't remember, but I know I've had it inside my own head countless
times since you left."

"How
do we know this is for real?"

I
shrugged, sending out more ripples. "I'm not sure it is.
Ultimately, it doesn't really matter. I don't have much time left,
Adri."

She
abruptly stood, pulling me around so I had to stand and look at her.
"What is going on, Alec?"

"I'm
not sure. The new girl in the pack had a vision. Agony killed me in
it. She's never predicted anything more than a day or so in advance
though, so I can't have long until it comes to pass."