Forty Leap (21 page)

I stood frozen for a moment, thinking Igor
had double-crossed me somehow. But, no, his information matched the
information Samud had given me nine years earlier.

“It’s Mathew,” I answered back, then added,
“Mathew Cristian.”

The door opened and there, to my surprise,
stood Wyatt. I recognized him immediately, but I saw him as an old
man. He was in his mid fifties now, not really old but old enough
that the change in him, for me, was drastic. There were silver
shoots running through his hair and he had grown a mustache and
beard. I suppose that if we weren’t brothers I might never have
known it was him after all that time. But, of course, he knew me. I
had aged but a few months in the intervening time. I’m sure that I
looked worn and haggard despite my two night stay in the luxury
Cento, but I was now twenty years younger than the brother who had
been born just four years before me.

He looked me over in an instant, then reached
forward with both arms and grabbed me up in a tight hug. I couldn’t
do anything but return his affection, so overwhelmed by it as I
was. At that moment, it all came crashing down on me and then
spilled away. Every emotion that I had been controlling and
bottling up over all of this time was diffused and released. My
fingers pressed into his back as his did into mine and I felt tears
on my cheeks. When we finally pushed each other away, his were wet
too. I glanced back at the road but Wil Lowenburg was gone.

My reunion with Jeremy was much the same.
When we could all finally speak, they were falling all over
themselves to apologize for doubting me and taking out their
resentment on me. Forgiving them for their perceived transgressions
was easy since I had never really been angry with them in the first
place. I had been hurt, left alone, but never angry. Those days had
reminded me how important my family was to me. Apparently, it had
reminded them of the same thing. Together again, now, we were
whole.

Their wives were also about. Attenda greeted
me with genuine affection. Whether she was glad to see me because
of me or because of the clear burden it lifted off of Wyatt’s
shoulders I couldn’t say. But it didn’t matter. Martie was cordial,
but her animosity toward me had not dissipated over the years. The
proof of my condition and my reappearance seemed to irritate
her.

Over dinner and dessert and a late night, we
shared stories. They were so interested in my stories that I could
hardly get anything out of them for some time. I told them about
New York during the occupation and spent an inordinate amount of
time talking about Jennie. Attenda glowed as I spoke about the
young girl, sensing my feelings for her and obviously approving.
Even Martie softened up until I got to the part where Jennie had
taken vengeance for her brutalized friend. She reacted forcefully,
shouting
That’s Horrible!
before she could control herself.
At least she had the decency to look sheepish afterwards.

Finally, I got them to talk about their
lives. It had been more than thirteen years since they had moved to
Wisconsin. Having lived outside of New York City, they were safe
from the earliest attacks, but those outlying areas had been
evacuated quickly on buses and trains. No one had been allowed more
than one bag and that bag hardly more than a carry-on size. There
had been a mad rush to keep track of the children as they abandoned
their houses, their belongings, and their lives. Wyatt told of
Jeremy’s decision to send them all on ahead while he fought his way
deeper into the city in an effort to find me. They had argued,
Martie strongest, against him going. In this case, I couldn’t blame
her. She needed her husband more than anyone needed anyone. But
Jeremy had dug his heels in and went to find me. He was
unsuccessful of course and came close to being captured. But he had
found his way onto one of the very last buses and rejoined his
family three months later.

Their lives after that were turmoil. They
were refugees in their own country and they were housed in stadiums
and convention halls and old apartment buildings. Jack enlisted
soon after and went to fight. Though I knew the outcome of his
decision, I let Jeremy tell the story, tears in his eyes. At that
point Martie got up and left the room. I suppose she went to bed
because she didn’t return. Once again, I didn’t blame her.

Almost three years after having been
displaced, the United States government began to find relief money
for the refugees. In addition, lost assets were found and people
were able to finally get back on their feet. With the relief and
institutions clamoring to give out loans to the displaced people of
the Northeast, Jeremy and Wyatt were able to pool their resources
together and buy a house for the two families to share. They had
meant it to be temporary, until they could each go their own
separate ways. But time had passed, children had grown, and my
brothers decided that they liked sharing a residence.

Livvie had gone on to college and become a
journalist. She was currently working as a staff writer for a news
station in Los Angeles. She was married with two children. It was
amazing to me to think of Livvie as a grown up woman with a career
and a family. I still saw her as the teenage girl who had the
decency to show affection for her funny uncle. Of course, for me,
that wasn’t so long ago.

Devin had gone back to New York as soon as he
had graduated high school. Wyatt confided in me that tensions had
arisen between the two of them and it was good that they only saw
each other a few times a year. Devin, now twenty two years old, had
joined the police force.

As the evening wound down and we all grew
sleepy, Attenda showed me to the guest bedroom. It was all set up
as if they had been expecting me and Attenda seemed as surprised as
I was.

“Martie must have set it up,” she said with
more than a measure of doubt.

I didn’t know or care. The bed looked
comfortable and inviting so I bid her good night and lay down in my
clothing. It was only a moment before I realized that Attenda had
not left. I looked up at her, this serious fifty year old woman who
seemed not to feel the years or care about them one way or the
other.

“If Mr. Grundel finds Jennie, will you go to
her?”

I was so fatigued that I knew the only answer
I could give her was, “I don’t know.”

“You’ll go to her, Mathew. You won’t be able
to stop yourself.”

She was right, of course. I had no idea how
Jennie would react to seeing me, but I would have to go.

“Your coming here has been a great gift for
your brothers,” she continued. “I don’t know if you really
understand how much they care about you. I spent a lot of sleepless
nights comforting Wyatt through tears and panic attacks all brought
on by losing you.”

Maybe I was tired or maybe I’m just dense,
but I didn’t really see where she was going. I told her as
much.

