Free Fall (15 page)

“Long enough. Something was missing in me before. The most important part. The heart. You, Lily. You were missing.”

“I don't want this responsibility.” She had too much already.

“My feelings aren't your responsibility, and you know it. Stop finding excuses.”

She dropped her hands from her face. “What happened? Why couldn't we keep it light and easy and fun like we wanted?”

He lifted a shoulder. A guy's response.

“This is asinine.”

“Not exactly the reaction I was going for.”

“I know that,” she said to his grim face. “I'm sorry. Give me a minute, my heart is in my throat.”

But before she got her minute, her radio squawked.

Sara's voice filled the compartment. “Lily. Oh, my God, Lily. Matt's missing.”

“What?”

There were panicked tears in Sara's voice. “He and Debbie went out on snowmobiles. Debbie came back for lunch, thinking Matt was right behind her, but he didn't show up. No one's seen him, and he's not answering his radio.”

“We'll be right there.” Lily shoved the cat into gear for the short journey to the lodge entrance, not realizing until she put her foot on the accelerator that she'd automatically united her and Logan as a unit by saying “we.”

L
ILY COULD HARDLY DRIVE THE
Sno-Cat, and it had nothing to do with the fact that more snow had fallen in a single twelve-hour period then she'd ever seen, or that it was still snowing.

It had everything to do with a few little, harmless words that when strung together equaled terror. Logan thought he was falling in love with her.
Love
. The weight of that felt too heavy, far too heavy a load for her to carry.

The snow was coming down harder now and Matt was out there in it. She figured Sara was overreacting as usual, that he could be back already, but she searched the area for him anyway, as she drove toward the front of the lodge. She glanced over at Logan. Did he really almost love her? She couldn't stop the words from repeating themselves in her head, or the low but thoroughly riveting tone in his voice when he'd said them.

Utter confidence. Complete belief.

Her heart hadn't stopped pounding since. What if she was falling, too? She couldn't think of anything worse because love would ruin everything. No matter what he'd promised, there'd be expectations, frustration. Hurt.

As she pulled up to the front of the lodge, Sara raced down the stone steps toward her. Only a narrow strip had been shoveled, and Lily nearly swallowed her heart at how quickly and carelessly Sara moved on the slick path, without a coat or a hat, or even the right boots. Lily hopped out and jammed her own beanie on her sister's head. “Are you crazy?” She wrapped her nice and toasty jacket around Sara, as well. “And you call
me
irresponsible.”

“He's hurt, I just know it.”

“Okay, take it easy. Who did Debbie leave him up there with?”

“Himself.” This from Debbie as she came down the steps. Unlike Sara, she was dressed for the weather, but her eyes, usually cool and sardonic, were filled with worry.

“Damn it,” Lily said. “It's against the rules to be up there alone.”

“Since when do you care about the rules?” Sara cried. “Just find him.”

The words felt like a hard one-two punch to the stomach.
Since when do you care about the rules?
How many damn years had she been respectable, responsible, and still,
still
she got no credit for it? She'd brood over that good and hard, but it would have to be later, when Matt was back safe and sound, when Logan was out of her heart and she was alone to lick her wounds in private.

Sara covered her own face. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.”

“Forget it.”

“No, I won't. I can't. I'm just so damn scared.” Reaching out, she hugged Lily hard. “I know you've changed. I know it drives you crazy when we treat you like a baby. I do it all the time, and yet here I am asking you to save my life.”

“Matt's.”

“He is my life.” A sob escaped her and Lily felt her heart crack.

“We'll find him.”

“I love him ridiculously, Lily. Just like I love you. Go save my foolish husband for me. Like only you can.”

“Tell me what you know,” Lily said to Debbie.

“I wanted to ride before I left,” Debbie said. “No one else could take me out, you were all busy.”

“Working,” Lily said. “You might want to try it sometime.”

Debbie stared at her, then nodded in silent acknowledgement of the barb hitting home. “He took me to the top. He wanted to go down Sunrise Row to see how great the powder skiing would be for tomorrow, or whenever you got the lifts going again. But he didn't come back.”

“And now I can't get him on the radio.” Sara's teeth were chattering. “What are we going to do?”

“You're going to go back inside,” Lily said. “I'm going up there to go look for him. Get on the radio and pull staff in from snow removal to get on the search, as well. Tell them what you told me about where he was last seen, and that he was solo.” She glared at Debbie, who shocked her by looking so miserable that Lily didn't say what was on her mind but instead turned away.

