Fractured (22 page)

Monday, 5 October 2009

Ursula heard the front door open just as she finished putting on her lipstick. She opened the bathroom door. ‘Jim! That’ll
be Tony. I’ll be right out.’ She sprayed on some perfume, then switched off the light and went into the living room. Jim and
Tony were each holding a bottle of beer.

‘I’m driving, I suppose?’ she said, nodding towards the drinks.

‘You never have more than one glass of wine, Mum.’

‘Well, maybe I wanted to tonight.’ Ursula gave Tony a surreptitious once-over; his t-shirt was crumpled, and he hadn’t shaved.
He had a defiant look in his eye, the look of a rebellious teenager. At least Jim had showered and put on a shirt.

Jim walked over to Ursula and put his arm around her. ‘You’re the best taxi driver we know. Unless you want some of my beer?’
He winked at Ursula and held up his bottle.

She wrinkled her nose. She knew she shouldn’t be angry at him for trying to break the tension; he’d been trying so hard recently
to cheer her up, but it only made her more irritated. She was sick of playing games, of pretending to be calm and understanding.
It would be easier if they could all scream and brand each other with blame. She knew she was angry: angry at Anna for bringing
this on her family, angry at Tony for not confiding in her, angry at Jim for not supporting her. He always let her look like
the bad one, the critical one, while he behaved more like a mate than a father. She sighed; maybe, after all, that’s what
Tony needed right now, a mate. Anyway, Jim had been like that for thirty years, why
would he change now? They’d always had a tacit understanding that she managed the family while Jim stood back and let her.
But sometimes she wished she had married someone more like herself.

Tony raised his bottle to his mouth and Ursula gasped. ‘Anthony! Your hand!’ Tony looked at his right hand as if he’d only
just noticed that his knuckles were swollen and red. She rushed over, took his beer from him and put it on the floor, then
opened out his fingers.

‘Mum! Let go!’ He pulled his hand away, glaring at her.

‘Don’t tell me you’ve been in a fight? For God’s sake.’

‘It’s nothing.’ He picked up the bottle again and took a step back.

‘Jim, have you seen Tony’s hand?’

‘Yes, I’ve seen Tony’s hand. He said it’s OK, love. Just leave it.’

She opened her mouth, then closed her lips tightly. As usual, they were ganging up on her, and she didn’t have the energy
to fight back right now. She picked up her bag from the couch and slung it over her shoulder. ‘We’re late. Lisa and Wendy
will be waiting – I said seven.’

* * *

Ursula scanned the packed restaurant, then waved when she saw Lisa sitting at a table at the back of the dining room with
a glass of wine in her hand. Wendy was opposite her, with her back to the door. The perfume of chilli and coriander drifted
around the room; waiters darted and danced between the tables. The customers’ chatter reverberated around the room, bouncing
off the high ceilings and the crimson and gold canvases hanging on the walls. Her mouth watered as a waiter sashayed past
with a plate of glistening noodles and steaming pink prawns. It was nice to feel hungry again; ever since that day she had
been forcing herself to eat out of habit. She exhaled, trying to leave the tension behind in the car, then made her way towards
Lisa. Tony trudged along behind her, shepherded by Jim.

Lisa and Wendy both stood up as the three of them approached the table. Ursula hugged her daughter, then turned to kiss Wendy’s
pale cheek. ‘Hi, Wendy. How are you?’

‘I’m all right, thanks. You?’ Wendy had that sad, pitiful look on her face already. Ursula smiled and looked away without
answering. She didn’t want to hear a sob story right now; it was just a greeting. She walked around to the back of the table
and sat next to Lisa, patting the seat of the chair next to her and beckoning to Jim. Tony sat opposite her, next to Wendy.

‘I got a bottle of wine,’ Lisa said. ‘And a lemonade for you, Mum.’

Ursula smiled. ‘Thanks, love. How are you?’

‘Good, thanks. I was just telling Wendy, the shop’s been really busy.’ Lisa glanced at Tony; he was staring at the menu. She
looked back at Ursula, who nodded her encouragement. Lisa smiled back and kept talking about the shop.

Ursula turned in her chair so she could look at Lisa, and listened with pleasure to her daughter’s latest news and gossip.
It was so nice to hear some normal conversation, something other than misery. But she couldn’t kid herself that this wasn’t
all for Tony’s benefit. She watched as Wendy sipped her wine, listening to Lisa too. She hadn’t seen Wendy for a few days.
Emily was spending more time with her, and Ursula was glad to be relieved of that duty. Wendy only seemed to be able to talk
about Anna; Ursula wanted to talk about anything but her.

