Foster Siblings 3: Brokedown Hearts (25 page)

The sound of heavy boots hitting the concrete closely followed. “David!” Ben shouted. “Wait.”

David’s heart pounded in triple time, and his sneakers hit the chewed-up parking lot with hard thuds. “No. Nuh-uh.” Hurt stabbed through David, and stupid, stupid tears flew down his face faster than he could wipe them away. “I can’t hear your voice right now.”

“David!” Ben gained ground fast, and his body heat seared David’s spine.

“No. No. No.” Kicking into another gear, David scrambled for the van keys in his pocket. “I don’t want to hear anything from you.”

Almost on top of him, Ben thundered, “You will listen to me.”

“No, I won’t!” At the van, David inserted a key faster than he ever had in his life and climbed behind the wheel. He pulled the door closed at breakneck speed, forcing Ben to step back or get hammered by the metal.

Through the closed window, David looked at an animated, crimson-faced Ben and somehow found his voice. “I’m going back to work. Don’t follow me and make a scene. I don’t want to get in trouble. Let me have my job in peace.” David’s throat closed to allow little more than a whisper. “It’s the least you can do.”

Then, before Ben could bang on the window or make a demand, one that an elemental part of David’s psyche and soul would ache to follow, David tore out of the parking lot, not pausing at the stop sign before veering onto the street.

I can’t believe it
. Through dumb, wimpy tears that made the road appear blurry, David drove away from town. Eventually he reached the bumpy state road that would get him to the sanctuary, a road with relatively little traffic.
It was all fake.

Looking back, the ridiculousness of David’s willowy, romantic assumptions about Ben had been epically idiotic. Here he’d thought Ben so attuned to him. He’d thought Ben somehow instinctually knew how to handle David, how to push at his fears and pull him out of his shell. David had so believed in the organic connection between them that he’d professed to falling in love with the man. How very far from reality that was.
In truth, he just had a dossier on me. I was literally an open book to him.

No wonder Ben hadn’t freaked out and left David in the dust when learning of David’s time in prison and his stalking history. He’d already known all of it.

Oh God
. And that meant Ben knew of one other event, one piece of that horrible time in David’s life that David still didn’t like to think or talk about.
He knows I tried to kill myself
. The knowledge that Ben knew such a shameful thing filled David with another layer of nauseating sick.

The suicide attempt. David had never wanted anyone else in his life to ever learn about that. If there was one thing for which David could not shake the shame and humiliation, it was the fact that he’d so flagrantly tried to take his own life.

And Ben already knows everything. All my secrets. All my past lies. And every inch of my body. He knows it all because I was his job.

A broken sob escaped David, a scratchy, wailing, and pathetic sound, something he hated. Wasted, useless tears flowed for the duration of the drive back to the sanctuary. David could not get them to stop. But as the gate for the shelter loomed, he aggressively wiped the wetness from his eyes.
Buck up, man
. David consciously, forcibly sat up straighter and stiffened his spine.
At least the people at your job are starting to depend on you; don’t fall apart on them now.

By the time David stopped to open the gate, then paused the van on the other side to shut and lock it again, and then drove up the long path and around to the side of the shelter, he’d successfully stuffed the last drop of tears back down into his gut.

Erin met him at the side entrance. As soon as David stepped out of the van, she asked, “Did you get a good haul?”

With a forced grin, David walked around to the back of the van and pulled open both doors. “Two dozen of the biggest-sized bags they sell in retail.” He showed her the piles filling the bed of the vehicle.

Erin’s eyes lit up like David had just shown her twenty-four bags of diamonds. “Excellent.” She tucked a stack of envelopes under her arm and hauled one of the bags closer to her. “These will supplement our supply pretty well until the next bulk order comes in.”

“I agree.” David dragged the first of the bunch up over his shoulder. “I’ll get them into the stock room right away.”

“Take your lunch first. Sam’s already back. He said he was piddling at small jobs while waiting for you to bring back sandwiches.”

“I did; they’re in the front seat. But I’ll get this done first.” David needed a few more minutes alone before he could sit for a meal across from a friend without cracking. “It won’t take long.”

