Forsaken (31 page)

“
You haven’t changed a bit
from the day Alex made the exchange, his life for yours. You
haven’t changed at all since you were more dead than
alive.”

Irritation joined my fear. “Just tell
me what is going on Cole! What are you saying has happened to
me?!”

“
I think Jessica,” he
hesitated, trying to think how to word this just right. “I think
you may just be indestructible now, immortal if you
will.”

As the word sank in I burst into
laughter. “You’re insane! You can’t be serious? Immortal? I’m going
to live forever? Uh huh, I believe that one!”

Cole took two steps back from me and
sat on a creaky chair. “I’m not making a joke, Jessica. You should
have died there in the barn. I know how to throw a blade, it should
have killed you instantly.”

My face slowly grew serious as I
recalled what had just happened. Cole was right, I should have
died. There was no question about that. But everything else he was
saying was ridiculous.

“
As I said, I have a
theory,” he said seriously, seeing that he had my attention now. “I
don’t think even you realize how close to death you were when I
nearly had you. I fought panic for days before the events that
occurred to save your life. I thought at any moment, you were going
to slip away, before I had talked you into joining me. I knew you
might go at any moment. You were changing into what I am, becoming
more and more like me with every passing moment.

“
You’re mostly angel now,
Jessica, and yet still human. If only just barely still
human.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment as
that sank in. I couldn’t take what he was saying seriously, it was
just preposterous.

“
Most of your human self
died, those days you spent in my basement. You were becoming so
close to what I am. I would guess you’re roughly eighty percent
angel. When Alex made his sacrifice, he stopped you from totally
dying, but too much of you had already died. It couldn’t come back.
You became stuck in this strange limbo between the world of the
dead and the land of the living. And then Alex traded his life for
yours. That is part of my theory as well.

“
As long as Alex is dead,
you will never die. They traded his life for yours. While they
still have Alex’s life, as long as he remains dead, they can never
have the rest of your mortal life. That small percent that was
left.

“
As I said, you haven’t
changed at all since I last saw you. You’re frozen where you are. I
don’t think you will age for the rest of your days. And those are
going to be endless. Angels can’t die. We’re already
dead.”

My head spun from everything Cole was
saying. Nothing and everything he said made sense. His logic was
impossible. It couldn’t be true.

The memory of accidently flinging
myself off the cliff hit me. Half the bones in my body should have
been broken and yet I had walked away without a scratch. The
accident with Austin. I should have been killed. And then there was
the entire matter of how I had physically changed so much, how my
face didn’t even seem like my own. I moved nearly as fast as Cole
and Alex did. I didn’t even bleed anymore.

I leaned my back against the mirror
and didn’t realize my legs were giving out on me until my rear hit
the ground. All my insides seemed to suddenly disappear, I felt
hollow. My own body felt alien suddenly. Everything in my world
came to a stand-still and I saw nothing as I stared at the floor,
didn’t even hear the words Cole said to me. I didn’t even notice
how after a few minutes Cole walked out of the room and left me
alone.

I could only even consider, not
accept, but consider one word that described what Cole said had
happened to me. I was stuck. I couldn’t move forward, I couldn’t
move on into the afterlife. How I was now was how I was always
going to be. I was held forever where I was. And Alex was soon
going to be pulled away from me. Forever. And I’d never be able to
go with him.

CHAPTER
TWENTY-TWO

ALEX

“
No,” I hissed. “No.
No!”

Yet again I had just walked in a big
circle. Here I was, back at the parked car.

Just a few hours after Caroline had
woken up, I was shocked to see Emily being wheeled into another
room. As I looked down the hall, I saw Cormack following the
stretcher. I nearly lost it when he told me what had happened. Had
his wings been out, I would have ripped them out right then and
there.

With someone there to keep an eye on
Caroline, I left her in Cormack’s charge. I drove like a maniac
back to the address I had. As soon as I got within five miles, the
GPS shorted out and the screen went blank. I drove on every street
that seemed like it might go in the right direction and before I
knew it, I was right back at the hospital. I couldn’t even remember
getting back into the city.

I drove all night trying to get to the
estate and always ended up back right where I had started. Trusting
the nursing staff to watch Emily and Caroline, Cormack had come
with me to guide me there, but even with him we could not find the
way.

Someone was messing with our heads and
keeping us away.

In desperation, I had parked the car
as soon as the GSP started to go out and started walking. And here
I was again, back at the car.

In my frustration, I bent and picked
up a rock and hurtled it into the dimming light as a scream ripped
from my chest. My hands knotted in my hair as another scream was
released into the sky.

Not knowing what else to do, I climbed
into the car. I simply stared out over the open fields before me,
trying to will Cole’s influence out of my head.

I would
never
mess with anyone’s
head again.

The drive back to the hospital was
numbing and helped to calm me down. By this point both Emily and
Caroline had been moved into normal rooms. I found Caroline
sleeping, her body hooked up to all kinds of monitors and tubes.
Her heart had stopped during the night after I had brought her in.
The doctor said it was due to all the drugs that were still left
over in her system. He had also told me her recovery wasn’t going
to be easy since she would also begin symptoms of withdrawal
soon.

I walked down the hall and found
Emily’s door cracked open. I could see Cormack sitting close to
Emily’s bed on a stool. He held one of Emily’s hands in his
own.

“
I’m going ta get ya out
of here soon,” I heard Cormack say quietly.

