Foursome (16 page)

‘Well, according to you he’s been madly in love with you all that time and you didn’t realize so you couldn’t have known him that well, could you?’

Touché. ‘I know him a lot better than you do. And he’s not worth wasting your life for or messing up your job for, for that matter.’

‘What do you mean messing up my job?’ She stares at me accusingly. ‘How dare you.’

‘You’ve been a bit… well, let’s just say your eye’s been off the ball lately. I’m not having a go, I’m just saying…’

‘Oh, I see what this is,’ Lorna says angrily. ‘You’re jealous because I got promoted and you didn’t so you’re trying to undermine me. What do you think they’re going to do, get rid of me and promote you now? There’s no way Joshua and Melanie think you’re up to it.’

She thinks this will hurt me, but I couldn’t care less. ‘I’m not after your job. I wouldn’t take it if they offered it to me. I don’t want the responsibility. But I know your work is everything to you. And, honestly, you’re good at it. Most of the time. Really you are. And I don’t think allowing your personal life to get in the way is something you would ever do if you were feeling rational.’

‘So poor little Lorna who has nothing in her life other than work, no family, no boyfriend, needs to make a success of her career because otherwise what has she got? Nothing?’

‘That’s not what I’m saying. I was trying to say that at some point you’ll get over Alex and you’ll wonder what you ever saw in him and, at that point, you don’t want to look around and see that you allowed him to ruin your career too. You might not care at the moment, but you will again.’

‘If I had ever wanted your career advice, I’d have asked for it. And, as I haven’t, then you can safely assume that it’s of no interest to me whatsoever.’

‘That’s fine,’ I say. ‘I’ve said what I had to say. I’ve tried, OK? It’s up to you how you live your life. It’s nothing to do with me.’

‘I couldn’t have put it better myself,’ she says haughtily. ‘Now please get back to work before I have to make a complaint about you.’

‘Another one?’ I say facetiously.

‘Yes,’ she says. ‘Another one.’

20

Before I can even fully digest what Alex has said to me I feel I owe Kay an explanation, so I stick the phones on to voicemail and take her to the pub. If they don’t like it, then fuck them. I’m past caring. Actually, that’s not true. Before we go I creep in to see Melanie, who is on the phone, and do a mime that I hope indicates that Kay and I are going out, is that OK? She smiles and nods so I’m taking that as a yes.

Kay is shaken up to say the least. I buy her a glass of red wine and then try to fill her in on the broad strokes of my complicated relationships. I try to keep to the facts – or at least, an abridged version of them – and I don’t offer up my opinion of Alex or Lorna. I’m worried she’ll judge me unfavourably when I get to the part about telling Lorna about Alex’s declaration of love to me, but she just nods and takes it all in.

‘He seems awful. I’m sorry, I know he’s your friend and everything…’

‘He is awful,’ I say. ‘I’ve realized that recently. I can’t believe I thought I knew him.’

‘And,’ Kay says. ‘I know it’s none of my business, but what do you think about those things he was saying about your husband?’

‘I don’t know,’ I say, and I mean it. I can’t believe there’s anything about Dan’s past that I don’t know. ‘I think he’s clutching at straws. Making something out of nothing to try and hurt me.’

‘That’s what I think too. Not that I even know Dan, but it all feels too convenient. You’ve hurt him so now he’s going to hurt you. Ignore him. Don’t even bring it up with Dan because that’s what Alex wants.’

I know she’s right I’m just not sure it’s that easy.

Back in the office it doesn’t seem like Lorna even noticed we were gone.

‘Shall I go and see if she’s OK?’ Kay asks, a little nervously.

‘Just go in and offer her a coffee or something.’

A couple of minutes later Kay comes back again, shaking her head. ‘She doesn’t want anything. She looks terrible, though.’

‘Just leave her to it, then,’ I say. ‘She knows we’re here if she needs anything.’

The phone rings and Kay picks it up straight away. ‘Hi, Heather,’ she says cheerfully and then, ‘Oh no, did she not?’ She looks at me and pulls a face. I look at my phone. Lorna’s line is lit up. ‘It must have slipped her mind. I’ll remind her again. Yes… yes… I’m sure you are. Well, I’m very sorry. Like I said, I’ll remind her…’ She says goodbye and hangs up.

‘Lorna still hasn’t called her,’ she says. ‘She sounded a little irritated to say the least.’

‘Who can blame her? Email Lorna and then as soon as she’s off the phone go in there and tell her again. Offer to get Heather on the line and put her through,’ I say.

Kay does as she’s told, but then comes out of Lorna’s office again saying, ‘She said she’ll call her in a minute. She’s in the middle of something.’

‘Did she look like she was in the middle of something?’

‘No. She was just sitting there staring into space.’

‘Oh, for God’s sake. I’ll tell her she has to do it now. Heather’s going to leave us and go somewhere else if she doesn’t feel like she’s getting enough attention.’

I go to lift up my phone to call her just as her light goes red to show she’s engaged. Maybe she’s calling Heather now.

