Frayed Rope (16 page)

The vein in his neck pulses and he clenches the fist that lies at his side. He wants to touch, I can gather that much. I grab the sides of my cardigan and begin to pull it over my chest. His head snaps up to mine and his beautiful face is a mask of lust and something else I can’t put my finger on. I think about last night at his place and crave his mouth on me again but I need to keep this light and even.

“I’m going to go change before I get a cold.”

I’m not shivering anymore; in fact I’m quite warm now under his gaze. His lip twitches and he says, “No, we wouldn’t want you getting a cold.”

I laugh a little and skirt around him on my way to the bedroom.

“Towels in the closet in the bathroom if you need one!” I holler over my shoulder on the way.

I close the door on the laundry room so I can dump my soaking wet clothes in the wash. I take off the cardigan, tank top, socks and pants. Everything is wet but my underwear. I walk through the connecting door to my closet and grab similar clothes to replace them with before moving to my bedroom. I move toward the bed so I can sit and put my socks on, but trip on something and twist my bad ankle.

“Fuck!” I hiss through clenched teeth as I fall to my knees on the hardwood floor.

I see I tripped over a pair of my boots. I’m not normally careless and messy with my shit, but my mind was elsewhere while I was getting ready this morning.

I grab the edge of the bed and pull myself up to sit down just as I hear Ryder from the connecting door to the bathroom.

Which is never shut because I don't have company.

Fuck.

I hear his sharp breathing, like someone who can’t decide whether they are fuming mad or deeply pained.

My back is to the bathroom.

He went in to get a towel.

I didn’t think about the open bathroom door.

Now, he’s seen my nightmares.

“Get out,” I hiss.

I don’t turn around to look at him. I don't want to see whatever expression is on his face.

I can’t see it.

If it’s fucking pity, I’ll lose my shit.

Fuck, why is this happening?

This is one of the reasons you told yourself no friends Elle
, I think to myself.

“Elle who did that to you,” he says softly.

But I can’t fucking take it.

“I said get the fuck out Ryder!”

I cut him off with more venom in my voice.

Fuck I hate myself right now.

“I’ll leave, I can tell your upset. But this doesn't change anything. Mark my words Elle, I’ll be back.”

His tone is still soft but there is determination in his voice.

I don’t for one second think he won’t come back. It’s the questions that will come with him that’ll make me want to run.

Chapter Fourteen

I sit on the bed long after I hear the door close behind him. It’s not until the tears have dried up that I look at the clock and see it’s almost midnight. I can’t stay here. I need to go. I can’t face him or answer the questions that he’ll have. I think back on our conversation over dinner and it finalizes my decision.

“So what kind of security work is it that you do?” I finally asked him. Not to get personal, but to find out more about his business since we’re becoming closer, and to figure out whether his line of work will do me harm or good.

“Mostly risk assessment for gatherings of important people and a few political parties lately. I have about a dozen men working for me. We run security as well as analyze any potential threats to the people involved and how to prevent it. I’ve also done a lot of hostage rescues and missing person’s cases over the years, but not so much anymore.”

That could go either way for me.

“I’m leaving the day after tomorrow for a few weeks on a job actually. I have to say I’ll miss your cooking. Road food doesn’t taste as good.”

If he’s gone for a few weeks I’ll leave tonight and come back to get the rest of my shit. Not that it’s important, but I need to clear out my accounts here and I might as well empty out my closet and let Tom know I’m out. Fuck, I don't want to move again but I don't think I have a choice.

Shit, I can’t stay. I don't want to see him now because the way he’s always looked at me won’t be the same anymore. It won’t be those black heated eyes staring back at me. It will be dark eyes filled with pity aimed directly at yours truly.

It’s settled.

With that revelation in mind, I finish getting dressed and grab my ‘go’ bag from the closet.

Running.

Sadly, it’s what I do best.

I think back to the last time I ran from the only woman who ever meant much to me in life aside from my mother. I’ll never forget my last day with my best friend who is more like a sister.

God I miss her.

