Fractured Hearts (Shattered Lives, Book Three) (39 page)

After Josie leaned her guitar against the piano and walked away, Josiah sighed and hung his head so that his hair tickled the keys. He needed to talk to her because he still was unsure if she felt forced into having sex.

It took him a minute to gather the courage, but he finally pulled himself together. Josiah got up and swept his dirty blonde locks out of his eyes. He turned around, only to find Josie standing in the corner, staring out the window. With care, he navigated around the groupings of community members to get to her.

Josiah stopped and gazed at her for a moment. The longing look in her eyes broke his heart. He wanted to reach for her and love away whatever was going through her mind.

She didn’t notice him until he said, “Hey.” She jumped, nearly coming out of her skin. “Can we talk?” Josiah tried to be as sincere as possible, hoping she would be receptive. His rich brown eyes pleaded with her. Her eyes dropped to the floor, then looked back out the window. “Please, Josie. Talk to me.”

“What do you want?” she snapped.

“Can we go somewhere private so no one hears our business?”

“I don’t have any business with you, Josiah. We did what Henry asked us to do and we are finished. Please, just leave me be.” Her arms were crossed so tightly, he thought she would fracture a rib.

“But…” He ran his hand through his hair. “Okay, fine. You’ve left me with no choice. I’ll just say it here and maybe no one will overhear.”

His adamant tone was unwelcome. “You will not!” she exclaimed, clenching her fists at her sides.

“Then talk to me out in the hall or something. Please. I’m begging you.”

“Fine!” She stormed past him and cut through everyone, making her way out of the cafeteria.

Josiah smirked with adoration over her spitfire ways. Once he got out into the hallway, he took her over to the corner near the front entrance.

“I need to know what’s going on,” he said.

“Nothing is going on, or are you too stupid to figure that out?”

“Ouch.” He shook his head at her attitude, thinking maybe he didn’t like it after all. “Why are you so angry with me? Do you think I forced myself on you? I’m a good guy, Josie, and not who you’re portraying me to be in your head. I don’t understand what has made you so upset. I told you I would stop when it hurt…”

She held her hand up, covering her face. He reached out for her and, initially, she stepped away from him. She cried silent, heavy tears.

“Josie, let me help you. Allow me hold you.” He grabbed her and pulled her into his body. She struggled to get away from him, but he refused to let her go. She finally gave in and collapsed into his chest. “Whatever it is, I want to help you through it, even if it’s just as
friends
,” he murmured in her ear while stroking her hair and rubbing her back.

“Let’s go to my room,” she choked out. She pulled away from him and headed down the hall, Josiah following right behind her.

Josie opened the door and went to the couch she slept on. She grabbed her pillow and hugged it tight to her chest.

“Can I sit here?” She nodded and he sat a short distance from her. “Listen, I know you regret what we did and that’s fine, but I would like to say I enjoyed myself and enjoyed the time we’ve hung out together.”

She let out a small laugh. “You’re a guy. Sex is sex. Of course you enjoyed it.”

“No, not really. Actually, it was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

She looked at him in shock. “But I didn’t know what to do.”

“I don’t care about that. I had such a nice time hanging out with you. It felt good to truly connect with someone. At least, I
thought
we connected,” he muttered and shook his head. “That really hasn’t happened in a long ass time.” He shifted on the couch. “Look, I’ve only been with two other girls and that was back in high school. Once I graduated, I decided there would be no more gratuitous sex. Just sex with girls I really shared a connection with and cared about, so you’re the first girl I’ve been with in a while. Maybe your lack of enjoyment and uncomfortable feelings was my fault.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-two.” Anxious to find out what was coursing through her head, he asked, “Can you please tell me what’s going on?
This is killing me.
I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop worrying that I hurt you. I care about you, Josie. You are beautiful, intriguing, and so damn amazing.”

Josie sighed and glanced at the table. Nick’s ball cap was screaming for her. She leaned forward and grabbed it, clutching it to her chest, running her fingers over the ragged edge of the brim. It was a piece of him she held onto regularly, along with a couple articles of his clothing and, of course, the guitar. She swallowed hard.

