Four Doors Down (25 page)

I
pull into the student parking lot the next day in a good mood. Actually, scrap that—I’m in a
great
mood. Last night with Charlie was perfect. He apologized for not being in touch much over the last couple of days and explained that he’d just been really busy with the band and everything.

Then he made it up to me. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

I get out of my car and another car door slams just a few spaces away. I look up and see Ryan standing by his car. He’s looking over at me. “Hi.”

“Hey.”

I turn and start walking toward school. I hear footsteps behind me and suddenly Ryan’s in front of me, blocking my route. I sigh in annoyance. I look behind him and see his friends are on the steps by the entrance looking over at us, probably waiting for round seven or whatever we’re on now.

“I’m sorry,” he tells me. This does surprise me. “I’ll stop talking about Charlie. You’re right, I don’t know him and if you like him, then he must be doing something right.” I raise an eyebrow and he grins at me. “You know, since you don’t like anybody.”

I allow a small smile and we stand there awkwardly, neither of us speaking. I start to move, but he blocks my way again.

“So, how was the burger, then? You never text me back.”

Seriously? The burger thing again?
I turn to face him again. “The burger was good. Really good. You should go.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe we could go after school today?”

“Today? I just went yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah. Right.”

I cock my head in the direction of his friends. “Take someone from your fan club.”

“Stop calling them that. You don’t even know them.”

“I bet Jessica would love to go with you.”

“We’re not together. I told her a couple of days ago it’s not going to happen.”

“Okay, so that cheerleader you were with yesterday?”

“That was just…nothing.”

“Look, it’s none of my business. You can do what you want.”

“I just thought, maybe you could get something else on the menu. Try it out? If you want?”

Back to the burger again? Jesus, what is he going on about? He’s not even looking at me, just kind of looking behind me, shifting his gaze.

“Look, Ryan, you don’t have to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Act like we’re friends or whatever. You find me annoying and the feeling’s mutual. You like nothing more than pissing me off, and I know the last few weeks have been weird, but all we do is argue. It doesn’t work, us being friends. We just end up fighting. Let’s just leave it, okay? Go back to how it was. In middle school. When we just didn’t talk?”

His mouth sets into a line and his eyes finally find mine. Like literally, he looks straight into my eyes. It’s a bit distracting. “Right. Sure. If that’s what you want.”

I don’t get him. Why is he being so weird?
Whatever. I’m running late now and have to go. I leave him standing there and walk through his crowd into the school. Jessica shoots daggers at me and Mason wolf whistles. I flip them the finger over my shoulder and carry on into the building. I have had way too much interaction with this crowd over the last couple of months for my liking.

R
yan does exactly what I ask and doesn’t talk to me. In fact, he barely even looks at me, and I know this because I keep finding myself glancing in his direction more and more. I guess I didn’t really notice at first. Life just kind of resumed as it did at the start of my senior year, back before he always seemed to be there. Only now he doesn’t try to tease or talk to me. It’s not that he’s rude or anything, he’s just completely indifferent to me being there. I first noticed it about a week after we agreed to go back to not speaking. Henderson passed me back a test from English and to my huge relief, I got an A, which will go a long way to pulling my grade up. I stood just as Ryan walked past. “Hey, I got an A!” I told him happily. He just glanced at me, gave a swift nod and left. I was annoyed at his total rudeness, then remembered he was only doing what I told him to.

I suppose I’d gotten used to him being around more than I realized and when we weren’t fighting, I remembered how much I liked him and why we were friends to start with. But then I had to just keep reminding myself that it just wasn’t worth the hassle and it was better off this way.

His friends have been giving me a wide berth too. They say hi when they pass, but no one tries to engage me in conversation, not even Katie. Although for some reason, I feel like this is more because she’s been told not to talk to me rather than her not actually wanting to speak with me. But that’s ridiculous, right? Why would Ryan tell her not to talk to me? Even Jake’s being distant. I get the feeling he’s annoyed at me for the way I’ve been with Ryan and even though Ryan and I aren’t talking and therefore not fighting, it still feels like he’s taken Ryan’s side.

Ironically enough, I do end up attending Jake’s party after all. Sam, Erica, and a few other friends are going so it’s either that or hang out on my own. Everyone is polite enough when they see me, but it feels like his friends all look over at him before acknowledging me, almost as if they’re getting his permission. God knows what he’s said to them. The party is okay, but I just feel like I can feel Ryan watching me the whole time. Yet when I look over, he never is. He’s just talking to whichever girl is next to him at that time.