“What do you mean you’re leaving? NO! No Jayne you are not fucking leaving. I don't care who believes you or what fucking happens you’re practically my only goddamn friend, so you’re not fucking leaving me!”

I stare at the woman who’s the closest thing to a sister I’ll ever have. She knows deep down I need to do this. She knows. I’m a walking fucking target.  I’ll endanger everyone I’m close to if I don't get the hell out of here.

“Listen to me babe. Everyone in this town, including Detective Braumer can think I’m nuts. Hell, if you want to think I’m fucking crazy I’m okay with that too. But I know down to my bones that there were two of them. And I can’t fucking sit here awake at night waiting to be fucking taken again! I won’t fucking do it Laura!”

She struggles for words, knowing I’m right but not yet ready to give up.

“I thought Miller was with you on this! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON! I don't give a shit what Braumer says Jay, if Miller is working on it I know he’ll fix this Jay. He’ll fucking figure it out and then you won't need to leave me!”

She clasps her hands over her face before she begins to sob. Heavy breath taking sobs that would make me consider staying if I didn't think she would be in any danger. Fuck, I love this woman more than I love myself. She’s kept my feet on the ground more times in life than I can count.

“I love you Laur'. I will love you until the day I die but babe, today is not that fucking day. You have a man who loves you and beautiful children that need you. If I stay you’re going to be a pawn in a game you’ll never win. So I have to go, for my family, for myself and most of all babe for you. Because if something ever happened to you and the kids because of me? I will tell you right now I would never fucking forgive myself.”

I squeeze her as tight as my stitched body will allow and I let her sob into my neck. I haven’t cried yet. Those tears dried up a long time ago. I fear I haven’t got any left.

“I know I can’t stop you Jay. I know I can’t. It doesn't mean I don't love you any less for not trying harder. You’re a one-track woman bitch and I know I can’t change your mind.”

She clings to me gently; the majority of my body is still battered. I don’t feel it much anymore but I don't tell her that. The pain takes away from my thoughts and right now that's a blessing. The thoughts hurt more than the wounds on my body.

“Promise me something you sloppy slut?” I ask with a grin in my voice which earns me a small chuckle from her.

“Anything, hooker. You name it.”

Fuck, I love her.

“Marry that man. But before you say yes he needs to adopt your adorable children. You just make sure he knows that Aunt Jay always has the final say with them when you’re suffering from Alzheimer’s and I have to make crucial decisions for you.” 

She pulls her head off my shoulder to stare at me.

“You fucking bitch. We were supposed to suffer through Alzheimer’s together!” she complains with tears still streaking down her face, voice heavy from crying.

I pull away and give her one last kiss on the forehead before letting go and grabbing my bag. I take one last look at what's left of my world, her short curly brown mop and beautifully tanned skin. The kindest heart a person could ever hope for in a friend.

“Your right, and that's when we’ll become new friends babe,” I say, referencing our inside joke that we’ll make new friends each day at the nursing home, since each day we would wake up suffering from Alzheimer’s and not know each other anymore.

I give her a wink and head for the door.

I don't look back, and I don't say goodbye. 

I hit the highway at three in the morning, just me, my dog and the road. It’s become the norm for me lately so I’m not sure why I’m so upset. I don't do upset and I don't do heartache. Why I’m feeling this gaping void in my chest can only be described in one word.

Him.

I promised myself I wouldn't get attached to people in this new life of mine. That promise went to hell in a hand basket the minute Ryder Callaghan walked into my life.

My mind is going a million miles a minute, thinking of all the scenarios and different ways this could pan out since he saw my back. The part of me that once had a warm beating heart and used to dream of happy things, imagines us baring our souls to each other and living happily ever after.

But that dream is exactly that, just a dream.

My family is dead, and my body is living proof that dreams don’t fucking come true. It’s a fairy tale parents tell their children to help them sleep peacefully at night.

The honest side of me with the stone cold heart is better at assessing a complex situation such as this one. That side says my cover is potentially blown and he will most certainly be repulsed by my back. At the end of the day, I didn’t plan on letting him put a ring on my finger so it shouldn’t be a big deal our time together was cut short.