“Whatever you want. Oh, hey”—Erin rifled through the envelopes and handed one over—“there was something for you tucked in with the mail.”

David grabbed it with a “Thanks” and slid his finger under the edge.

“I’ll send Sam out to help. That way you both can get to eat faster.”

David parted his lips to say
You don’t have to
, but he pulled the folded sheet of paper from the envelope, and the words died on his tongue.

WHY HAVEN’T YOU LEFT YET? DON’T MAKE ME ANGRY. GET OUT OF COLEMAN NOW.

The block letters centered on the page loomed black and large in David’s eyes.

Oh no.

Before Erin could see it, David shoved the threatening letter into his pocket.

But the fact that this letter had come to David’s work made his stomach churn with even more sick.

I don’t want these animals to be hurt because of me.

David covered his mouth to stifle a broken keen.

If the shelter could be put at risk because of him, maybe David really did need to think about leaving Coleman.

Forever.

Chapter Eleven

Hours later Ben sat in a plastic lawn chair outside his motel room, stewing and glaring at David’s empty room. After the explosive revelations outside the restaurant, Ben had followed David back to the shelter, just to make sure he got there safely. The guy’s emotional state had concerned Ben, and he hadn’t felt comfortable letting him drive alone, even if David didn’t know it. Once David had entered the sanctuary grounds, Ben had hightailed it back to town and gone to see Jonah. Already in a foul-as-hell mood, Ben had only felt his nerves pull closer to snapping when Jonah and Christian had answered their door, both clearly in the aftermath of having sex. Here Jonah had deceived Christian, just as completely as Ben had done to David, but Christian had already forgiven Jonah enough for them to have makeup sex, while David didn’t want a damned thing to do with Ben anymore.

Needless to say, Ben was no longer working for Jonah in any way, shape, or form; he and Jonah had come to a stilted, hostile mutual agreement about that. So now here Ben sat, waiting, speculating, worrying, and wondering why in the hell David hadn’t yet come home from work. He was more than an hour late. Glancing at his watch for at least the hundredth time, Ben slouched deeper into the hard white chair and glowered some more.

Adding to Ben’s mood, Mikael had called, and the kid didn’t have encouraging news. His mother hadn’t been able to influence his father into accepting him back, and Mikael’s friend wouldn’t be able to let him stay with her family for much longer. Ben had wanted to have a conversation about finding a logical, good solution to the problem, but Mikael had become belligerent and defensive about his ability to take care of himself, said he would handle everything, and then hung up the phone. Ben had really not liked the phone clicking off in his ear like that, but he would give his brother a chance to cool off and think for a little bit before trying to talk to him again.

Just as Ben started mentally going off on both David and Mikael for not believing in him, a car pulled to a stop in front of him. A moment later his ex, Braden, got out.

Shoving sunglasses up into his mess of short brown hair, Braden strode up to Ben and towered over where he sat. “You’re playing awfully hard with fire right now, you know that? What in the hell are you thinking, man?”

Slouching farther into the chair, Ben scowled up at the content, for-all-intents-and-purposes-married man. “What the fuck are you crawling up my ass for, Crenshaw?” Ben did not have an ounce of patience left for lectures today. “I haven’t done a thing to you.”

Leaning down, Braden lowered his voice to a hiss. “Don’t act like I don’t know you. Don’t pretend that once upon a time you and I weren’t as attuned to each other as two people can be. I know you, Ben. I know you don’t compromise your work ethic for nothing. I know that fight didn’t go down in town with Jonah today for no reason. Jesus, man.” Braden clenched his fists and whirled away, cursing. Just as fast, he turned back and pointed at Ben. “You adamantly defended the subject of your investigation, and there’s only one reason you would do that. You’re fucking him. Somehow you’ve gotten yourself involved with David Joyner. And let me tell you something.” Braden eyeballed Ben and shook his head. “That is not smart.”

“You don’t know crap about what I’m doing with anybody.” Ben spoke as carelessly as if they were talking about the weather. He had one strand of patience left inside, one string keeping him from snapping all over anyone who was unlucky enough to be close to him, and he would not let Braden get under his skin enough to break it. “We were over a long time ago, Braden. You no longer have insight into my motivation for anything, let alone get a say in my life.”

