Fractured Soul (6 page)

She looked down at my schedule again. “Llona Reese. That’s right! Of course you’re in my class. I know it may seem awkward with these younger girls, but this class is important. Please take your seat.”

I turned slowly, still not fully recovered from last night’s nightmare, which seemed to have drained me mentally. My only defense was forcing myself not to think about it. I stared at the girls. They were all dressed the same: brown slacks and navy blue polo shirts. I looked down at my own Levis and white cotton shirt. I didn’t remember anyone saying anything about a dress code.

Ms. Ravitz seemed to have read my mind. “Girls over eighteen can wear what they want within reason,” she said. “Now please sit down so we can get started.”

I went to the only desk available in the middle of the classroom. As soon as I sat down, the girl in front of me turned around, eyeing me with her green eyes. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a French braid. She was very beautiful.

I was about to smile at her, when her small mouth opened and said, “Sorry we’re not good enough for you.” The girls around her giggled.

“What? No, that’s not what I—”

“No talking please,” Ms. Ravitz said. “Please open your book to page eighty-seven. Llona, you’re a little behind, so I want you to try and catch up during the next few weeks, okay?”

I nodded my head, wondering if this was how all my other classes were going to be.

It turned out it was. Sophie had crammed as many classes as she could into my schedule. Most of them were with younger girls except for PE, Advanced Light Techniques, and Auras and Their Guardians.

I was looking forward to PE, but when I got there, the teacher, Ms. Haddy, handed me a manual and told me to read. I stared at it in total shock. A manual on physical education?

While Ms. Haddy and the rest of the girls began aerobics, I sat down and skimmed its pages. Basically all it talked about was how
not
to be better than others and how being competitive was wrong. We were all equal, the book said. We should support each other and always work together.
Right
.

I opened the cover and searched the publication information for a date. 1941. I couldn’t help but wonder what Auras were like before then.

The day finally ended. I was in my room reading a history book, or really, trying to distract myself from remembering the nightmare, when I heard a knock on my door. “Come in,” I said.

The same Lizen girl who served me at meal times entered my room. Her brown hair was pulled into a tight ponytail, and her aqua-colored eyes matched the shimmer of a thin strip of scales that ran from the top of her right temple all the way to her chin. It was actually pretty cool looking.

The girl wrung her hands together, and she looked everywhere in the room except for at me. “I’ve come to see if you need any fresh towels,” she said. She was almost my height and, if I had to guess, a little younger than me.

“Um, no, I don’t think so,” I said looking toward the bathroom.

She bowed her head and then turned to go.

“Wait!” I called after her.

She turned around. “Yes?”

“What’s your name?”

She hesitated. “My name?”

“Yeah. I’m Llona and, as you probably already know, I’m new here.”

“Yes. I know. My name is Tessa.”

“Do you like it here?”

“It is satisfactory.”

“Do you ever go out?”

“Out?” She finally looked at me. “Out where?”

The hopelessness in her eyes created a pit in my stomach. “Out. You know, to the library, movies, mall?”

She shook her head. “Our appearance would not be accepted.”

I sat up straighter on my bed. “Of course it would. Believe me, I’ve seen stranger.”

“You have?”

I nodded. “I met a guy once whose entire face had been tattooed blue.”

A saw a spark in her eye, but as soon as it appeared it was gone. “I must return to my duties,” she said.

“Okay. Thanks for stopping by.”

She turned to leave, but I stopped her again. “Wait, Tessa. One last question.”

“Yes?” She kept her hand on the door.

“Does it smell like blood in here?”

Her face turned a pale shade of white, and I thought she was going to pass out. Before I could get to her, she was already out my door and rushing down the hall.

The next couple of weeks passed quickly. When Christian had said I was behind, he wasn’t kidding. I didn’t know a thing about Auras. Most of my class time was spent trying to look up terms I’d never heard before like
resplendent
and
ebullient
, or other times I was scrambling to look up certain events in our history just so I could follow a conversation. There was so much to absorb that by the weekend, I was numb.