I program my GPS on Virginia and head toward a cabin near Richmond. I’ll spend three days there to ensure Ryder is gone for work before I head back to pack my belongings. I could leave it all behind, but I’m not running like I did when I left Canada so I might as well take my stuff with me when I go.

Starting a life from scratch sucks. I would rather take my towels and salt and pepper shakers with me than have to buy everything new again.

* * *

It’s early morning when I arrive in Virginia. I pull into a twenty four hour roadside diner on the outskirts of town and let Norma out of the truck. I know she won’t go anywhere without me so I tell her to stay and head inside the restaurant.

It’s a dull, dead area of town so I’m not too worried. It’s also too early for traffic, which would be mild considering I’ve yet to come across a stoplight or another vehicle on the road. I head to the counter to order some food to go.

“Pretty dog you have their hunny. Where yas headed so early in the morning? ”

I look up to see a mid-sixties waitress in true diner fashion. I look to her name tag, ‘Adele’. I know she poses no threat so I answer her.

“Just going to visit a friend outside of Washington. The dog keeps me company.”

The lie about where I’m headed falls easy from my lips and I almost feel bad for doing it to this kind woman who wears a gold cross around her neck, a tell tale sign she most likely attends church three times a week.

“Obedient too I’d say.” She drawls in a typical southern accent, noting the dog who waits patiently, staying close to the restaurant.  

“Had a dog once, dumber than the stump he sat on that one. Kids always wanted ‘em, and I couldn’t say no.”

She shakes her head reliving the moment before she continues.

“But one thing ‘bout that mutt. Didn’t matter who came around, even if it was that bastard ex-husband ‘a mine that he grew up with, damn dog still barked. Still tried to kill ‘em too. ‘Spose I can’t call ‘em dumb after that, cheatin’ bastard my husband was and all. ‘Spose it’s true what they say ‘bout animals: they know like
they know,
and ‘ain’t nobody gonna tell ‘em different,” she says, reminiscing while watching my girl on the lawn.

“You stayin’ to eat hunny?” she asks in the sweetest voice I’ve heard in what feels like an eternity.

I debate for a moment and look outside. I know it’ll be at least an hour before I can call the cabin owner, but I just planned on eating in the truck. I’m exhausted, running on adrenaline before the older woman breaks through my thoughts.

“Ain’t nobody comin’ in here for another hour, sugar. Call your girl in and sit in the booth by that side door over there and I’ll get ya some coffee. Looks like ya need it baby girl. No offense,” she says before walking away.

I haven’t been called baby girl since I was a child, but god bless this kind woman for making me feel at home.

I let Norm in and point to the floor beside the booth. She lies down.

Adele comes back and fills my coffee cup.

“Know what you want sugar?” she kindly asks, cooing to the dog.

“
Ain’t you a fine girl, pretty thang. Bet your mama takes good care ‘a you don’t she?”

She caresses Norma’s ears before standing back up.

“I’d like the special please, eggs over easy and a side of sausage to go,” I say, staring at my dog who is most likely as hungry as I am. Adele eyes me knowingly before responding.

“You want something for this fine girl here sugar, all yous’ got to do is ask.”

She winks at me.

“My girl likes her food just as much as I do. And between you and I, what the vet doesn't know won’t hurt her.”

She cackles at my joke before grabbing up the menu.

“Girl, I don't know how anybody says them animals can live off that dry stuff ya feed ‘em. They’s wolves once ya know. I’ll bring her out a plate, don’t you worry.”

Adele is officially the happiest person I’ve ever met awake before seven in the morning. I’ve never been here before, but on highway 258 running from home (or soon to be old home) to near Richmond Virginia, I found the best roadside diner off that highway and I think one of the kindest women I’ll ever meet. I’m lost in thought when she returns what could be minutes later.

“Here you go girl, and let me set this plate down here for you too pretty lady.”

I see she has a plate full of sausage and potatoes all cut up for the dog. Damn, there really are kind people in this world, even when your life has gone to shit.