Four Waifs on Our Doorstep (11 page)

I began to wonder again whether I was getting too old for all this!

Social Services rang up one day to arrange a visit between the children and their mother. The court had granted her fortnightly visits, as long as they met in a family centre
in a nearby town. We agreed a date towards the end of the week, so that I could prepare the children for it. First I would have to tell them, but I really didn’t know how they would
react.

‘I had a phone call this morning to say that your mum is coming up to visit you on Thursday—’

‘She’s not going to come here, is she?’ interrupted Hamish.

‘No, not to the house.’

‘She mustn’t come to the house,’ he insisted. ‘I don’t want her to see where we live.’

‘Well, it’s all right, she won’t be coming here. You’re going to meet her in a family centre a few miles away, where they have a really nice room with cosy chairs and
toys and things.’ I couldn’t be sure about the details, but I wanted to reassure them and that’s what family centres were usually like.

‘Do we have to see her?’ asked Anita, which caught me by surprise.

‘Well, I don’t know whether anyone can force you to see her, but she’s coming up specially and I think you should at least be there to meet her and let her see how pretty you
look in your new clothes.’

‘OK,’ nodded Anita. She was always a sucker for showing off her favourite clothes. ‘She probably won’t recognise me anyway, now that I’m growing my hair.’

‘Will she be on her own?’ asked Hamish. ‘She won’t bring any of her mates, will she?’

‘Like who?’ I asked.

‘Kevin,’ he said. ‘Or Larry, or Wayne.’

‘No, I’m not going if she brings Wayne,’ shrieked Anita in a sudden panic.

‘Don’t worry about that,’ I tried to reassure her. ‘I’m sure nobody like that would be allowed to come in with her. It will be relatives only.’

‘Will you come in with us?’ asked Caroline.

‘I will take you there and wait for you, but I don’t think I’m supposed to go in with you.’

‘What if we refuse to go in unless you come in too?’ asked Hamish.

‘I don’t know,’ I replied, honestly. ‘Why, do you really want me to come in that much?’

‘Yes,’ they all chorused in unison.

‘All right, I’ll ask if I can, as it’s the first visit, but I can’t promise they’ll let me.’

We spoke quite a lot about the impending visit and the older three all seemed apprehensive about seeing their mum, and the tension rose to a crescendo when we pulled up in the
car outside the modern family centre building.

‘Do I have to go in?’ asked Hamish.

‘I think you should,’ I said. ‘Your mum has travelled all that way. She’ll be upset if you don’t come and say hello to her.’

They all piled out of the back seats and we climbed the shallow steps to the front entrance. Inside, a smiling woman welcomed us and took us to the room where the meeting would take place. As I
predicted, there was a lovely play corner, full of books, toys and puzzles, so they all made a beeline for that. Even Simon, who by now was walking a bit more confidently, pattered off after
them.

‘She’s not arrived yet,’ said the woman. ‘I’ll bring her straight through when she gets here.’

I passed by the comfortable-looking easy chairs, grouped around a square coffee table, and went over to join the kids in the play area. They had so many lovely picture books there that I chose
one and started to read it to Simon and Caroline, while Anita had a go at a jigsaw puzzle and Hamish emptied out a box of Lego to build with.

I didn’t notice how much time had passed until the woman came back in, alone.

‘No sign of her then?’ I asked.

‘No. She’s already half an hour late. Shall I call Social Services to see if they know anything?’

‘Yes, that’s a good idea. Thank you.’

Another five minutes and back she came again. ‘I phoned them and spoke to somebody called Steve,’ she said. ‘He told me that they’d given her a train pass and ordered a
taxi to take her to the station. But when the taxi got there, she said she had some friends round, so she would have to come another day instead.’ This pleasant woman looked as dismayed as I
felt. Having spent the past couple of days building the children up to be ready for this meeting, how was I going to let them down gently? I had to tell them their mum wasn’t coming, but I
couldn’t tell them why – that she preferred to spend the afternoon with her friends than with her own children who she hadn’t seen for several weeks.

I felt sure there would be repercussions over the next few days, but when I told them, they seemed to take it in their stride, as if they half expected it.

