Fourteen (18 page)

“We can work in the dining room,” he said.

“Okay.” I hitched my bag up higher on my shoulder as he walked ahead of me and into the living room.

“Evan? Is that you?”

“Yeah, Mom,” he called, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “We’re here.”

“We?”

She popped out of some doorway, and I stuffed one hand in my pocket, hooking the other around the strap of my bag. Did she know what happened? Did she know anything about how her son had treated me all these years? Did she think it was justified?

“Oh, Anna,” she exclaimed, grinning and walking over to me, hugged me and kissed both of my cheeks before stepping back. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“My dad actually wants me home by six,” I lied, trying to offer her a smile. “He’s got to eat, too.”

“Oh,” she said, pouting and then smiling reassuringly. “Well, all right, then. Make yourself at home. If either of you need me for anything, I’ll be in my office.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

She walked by Evan and squeezed his shoulder. He offered her a pathetic smile, and I wished we’d never been paired up for this stupid science fair.

After she left, we both shifted awkwardly as we stood in a silence that seemed to drag on forever.

“Did you want something to drink?” he finally asked.

“Water, I guess,” I said, looking over in his general direction.

“Dining room is through there,” he pointed to an archway across the room, “I’ll be there in a second if you want to go sit down.”

I walked through the pristine living room and through the archway, looking around the equally elegant dining room and plopping down into one of the red and gold cushioned high-back chairs. Unzipping my bag, I pulled out the folders and notebooks and placed them on the table. I searched around in the front pocket for a pen, when I felt the envelope and pulled my hand out.

I reached back in and pulled it out, running my thumbs across my name as my heart pounded in my chest. I turned it over and flipped it open, greeted with the back of what looked to be photo paper. My hands shaking, I pulled it out and dropped the envelope to the table, seeing that there was more of his handwriting on the back.

This is what I did all night, Anna.

I licked my lips and held my breath as I turned it over to find a picture of him wearing a black t-shirt, and a pair of dark blue jeans and white sneakers. He sat in a corner with a beer bottle in his hands. He was staring off in the opposite direction and seemed completely oblivious to whoever was taking the picture. The orange date stamp in the bottom corner of the picture proudly declared last Friday’s date.

It didn’t make sense.

I dropped that one to the table and flipped over the other one, my breath whooshing out of my lungs when I saw a very impressive picture of Evan punching Steve in the jaw; Evan’s face was red and his lips were pressed into a tight line. Once again, the date stamp declared it was last Friday.

What the hell was going on?

I dropped that one to the table and flipped over the last one, my mouth dropping open when I saw him. He was standing in front of Brittany and Grace. He had one hand in the air and pointed at something with his mouth open in what I assumed was mid-yell. Stupid confusing date stamp was there, too.

I didn’t understand.

I dropped that one to the table as well, leaned forward, and cradled my head in my hands. I concentrated on breathing evenly as I tried to sort out the muddled thoughts in my head.

“Ashley wants to be a photographer.”

I looked up at him as he carefully set a glass of water on the table, avoiding my gaze as he eased into the chair next to me.

“She takes that damn camera with her everywhere she goes and always makes sure to document everything that happens.” He looked up at me, and I dropped my hands, letting them fall into my lap. “The video you saw was not from last Friday.”

I closed my eyes briefly and then opened them, snatching up the picture of him hitting Steve. I held it out to him, shaking it.

“Good shot, isn’t it?”

I tilted my head. He sighed and took the picture from me, looking down at it.

“He said some things”—he set the picture aside—“about you.”

I looked away, fidgeting.

“It pissed me off.”

I pushed the one of him with Brittany and Grace over to him. I watched him from the corner of my eye as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I was telling them to go fuck themselves,” he said, craning his neck to look around and make sure that no one heard him, I assumed. “They agreed with what Steve said about you.”

“What’d he say?”

“It’s not—”

“Tell me,” I demanded.

He flicked the picture away from him, rested his arms on the table, and leaned down to rest his chin on his hands.

“He said that I must like being the prettier one in the relationship and having the upper hand with you. That he wasn’t sure how I was going to . . .”—he groaned—“. . . how I was going to sleep with you without getting sick or being crushed.”

My eyes immediately watered, and I looked away, wanting nothing more than to curl up into a ball and disappear. When my lips began to quiver, I pressed them together and closed my eyes.

“You hit him,” I whispered.

“Fractured his jaw.”

“You hit him for
me
.”

“Yes,” he said, his voice strained.

“Is he pressing charges?”

“He’d have to tell his parents about what happened while they were away. It’s amazing how many people kept his parties a secret from his parents.”

