Fragments (32 page)

“Would you like anything else?”
Yes, and she’s sitting next to me.

Bea smiles up at her and replies, “No, not at all. We’ll head off now. Thanks!”

She then stands quickly and walks over to the register and pays the bill. All of this happens before I can get my hormones back to normal.

Despite it raining outside, Bea re-ties her hair and says, “You ready?”

I nod and follow her out the door. We immediately start to run, but this time without the playful banter. She keeps me at a distance as the rain soothes my heated skin.
I’ll give you this moment, Bea … but I won’t be waiting for too much longer.

              Over the next few weeks, we stumble into a comfortable housemate routine. Running three times a week, interchanging who will cook or clean, all the while developing our friendship. Though, as the time passes, a moment like that one in the café hasn’t resurfaced.  Bea seems happy, though, even taking to using the patio above the garage to practise her dances. She doesn’t mind if I’m up there, either; she just continues on. Our childhood friendship is back, but I want the fire of “us” to return. There is only so much of this friend-zone shit that I can take. She consumes my every thought.

              I look at my watch and see it is late, and I can’t be bothered cooking; pizza sounds just right. Walking to Bea’s door, and turning the handle, I start asking, “Bea-Bea,” in a high-pitched voice, “you mind if we get p—”

I stop abruptly as I hear a screech and realise all too late that I have sprung Bea getting dressed, or maybe undressed, as she is standing there in her bra and panties, with her arms over her head and a T-shirt covering them and her face. I have maybe a second before she pushes the fabric down, covering her torso. But it’s enough for me to imprint to memory. To see her toned stomach, her perfect bellybutton and those breasts … I try as hard as I can to not lift my wrist and bite my fist to prevent a moan escaping. She is perfection.

“Alex! Can you knock?”

Her words shake me out of my daydream and I am suddenly mortified. “Um, ah … sorry. Just … Fuck.”

I turn abruptly and march out. Pizza be damned. Friend zone–1, Relationship–0. Damn it.

“I turned round to see where I was,

When a voice said: ‘It is here you come up,’

And took every other thought out of my mind”

Purgatory, XVII
; lines 46–49

Trice

The sound of my alarm blares and my eyes barely register the time on the clock. I lay there for a few moments, enjoying the snugness of my bed covers. As I stretch languidly, my mind suddenly awakens as my heart rate picks up and I remember that class today is starting an hour earlier to cater for the guest choreographer from Sydney coming in. Dammit!! With a violent kick of my sheets, I stumble out of bed and frantically begin scouring through my drawers to locate my best racer-back bra and shorts to perform in. I see my red ones sitting by the side and snatch them up. Well, at least I’ll stick out. My yoga pants from yesterday are nearby, so I nab those before I add a tank to the mix. Rushing to the shower, I barely make it to the door without slipping as my feet become tangled while I’m hurrying to get ready. 

              I’ve barely made it out of the shower before I can hear Alex walking around outside the door. I make a point to be fully dressed before going out. Even though we have been getting along well as housemates, something is still not right with him. He’s unfortunately either walked in on me changing and me doing yoga this week on the patio in just my racer outfits. For a dancer, this is nothing—Regan and I used to walk around in underwear all the time. We’re used to it, but for some reason, Alex becomes super uncomfortable. He tends to look anywhere but at me, while uttering complete rubbish. It’s a bit disheartening as the girls he generally flocks to wear even less than I do.

Here comes that friend vibe in full force.

I throw my hair up in a tight bun and open the door, scurrying to my room to collect my tote. I’m so grateful that I packed it the night before. Throwing my phone in and lacing up my shoes, I rise and scoot out of my room, turning the corner out my door and then crashing smack bang into the solid chest of Alex. We both “oof” as he reaches out and grabs me as I stumble. I’m a bit dazed as my arms grip his forearms and the inner perv in me thinks they feel bigger than they did years ago.

“You okay, Bea?” he inspects my clothing, lets his head fall back, and sighs. “That was quite a hit.” I am still frozen momentarily as his thumbs now caress my shoulders, and I suddenly feel hotter standing here.