‘She never goes to appointments,’ explained Hamish. ‘So I thought she might not come, unless somebody drove her all the way here.’

‘Oh, I don’t suppose they could do that,’ I said.

We all went back home and they just carried on as usual, as if nothing had happened.

‘I’m just waiting for the aftershocks,’ I told Mike that evening when they’d all gone to bed.

‘Don’t worry, love,’ he said. ‘You’ll cope with it. You always do.’

9

I
knew it couldn’t last. The morning after the missed visit from his mum, Hamish’s fury erupted. He stormed down the stairs and into
the kitchen, banged his bowl and spoon about on the table and spat at Anita sitting next to him.

‘You wanker!’ she shouted at him.

‘You’re the wanker!’ he yelled back at her.

‘Get away from me.’

He got up, threw his spoon across the floor, opened a cupboard and slammed it shut again.

‘Steady on, Hame,’ said Mike in his calm voice.

‘I fucking hate you,’ Hamish replied. ‘I hate you all. I hate this fucking place.’ He stamped around the outside of the room, muttering obscenities, seething to himself.
He stopped, red in the face when he got to me.

‘I’m just going to do a cooked breakfast for Mike,’ I said, trying to calm him down. ‘Would you like some?’

‘Keep your bloody bacon!’ he yelled, as close as he could to my face, and spat at me. I could feel a gloop of saliva landing on my cheek and running down onto my chin, before I wiped
it away with some kitchen towel.

‘Right, young man. It’s back to your bedroom for you. I’m not having that kind of behaviour down here. If you want to shout and swear and spit, go and do it in your own room.
And don’t come down until you are ready to be civilised to everyone. I understand why you are angry, but that is no reason to upset your brother and sisters, Mike and me.’

He stood his ground. How could I resolve this?

But Mike came up with the answer. ‘No fish and chips for you tonight, Hamish, unless you go up to your room. And don’t come down until you are ready to apologise.’

He thought about this for only two seconds, turned smartly and marched off upstairs. I heard the door slamming, but all was peace and quiet after that.

‘I’m really sorry,’ said his sad voice from the doorway, an hour or so later. ‘I was just so cross with Mum.’

‘I know, love.’ I went over and gave him a hug. ‘It’s hard coping with everything that’s happened to you, isn’t it?’

He nodded.

‘Come on, let’s get you something to eat.’

As he ate his late breakfast, I sat down at the table with him and sewed a button onto one of Mike’s shirts. ‘I don’t know what Mike does with his buttons. They’re always
going missing.’

‘Mum wouldn’t do anything like that. She’s very lazy,’ he said.

‘Well, lots of people don’t bother with sewing unless they have to.’

‘But she doesn’t do anything. No cooking, no cleaning. The house was always filthy. I hated that. I hated having to wear dirty clothes too. Mum hardly ever did the washing, so I
sometimes did it when we went to bed, but I couldn’t get the clothes dry in time for morning, so we had to wear wet clothes to school. My teacher told me that she had made a complaint about
my wet clothes, but they never did anything about it.’ He paused. ‘It was the same with the food.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, I was always hungry. We never had breakfast, so I used to ask for food at nursery when I was younger, and then at school. Some of the teachers used to give me a biscuit, but I was
still hungry. I used to look through the school bins at playtimes, looking for something to eat.’

‘Didn’t anyone see you?’

‘Yes. My teacher asked me why I was so hungry and I didn’t know what to say.’

‘Did she contact Social Services about that too?’

‘I think she did. I don’t know. Nothing ever happened about it.’

‘That must have been very difficult for you, being so hungry all the time.’

‘It wasn’t just me,’ he said. ‘The others were hungry too. I had to find food for them as well.’

He finished his cereal, so I made him some Marmite toast.

‘I don’t know why I was so cross this morning,’ he said between mouthfuls. ‘I knew she wouldn’t come. She just sleeps late and lays about the house with her
friends.’

‘Who were the friends?’

‘I don’t know. Just men. We used to get left with them sometimes. But we were left on our own a lot too.’

‘Did that worry you?’

‘No,’ he shrugged.

‘I know Anita was at school with you before you came here. But what about Caroline and Simon?’