“How is he going to explain his jaw, then?”

“Baseball practice.”

“I don’t . . .”—I rubbed my eyes—“We have work to do.”

“Anna, don’t you . . . ?”

“I have a lot to sort out and I need time to think, so please don’t talk to me about it right now.” With his shoulders hunched in defeat, he looked so pitiful I almost felt bad for him.

“Okay,” he said. “Can I just say one more thing?”

I leaned back in the chair and fidgeted.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it comes to you, and I said a lot of things that were uncalled for and horrible. I thought I knew you then, and that I had a right to judge you, but I was an idiot. You didn’t deserve any of that. I’m sorry, Anna.”

I stared down at my hands, and then leaned forward and placed my hands on top of my books.

“Did you want to work on the paper or the board?” I asked.

“I’ll work on the board,” he said. “Unless you want to.”

“No, that’s fine. I need your part, though,” I said as I hunted in my bag for a pen.

“Okay.” He got up. “I left my bag in the kitchen. I’ll be right back.”

After he walked out, I leaned over my books, tapping my forehead against them and groaning.

At this stage of the game, I couldn’t not believe him. The proof was sitting right in front of me. I could see that he was sorry about it, and he’d done nothing but apologize to me since. The fact of the matter, though, was that he’d still said those things. He’d been saying them since middle school and realizing that no matter what kind of person he’d recently turned in to, all of the comments and the insults from the past still hurt
now
. I couldn’t just put those feelings aside when I’d been dealing with them for so long, when I’d been so bitter toward him and his friends for so long. A big part of me didn’t fully understand why he was so willing to turn his back on his friends and his reputation for me.

I looked up when he walked back into the room, and I stared hard at him as he sat down again.

“What?” he asked.

“Why?” I blurted. “Why are you putting so much time and effort into me?”

“Because you’re worth it,” he said in a soft voice.

“This is not a L’Oreal commercial, Evan.”

He slouched back into his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, and stared at the table. “I don’t know what else you want me to say to you,” he said. “I meant everything I’ve said, and you don’t . . .”—he leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table to cradle his head—“I’m not that person anymore, Anna. I know that the video was only three weeks ago, but you know as well as I do; three weeks can change everything. Looking back, I didn’t like the person I was, and I know right now that I’d never go back to that. I need you to trust me on that. If you don’t then I don’t know what else to do. I’ll leave you alone when this is done, and that’ll be it.”

The ache I’d been feeling for the past three days got worse, and I looked down at my books again.

“Okay,” I whispered.

He was quiet and out of curiosity, I looked up at him, my heart beating faster when I saw that his hands were covering his face. I was at a complete loss for words, not knowing what was going on in his head. It was then that I noticed the faint bruising on the knuckles of his right hand, and I glanced over at the pictures still littering the tabletop.

“What do you want to put on the board?” he asked, his voice strained.

“Whatever you think is best.”

He stared out the windows in front of him and crossed his arms on the table, and then he leaned over, unzipped his bag, and pulled out his notebook. He flipped it open and ripped out a few sheets, handing them over to me and snapping it closed again. “I know that you don’t want to be here,” he said. “If you just want to do that at home, you can go.”

“Are you kicking me out?”

“No. I’m just giving you a reason to leave like I know you want to. I’m trying to make this as easy as possible for you.”

“You think this is easy?”

He shrugged.

“It’s not . . . I feel like every part of me has just been . . . ripped open. Like everything I’m feeling or thinking is on display and I can’t . . .”—I closed my eyes when they filled again—“I hate feeling that way. I hate that you made me feel that way. I hate that I let you get to me and made me forget about everything you’d ever done . . .”

“You hate me, I get it.”

“I don’t!” I exclaimed, opening my eyes to look at him again. “I just need to figure things out.”

I stared at his profile, and his jaw twitched.

“You have no intentions of ever trusting me, do you?” he finally asked.

“I don’t know what to do, Evan.”

“Are you staying?”

“Unless you really want me to go.”

“I don’t ever want you to go,” he whispered before looking away from me and opening his notebook again.

We spent the rest of the afternoon in silence, only asking questions when necessary. His mother poked her head in at one point, and he offered her that pathetically sad smile; I almost bolted out of the house, but she didn’t seem upset with me at all and actually smiled at me before letting us know she was going to start dinner and disappearing. I packed up my things at quarter to six, and Evan walked me to the door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said as I slid back into my shoes.

“Yeah.”

“Drive safe.”

“Thanks.”

I turned from the door and fingered my keys as I walked to my car. I made it home and sluggishly walked into the still-empty house before locking the door behind me and walking up the stairs to my room.