‘Did you hear that, love?’ Ursula reached across the table and touched Tony’s hand. ‘Lisa’s got some designs in a fashion
show in Melbourne next month.’

Tony put down the menu and smiled. ‘That’s great. Nice city.’

Lisa blushed. ‘Yeah, well, it’s hardly New York, but there’s so much art and fashion there, it’ll be great to get some contacts,
you know? Wendy, have you ever been to Melbourne?’

‘No, I haven’t,’ said Wendy. ‘I’d like to though – I’d love to see a footy game at the MCG. Western Australia’s just so far
away, it takes so long to get anywhere, and it’s a bit expensive.’ Her face went red.

‘Should we order?’ Ursula said. She didn’t want Wendy to start talking about her guilt at not flying over to see Jack when
she’d had the chance.

‘Good idea, and Tony and I need a beer,’ Jim said. ‘Wendy, is there anything in particular that you like, or don’t like?’

Wendy shook her head. ‘No, I’m happy with whatever you want.’

Ursula nodded, called over a waiter, and ordered food for everyone.

As they waited, Ursula thought again what a delightful young woman her daughter was. She led the conversation and was so polite
and inclusive. She’d make a wonderful wife and mother one day. Ursula felt the creep of old age in her bones, the sense of
achievement in having raised the next generation coupled with the sadness in knowing that her own children were adults and
didn’t need her any more. She blinked hard and turned her attention back to the table. Jim was laughing loudly as he told
his usual yarns about work and fishing, but Tony was quiet despite everyone’s attempts to include him. Ursula was glad when
the food arrived; they were running out of things to say and now at least they could eat and talk about the merits of their
meal.

But Tony didn’t eat. She watched him moving the food round and round on his plate. She tried to ignore it, but the screech
of the metal cutlery on the plate got louder and louder until she couldn’t bear it any more. ‘Anthony! Stop it!’ she said.
‘That noise is driving me crazy —’ She tried to stop herself halfway through the word ‘crazy’ but it was too late. She paused
for just a second too long.

Tony held his fork upright for a moment, then let it fall with a clatter. He stared at Ursula. The others had stopped talking.

Lisa looked at her mother and brother, then sighed and put her own cutlery down. ‘Well, let’s stop ignoring the elephant in
the room. How are you, Tony?’

Ursula glared at Lisa, who avoided her eyes and looked directly at Tony. Wendy looked at her plate.

‘You calling me an elephant, sis?’ Tony tried to joke.

‘Hardly, you’re too skinny,’ she said.

Ursula held her breath. Tony looked down at his plate, then pushed it away.

Lisa did the same. ‘How’s Anna?’

‘Lisa!’ Ursula said.

‘What?’

She glared at her children. She hated it when they did this. They’d always done it, even as kids. They’d fight and scream
at each other, but as soon as she tried to intervene they would act like she was the one causing the problem. She shook her
head. ‘Nothing.’

Lisa looked at Tony again. ‘What’s happening with the trial?’

‘There’s a committal hearing next week.’

‘What?’ Ursula looked at Jim, and was pleased to see that he also seemed shocked. Why hadn’t Tony told her about this?

Wendy shrank into her chair. She put her fork down, wiped her face with her paper napkin, then cleared her throat. ‘The charge
– it’ll have to be heard in the Supreme Court, it’s too serious for the magistrates court, so this hearing is just a formality
to organise that. Sorry, I thought you knew …’ She looked at Tony, as did Ursula.

‘It doesn’t matter. Tony must have forgotten,’ Jim said. ‘The Supreme Court. Wow.’ He shook his head.

‘Oh, don’t act so surprised, Jim – this is a pretty serious case, don’t you think?’ Ursula said.

He ignored her and spoke gently to Wendy. ‘When will the trial be?’

Wendy finished her wine, then smiled as Lisa started to pour her some more. ‘Mr Hardy, the lawyer, he’s not sure. It’ll probably
be in a couple of months.’

Lisa put the wine bottle back in the bucket and screwed it into the ice. ‘It’ll go so quickly. It’s weird, I can’t really
believe she’ll have to go through that. I bet you’ll be glad when it’s all over.’

‘Of course. Though in some ways it’s easier not to know what will happen. If, if she …’ Wendy closed her eyes for a second,
then continued, ‘If she has to go to jail, it’ll be …’ She put her hand to her face. ‘Sorry.’