‘Caroline was supposed to be going to nursery, but Mum hardly ever took her. Sometimes one of her mates did.’

‘One of the men?’

‘Yes.’

‘Didn’t they buy food when they were at the house so often?’

‘I don’t know. I don’t think so. When I was at school, I used to worry about Caroline and especially Simon, because he was always at home. He was Mum’s favourite, but I
used to worry that she wouldn’t change his nappies or feed him.’

‘He must have been very smelly by the time you got home.’

‘Yes, but sometimes Simon and Caroline pulled their nappies off, so there was a lot of mess when that happened.’

‘Oh dear.’

‘I don’t think Mum liked Caroline, so she used to tie her to her bed when I wasn’t there.’

‘Yes, Caroline told me that. She said you untied her. Do you think the social workers knew about that?’

‘I don’t know. Mum didn’t like the social workers. She argued with them. I remember Mum was right in front of me when she punched one woman in the face.’

‘Oh dear. Was the woman all right?’

‘I don’t know. We never saw her again.’

‘You told me that Simon had nothing to play with in his cot.’

‘None of us had any toys. Two social workers brought us toys for Christmas presents one year, but I think Mum sold them.’

‘So what did you play with?’

‘There was an old wrecked car on our drive.’

‘Whose car was it?’

‘I don’t know. But it didn’t have any tyres and the doors were falling off. It was good fun to play with. We played games in it. I used to like pretending I was driving the car
on a long journey. Sometimes we pretended it was a pirate ship. That was good.’ He smiled. ‘Sometimes me and Anita went down to the river with sticks and we tried to pierce the fish,
but they were usually too quick for us. I did catch a fish once and I took it home to show my dad. He gave me a pound coin and told me to go and throw it back into the river.’

‘Do you remember your dad quite well?’

‘Yes, a bit. He left when I was three or four I think. I remember the police kept coming round to arrest him and take him away.’

‘Come on, sunshine,’ I said, standing up. ‘I think we’d better go and see how the others are getting on.’

‘Can we take some food down with us?’

‘Yes, but let’s make it healthy food. It’s not long till lunchtime.’

We took four apples down to the playroom, where they were all busy demolishing a toy farm, with Anita about to jump on it.

‘An! Don’t do that,’ I said. ‘Simon likes to play with the farm. I’ll put it over there for him.’ I don’t think he’d ever played with it, but I
thought he might like it, so I lifted it up and placed it in front of where he was sitting. Hamish, bless him, brought over some of the farm animals that went with it and set them all out on the
floor. Simon picked up a cow and took a close look at it. Then he gathered some of the other animals and started to reposition them.

It was nice and quiet while they crunched their Granny Smiths. I had cut up one of them to make it easier for Simon to eat and he carefully picked up one quarter and started to nibble on it.

‘Thank you,’ he said.

‘That’s all right,’ I replied, in shock. ‘Good boy.’

Hamish picked up a picture book and started to read it out loud, word by word. That made me feel guilty.

‘Well done, Hame. Do you miss being at school?’

‘A bit,’ he nodded. ‘But I’m glad I haven’t got to walk to school any more.’

‘Why is that?’

‘I used to walk Anita to nursery to start with, before I went to school. I was only five and I used to get her up and help her get dressed. Then we had to walk down the path by the
canal.’

‘Hamish saved my life,’ Anita chipped in.

‘Really?’ I couldn’t help being shocked. ‘What happened?’

‘Yes, she fell into the canal and I had to pull her out,’ he said matter-of-factly.

‘I don’t remember falling in, but I remember panicking. I was struggling.’ She acted it out dramatically. ‘I tried to climb up the wall, but I couldn’t. I was
scared because I thought the fishes would eat my toes.’

‘I got a stick,’ Hamish continued, ‘and reached it out to her to grab hold of, so that I could pull her in to the side.’

‘I nearly drowned,’ added Anita. ‘I lay on the ground and I couldn’t get my breath back.’

‘Then we walked further down the path and this man with a beard came out of the bushes. He was watching us, but he didn’t come to help.’

‘I was frightened of him,’ said Anita.

‘I think his name was David. He used to babysit us. He was dangerous. He beckoned us to go to him, but we ran away.’