Fort Lupton (13 page)

The room was full of
people wearing eye patches over their right eyes. Everyone was
smiling at Jabari. Sandy, Tanesha’s friend, kissed Jabari’s cheek
when Jeraine passed. Most of the big kids
and
the little kids that Jabari had
played with were there. Dionne and Bumpy were standing with Yvonne
and Rodney. Rodney took Jabari out of Jeraine’s arms and hugged him
tight.

“
Love you, Jabari,” Rodney
said in Jabari’s ear, and the boy grabbed onto the big man. After a
few minutes, Rodney gave Jabari back to Jeraine.

Abi, the fairy from his hospital room, was
trying to look normal over in a corner with a man Jabari had never
met. Jabari waved and she smiled. There were even people there that
Jabari didn’t know.

“
Welcome home, son,”
Jeraine said.

Jabari held his arms out to the crowd and
Tanesha appeared. She lifted him from Jeraine’s arms.

And finally, Jabari knew the scary ordeal
was over. He was home.

Badass

Wednesday evening — 7:05 p.m.

“
How is she?” Sandy said
in a low voice to Seth.

They were standing outside of the room
Maresol used when she stayed at Seth’s home.

“
Asleep,” Seth
said.

“
Which is good?” Sandy
asked.

“
Which is good.” Seth
nodded.

“
Thanks for this.” Sandy
gestured to the dining room, where her family was
eating.

“
Of course,” Seth
said.

“
With everything that’s
going on — Charlie and well, everything — we wouldn’t have
celebrated Sissy’s big achievement,” Sandy said.

“
Glad we could help out,”
Seth said. “But you know . . .”

“
Yes, I know that Ava did
everything.” Sandy smiled.

Seth smiled.

“
She’s pretty great,”
Sandy said.

Nodding, Seth smiled and put his hands on
his hips. He gave Sandy a long look.

“
What?” Sandy
asked.

“
I’m worried about you,”
Seth finally said.

“
I’m fine,” Sandy
said.

She gestured to the dining room, but Seth
didn’t move.

“
You remember when Aden
was gone and you were pregnant with Rachel?” Seth asked.

“
I do,” Sandy
said.

“
You became very ill,”
Seth said. “You made me promise that if I saw you pushing yourself
to exhaustion again, I would let you know.”

Sandy turned to look at him directly.

“
You’re doing it,” Seth
said with a nod.

“
I’m . . .”
Sandy started.

“
I’m not going to lay out
all the evidence,” Seth said. “You know what you’re doing. It’s up
to you to take care of yourself.”

“
But . . .”

“
Where’s Charlie going to
be if you get sick?” Seth asked. “Or Sissy. You know she needs you
to help her get ready for this enormous transition and then hold
her kite string while she tries out her new life. You know that
Aden needs you to be his rock while things continue to shake out at
Lipson. You know that Nash and Noelle are like trauma victims. They
need you to care for them and catch them when everything comes
tumbling out. That’s not to mention your business!”

“
I know!” Sandy said. Her
voice rose in unfamiliarly harsh tones. “Why do you think I’m so
exhausted?”

The dining room became silent. Aden appeared
in the doorway.

“
Everything okay?” Aden
asked.

“
Just talking to Sandy
about taking care of herself,” Seth said.

Aden looked at Seth and then looked at
Sandy. He looked worried.

“
We’ll be right there,”
Seth said.

Seth took Sandy’s elbow and led her into the
den.

“
What do you want from
me?” Sandy’s angry voice was low so Aden wouldn’t hear.

“
This is like Sissy and
her eating disorder,” Seth said. “Me and drugs. Charlie and drugs.
Aden and alcohol. This is your addiction, Sandy.”

“
What do you want me to
do?” Sandy asked. “I can’t just take a day off because I’m tired.
My brother was almost killed! My sister is totally unprepared for
her impending move to New York. My father’s best friend is injured
because my mother left me a symphony that only I can unravel!
Rachel isn’t even sleeping through the night yet! God, Nash and
Noelle, they . . .”