Blinking, I activate my brain, “Yeah, sorry ... I ... thought you were waiting for the bathroom and I ...um,” I cough and clear my throat, “I am late for class and was trying to get to the tram. I hate driving as there’s never any parks … and yeah, it just sucks to drive ‘cause of the … parks.” Yep, in times of being mind dazzled by Alex, I have to babble complete crap. Brain to mouth, please shut up. He grins and lets my shoulders go.

“No, I wasn’t waiting. I was just thinking.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his keys, and jingles them. “How about I drive you?” I look at the Chevy keys and feel instant relief.

“You are a lifesaver! I’ll get there on time if we leave now.” We head out to his truck as a squeal escapes my lips. I have not been in it since I was sixteen. This is going to be awesome.

              The car trip flows seamlessly as we stumble into all sorts of idle chitchat like we seem to do lately. I roll the window down and feel the breeze tickle my cheeks as I watch the houses go by. It feels good to be here with him. I’ve really enjoyed our chats and how we’ve spent so much time getting to know each other again. I just wish I could send a memo to my heart to stop yearning for him. The butterflies in my stomach need to calm down, too.

The bench seat is smooth, and I can’t help running my hand up and down the leather in a caress. He keeps this car in such great shape and the smell of the car seats just remind me of his grandpa. Before the thought escapes my mind, I mutter, “You must miss your grandpa.”

He clicks his tongue and sighs. “Yeah, I do.”

We continue driving and the melancholic moment passes graciously.

              Thinking over this past week, I can’t help but smile at Alex’s awkwardness. I’d never noticed it growing up, but now it’s just so endearing.
Great, another reason to swoon
. Each time he’s stumbled across me in my room or doing yoga, he’s managed to get tongue-tied or fumble. It’s awfully embarrassing for him, but shit funny for me. The Alex who I remember as a teenager was confident around girls, and strutted around, oozing sexuality.  Yet around me, so far he’s stumbled, run into the doorframe, as well as told me that he was late for work, when in fact it was a Sunday. I don’t understand why he can’t just act normally. He’s made it perfectly clear that I’m just a friend, yet part of me wants to do random strolls to the bathroom in my other dance outfits just to see what he’ll do. I can’t help but chuckle and forget that he’s sitting next to me. He smiles and looks at me quickly.

“What’s got your chuckling over there, Bea-Bea?”

I inwardly sigh at my nickname. “Ah … nothing. It’s just me being silly.”

“Hmm …” he muses, “sure … care to share?”

My face heats up. I don’t feel so brave anymore.

“No, it’s okay, really.” I cover my cheeks in embarrassment.

He notices instantly and starts pecking at me. “C’mon, Bea-Bea! You can tell me … pweeease?”

I lower my hands and give him a look. Should I? Shouldn’t I? His lips pucker in a duck face and I can’t help but laugh.
You’ve asked for it.
“Well, seeing as it’s such a shock for you to see me in my dance clothes, I contemplated wearing little outfits around the house just to watch you stumble and perhaps crash into something.”

I can’t help but grin; it feels nice having the upper hand in teasing for a change. Winding up the window, I notice that for once he hasn’t replied. I’m in my element, so I keep on going. “You know, just walk around and vacuum or answer the door, daily activities that I don’t care for, but just so you can act like a fool … Geez, Alex, never thought of you as being shy. How times have changed.”

For a moment, I think I’ve embarrassed him, then as I tilt my head over my shoulder to see him, he’s not looking embarrassed. In fact, he’s looking … a whole lot tense. Narrowing my eyes at him, I challenge him with, “Um … care to explain why you’re clutching the steering wheel so tightly? Are you mad?”

He tilts his chin to the left and I follow its track, seeing the dance studio is in front of us. Oh, that was a quick trip, albeit a little weird just now.

“Oh. Well, thanks for the lift. I should be finished by four or five. I’ll tram back, no need to chauffeur.”