It does get kind of awkward when Charlie turns up unexpectedly. He had told me he had plans, but when he heard where I was, I get the feeling he changed them. I’m almost worried Jake’s going to ask him to leave, but no one says anything. Charlie spends the next half an hour being overly affectionate, always touching me, always kissing me. It reminds me of what Ryan said about him pawing at me to prove I’m his and when Charlie tries to pull me in for a kiss in the middle of a conversation with Sam, I start to think he might be right. I pull away from him and try to laugh it off, but when I turn, I see Ryan looking at me for the briefest of seconds before he turns to the girl on his right and leaves the room with her, clearly having decided on his hook up of the night.

Charlie and I leave soon after that. I’m eager to get away from the weird atmosphere and Charlie is feeling particularly amorous. I’ve got to admit, this whole Ryan situation is niggling at me, but I just keep reminding myself that I got what I wanted from him and can now focus completely on the person I’ve wanted all along—Charlie.

“I
’m so sorry, Becca.”

I stare at Sam, unable to speak. Late last night she texted me telling me that she had to speak to me urgently. I’d forgotten all about it and had gotten in late to school so hadn’t seen her. She finally tracked me down just before English and pulled me into the girl’s bathrooms for some privacy.

I really wish she hadn’t.

Charlie has a girlfriend.
Charlie has a girlfriend? I’m not his girlfriend?
It can’t be true. It can’t be. Sam looks at me anxiously. I know she hates having to tell me this. Apparently Chris found out last night when one of Charlie’s friends from his old school spilled. He told Sam right away and now she’s telling me. I feel my chin start to wobble and Sam looks horrified. I force myself not to cry.

Oh God.

Charlie has a girlfriend. I’m the other woman. Oh shit.
And I had sex with him. I gave up my virginity to some asshole who was completely using me. He didn’t like me at all. It was all just bull. I’m desperate for it not to be true, but I know Sam’s not lying. I know it’s the truth. I guess that’s why I couldn’t always get hold of him. Shit.

“I’m okay. I’ve gotta get to class.”

I walk quickly out of the girl’s bathroom before she can say anything else. I don’t believe this is happening.
How could I have been so stupid?
I’m so busy staring at the ground and concentrating on keeping my tears at bay that I don’t notice the group standing outside Henderson’s room and I walk smack into someone.

“Hey! Watch it!”

I look up in dismay to see Jessica Murphy staring at me like I’m something she’s stepped in and I realize that I’ve knocked her books to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” I mutter, my voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t see you there.” I duck down and quickly pull together her books before handing them back to her with a shaky hand. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

I just catch her eyes narrow on my face before my gaze drops back to the ground. The last thing I need is for her to see me like this. I genuinely don’t think I can handle another argument right now. I’m so close to losing it that anything could set me off and I really don’t want this crowd to be witness to it.

“Whoa, Becca!” It’s Jake. I know his voice without having to look. “You apologizing? You mustn’t be feeling—” He stops abruptly when I turn to face him. I guess I’m not hiding my emotions very well after all. His eyes widen slightly, “What’s happened?”

I shake my head. “Nothing. Everything’s fine.” My voice cracks just slightly.

Jake opens his mouth to say something else. “She’s fine,” Sam says from behind me coming up to stand next to me. She takes hold of my arm and pulls me away from their group and further down the hallway, “Come on, Becca.”

She walks straight past Henderson’s open door and stops a few lockers down from his room where we’re out of earshot from the rest of the students that are loitering in the hall.

“Are you sure it’s true?” I ask quietly. Deep down I know it is, but I’m desperate for her to tell me that she got it wrong. That there’s been a mix-up and the guy that I thought I was in love with hasn’t been using me for the last few months.

She nods. “I’m really sorry, Becca. He doesn’t deserve you.”

“But I only spoke to him this morning. We’re supposed to be meeting up after school.”

“He probably doesn’t know that Chris knows. We wanted to tell you first so you could figure out what you wanted to do.”

“How long has he been with her?”

“Becca—”

“How long, Sam?”

She sighs. “They’ve been together for two years.”

I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. This hurts, this really, really hurts. The person who has been my whole world since I met him has got a long term, serious girlfriend.

“He’s a fucking idiot, Becca. You are so much better than him. He doesn’t deserve you,” Sam tells me fiercely.

I reach up to rub my face, trying to make sense of what I’m hearing and notice that my hands are shaking. I can’t believe this. I cannot believe this is happening. “Do you think he loves her?”

Sam shrugs helplessly at my words and she reaches out and gently places her hand on my arm in a gesture of comfort. “You’re better off without him.”

“I slept with him, Sam,” my voice trembles again. I gave that bastard my virginity.

Her face softens. “I know.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “I am so fucking dumb, Sam. I am so, so stupid.” I lean against the locker next to me suddenly drained of all energy and drop my head to rest against it. I feel completely and utterly betrayed. Why is this happening to me? How could he do this to me?

Sam suddenly straightens up, looking down the hall behind me, now that I’ve slumped against the locker. “Becca, they’re looking over here.”