I still wanted to be mad at him. I wanted to feel justified being mad at him and not talking to him, but the truth was all I felt was a resounding ache. I don’t think I’d ever been more confused than I was right this moment, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

“You’re in my way.”

I looked up from my sluggish pace and saw Adam standing in front of me, a twisted smile on his face as he stood in front of me. I stared hard at him, not in the mood for any of this crap today.

My head was everywhere but where it was supposed to be. I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before because I was too busy thinking about everything that Evan had said and trying to make sense of it all. I had somehow managed to finish the human physiology paper, although I had no idea how and even managed to have an actual conversation with my father over dinner.

Human physiology that morning had been pure torture. Evan remained silent throughout the entire class, saying a quick
good morning
when he’d first walked in before concentrating unnaturally hard on his notes.

When the bell rang, he told me that his practice Thursday that would be longer than usual because there was a game on Friday, so we wouldn’t be able to get together to work on our project.

I told him that we’d have to definitely work on it tonight to get all the details down for our presentation, and he’d agreed before telling me that he’d see me later and walking out.

Part of me was relieved that he hadn’t tried to talk to me more, but there was still a little part of me that felt somewhat disappointed, which aggravated me beyond reason, and I’d spent my entire economics class trying not to tear my hair out.

The entire day was one big mind screw, and I didn’t like it at all. For once in my life, I’d wished that absolutely nothing had changed. I hadn’t exactly enjoyed being picked on and teased by almost everyone, but at least I was used to it.

“Go around me, Adam,” I said through my teeth.

“Well, I’d like to”—he tapped his chin—“but your fat ass is taking up the whole hallway.”

I couldn’t deal with
this
on top of everything else. Something inside of me just seemed to snap, and I couldn’t control my mouth. “Do you get off on saying things like that?” I snapped, narrowing my eyes at him. “Does it make you feel good about yourself?”

“I . . .”

“Do you even realize that when you leave this school and go off to college that you won’t be the badass you seem to think you are? Do you realize that you will get nowhere if you keep acting like this?”

“Listen, fat ass—”

“Yeah, go ahead and make fun of the way I look. Make yourself feel better. Just know that next year, I’ll be off to NYU and you’ll be flipping burgers. Get off your high horse, Adam.”

With that, I shoved by him and stalked into the empty classroom, plopping down into my seat and leaning forward to cradle my head in my hands.

“You all right, Anna?”

It was Kyle. My avoidance techniques had clearly failed me today.

“Fine,” I said, shifting uneasily.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” I stared down at my books and licked my lips nervously.

“I told you to leave her alone, Adam.”

I heard Evan’s voice out in the hallway, and I cringed, lacing my hands together and squeezing tightly. He was defending me against someone who used to be one of his good friends. Despite the fact that I told him I needed to think and couldn’t talk to him about it while I did it, he was still willing to stand up for me and protect me. It was definitely a step in the right direction, but there was just so much going on in my head right now that trusting him was still one of the very last things I could do right now.

“You’re still picking the cow over us? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I grew up. Maybe you should do the same. Leave her alone.”

Kyle and I sat in an awkward silence, and I wondered what he wanted and why he wasn’t out in the hallway with Ashley like he usually was in between classes. I didn’t hear Evan’s voice out in the hallway anymore and breathed a small sigh of relief.

“I’m still one of the people that you want to talk to, right?” Kyle finally asked.

“Before I was with Evan, you didn’t want to be seen talking to me either,” I said, looking up at him before going back to my lap.

“I’m sorry about that, but it’s all different now. Everything’s changed.”

“Nothing’s changed.”

“He didn’t do anything all night, Anna. He sat in a corner, looking at his watch every five minutes, and every time I went over to him, all he did was ask if we were done so that he could go home.”

“Kyle, I’m not—”

“Yes, he did say those things,” he interrupted. “And no, it wasn’t right. But a lot of shit has changed since then, and he’d take it back if he could. He
wants
to.”

“He could go back to being that person—”

“If he was going to do it, he would’ve done it when you told him to leave you alone. Hell, he wouldn’t have sat outside your house all weekend if he was going to go back to being
that
person.”

“How do you know about all of this?”

“Who do you think he talked to?” Kyle chuckled, resting his elbow on my desk. “He’s all torn up about it.”

“He really hit Steve?”

“Why do you think Steve’s been out?”

“I thought his jaw was just fractured.”

“Now he’s got it wired shut for the next six weeks and has to eat through a straw.”

My eyes bulged, and my mouth dropped open. Kyle laughed at me, grabbed my shoulder, and shook me gently.

“He really told Brittany and Grace to fuck off?”