It was probably good that I was busy. Whenever I was around others, my temperament was short, and I often snapped at people. It took all the strength I had not to get into fights with the other girls, even though they hadn’t really done anything to me. This gave fuel to the fire that I was a freak. Sometimes I found it easier to just stay in my room, where I wouldn’t have to worry about the anger that seemed to come out of nowhere.

Christian had tried to get together with me several times, secretly of course, but I always found an excuse to stay away from him. This hurt a lot, but every time I saw him, even in passing, I was reminded of his severed head, a nightmare I continued to have. If there were even a chance of something bad happening to him because of the way he felt about me, then I wouldn’t risk it. He meant too much to me.

At least I had his letters. I should’ve asked him to stop, but I couldn’t. Every day Christian had somehow managed to leave one under my pillow. I suspected Tessa had something to do with it.

I picked up the most recent one and read it again:

Llona,

I saw you today, but you didn’t see me. You were outside with May at lunch and it took every bit of strength I had not to go to you, scoop you up, and carry you away. I need to see you and soon. Can you meet me tonight? Jackson and I have been patrolling every night and haven’t come across another Vyken. Jackson said it doesn’t happen often, so . . . if you think you can get away, come at 2:00 a.m. on the south end of the wall. I’ll be watching for you.

Can’t wait to see you,

Christian

I folded the note and clutched it tightly. I couldn’t avoid him forever. Maybe I could think of something to say or do to make him not want to be near me. I wished he could see inside my head, feel the darkness lurking there. That would be enough to drive him away forever.

Because I had too much to do, I skipped the outing the girls were going on to New York City and stayed in my room, even missing lunch. It was well into the afternoon when I heard, “Can I come in?”

I looked up. May was standing in my open doorway. “Please do,” I said. “It’s so good to see you. I’ve been going crazy.” I tossed my book to the side.

May sat on my bed, staring at a stack of papers, my homework. “I know. I’ve barely seen you all week. Not even at meals.”

“I’ve been eating either in my room or the commons area while I study. How do you like Dr. Han?”

Her face brightened. “He’s amazing! I can’t believe how much I’ve learned. Watch this.” She swirled her hand in a complete circle until a ball of fire appeared in her palm.

“Whoa! That is awesome.”

She blew it out. “Right?”

“What are your other classes like?”

“Not as good as the class with Dr. Han. There are only a few other Furies, so our classes are small, and the other girl and two boys are a few years younger than me.”

“Boys? Where do they stay?”

“With the Guardians just outside the gates in Waverly Hall. Do you like your classes?” she asked.

“Most of them are okay. It’s PE I can’t stand.” I stretched my legs out.

“Really? I thought that would be your favorite.”

“Not here. All we’re allowed to do is either run, aerobics, or dance, nothing competitive. It sucks.”

“Running is competitive.”

“Not the way we do it. We have to run in strict formation. I can barely stand it.”

May laughed. “How lame!”

“I know.”

May picked up one of my books and flipped through its pages. “How about you put off studying for one night and come hang out in my room? We’ll watch a movie or something.”

I didn’t hesitate. “I’d love to.” I needed a distraction before 2:00 a.m. came.

“Too bad we can’t invite Christian,” May said. She saw him the day after I had and was super excited to have someone from home at Lucent. She spoke to him quite often. “I mean, unless you believe everything Sophie said, which I think is just crazy. You guys are meant for each other.”

I stared down at my homework. “I don’t know.”

“He asks a lot about you,” May said. “I think he suspects something’s up.”

“I just need some time to sort things out, you know?”

May nodded. “Maybe the dance next weekend will help you figure out what you want.”

I looked up at her. “Dance?”

May grinned. “I forget you weren’t there. The other morning Sophie announced that one of the all-boy schools from New York City is coming for a summer dance. I can’t wait! I bet they’re gorgeous.”

I stood up and grabbed a blanket to take to May’s room. “Sounds like fun,” I said and meant it. Maybe that’s just what I needed to get my mind off Christian.

On the way to her room, May asked, “Are you sleeping any better?”