“No one will expect you to stay, Mathew,” she
said. “No one would want you to give up a chance to be with the
woman you love. But don’t go tomorrow. Even if you can, just wait
the weekend. Give your brothers some time with you.”

I agreed with her immediately. Of course I
would stay. Did she think that my instinct to see a woman I had
left behind as a teenager would outweigh my need to be with my
family? She was right.

Igor contacted me the next day with an
address. He must have thought I wouldn’t answer the phone if he
rang so he sent me a text message instead. The message read,
I
found her
and listed the New York address (no real surprise
there) and, once again, the offer of being escorted to her
doorstep. My gut did a flip and I wanted to go right away. But I
thought about what Attenda had said and I made myself a promise. I
think I needed the time with my brothers as much as they needed the
time with me. Maybe more. So I thanked Igor and told him I would
contact him when I was ready.

I did not say anything about it at dinner nor
at breakfast the next day. I was content in the company of my
family and we used a web camera to contact Livvie. She and I spoke
for a long time, thrilled to be able to see each other. I met her
husband, Robert, and their two children. Jessica was just four
years and Freddy was only two months old. The little girl talked a
mile a minute about the TV station her mommy worked for and the
hospital her daddy worked for. The little boy sucked a pacifier,
cried a bit when it was taken away, and then spit up.

I laughed delightedly.

The days passed quickly. I had begun leafing
through my journal again. Inside I found the picture of Jennie that
Samud had printed for me. She was no longer even the girl in that
picture. Nine years had gone by and she would be approaching her
thirtieth year. Like Livvie she may very well have married and
started a family. What use would it be if I visited her then? If
she was happy all I could accomplish was friction. Four days
brought us into the next work week and Jeremy and Wyatt were out of
the house frequently. Attenda, too, led a busy life and was
reviving her old career. Autism in children had risen after the
occupation, but Attenda had become worn out and left her work
behind her entirely. Only within the last couple of years had she
started up again. That left me alone in the house with Martie.
Normally that would have upset her, but she seemed to have taken a
position of quiet approval towards me. She didn’t speak to me
really and yet I knew that she was responsible for the fresh towel
in the bathroom and the breakfast left on the table for me. I
studied her often, realizing that the study of those around me had
become a habit. I had done it while working for the UAN and I was
doing it now. She was sad, Martie. I did not approach her on it,
but I could only assume that the loss of Jack was a wound that had
never healed. And it never would.

So I ignored the message with the address
that sat in my phone like a lead weight in my stomach. It called to
me but I resisted it. But Igor, as always, had his own agenda. He
contacted me again on Wednesday.

Jennie Campbell works as a security officer
at a high school. She has never been married and has no
children

He knew how to get what he wanted and what he
wanted right now was to get me back to New York. Eventually he
would want me to go to Colorado. I could see his plan as it
unfolded. Jennie was just a step toward making me into his guinea
pig. How long would I be with her before I came to the realization
that I would absolutely have to do everything I could do to help
find a cure for my condition? I would have to anything and
everything possible to try and be with Jennie.

But the one piece of the plan that Igor could
not execute was getting her to accept me.

Shall I contact her for you?

He would be foolish to do so.

I did not reply to any of his messages. It
was my way of getting back at him for holding all of the cards. If
I kept him waiting in the dark, perhaps he would feel some of the
frustration with which I had been living for so long. Still, I
could not put her out of my head and I stayed up late on Thursday
night discussing it with Wyatt and Jeremy.

“Mathew, you have to go,” Jeremy said to
me.

I was a little surprised, especially after
what Attenda had said to me, but I was a little bit hurt also. Did
they want me to leave already?

Wyatt was nodding in agreement. “You’re
living your life a few months at a time. Then you’re reborn and you
have to adjust again.”

“Your last jump was nine years. The next one
may be twenty,” Jeremy continued. “We’ll be here for you then.
We’ll be old, but we’ll be here.”

“She won’t,” Wyatt finished.

We talked longer but the words are just a
blur. They were right and I knew it. What’s more, I knew that they
were advising me out of their love for me, not any desire to be rid
of me. At one point I saw something in Wyatt’s eyes that gave away
his feelings entirely. There was no way we could know whether or
not we would ever be able to see each other again. This could very
well be goodbye forever. It was the most difficult decision I had
ever had to execute in my entire life.

That night I called Wil Lowenburg and told
him what I wanted to do.

The next day I spoke with Livvie again and
cried and I said goodbye to her as well. I promised to find her
before…I didn’t finish the sentence. We both knew that the before
meant before I was propelled beyond the scope of her lifespan.

Wil showed up with the car on time on
Saturday morning. I had spent a week with my brothers and their
wives. It seemed like but a moment. It seemed like a lifetime.

Before I went, Wyatt typed Devin’s address
into my phone and made me promise to get in touch with him. Attenda
gave me a big hug and a kiss and told me to pass it on to her son.
Then she gave me a smaller kiss on my forehead and told me that I
should hold onto that one for myself. Martie clung to the shadows
beyond the entryway but she never took her eyes from me and I knew
that she was not glad to see me go.

My brothers and I wept as we embraced.

And then I was on my way. It should have been
a heroic adventure to recapture the heart of the woman I loved. I
should have been excited. But I wasn’t. Instead, I felt the
sickening uncertainty of how she would react to my appearance. It
was the same feeling I’d had a week before when approaching my
family for the first time. But now it was compounded by the loss of
that very same family. I was depressed and withdrawn. Wil Lowenburg
tried a couple of times to strike up a conversation, but I was
unresponsive and he gave up trying. On the plane, he sat next to me
and read a book saved into the memory of his phone.