Fragments of your Soul (The Mirror Worlds Book 1) (50 page)

Hel smiled. “Or I’m too big,” she said. She crouched down, put an arm around Arvid and gently squeezed her.

The way back turned out to be a real ordeal. Not only was their way steeply uphill, Arvid also had to carry the box with the soul shard, which Naal didn’t dare to touch for more than a moment. At the very beginning she had tried, but after a short time the influence of the stone seemed to give her anxiety and afflicted her so much that she gave it back to Arvid. In fact, Arvid could feel the effect of the splinter, too, even though she didn’t touch it. Its effect was highly attenuated though, and only became noticeable when she fell into a monotonous routine and her concentration waned.

Now that she knew the origin of the fragment, she understood his influence better. It urged her thinking into strange tracks. None of it was completely unfamiliar, and yet she noticed again and again that she had feelings and thoughts that didn’t really seem to belong to herself. Most of it was harmless, but sometimes dark thoughts wandered through her mind. She thought about how easy it would be for her to kill Naal. She had no chance to oppose her power, even though she was much taller and physically stronger than her. It would only take a second…

From such thoughts Arvid always tore away violently. They were just mind games, yet they frightened her. What if she suddenly let herself go so much that they became more? As the strange feelings and thoughts appeared more often, she finally asked Naal for another break.

The old giantess agreed reluctantly, because they were very high up already. Arvid put the box down several steps below her before she sat down with a weary sigh.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she said to Naal. “I am small and weak and need too many breaks. Unfortunately, I can’t change that.”

“I didn’t think that,” said Naal. “For once I didn’t.”

Arvid gave her a puzzled look, but said nothing. After a while Naal continued speaking on her own.

“I don’t envy you for having to carry this stone,” she said. “I admit I don’t feel I’m up to this task… you, on the other hand, do it without complaining.”

“Do you know what kind of stone this is?” said Arvid.

“Hel explained it to me this morning. It was very frightening. And shocking.”

“Shocking?”

“What do you know? You have no children. If you had, you would understand how it is to have a son like Loke. There’s hardly a day I don’t ask myself how I could bring forth something like that.”

Arvid looked at her in disbelief. “You speak of him as if he was some malformed piece of fruit!”

“I wish he was just a giant, but he is not,” Naal said bitterly. “At home, he mostly looks like one, but… he’s not, not even in his heart. I don’t know what he is. Since I’ve come close to this stone… I don’t think I even want to know.”

“He’s your son,” Arvid said. “Is it really so important to find another definition?”

Naal gently shook her head. “Maybe not,” she said softly. “You know… even though Loke says otherwise, I just want him to be happy.”

The rest of their break they spent without a word. Later, when they overcame the last part of the stairs and followed the path up to the cave funnel, there was silence between them. The path through the last vault seemed endless, but eventually they reached the bridge which led toward the gates of Sölunnir.

The guards at the gate informed them that Byleist had not yet returned. He had set out toward the caves north of the fields with four people. He had said that he wanted to be back in the evening of the next day at the latest. When they met Helblindi shortly after, he confirmed this.

After Arvid had eaten and washed, she retired to her quarters to get some sleep. However, she woke up again after a few hours and found no more rest. At first she began to walk around restlessly, then she tried to read, but she couldn’t concentrate. After all that had happened and she had learned from Hel, she longed for Loke so much it caused her pain. She could only hope that Byleist had found him and that nothing had happened on their way, because who knew where exactly this place was where Loke had gone.

Eventually Arvid sat down in the alcove next to the embroidered image she had put there. She looked at it thoughtfully. Then she picked up the needle and began to mend the stitches that had come loose at one point. When she was done, she continued the pattern with the rest of the thread hanging from the half-finished ornament. Suddenly she knew what she would do.

She went over in Loke’s study and looked for thread in colors of the unfinished pattern. There were only three, and Loke had a large supply of them. Shortly after she left the fortress, sat down on a pillow next to the large gate, and continued the ornament.

Her presence seemed to unsettle the four guards. At first they only threw her strange looks, then at some point one of them bestirred himself to talk to her.

“Forgive me, Your Highness,” he said with a bow, “why you are sitting on the ground?”

“I’ll be waiting here for my husband’s return,” Arvid said with a friendly smile. “I hope my presence doesn’t bother you, or I’ll be happy to find a different spot.”

“Your presence is our honor, Your Highness,” replied the guard. “We’ll immediately get you a more comfortable seating.”

“No,” Arvid said hastily and made a defensive gesture. “That’s not necessary. Please stay on your posts. I just want to keep sitting here.”

