Four Summers (9 page)

Nathaniel laughs. “Wow. Thanks. And you’re stalling.”

I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I let my light dance around the trees and look up to see the stars. “Why do I feel like I can talk to you?”

“Because you don’t know me.”

Maybe that’s true, but I also want to tell him I do. I do know him. Maybe not everything that matters, but I know him.

“When I was little, I thought The Village was magical. We were so lucky, right? People paid us to stay here. We cleaned boats and took people on tours and I could swim all I wanted or explore out here. Dad and I would make things and Sadie and Mom would mostly stay inside, but they’d tease us and we laughed and everything felt okay. I never thought I wanted to leave.

“And then as I got older, I realized that Mom hated it more and more every year and Sadie never really liked it and I started to watch the stars. It feels like nothing matters when I look up there, ya know? I used to dream about getting to study them one day, but I never really got the fact that I would have to leave to do it. When that occurred to me, I thought I would just be happy watching them. It was then that the stars became my magic instead of The Village.”

For a second, I think maybe I should be embarrassed saying all of these things to him, but I’m not.

“You don’t want to leave one day?” he asks.

“No. I do. That’s the problem. It’s like, I’m suffocating here now. I love it, but I don’t.”

“You only have a few more years till you’re off to college.”

I shake my head. “Who would help Dad if I left?”

“Can you just come home for the summer to help him?”

“We’re open all year. It’s not nearly as busy, but there’s ice-skating on the pond in the winter. There’s an apple orchard close that people like to visit in the fall. Wagon rides take them back and forth from here to the orchard. We don’t get people who stay months at a time, except in the summer, but people do come.”

He still doesn’t look convinced, so I add, “You don’t get it. It’s always been Dad and I versus Mom and Sadie Ann. He depends on me and he loves this place so much. He thinks I love it too and I do, but—”

Nathaniel brushes the hair back from my face. “You want to follow the stars.”

“I do… And planets. They all fascinate me.”

“What happened tonight?”

Automatically, I open my mouth to tell him. “I don’t think my mom loves my dad anymore. She said she wants to leave…to take Sadie Ann and go.” The words make it all too real again. My chest aches.

“Shit,” Nathaniel mumbles and puts an arm around me. I drop my head to his shoulder and let a few silent tears trickle down my face. He doesn’t talk and that’s perfect. He just lets me be and holds me because nothing he could say would fix this. I'm grateful he seems to know that.

We sit like that for a long time. He smells fresh like after the rain, but with a hint of something else. I hear him breathe and wonder if he hears me, too. Finally, after who knows how long, I can’t stop myself from asking the question that’s filled my head since Sadie told me.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Nathaniel stiffens beside me. It’s all the answer I need, but he offers one anyway. “Um… Kind of.”

I chuckle and pull away from him. It hurts my chest, but it’s not something I didn’t know. “You can’t kind of have a girlfriend.”

“I’m serious. We were together. We’ve been together since December, but when summer came, and we knew I would be leaving, we decided to take a break.”

I sigh. “But you’ll get back together when you go home.”

He looks like he doesn’t want to answer. “Probably.”

I nod, not willing to let myself cry again. There’s no point. What will the tears do? It’s not his fault I like him. That I...what? Became infatuated with him the second I saw him? It’s so stupid. It serves me right that he 'kind of' has a girlfriend.

“You’re so freaking cool, Charlotte. I wanted nothing to do with this place when my parents told me we were coming. Both Brandon and I were pissed, but we’ve had a kick ass time. You’re fun to talk to and I’ve never met another girl like you. You’re like…hell, you’re almost like my best friend.”

Talk about ironic. Of course I would end up with another boy for a best friend. One who’s always been there for me, and the other who makes me breathe faster and my heart bounce. Who makes me feel like a girl when no one else does and who looks at me like he sees something that only he can see.

One that if I gave into my heart, I would love.

“You’re my best friend, too.”