‘Shhh a minute,’ I say to Kay and I pick up anyway and do my old trick of covering the mouthpiece with my hand.

‘… only said it because it was her. It upset me so much, but I didn’t mean it, Alex. I didn’t really want to break up with you, you know that, don’t you?’

Oh God. There’s no response so I assume it’s Alex’s answerphone she’s talking to. I sit there, paralysed. I should put down my phone, this is none of my business, but I’m scared she’ll hear the click and know someone was listening. Besides, I can’t quite tear myself away from the scene of the accident. I’m like a rubber-necker going past a motorway pile-up. I should just speed up and keep moving, but I’m transfixed.

‘… I just wanted to punish you because I was hurt. But I know that she was exaggerating. I know you loved me really. And now I’ve ruined it. You have to call me back. Please, Alex. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t stay and talk to me today. I don’t understand why you won’t answer my calls. Please phone me back. Please. I love you. Bye.’

I wait to hear her phone go down before I hang up mine. Kay is looking at me expectantly.

‘Oh,’ I say. ‘It wasn’t Heather.’

I don’t offer up any more information and luckily she doesn’t ask. This feels like too personal a thing to share. I’m at a loss what to do next, to be honest. I try to focus on the immediate problem. Lorna needs to speak to Heather. In fact, I have no doubt, she needs to take one step back first and speak to the Controller of Entertainment Commissioning at the BBC and then report to Heather on the outcome of that conversation. Today.

I sit with my head in my hands for a moment trying to decide how I am going to force a hysterical woman into making a phone call. Even if I do I’m worried she’ll sound half insane to whoever is on the other end. Probably the professional thing to do, the grown-up thing, would be to go in and speak to either Joshua or Melanie and ask their advice. Tell them that Lorna is behaving a little oddly and ask them to step in. It’s their reputation she’s messing with, after all. But by doing that I would also be basically telling them that she hasn’t been doing her job properly. I’d be pointing out something that they definitely haven’t cottoned on to yet. That Lorna is falling apart in front of our eyes and is incapable of acting in a professional manner. I can’t bring myself to do it. She’s been kicked enough already without me joining in, taking a swipe at the one thing she does usually have control of in her life. The constant that is always there while the stream of unsuitable men comes and goes. Her career.

I can hardly believe I am thinking like this, but she doesn’t deserve it. She’s mean and crazy and vindictive and insecure but, even so, she shouldn’t be going through what she’s going through now. So the only choice I have is to keep on at her until she makes those calls and just hope she can hold it together enough to talk sense when she does. Or at least that’s what I think until Kay takes a call from her.

‘Don’t forget about Heather,’ Kay says into the phone. ‘She sounded annoyed.’

‘Lorna’s going home for the afternoon; she’s not feeling well,’ she says to me when the call ends.

‘What about Heather?’ I say.

‘She said she doesn’t feel up to talking to anyone today. She’ll call her tomorrow. She did sound terrible, actually.’ Kay, understandably, doesn’t realize how serious the situation is. Clients like Heather Barclay don’t sit around waiting for their agents to feel well enough to do things on their behalf. Especially not when they’ve been lured away from their previous representation with promises of dynamism and great things.

‘She has to get back to her today. Even if it’s only to lie and say she’s been chasing the Controller of Entertainment and he hasn’t called her back. Although that would sound like either he didn’t think Lorna was important enough to speak to or he wasn’t interested enough in Heather to want to follow it up. If he was, wouldn’t he be falling over himself to call back and arrange a meeting?’

Kay looks a little flustered, like she doesn’t know what I expect her to do about it and, truthfully, I don’t really expect her to do anything. There’s nothing she can do. I was just thinking aloud. Lorna wouldn’t listen to her anyway; she’s barely given her the time of day since she arrived.

I hear the outer door click quietly like someone doesn’t want to be heard and I realize that it must be Lorna getting her coat. I’m out of my chair like a greyhound after a rabbit.

‘Lorna,’ I say, and she jumps. ‘I know you’re not well and I’m sorry to ambush you, but you really do need to talk to Heather today. She’s not happy and I’m worried that she’ll just go somewhere else if she doesn’t feel like she’s your top priority.’

‘Kay can ring her and tell her I’m ill,’ Lorna says, and she grabs her coat off the hook.

‘And what about the BBC? What can we tell her about that? Does she have a meeting? Are they interested?’

‘Tell her what you like. I’m going home.’ She leaves before I can do anything about it even if I could think what to do.

‘Shall I do that, then,’ Kay asks, ‘call Heather and tell her Lorna’s gone home sick?’

‘That won’t explain why she didn’t call her yesterday or this morning. Oh God. This is ridiculous.’

I run through my options. It seems to me they’re severely limited. Tell Joshua and Melanie. I’ve already dismissed that as too risky. Call Heather and tell her Lorna’s sick and there’s no news from the BBC, but won’t that leave her with an unanswered question about what exactly Lorna has been doing on her behalf for the past twenty-four hours? That leaves me with only one route to go down. It seems like the wrong road to take in so many ways but I don’t see what choice I have.