I had confessed my sleeping problems to her on my second day at Lucent. “Actually, it’s getting worse. I can’t fall asleep before four in the morning.”

“How do you get up for class?” She opened the door to her room.

“I don’t know. You’d think I wouldn’t be able to, but surprisingly it’s not that hard. I think I might just give up on sleep all together.”

“Why don’t you talk to the nurse about it? Despite her weirdness, she seemed nice enough.” May turned the television on and tossed some pillows onto the floor.

“Maybe I will. Speaking of weird . . .” I told her about Tessa and how she had almost passed out when I asked her why my room smelled like blood.

“What did she say?”

“Nothing. She just turned around and ran off. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had a chance to talk to her since.”

“That’s odd, but really, Llona, I don’t smell anything.”

“I guess it’s just me,” I said, making a mental note not to bring it up again.

I contemplated telling May about what had really happened with Christian the night we arrived, specifically about me fighting the Vyken, but decided against it. No point involving her in my “crime.” Besides, it would probably scare her to know that a Vyken was so close to the school. I knew she was still having her own nightmares about Mr. Steele. Just last week I’d heard her screaming at two in the morning. I’d gone to her and insisted on staying in her room until she fell asleep. No, I wouldn’t worry her.

At ten o’clock the bells chimed, indicating that it was time to turn out the lights. I looked over at May who was already asleep. Very quietly, I turned off the TV, tucked her in, and left the room. The halls were dark and empty. I could hear voices from within a few of the rooms, as girls were still awake, enjoying the weekend. And by the smell of it, a couple of them were painting their nails.

I picked up my history book and began to read, but by midnight, I needed a major break. I only had a couple of hours before I was to meet Christian. My apprehension grew. Over and over I practiced what I’d say to him. “We need some time apart. It’s best for everyone.” I dropped my head into my hands. That sounded so stupid. He’d see right through it.

I stretched out on the bed and shook my hands. My muscles were tingling like they normally did when it was a full moon. I stood up and went to the window, but when I stuck my head out and looked up, the sky was black. No moon. Odd.

The forest’s dark, uneven silhouette against the night sky made it look like a sleeping monster with spikes on its back. It was a monster I was drawn to. It had taken all the strength I had to avoid the forest since that night with Jackson and Christian, despite the fact that we had encountered a Vyken.

I quickly closed the window and moved back, but even as I did so, I knew my attempt at staying away was futile. It had been too long, and my burning desire to be a part of the darkness needed to be quenched.

I didn’t think. I only escaped. I headed straight for the shed and this time easily jumped to its roof and over to the top of the wall. I inhaled deeply. The smell of pine and something else tickled my nose. I jumped from the wall and breathed in again. Blood. Fresh blood. Not like the odor in my room. And it was everywhere, all over. Somehow I was smelling the lifeblood of every creature in the forest. What was happening to me?

I glanced behind me, back to where the sleeping Auras lay. I should be with them.

The cry of an animal rose from the forest floor. I could no sooner ignore it than a lion could spare its prey. Something inside me, dark and foreign, needed to feel its life in my hands. I sprinted away from Lucent. My muscles hummed with Light’s energy but also with something else. A new strength like nothing I had ever experienced before.

The temperature inside the forest was a few degrees cooler. The cold and the darkness pressed against my skin, as if it were trying to get inside me. I fought it for just a moment, before I relaxed.

It was then that my whole perspective changed. I was no longer
looking
at the darkness; I was inside it, an actual part of it, like the forest was one giant organism. I could feel the night’s pulse. Its beat pulled creatures from their holes, from their caves, from all the black crevices that protected them from day’s light. Here in the blackest of black, hidden beneath the shadows of the old trees, creatures ruled the forest, and I was a part of them.

I stopped abruptly, my heart pounding, palms sweating. I was terrified. What was wrong with me? I slumped against a tree and reached up to the two little holes in my neck. They felt swollen.

My sensitive ears perked. Not far away two voices spoke. I welcomed the distraction and headed in their direction. Maybe it was Jackson or Christian.