He shakes his head. “That’s Alec.”

“He is. He’ll always be my best friend, but…I don’t talk to him the way I do you. We don’t talk about the sky and I never could have told him what I told you tonight.”

Nathaniel’s quiet for a few minutes before he turns to look at me again. “Things would be different for us if we lived close, huh?”

It’s not what I want. I want things to be different for us
now
, but I feel lucky to hear that. Because I believe it. I don’t know what it is, but I know he’s right. Things would be different for us if we lived closer. I wouldn’t be afraid to follow my heart.

“Yeah…I think they would.”

Nathaniel puts his arm around me again, and together we watch the night.

It’s Thursday, August 8
th,
and Nathaniel leaves tomorrow. He and his family have been gone all day. It’s their last day here and we won’t even get to see them. Sadie Ann is mad. She’s locked herself in her room and even though I’m sad, I don’t let it get me down. What’s the point? It won’t change anything.

I work with Dad around The Village. No one has said anything about what I heard the other night so I haven’t either. Part of me wants to, but I’m scared to hear the answer. Or of how I’ll respond, so I just try to forget it.

Even though I don’t want to, I keep watching Nathaniel’s cabin, waiting for them to come back. Soon it’s dusk and Dad goes back to the house. I follow him and he kisses Mom on the cheek and I take that to mean she’s not leaving.

She has this sort of resigned look on her face that breaks my heart.

After changing clothes I go back outside, hoping to see their car, but it’s still not there. Nervously, I pop my knuckles, before kicking my shoes off to walk along the edge of the water. Joy bursts inside me when I hear footsteps behind me.
Please be him, please be him, please be him.

“Charlie. Wait up!” Alec calls and I let myself smile. I refuse to be disappointed. He’s still my best friend. He always will be.

Alec catches up to me. “What are you doing?”

“Taking a walk.”

“Mind if I come along?”

“Sure."

We wander and talk about school starting next month. He’s excited about football and we’re going to be sophomores, and I know I should be excited about it all too, but I’m just not.

“I’ve kind of been a jerk this summer,” he says after a while.

I shake my head at him. “No, you haven’t.” And he hasn’t. Not really. There’s no rule that says he has to pick me first for games or that he can’t meet new friends. No matter what, I always know Alec will be here for me and he knows the same about me.

“I don’t know what got into me. I…It’s not important, but you know I love you, Charlie. You’re my best friend and I didn’t work with you as much as I usually do and I didn’t pick you first—”

“It doesn’t matter," I tell him. "And I love you too.” We’ve been telling each other that since we were three years old and both of us know what it does and doesn’t mean.

We meander down the lakeside for another few minutes before we turn to head back. The Chase family still hasn't returned.

Alec gives me a hug before heading home. I eat dinner with my family and then go to bed. Just past eleven PM, a knock on my window wakes me up.

Nathaniel.

I hold up a finger for him to wait. He nods and disappears from my view. I slip on another shirt and some shoes before grabbing my flashlight and crawling outside.

“Wanna go where we went the other night?” he asks. I grin when I see his dimple and his backward hat.

“Sure.” I’m not sure how to feel right now, so I try not to feel anything.

We head out to the fort, mostly quiet. Nathaniel tells me his parents dragged him and Brandon around all day even though he wanted to be here hanging out with me. His words make me smile as we slip into the night. Our night. I think I might always think of it that way. I’m not sure I’ll ever see another moon and not think of Nathaniel.

A moaning sound comes from the darkness and I reach out and grab Nathaniel’s arm. There’s a little light ahead of us and he puts his finger to his lips as we sneak forward. We hide behind a tree and look toward the clearing where there’s a small fire and…holy crap! Brandon and Sadie are on the ground, under a blanket. Brandon is on top of her and I might be naïve and never kissed a boy, but it’s pretty obvious they’re having sex.
Sex!
I have no idea if it’s Sadie’s first time or not, but I don’t care. I turn away, my cheeks hotter than they’ve ever been. I can’t believe I just found my sister getting it on with a boy. I start walking away.