‘I’m just going to use Lorna’s office for a while.’ I say to Kay. ‘Make a few calls. Don’t ring Heather yet. I’ll let you know what’s going on later.’

Luckily Kay is still so new she doesn’t have the wherewithal to fling herself across the doorway to stop me, which would probably be the sensible thing to do. She doesn’t yet know that what I’m doing could be deemed stupid or maybe just career suicidal.

‘OK,’ she says.

I sit at Lorna’s desk and take a deep breath. I know the number of the BBC by heart – I am always being asked to call people there on Joshua or Melanie’s behalf. I pick up the phone then I realize I have no idea what the name of the Controller of Entertainment is so I have to spend a few minutes on Lorna’s computer looking it up. I’m not even tempted to look through her emails. The less I know about Lorna’s life the better, I’ve decided.

Armed with the name, I dial.

‘Niall Johnson’s office, please,’ I say to the person who answers, and, next thing I know, a woman with a pleasant voice is telling me that that’s exactly where I’ve got through to.

‘Could I speak to his assistant, please? It’s Lorna Whittaker from Mortimer and Sheedy.’ I’m taking a chance that Lorna will never have spoken to Niall, but as she only became a fully fledged agent a matter of weeks ago it seems like a pretty fair chance to take. And if he answers, ‘Hey, Lorna, long time no hear!’ I can always say that his assistant got it wrong and that I am, in fact, calling on behalf of Lorna. If I say that up front, I know he’ll never take my call, though.

‘Can I ask what it’s about?’ she says, and I say, ‘Heather Barclay. I’ve taken over her representation. She’s asked me personally to call to see if she can set up a meeting with Niall. Confidentially, of course,’ I add, thinking that this will whet his appetite.

‘Hold on,’ she says.

I feel a little sick while I wait for her to come back on. Then I hear a click. ‘Lorna, you’re on with Niall.’

‘Hello,’ he says, thankfully not in a tone that indicates they’ve ever encountered each other before.

I try to sound breezy and confident. I’m AN AGENT! I have a client he wants. He’s more scared of me than I am of him. Or is that spiders?

‘Hi, Niall! It’s Lorna Whittaker from Mortimer and Sheedy. We’ve taken on Heather Barclay and she’s looking to move on to bigger things! See beyond her ITV contract! And we were hoping we could come in to see you to talk about the future!’ I find myself mimicking Lorna’s rather gushy, exclamation-mark-ridden way of speaking.

‘Heather’s leaving ITV?’ he says. ‘Interesting.’

Oh God, is she? I don’t really know. ‘It’s just between us for now, of course. She just wants to explore what other opportunities there are out there.’ That sounds like the kind of thing I’ve heard Joshua and Melanie say to people on the phone.

‘OK,’ he says. ‘Well, let’s say we have lunch? That should set some tongues wagging.’

‘Great!’ I say, my voice pitching up an octave. ‘Give me some dates and I’ll check when she’s free.’

‘I’ll have my assistant Colette ring you with my diary. I assume you’ll be joining us too?’

‘Oh… um.’

‘I think you should be there,’ he says. ‘In case we get down to talking strategy. That way we avoid any Chinese whispers, not to mention me having to have the same conversation all over again.’

What the hell, I think. In for a penny. ‘Of course! It’ll be a pleasure. Tell Colette she can speak to Rebecca in my office if I’m not around. And thank you for your time. I look forward to meeting you!’

‘You too,’ he says. ‘Goodbye for now and tell Heather we love her.’

He rings off and I sit shaking in Lorna’s chair for a good three or four minutes. My legs feel like jelly. It’s too late to back out now. I’ve set something in motion and I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to. I just have to hope that Lorna gets her act back together soon, in time for her lunch with Niall Johnson at least.

I gather myself together and then I flick through Lorna’s Rolodex to find Heather’s number.

‘Finally. Where the hell have you been?’ she says when she answers.

‘Oh, hi. It’s not Lorna, it’s Rebecca. Her… erm… I work with her. We met. You won’t remember. Anyway, Lorna asked me to call you. She’s really unwell – she’s been ill for a couple of days now, actually – and we’ve made her go home, against all her protests.’

‘Oh,’ she says, not sounding too concerned for Lorna’s welfare. ‘I wondered why she hadn’t called me back. Is she OK?’ she adds as an afterthought.

‘She will be,’ I say. ‘She just needed to admit that she was ill and take some time off. She’s such a workaholic,’ I add, and then wonder if that’s overkill. ‘Anyway, she asked me to let you know that Niall Johnson is really excited about the prospect of you doing something for…’ I remember the cardinal sin. Never make a celebrity feel like the hired help. ‘… I mean with him. He wants to take you for lunch. I’m just waiting to find out when he can do, but Lorna asked me to check when you’re free too.’

‘Mondays and Tuesdays really. The other days I have rehearsals or taping. Did she really say he sounded excited?’

‘She did. And he also said, “Tell Heather we love her.”’

‘Excellent.’ All of Heather’s former irritation seems to have dissipated with the news that she’s in demand.