Freaks (23 page)

FLOSSY

Pass the afternoon frolicking or gambolling? Flossy was of two minds.

MONKEYBOY

Not only did hanging in his cage provide Monkeyboy with some much-needed ventilation, it also created the game “Guess Which Swear Word I've Just Written in Dribble?”

PLUMPSCUTTLE

Before his main meal of the evening, Mr. Plumpscuttle liked to warm his stomach up with two or three practice dinners first.

MAMA RAT

To most people they were disease-ridden, stinking vermin, but to Mama Rat they were cute little babbies. Yuck.

GIGANTUS

Possibly the most muscly man ever to have written a bodice-ripping romance novel.

BARNEY BILGE

Barney's father always said a walk in the Thames mud would put hairs on your chest. And several fatal diseases in your bloodstream.

BABA ANISH

Baba Anish was most excited to travel to England, visit London, and spend his nights swimming through septic mud in a giant crab-machine, searching for small children to kidnap.

JEREMIAH SNEEPSNOOD

Winner of “Slimiest Crook in Whitechapel” for the past five years straight.

EVERARD WHITMORE

Doctor Whitmore did so enjoy his Sunday evening strolls through London's less-well-guarded churchyards.

SHEBA THE WOLFGIRL

Mr. Dickens and Mr. Collins receive a particular fright whilst exploring the peculiarities of Brick Lane.

SISTER MOON

Even after months of trying, Monkeyboy still couldn't persuade Sister Moon that a stroll through St. James's Park didn't require you to be quite so heavily armed.

RAGGETY

Sheba wasn't sure she believed in reincarnation, but she had a good idea where the soul of Vlad the Impaler might have ended up.