“I’m not trying to dictate who you can and can’t see,” Braden replied. “I’m telling you I question the wisdom and sanity of your decision making if you’re seeing this person. David Joyner has set a dangerous precedent for what he will do to a person he becomes emotionally attached to. He’s needy as hell and alone right now, so if you’ve given him any indication that you feel something for him, even just by having sex with him one time, then you are positioning yourself to become the next object of his obsession.”

His voice monotone, Ben stated, “David is harmless. He’s taken control of his problems.” His focus still on David’s room, Ben smiled to himself as he recalled all the good, sweet, intense things that had happened on the other side of that door. “And even if he hadn’t, I could handle them.” He nodded and grinned again. “I know how to handle him.”

Braden swore and paced a half dozen feet away. “Fucking hell, Evans. You like that he’s needy and that he fixated on his former lover.” When Braden came back to stand in front of Ben, he skewered him with an unblinking stare. “You don’t have some inordinate confidence that you can work around this problem he has. His problem is exactly what appeals to you about him.”

A spike of adrenaline suddenly raced through Ben like a heavy dose of caffeine, but outwardly he lazily shot Braden the finger. “You’re talking shit.”

Abruptly, Braden knelt in front of Ben and grabbed the sides of the chair. “Man, listen to me. I know there’s a part of your soul that cries to be needed by someone.” Too much empathy filled Braden’s voice, and the tone began rubbing at all the worn-thin places inside Ben. “I remember that piece of you that wanted me to not only love you, but to need you and depend on you too. Right now, there’s a part of your subconscious that recognizes the flaws in David that drive his obsessions, and it is making you think he’s the perfect man for you. But wake up.” Braden shook the chair. “This is not the guy. This is not the way to plug that hole inside you. The kind of desperate need David Joyner harbors is toxic. It’s dangerous. And if you feed it in order to fill the emptiness in you, you will build a monster that will turn on you when you realize he’s not what you want and end things with him. Cut him loose and go home now. I don’t want to get a call that you died at the hands of a crazed lover.” Braden shifted to squeeze Ben’s leg. “Please. I don’t want to go to your funeral.”

That small touch from Braden sliced through the final strand left intact within Ben. He shoved Braden away and launched to his feet. “Fuck you, Crenshaw. Fuck you to hell. When you met Abby and Rodrigo, I was still dying inside over losing you.” Even though those feelings were long ago dead, the admission still cut Ben up on the way out. “I told you I was fine, but I wasn’t. I was still hurting a whole hell of a lot, but guess what? When I saw that you were happy, when I saw that you finally had what you’d always wanted, I acted like a friend. I supported you, and I backed you up, and it was real. Now,” Ben said, his voice hitching through the onslaught of emotions, “through some fucking crazy circumstances, I met someone who makes me feel something. I don’t know exactly what it is, but with him I feel alive again, for the first time in a long time. I like spending time with him. He makes me feel good, and Christ, I haven’t felt that way in years. Hell, he makes me feel, period, when for too long I’ve just been going through the motions. He does that for me, and I’m not letting him get away.” Ben dropped back down to sit, at the end of his steam, but vehemently promised, “Not for anything.”

“Not even for your life?” Braden charged. “Because with this guy, we have a record that indicates with the next man, it may come to that.”

Ben shrugged, drained. “Maybe I’m willing to risk it.” His voice lowered to a whisper. “Maybe I haven’t risked anything in far too long.”

Legs braced in a military stance, Braden crossed his arms against his chest. “I’m telling you, Ben, this isn’t the place to start.”

“That’s up to me to decide,” Ben replied in no uncertain terms. “Not you.”

Braden sighed, and after a long moment of silence, he scrubbed his face. “I suppose that’s true. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. Emotionally or physically. That’s all.”

“I have to do what’s right for me.” Ben looked to Braden and didn’t blink. “No matter what you or this town thinks.”

Braden’s features remained hard for an extended heartbeat, but then he unwound his tight stance and reached out his hand. “Then I wish you well, and I will keep hope that prison worked for David and that he’s better. You always have my love and support.” Braden wiggled his hand at Ben. “With that friendship comes my opinion, even if it isn’t what you want to hear.”