“
I want you to answer me
honestly,” Seth said.

“
When have I lied to you?”
Sandy’s voice rose with frustration.

“
Fair enough,” Seth said.
“What does Sandy need right now?”

“
I need to take care of
everything,” Sandy said.

“
Okay,” Seth said. “After
that? What does Sandy need?”

Sandy scowled at him. Out of nowhere, she
remembered having a similar conversation with Seth when he was
high. Sandy and Mitch had gone to try to talk Seth into getting
help. She remembered saying over and over again, “What does Seth
need?” He would answer “Drugs.” She’d ask again.

As if he remembered the same night, Seth
nodded.

“
What does Sandy need?”
Seth asked.

“
I . . .”
Sandy drew a blank.

Seth waited for a moment.

“
Charlie is out of crisis,
and Honey is the person he needs for the next step,” Seth said.
“Sissy’s received her placement, and Ivan will carry her through
the transition. Rachel is happy to spend time with that fairy
girl.”

“
Edie,” Sandy said. “Yes,
she came back just in time.”

“
Nash is thirteen,” Seth
said. “He’s not thinking about you. Noelle is caught up in her
friends and her painting. They are all right for now — not forever,
but for now they are all right.”

“
And Aden?” Sandy asked.
“He needs me . . .”

“
Aden’s a big boy,” Seth
said. “He can call his sponsor or go to a meeting. He can wait
until you’ve rested.”

Sandy looked away from Seth.

“
You know I’m right,” Seth
said.

Sandy glanced at him and looked away
again.

“
I booked a suite at the
JW Marriot,” Seth said.

Sandy didn’t look at him. She bit her
lip.

“
Your girlfriends are
already there,” Seth said. “Tanesha’s son is asleep and Blane can’t
have visitors tonight. The fairy girl has Jill’s twins for the
night. They are
all
there exhausted and in need of a break. I think they
scheduled massages in a half hour.”

Sandy looked at him.

“
But . . .”
Sandy started.

“
Aden already knows,” Seth
said. “You can just go and say goodbye. Take a night. Take ten.
When you’re rested, you can reengage.”

“
Are you sure?” Sandy
asked.

“
Go ask him,” Seth
said.

Seth put his arm around her and led her to
the dining room, where her family was waiting. Looking into the
room, she knew that Seth was right. The crisis was slowing down.
She could take a night off, get some real sleep, eat good food, and
hang out with her friends. Her family was just waiting for her to
do it. Noelle and Sissy gave her a big hug. Nash managed to stop
talking about himself long enough to wave. Aden held her tight and
then released her to care for herself.

“
See you tomorrow,” Sandy
said.

“
Tomorrow?” Aden raised
his eyebrows.

Sandy blushed and nodded. He gave her a
light kiss and went back to dinner. Seth walked her to her car.

“
Get some rest,” Seth
ordered.