Nathaniel’s jogging to catch up with me. It doesn’t take me long to find my fort and I’m scared I’m going to die right here of embarrassment.

“My brother has game! Who knew,” he laughs and I swat his arm.

“Oh my God. I can’t believe we just saw them having…”

He cocks a brow. “Sex?” he supplies for me.

“Yes!”

At that, Nathaniel laughs harder “You couldn’t even say it. Damn, your face is bright red, Star Girl. I know it was awkward, but why are you embarrassed?”

I shake my head, knowing I’m getting redder by the second.

“It’s not like they saw us. Why are you so shy?”

“Do you really have to ask that?” I bury my face in my hands. He’s so quiet I have to peek out, afraid he walked away.

“Have you ever...” he starts.

I drop my hands. “What? No! Of course not.” I can’t help but ask him the same thing. “Have you ever?”

“No.”

He doesn’t add the of course not.

“Me and Roxi…we’ve messed around and stuff, but not that far.”

“Okay, that’s enough for me!” I turn my back to him. It’s not like I want to talk about the girl he’s going home to. And of course she’d have some cool name. Roxi versus
Charlie Rae.

“What about you?” He steps up beside me. “Messed around, I mean.”

Ugh. Why is he doing this? I think about lying, but know I can’t. “Nope.”

“Nothing?” He says it like he’s shocked.

“Thanks! Make it sound like I’m a freak or something.”

“No, no. That’s not what I meant.” He steps in front of me so I’m looking at him. “I just figured you and Alec…”

Oh. “No.” I shake my head. “We haven’t. I’ve never even…” There’s no reason to continue because I already told him I haven’t done anything. Why embarrass myself more by repeating the fact that I’ve never even kissed a boy? But then, this is Nathaniel and I like talking to him and can’t seem to stop myself from continuing. “No guys have ever really been interested in me. They all assume Alec and me are together, or will be together. Who knows if that’s really why. Maybe that’s just an excuse because—”

“—Charlotte,” he cuts off my rambling. And he’s looking at me funny, all serious. Like he was by the boats that day and suddenly my heart starts a stampede and my stomach feels wobbly, maybe the way someone looks if you’re looking at them through a pool of water. Little waves making everything feel off.

“What?” I finally reply.

Nathaniel steps closer to me, his voice low. “I wanna be your first kiss.”

I can’t believe he said that. This is really happening and I’m licking my lips and nodding my head. Before I thought I wasn’t frightened of my first kiss, but I am. I’m so scared I could burst out of my skin, or set on fire, but I’ve never wanted to burn so much in my whole life.

He leans forward. I close my eyes and it’s not a second later that I feel his lips on mine. His hand pushes through my hair and rests at on the back of my neck. His lips tease mine with little kisses. I return them thinking nothing has ever felt this good.

Against my mouth he asks, “Can I kiss you more?”

Another nod from me and I feel his tongue trace my lips. I open my mouth and now I really know I’ve never felt something like this. Nathaniel’s tongue touches mine. Dances with it. I try to mimic what he does, slipping mine in his mouth and he lets me. It’s a trade off, and we learn to move together.

He pulls me closer, his whole body lined against mine, and kisses me deeper. I wrap my arms around his neck and his heart is against mine and I can’t stop it…can’t block it anymore. My heart opens and I know he’ll forever have a home there. It’s stupid and I’m young, but I don’t care. I love him and for the rest of my life, this moment will be engraved into my heart.

He pulls his mouth away, but doesn’t move his hand. I don’t let go of him either and all I can think is our breaths are mixing the way our tongues just did.

Wow…

“I saw something when we were out today.” He pulls away and I wish he hadn't, but then he’s reaching into his pocket and pulls whatever it is out.