Lisa reached over and put her hand on Wendy’s, then looked at Tony. ‘How’s she doing?’

Tony gulped down some beer. ‘Fine. I haven’t been in for a while.’

Ursula frowned. ‘Why —’

‘She’s doing well.’ Wendy glanced at Tony. ‘The voices and things are better, but she’s …’ Her eyes filled with tears and
her voice trembled. ‘She’s sad, very sad. She’s scared … Sorry, I promised myself I wasn’t going to do this.’ She bent down
to search in her bag for a tissue.

Ursula pulled a few napkins from the metal dispenser on the table and flung them towards Wendy. This wasn’t the place to make
a scene.

‘Has the lawyer said what her chances are?’ Lisa asked. ‘I mean—’

She couldn’t just sit and listen to this any longer. ‘Lisa, that’s enough! We didn’t come out to talk about Anna.’

‘Ursula.’ Jim put his hand on hers, but she shook him off.

‘Well, we can’t really sit here and play happy families, Mum, can
we?’ Tony said.

Ursula narrowed her eyes. ‘I just don’t think we need to talk about this now.’

Tony set his jaw and turned back to Lisa. ‘We don’t know. Because she was mentally ill at the time, hopefully she won’t have
to go to jail. After this committal hearing, there’s another one when she’ll enter a plea, and then a trial or sentencing
or whatever. It’s all pretty confusing, but Scott knows what he’s doing.’

Ursula couldn’t believe that all this was coming out now, and she hadn’t heard a word of it before from Tony. She realised
that she hadn’t really asked; she’d been quite happy not to hear about Anna. She hung her head a little, then brushed away
the guilt. ‘I didn’t even know she had a lawyer.’

Tony looked straight at her. ‘I called my mate Scotty, and he agreed to take it on. He’s a criminal lawyer now.’

‘I remember him,’ Jim said. ‘The guy you played rugby with? You remember him, Ursula? Black hair, big fella.’

Ursula glanced around them at the other tables, then lowered her voice. ‘A criminal lawyer sounds expensive. How is Anna going
to pay for that?’

‘I’ve spoken to the bank,’ Tony said. ‘We’re using the money that we’ve paid into the house.’

‘But that’s your future.’ She clasped her hand over her mouth as she realised what she’d said.

Tony looked at her with a clenched jaw. ‘What future do I have at the moment, Mum? And Anna – her future could be spent in
prison. What do you expect me to do? Just walk away from her?’

Ursula felt her cheeks burn. In fact, that was exactly what she expected. She wanted Tony to stay away from Anna, to let her
face the consequences of what she had done and deal with it on her own. But she couldn’t say that out loud; she was ashamed
to even think it. Instead, she picked up her cutlery and shovelled food into her mouth. Jim started talking about the weather
or something ridiculous, and Wendy nodded and smiled and looked up at him with wide eyes. Lisa filled up the wine glasses
again, and this time Ursula turned her own glass the right way up; she needed a drink.

As soon as their eating and fake conviviality started to slow down, Ursula nudged Jim. ‘Get the bill.’

He nodded, then went up to the counter to pay while the others gathered their things and walked outside. Lisa hugged everyone,
and insisted on driving Wendy back to the flat. Ursula drove Jim and Tony home in silence.

* * *

Back at home that night, she sat on the couch next to Jim and stared at the fishing show that he was watching. She couldn’t
sit still, but she hoped that by fixing her eyes on the set, the rest of her body would be grounded. She traced the gold cross
that hung from a chain around her neck in a figure of eight pattern on her chest. Jim glanced at her a couple of times.

‘What is it, Jim?’

He cleared his throat and turned to face her. ‘What’s going on, love?’

She didn’t shift her gaze from the television. ‘Nothing. What do you mean?’

But of course she knew exactly what he meant. After thirty years of marriage, they could always tell what the other was thinking,
yet they had to play this ridiculous game and draw it out of each other.

‘You’re so angry …’

Ursula’s face burned, but she forced herself to speak clearly and slowly, determined that he wouldn’t be right. ‘I’m not angry.’

‘Yes, you are. Look at the way you acted tonight! It’s not making it any easier for the rest of us.’

She sat up straight, perched on the edge of the couch and glared at him. ‘The way I acted? Do you think this is an act? It’s
the rest of you who are acting! Being nice, polite, smiling over cups of tea, talking about the weather over a bottle of wine.
At least I’m being honest!’