Sandy sat down in the driver’s seat and
could barely keep her eyes open. Seth helped her into Aden’s Saab
and drove her to the hotel. He helped her upstairs, and the
girlfriends helped Sandy into bed. She slept through the night.

~~~~~~~~

Thursday morning — 6:05 a.m.

“
Good morning,” Yvonne
said.

She opened the blinds in Jabari’s room. The
morning was still dark, but she thought it would be nice for him to
look out. When she looked at the bed, Jabari was watching her.

“
Good morning,” Yvonne
repeated. She gave him a “what do you say” look.

“
Good morning,” Jabari
said.

He sat up in bed. Yvonne sat down on the bed
next to him. He was acting so strangely that she felt his forehead
to make sure he hadn’t relapsed. He didn’t move. Usually such a
bright child, this made Yvonne scowl.

“
Are you feeling okay?”
Yvonne asked.

“
I’m being a good boy.”
Jabari nodded.

“
By whose standards?”
Yvonne laughed.

The little boy scowled at Yvonne.

“
I’m never going to cause
a fuss again,” Jabari said. “Never going to yell. Never going to
make a lot of noise and . . .”

“
How are you going to pull
that off?” Yvonne laughed.

“
What do you mean?” Jabari
asked. “I’ll just be good.”

Yvonne smiled. She pulled the small child on
to her lap and held him until he squirmed.

“
It may surprise you that
your Ms. Yvonne has had some really hard and scary times,” Yvonne
said. “Times I wasn’t sure I’d survive, when big, mean people
overpowered me.”

“
You have?” Jabari asked.
He leaned into Yvonne.

“
I would think to myself,
‘If I’m just good, this won’t ever happen again,’” Yvonne said. She
looked down at Jabari. “You see, I thought I’d
made
it happen by not being
good.”

“
Did you?” Jabari
asked.

“
I thought so,” Yvonne
said.

“
But were you right?”
Jabari asked.

“
I don’t know,” Yvonne
said. “Some people say I made it happen because of how pretty I am
or because I loved Rodney too much or because we were so very happy
or . . .”

Yvonne shrugged.

“
I’ll tell you that I
didn’t want it to happen,” Yvonne said. “And if I could have, I
would have done anything, everything, perfectly to make it not
happen.”

Yvonne nodded to herself.

“
I don’ wanna to go back
to Atlanta.” Jabari’s voice was soft. “I don’ wanna to go
back.”

A fat tear ran down Jabari’s face. Yvonne
gave him a kind smile, and the child erupted.

“
I don’ wanna to go
back!”

Jabari screamed at the top of his lungs.
Tears fell from his eyes and his nose ran. He pulled at his diaper
and it spilled all over Yvonne and the bed.

“
I don’ want to go
back!”

Stronger than she looked, Yvonne kept him
from hurting himself or her. The child screamed and punched and
kicked. His hysteria rose until he threw up. The child’s emotional
roller coaster continued as he worked through his terrifying
ordeal. Yvonne stayed by his side. After what seemed like an
eternity, the little boy began to calm down.

Yvonne plucked him from the middle of the
vomit and diaper remnants. She carried him to the small bathroom
off his room. Turning on the warm water, she set him in the bath
and pulled off his nightshirt.

“
Did you make it happen?”
Jabari asked.

“
What happen?” Yvonne
asked.

“
The bad thing,” Jabari
said.

“
I don’t think so,” Yvonne
said. “I was just there. I suppose I could have made sure I wasn’t
in the middle of the mess. But I was in the middle of a mess.
That’s just how it was. I believe I did the best I
could.”

“
I’m in the middle of a
mess.” Jabari nodded.

“
Yes, you are,” Yvonne
said. “Are you doing your best?”

Embarrassed by his emotional melt down,
Jabari blushed and looked down at the water in the tub.

“
I think you’re doing your
best,” Yvonne said.

“
You do?” Jabari looked at
Yvonne.

“
I do,” Yvonne said. “Mr.
Rodney does too. So does Mr. Chesterfield and Akeem
and . . . Well, everybody who counts.”

“
What if they’re wrong?”
Jabari asked. “And it’s
all
my fault? And I have to go
back
? And I’m
not
doing my best?”

“
What if?” Yvonne
shrugged. “I would still love you. Mr. Rodney too. Your mommy and
daddy. Gosh, Jabari, everybody loves you. Even if it is all your
fault.”

“
They do?” Jabari’s eyes
opened wide with surprise.

Yvonne nodded. Jabari scowled for a
minute.

“
Sorry about the mess,”
Jabari said.

“
Life’s kinda messy,
Jabari,” Yvonne said. “We’ll clean it up.”

“
We will?” Jabari
asked.

“
What else are we going to
do today?” Yvonne asked.

“
Oh,” Jabari
said.

“
Your daddy’s in court.
Your mommy’s at school,” Yvonne said. “Grandma Dionne and Grandpa
Bumpy are working. Mr. Rodney, too. You and me, we need a good mess
to take our mind off everything.”