He pulls over as I’m collecting my tote from my feet. “Thanks again.” I smile, clearly trying to lighten up the tension I’ve caused. I grab the door handle but am stopped when his large arm comes across my chest, essentially blocking me in. Our gazes lock.

“Bea,” he says softly, “I like that red underwear you own.”

“I ... ah ... am wearing it... today,” Releasing his arm from the door handle, he gently holds my face while staring intently into my eyes. “I especially like it when you wear your nightgown. That blue one you have on the clothesline? Try putting that one on and see what I’ll do.”

My breath hitches as I stare back into his eyes, my breathing suddenly coming in fast but

shallow breaths. He isn’t joking with me. His eyes have darkened, and his chest is rising rapidly also.

“See you tonight,” he whispers, and his hand cups my cheek.
Please, please, please kiss me.
Before my impatience takes over and I can move forward to kiss him, he’s leaning back and fastening his seat beat.

What just happened?
             

“Oh … kay …” I stumble out of the car and give him a mediocre wave as I watch him drive off.  Holy shit. He wants me. He actually really wants me. Butterflies begin to awaken in my stomach.

I stare at his car until I can’t see it anymore and feel the serene smile that paints my face. All of the sudden, I feel sixteen again, excited but nervous. My footsteps falter as I try not to let my nerves get to me; it’s too much to handle. I chuckle quietly to myself and gaze longingly in the distance. I’m afraid it’s all a dream.

              Walking into class, my feet feel lighter and I can’t get his sizzling blue gaze out of my mind. His lips were a hair’s breadth from mine, and even though we didn’t kiss, I felt a burn like we had.  My face is still hot and I just want to grab my phone and call him to take me away. Stupid, I know. I was just glad that my insecurities kept me back. What if I was just another notch on his bedpost? There was no way that I would pursue this only to be left again. He liked my nightgown? I smiled at the cheeky thought. He likes the blue, but he hasn’t seen my black one … will I take the risk? Men make women fools, and Alex knows how to make me the biggest of them all.

*              *              *              *              *

“Oh, my God!” Regan wails. “This arsehole is going to be the death of us!”

We step back from our positions. Sweat drips down my back and annoying wisps of hair stick to the sides of my face and neck. We have just repeated the same dance a dozen times. I can feel through my aching muscles that DD is wearing us down. We have gone over our duo performances, which were fantastic, but now it is this new, more complicated routine over and over. He was even snarly with Leticia, which never happens. If he is like this now, viewing our solos is going to be downright hell.

“Break time. Ten minutes. This is ridiculous!” he yells, dramatically throwing his arms in the air. 

I sigh in relief and quickly head over to my tote for my water. I am also desperate to see if Alex has texted me. Call me a fool, but I just want to hear from him. I reach into my tote, and quickly locate my phone, hidden behind my yoga pants. With one swipe, I turn the screen on, only to catch the beginning of Robbie calling me. I answer quietly with a breathy, “Hey Robbie?”

“What are you doing, sis? You sound like you have been … Um, tell me that I’m not interrupting.”

I can’t help but laugh at Robbie and his dirty mind. “No, you sicko. I’m in class. You just got us in our break. What’s up? Miss me?”

I can hear a sigh of relief as he fumbles in the background. “Yeah, all good. I’ve finished my contract here, so I am coming back.  Got a business opportunity that I need to check out, so—”

I squeal excitedly into his ear. “That’s sooo cool! Yay! When? Oh, do you want me to set up your room?”

“Hell no, I can do that. I’m flying back this week. Putting my shit on a train, as I can’t be fucked driving. Spent enough time driving around, so I’m treating myself. I’ll be back Friday night.”

“Oh! Just in time for Trinity’s warehouse warming. It’s a theme party, so I’ll text you the details. Anyway, I have to scoot. So glad you’re coming back.”

We end the conversation in our usual, “See ya, arseface,” fashion, and I grin and hang up, it’ll be nice to hang out again. As I go to put my phone back, I feel it vibrate incessantly for a call so smiling, I answer it, presuming it is Robbie being a smartarse.