“
I don’t think they’re
going to let me out for a while,” she said, her eyes never leaving
his face. “They’re going to want to take me to the psych ward. I
did kind of try to kill myself.”

“
Do you want ta leave?”
Cormack asked.

“
Of course. I don’t want
to waste any time.”

“
I’ll get you out of here
then,” he said with a smile.

I turned and walked back down the hall
toward Caroline’s room. I’d seen the way Cormack had been watching
Emily as they worked on her. You would have guessed they’d known
each other for years, not mere minutes. I didn’t really believe in
love at first sight but there was something powerful going on
between those two.

Seeing the two of them together just
made it all the worse that I didn’t know what was happening with
Jessica.

Cormack got Emily released. She was
right, the doctor wanted to admit her to the psych ward but
suddenly in the middle of explaining that, he said she could leave
that afternoon. I didn’t miss the way Cormack’s eyes were so
concentrated on the doctor.

Emily insisted that she
couldn’t go home when she didn’t know if Jessica was alright. She
felt so guilty about what she had done it made
me
feel guilty. She kept a constant
stream of apologies going. When I couldn’t stand to hear it anymore
I told Cormack to take her back to the hotel they had checked
into.

Once the two of them had left, I
waited in Caroline’s room. It made my stomach knot to see the way
they looked at each other in such a hesitant but natural way. Emily
would slide her hand into Cormack’s, her eyes looking at his face,
gauging his reactions to her cautious forwardness. Emily finally
had her angel and Cormack had found the woman he had searched for
before he had been murdered.

With the two of them gone, there was
no one else to watch Caroline. I had to give up my futile search
for Jessica to keep an eye on her. I wasn’t about to let her run
away from me again.

I had been out in the hall talking to
Emily on my cell for a few minutes, again listening to her
apologize for what she had done. When I finally managed to get off
the phone and came back into the room, Caroline was awake and to my
surprise, mostly dressed in her regular, though disgusting clothes.
She was dragging a brush through her hair when I walked
in.

“
What’s going on
Caroline?” I asked as I closed the door behind me.

“
The doctor said I can
leave now,” she said, her voice sounding terrible.

“
Where are you going once
you get out?” I asked as I folded my arms across my
chest.

“
What does it matter to
you?” she said harshly, though she wouldn’t look me in the eye. I
noticed how she was sweating and her hands trembled.

“
You abandoned me for over
twenty years,” I said through my teeth. “I’m not about to let you
get off so easy again.”

“
Well it seems like you’ve
managed on your own just fine,” she croaked as she
stood.

“
You think it was easy for
me?!” I shouted. She took a step back and sat back down on the bed.
“You think it was easy being the kid with no mother? You think it
was easy watching all the other kids at school have their moms drop
them off, to see their mom’s making cupcakes and bring them into
the class? All the other kids had their moms pick out their
graduation clothes, had them give them advice about girls. I needed
a mother and you weren’t there!”

“
I couldn’t be your
mother!” she shrieked back. “I wasn’t fit to be anyone’s mother!
But then your father knocked me up and I didn’t know what to do. I,
I wanted to…” she trailed off.

“
You wanted to what,
Caroline?” I asked in a low voice, suddenly unable to look her in
the eye. “You wanted to get rid of me?”

“
Yes!” she said, her voice
cracking. “I didn’t know what to do with a baby. I couldn’t stop
using the drugs when you were growing inside me. I’m not a good
person, Alex. I’ve never claimed to be one.”

“
People can change,” I
said quietly, feeling nothing but hopelessness.

“
Not me,” she said as she
shook her head and looked down at her hands in her lap. “I am the
way I am. I’ve accepted that. My lifestyle is going to kill me
someday. You just pushed the date back a little.”

“
I needed you,” I said as
I finally looked up into her crystal clear blue eyes. “You should
have been there for me.”

“
Yeah, well, at least you
have your father,” she said as her eyes shifted away from
mine.

“
Dad died when I was
seven,” I said hollowly.

Caroline didn’t say anything for quite
a while, just stared at the floor. “I barely even remember him, you
know. It was a long time ago. There’s a lot that I don’t remember
from back in those days.”

My insides felt like they had been
gutted out and dumped in the garbage. Everything that was happening
right now was wrong but I didn’t know how to change it.

“
Come on,” I said as I
motioned for her to stand and backed away. “If the doctor said you
could leave you’re coming with me.”

“
Alex, I…”

“
I’m not giving you a
choice Caroline!” I bellowed as I turned back toward her. She
jumped away, her eyes wide with fear. “I’m not letting you go back
into those rat infested houses to go shoot up again and kill
yourself. You’re coming with me whether you like it or
not!”

She gave the tinniest of nods and
followed me out.

We got discharged from the hospital
and neither of us spoke as we drove to the hotel Emily and Cormack
were staying at.

X

Twice that night I caught Caroline
trying to sneak out of the room. It was awkward sharing the room
with Emily and Cormack, but I needed someone to help watch the drug
addict.

Their relationship or whatever it was
that had evolved between the two of the confused me. Emily was
forward and Cormack was just as open to everything she gave to him.
But they were both so hesitant. I wondered if they too were
constantly thinking about the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be
here.

“
Who is she?” Caroline
asked as she sat in a chair by the window and looked at me. We were
alone, Emily and Cormack out for a walk.

I turned my head to her, her frame
strangely aglow from the light coming in behind her.
“What?”

“
Who’s the girl? The one
we’re just waiting around for? I know there is one, it’s written
all over your face.”