Josiah settled back into the couch and kicked his feet up on the table, readying himself for the long-winded, one-sided conversation.

“Nick couldn’t be with me.” Her voice cracked. “But wanted to. He wanted to be mine and I wanted to be his. When Claire and Willow died, he was completely devastated. Claire was the love of his life. A part of him died with them and most, if not all, of his heart was buried when we put them in the ground. Later on, when we started really hanging out, he confessed his feelings for me, but couldn’t bring himself to move forward. I loved him. I nearly gave myself to him, but he stopped when he realized I had no experience. He decided it would be a bad idea, and he would just rather hold me than do that. I still don’t understand it fully, but I wanted to be there for him, so I let him hold me during the night. It felt good for me, but I wasn’t one hundred percent sure whether he was holding me and thinking of Claire, or if he truly wanted me. Now, I almost think he just needed to hold someone to make him feel whole and it didn’t have much to do with me.” Josie took a deep breath, then hid her face in her pillow.

Josiah took in every word. “Are you angry with him?” he whispered.

She nodded. “I just wish he could’ve moved forward. As he lay dying, he begged Elaina to let him go be with Claire and Willow. There was no way he could have loved me like he did her.”

Josiah moved closer to her. He felt compelled to comfort her, reaching out to touch her cheek. “That’s tough. I’m sorry you went through that,” he murmured as he stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers. “Thank you for opening up. It means a lot to me that you trust me with your story.”

“Just so you know, I’m not angry with you over the sex. Once I got used to it, I liked it. I’m mad at myself because I still haven’t been able to get over him.”

“I understand. I have to admit, I’m a little relieved because I was worried you felt I forced you into it.” She watched him as he brushed his hair out of his eyes again. He sat back on the couch. The silence was thick and seemed to go for hours. Then Josiah said, “Well, I’ll leave you alone now. Thanks for telling me how you feel. I guess I’ll see you around.”

He started to get up, but Josie grabbed his arm. “Don’t…don’t go yet. Thanks for listening.” He nodded and she let go of him. The need in her voice was prevalent and it pulled at his very core. He made it to the door before she yelled and leapt off the couch. He turned slowly, and she was right behind him. “I wanted to say I’m really sorry I treated you that way and I hope you can forgive me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can,” Josiah said with a rough edge.

He reached out to her cheek once more, cupping her face in his hand. She closed her eyes and tipped her face up with parted lips. He hesitated for a mere moment before he leaned in, connecting their lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he slid his tongue in and out of her mouth. They broke free for a second, just to look at each other, then began kissing again.

“Josie…,” he murmured as his lips brushed over hers. She pressed her slight body against his arousal. “Let me have you again.” She reached around Josiah and locked the door.

He picked her up, rushed her back to the couch to lay her down, and frantically pawed at her. His breathing was labored and his pants were straining against his throbbing length.

“Oh god, I want you so badly, it hurts. I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never met anyone like you. So dark, but so gentle. So delicate, but so strong. So beautiful in every way,” Josiah murmured against Josie’s lips. “You make my heart do weird pitter-pattery kinds of things.”

He nipped at her bottom lip, then kissed her deeper. She moaned, returning his affection. They fought to remove their clothing, then he focused on touching her. He decided he would get her wet and ready first, unlike before.

Josiah kissed Josie’s chest, concentrating on her nipples. She panted at his every advance. He worked his way down her body, alternating between kisses and nips at her thin, almost translucent skin. He hopped off the couch and continued kissing her body.

Finally making it to her heated core, he pulled her ass forward toward the edge of the couch while kneeling in front of her, pushing her legs apart to grant him the access he needed. With a glance up at her, they locked eyes as he flicked his tongue out, hitting her sensitive skin.

She threw her head back against the cushions, gripping onto his dirty blonde locks in desperation to shove his face further into her body. His tongue explored all of her soft folds and grazed over her swollen flesh, forcing her to let out a cry of pleasure.