“As you wish,” said the guard, although he didn’t look too happy. He bowed his head and walked back to his post.

The next few hours Arvid spent completing the ornament around Loke’s image. She was slow. In the beginning she had to repeatedly undo some stitches because she had made a mistake, but with time it went better and better.

Every now and then people came or went, mostly giants, sometimes in armor, sometimes laden with baskets, sometimes pulling carts. Most didn’t even notice her. A few threw her curious glances, but left her in peace. There was no sign of Loke and Byleist the rest of the evening either, and so Arvid eventually gave up and went to bed.

The next morning she found an upholstered stool in her spot beside the gate. Although she had not asked for it and would have been willing to sit down on the floor again, she was grateful to be able to sit more comfortably.

Whenever someone approached the gate, Arvid hopefully lifted her head, but it was always just a soldier, a servant or a trader who arrived with goods.

It became evening again, and still there was no trace of Loke, Byleist and his men. Although Arvid told herself that this didn’t have to mean anything and they probably just got held up somewhere, an unpleasant feeling of concern nestled into her. What if they got attacked by deep-dwellers on their way? Or had Byleist not even found Loke and moved on to look for him in other places?

Although the time Byleist wanted to return had elapsed and it was uncertain when the group would return, Arvid sat down at the gate again the next morning and continued with the embroidery. She was exhausted because she had hardly slept last night. Worries, doubts and fears had kept her awake hour after hour, and only now, when she could employ her hands and was distracted by new arrivals, she came to rest.

Around noon, Arvid was just about to do the very last stitches, Naal turned up. She sounded almost friendly as she greeted her.

“Did you make this picture?” she asked.

Arvid shook her head “Loke made it,” she said. “I’m just finishing the ornament around it.”

Naal frowned. “So he still indulges in these effeminate activities.”

“Effeminate activities?”

“What man would do embroidery?” sighed Naal. “Although I must admit it looks quite pretty.”

Arvid saved her breath pointing out that Loke first didn’t have any defined gender and embroidering didn’t have to be reserved for women. In any other situation Naal’s statement might have annoyed her, but the manual labor seemed to have a strangely calming effect on her.

“Have you ever tried it?” said Arvid instead. “Embroidering, I mean.”

“Unfortunately, yes,” replied Naal. “Every good woman has to know how to embroider, doesn’t she?”

“Well, in that case I was a bad woman until recently. I only know how because Loke showed me. Obviously he is a better woman than me.”

Naal smiled. It felt warm and genuine and made Arvid suspicious. Her mother-in-law seemed changed, more open, and this touch of bitterness that otherwise surrounded her was barely noticeable at the moment.

“There’s something I want to tell you,” said the old giantess suddenly and went into a crouch next to Arvid, so that they were approximately at eye level.

Arvid looked at her, equally excited and surprised. “Yes?”

“You know, I… was strictly against Loke marrying you,” she said hesitantly. “Not just because you’re a human. I simply wanted to keep him from doing something stupid again… or trigger a disaster, in any form whatsoever. He constantly does that, you know? At all times he pursues his entangled plans, but what we see of them is always only the tip of the iceberg.”

Arvid nodded. “After all that I’ve read and heard, you’re probably right.”

“That’s why I was sure that there was more to it,” Naal continued. “Of course, from a logical point of view the marriage was a good move, but… There would have been other ways to protect you, right? However, Loke didn’t try to convince me with logical arguments. He came to me and said… that he didn’t know why, but that he felt the strong urge to ensure that you are well and… that you’re happy.”

In Arvid’s embroidery only two stitches were missing, yet she lowered it now and looked at Naal incredulously. “He… really said that?”

“He did,” Naal said. “He was… different. I had the feeling that he had never been open to me in his entire life, but at that moment he was. It was perhaps the first time my son made a heartfelt decision… and I wanted to forbid it. I couldn’t do it anymore.”

She lowered her eyes. Arvid only had to look at her to realize that she was very moved by this experience. Arvid felt touched. The idea that Loke had openly admitted that he cared about her was overwhelming, even if he only had done so to his mother—or maybe it was exactly for that reason.

“Well, anyway,” Naal continued after a long pause, “you should know that I don’t regret allowing your connection… even if it is regrettable that you are no giantess.” She straightened up again, then she said quietly, “You better hurry with your embroidery.”

For a moment Arvid didn’t understand, but then she looked up and saw a small group of giants who approached the gate. It was Byleist and his people—and Loke.