“That was my favorite part of the night.”

“Who put it on my doorstep, Kyle?”

“Probably one of
the girls
. They’re vindictive bitches, and they were pissed that Evan wasn’t giving them the time of day anymore.”

“Makes sense,” I said, tracing the binding on my textbook. “Does Ashley hate me again?”

“She’s giving you time. I’m just an impatient bastard, and neither one of us ever hated you to begin with. Like I said, everything’s changed, and we’re working really hard to make it up to you.”

He dropped his hand to my books.

“Let him talk to you, Anna,” he suggested. “If you still feel the same way after that, then he’ll back off. But let him get it out there so that you
know
, all right?”

“Why is he so concerned with making it right?”

“I’m . . . not at liberty to discuss that with you.” I tilted my head. “Hey, he’s one of my best friends. I can’t do that to him.”

“Okay, fine.”

“The game’s Friday night. Why don’t you come?”

“I’m still grounded.”

“It would mean a lot if you were there.”

“It’s not like he’ll even know . . .” I felt a sense of defeat.

“Oh, he’ll know.”

“How are you so sure?”

“He’s developed this
Anna Radar
in the past few days.”

“What?”

He snorted. “He’s aware of you, Anna.”

“It’s not like he can ignore me, Kyle. According to Adam, I take up the full width of the hallway, you know.”

“That’s not true, and that’s definitely not what I meant.”

“Then what are you talking about?”

“It’s like how I am with Ashley. I’m tuned into her. I know when she’s in a room without seeing her enter, I can hear her voice over a group of other people, and whenever I’m next to her, my body is like a live wire.”

“That’s . . . that’s how he is with me?”

“Yeah.”

“All right,” I relented, holding up my hands. “I’ll ask my dad about it tonight.”

“That’s all I ask of you.”

“Liar.”

“Yeah, well, that’s
my
personal request. If he knew that I asked you, he’d probably kill me.”

“How come?”

“He said that you wanted time, and he’s trying to give that to you. He told me not to push.”

“And that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

“Got me what I wanted though, didn’t it?”

“Mm.”

“You feel anything for him, Anna?” he asked, his voice low as our other classmates started piling into the room.

I clenched my jaw, nodding stiffly.

He grinned at me. “Then I don’t feel bad about it.”

“Ass.”

“Who means well,” he quipped, pointing at me before he turned around to face the front. “And is trying to help out his
friends
.”

“I’m a friend now, huh?”

“You always have been.” He tilted his head back, looking at me upside down. “I was a sheep, Anna.”

“A sheep?”

“You know . . . follow the leader?” I snorted and he grinned again. “Now I want to
be
the leader.”

“Oh, Lord help us all.”

“You’re not very funny.”

“I think I’m a riot.”

“You would.”

I rolled my eyes and gently smacked his forehead. He scowled at me and then winked before sitting up straight. “Friend,” he said over his shoulder.

I laughed and looked down at my books again.

“Say it back,” he demanded, turning around to face me again.

“What are you, five?”

“Say it!”

“Friend.”

He turned back to the front, seemingly satisfied. I snorted and rolled my eyes, grabbing my pen and tapping it against my books.

“That’s all I wanted.”

“Shut up, Kyle.”

I started doodling on the cover of my textbook as Mrs. Leslie called us to attention and took attendance.

He was giving me time. He’d demonstrated that this morning, and he’d told Kyle about it. In fact, it seemed that Kyle knew about it all, and as much as it went against everything I’d ever taught myself, I found myself trusting what he said.

Another thing to add to my list of crazy stuff for the day. Maybe the entire week. Or my entire life.

On Friday night, I pulled into the parking lot of the school twenty minutes after the game had already started. With my heart in my throat and my hands shaking, I turned off the ignition and looked at the brightly lit baseball field.

My dad, still completely on Evan’s side, hadn’t hesitated to unground me a day early when I told him what I wanted to do. He’d practically pushed me out the door as soon as dinner was finished and had even threatened to go with me when I told him that I wasn’t sure if I should.

Kyle had invited me; Evan hadn’t. Maybe he didn’t want me there after all. Maybe they were all planning some elaborate hoax on me that would be revealed during halftime. Then all this time I’d spent protecting myself would have been for nothing, and Evan would win.

Throwing caution to the wind, I pushed open the car door and slowly stepped out. I walked out to the field, my heart hammering in my chest when I heard the team shouts from the sidelines. I kept my eyes on the field, walking behind the line of people sitting in canvas camping chairs as I made my way to the side of the bleachers. I stood on my toes to look out onto the field over the fence, trying to see if I could find Evan.