“That’s it, doll,” he hummed against her. She moaned as his words danced over her sensitive flesh. He flicked his tongue over her again, watching her writhe over the sensations he was giving her. “Come on, doll. Give it to me.” She groaned.

Then he surprised her, making her gasp, when he slid two fingers inside of her aching body, knowing just where to touch her. He massaged while nipping her.

“Oh god…,” she panted.

“Come on. Don’t hold back. Relax and let yourself go.”

The panting took over. She pushed her hips further into him, riding along the cusp of the waves of pleasure.

Deciding he needed her right then, he removed his fingers and pulled her off of the couch and onto his lap while he was still kneeling. He lifted her slight body up and held his hard length while she sank down onto it. She cried out and he moaned as her tight core swallowed him completely.

“Shit… You’re so tight. I need a sec to calm down.” He rested his head against her neck and took a few deep breaths, trying to hold himself back from the impending crash of pleasure.

With patience, Josie waited for him like he had waited for her. She began to get nervous because she didn’t know what to do next. Josiah looked up at her and knew she was stressing. “Relax, beautiful.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. Her eyes were laced with worry and fear. He reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Don’t worry. You’re pleasing me. So much so, I nearly came.”

He took her hips into his hands, rocking and lifting her in a forward motion, slowly letting her slide back down to swallow him again. He tipped his head back, slack-jawed, allowing a loud exhale. He repeated the motion until he felt her take over.

“Josie… You feel so amazing around me,” he groaned from the depths of his chest. He took a moment and enjoyed her, but he knew he had to get her off soon or it would be ruined for her.

Reaching down, he massaged her with his thumb. She rocked eagerly against him. He watched her go from pleasing him completely to on the verge of collapsing in his arms from the eruption of sensations throughout her body.

“Come on, doll. Concentrate on the feeling.”

Her hips circled him from left to right. The trembling hit her hard, shaking her. She threw her head back. He moaned watching her—so gorgeous.

“Oh, fuck… Josiah.” She called out his name again and again, crying out as the waves ripped through her slight body.

He grabbed and tipped her hips, shifting just enough so he could pound himself into her while she was still pouring her wetness all over him. He gripped onto the couch and thrust deep into her. His release was right at his tip.

“Josie!” he shouted.

She grabbed his face, kissing him. He struggled to do so and let out his pleasure at the same time. With their foreheads touching, he was breathless as his seed pulsed from him. She pulled him closer, holding him tight in her arms.

They stayed in that position for a few minutes until he groaned, “Not that I’m not enjoying this moment with you, but my feet and legs are almost completely numb.”

“Oh no. I’m sorry.” He pushed her off of him and sat back for a few moments, waiting for the feeling to return.

Regret and remorse flooded her again as she watched Josiah stand and dress.
What did I do? I can’t believe I did this to myself again,
she thought as she dressed. The walls were closing in on her. The air was thick, choking her. She decided she needed to leave the room.

“I should probably get back to the party before someone notices I’m gone.” She looked panicked and grabbed at the door handle, turning it several times before she remembered she had locked it.

“Josie? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She turned and stared at him over her shoulder. Dread flowed through his veins. “Are you running away from me again? Josie,
come on
. For real? After that?! Was it not amazing?! We have something between us!”

“It was great, yes. But…”

“But what?! I can’t believe this.” He shoved his hands through his hair. “Damn it!” he yelled, angry because he felt they had connected more than just physically this time.

“I’m sorry, Josiah,” she said with tear-filled eyes.

Hurt more than last time, he asked, “Why are you running away from your feelings? I don’t understand it.”

“I thought maybe if I could try to connect with you, the pain living deep within would disappear, but it hasn’t. Now it’s mixed with even more guilt than before.” She wiped her eyes and nose with her sleeve.

“You didn’t feel that when you held my face, looking deep into my soul? It was like something ignited. I’m reeling here. Josie, I’m falling for you.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this,” she whispered.

“Nick’s dead, Josie. I’m here now. Us… It’s what’s meant to be,” he pleaded, his hand hovering over his heart.