Arvid’s heart leaped. She put the cloth aside, stood up and took a few steps in the direction of the group, then stopped again. She wanted nothing more than to run up to Loke and throw herself in his arms, but the same time an overwhelming feeling of doubt crashed down on her like a wave. Loke was here and he was unhurt, but would he forgive her? What if he only met her with coldness or anger? Arvid felt torn between fear, doubt, and the irrepressible desire to embrace him.

Loke had discovered her now, but his face remained impassive. As their eyes met, Arvid felt such an overwhelming sense of affection that she instinctively pressed her hand against her chest, as if it could give her quivering heart relief.

What was going on inside Loke? He showed no emotion which could have betrayed his feelings. Arvid’s legs began to tremble. Suddenly she was overcome by such a suffocating fear that he would reject her that she felt tears welling up in her eyes. Arvid tried to pull herself together with all her might, but she didn’t succeed.

Suddenly Loke pulled away from the group and came toward Arvid, who still stood there as if she was frozen to the ground. When he reached her, he knelt down in front of her and looked at her from his dark, gray giant eyes.

“May I talk to you?” he asked.

Arvid couldn’t speak, but nodded.

“Why are you crying?” asked Loke.

It took forever until Arvid managed to control herself so she could answer. “I… I’m… so scared that you… don’t want anything to do with me,” she blurted out.

“It was you that sent me away,” said Loke.

“I’m sorry, Loke,” Arvid said. “Everything… I said… I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” he said softly. “I was cruel to you. I must ask your forgiveness, Arvid.”

“I’ve already forgiven you,” Arvid said in a trembling voice. Loke’s words filled her with such relief that tears started running down her face again.

“May I touch you?” whispered Loke. Again Arvid could only nod. He raised his hand and gently wiped the salty wetness off Arvid’s cheeks. The touch was cold and yet so beautiful and comforting, she instinctively closed her eyes. When she opened them again and looked at Loke, she had only one wish.

She stepped up to him and Loke put his arms around her and pulled her close. Their lips met in a deep kiss, and even though it wasn’t their first one, this kiss was so full of devotion and sincere affection, like no other before. Piece by piece Arvid’s anxiety and tension disappeared and left a warm feeling of happiness.

When they had parted again, Arvid smiled at Loke. “You should greet your mother,” she said. “I think… it would mean a lot to her.”

When they turned to the gate, Naal and Byleist were waiting on them. Naal looked tense while Byleist grinned broadly.

“Good day, Mother,” Loke said stiffly. Naal, on the other hand, stepped right up to him and embraced him, and after a moment he closed his arms around her, too.

“Why were you out here?” said Loke, after he had released her again.

“For me it was just a fluke,” Naal said. “Your wife, however, had been sitting here since the day before yesterday. This here,” she handed him the embroidered picture Arvid had worked on the last few days, “she has also done for you.”

When Loke held up the fabric, Arvid saw that the ornament was now complete. Naal must have added the last two stitches for her.

It took quite a while before Arvid had the opportunity to speak to Loke. First he wanted to take a bath and eat something, then Katta and Ghelm appeared, and shortly after Helblindi and a dwarf, who all wanted to see him. When finally a messenger turned up, too, Loke became angry and shooed him to Byleist. A little later, however, Byleist himself turned up, claiming to need to speak to Loke urgently—about precisely this letter.

Arvid had hoped that Loke would find some time for her. There was so much she wanted to talk to him about, so much she wanted to ask him, and her newly-awakened desire for him almost seemed to eat her up. With the kiss outside the gate they had for the very first time confessed that there was more between them than a purposive sham marriage. Nevertheless Arvid knew that they had to talk to each other and finally clarify things, or they’d soon be afflicted by lurking doubts again.

Loke tried to convince her that it was better for her to withdraw, until he was done with everything, but Arvid refused to leave his side. Shortly thereafter, she was sitting in an overstuffed chair in a corner of Byleist’s study and half-heartedly followed to the conversation between him and Loke, who was in a very bad mood by now.

They talked about nothing that interested her much. Many of the dwarven houses had sent messengers and announced visits. This was a very good sign, but made everything very complicated because not all the houses got along. In Loke’s opinion he shouldn’t interfere in such matters, but since many visits were a direct response to their wedding, Byleist was determined to insist on his presence and participation, as long as he was still here. After that, he said, Arvid would have to step in. She heard it with a bad feeling in her stomach.

Eventually her thoughts drifted off more and more. She suddenly realized how exhausted she was after the past few days. An oppressive heaviness began spreading in her limbs. Although the two giants in front of her were engaged in a heated discussion, Arvid only heard their voices as a calming, monotonous noise. Soon she could feel her eyelids drop.