Debbie grabbed her wrist. “Tell me you can find him.”

“I can find him.”

“I'm sorry, Lily.”

“Just go get warm.”

Lily wasn't surprised when Logan followed her to the garage and got on a snowmobile next to her. He slid his helmet on and smiled grimly. “Looks like it's still an
us
thing.”

“Looks that way.” She started her snowmobile and thought,
And it feels good. Scary good.

So much to think about. Too much for now. The snow was like a thick, blinding curtain that she wished she could shove out of her way. Their window between snowfalls had turned out to be much shorter than expected. It was late afternoon now, not that she could tell given how dull the daylight was. White, white, white everywhere, and depth perception was long gone. But she knew this mountain like the back of her hand, and took the first hill, pausing at the top.

“There!” Logan had to shout over the roar of the engines when he stopped next to her. “See those faint tracks?”

“The snowfall is taking them out.”

“We'll have to hurry,” he agreed.

They climbed the next hill, higher now. With the lifts still and nobody around, things seemed strangely alien. Lily looked around, and at the lack of any tracks or sign of Matt, at the snow falling,
dumping
, she felt a building frustration, and a fear. Debbie had turned around here—they could just make out her tracks going back down.

So where was Matt? He knew how hormonal Sara was, and even befuddled by those hormones, he always catered to her feelings and respected them.

That he hadn't been in touch was a bad sign. “Okay, down Sunrise Row. Debbie said that was his plan. He's not big on plans, but maybe this time he stuck to his.”

“Wait.” Logan reached out and grabbed her arm when she would have gone on. “There. See? I think he went up higher here, not down.”

She studied the ground and saw what she'd missed. Sunken tracks nearly completely hidden by fresh snowfall to their left, a trail that would have taken Matt around and up the next hill.

“Come on.” Logan let go of her arm and steered his snowmobile after the tracks. It was tough going with so much powder. The snowmobiles were forced to work extra hard, and it took all Lily's concentration not to get stuck. At the top of the next hill, the highest accessible point of the mountain, there were indeed faint tracks.

The incline was sharp and slippery here. Dangerous. If they stayed on one of the high drifts, they could get bogged down in all the powder and end up stuck, something Lily knew from experience could take forever to dig out of. But if they stayed on the sides where the snow hadn't stuck to the packed ice, they faced a slide.

By mutual consent, they risked the drifts. After a few moments, they came close to a jutting peak, not too far from where they'd rescued Pete. Logan gestured to Lily to stay back, then veered toward it himself. “Logan, no!”

But he was gone.

“Damn it.” She leaped off her snowmobile and sank into snow nearly up to her thighs. Swearing, she climbed back on and took it as close to the edge as she dared, sagging with relief when she saw Logan still on his snowmobile, about fifteen feet ahead and down the lip of the face. Only feet from the sharp drop-off. “Logan, careful!”

He couldn't possibly hear her over the roar of the engines and the helmet on his head. Heart in her throat, she went after him, praying the snowmobiles held their traction.

Ahead of her, Logan slowed his, then came to a stop. Leaping off, he sank into the snow.

She hopped off, too, practically had to swim through the thick powder toward him.

“He drove along the ridge far ahead,” he said. “See?”

“But that's suicide.”

“It is to you, because you know the terrain and you know how unstable and dangerous the snow and ice are. But Matt isn't a ski patroller. He's not out here every day. He doesn't know.”

But you do
, she thought. He'd make it his business to know such things. Looking at him, his long tough body crouched low in the snow, his eyes intent and sharp on the terrain around them as he tracked a man he didn't really know and by rights shouldn't have cared about, an emotion came over her, strong and hot. Uncontainable.

He glanced over at her, and misunderstanding the expression on her face, he shoved up the face guard
on his helmet and reached for her hand. “We'll find him, Lily.”

At her hip, her walkie-talkie squawked. It was Sara. Chris had set up crews, they were coming up, fanning out. And was there any sign of her husband?

Lily promised her they were close, that they thought they'd found his tracks, and as she said it she silently hoped to God she was telling the truth.

They got back on their snowmobiles and continued to move across the treacherous lip of the cliff, slowly now, not wanting to miss anything. The trees were thick here, with high drifts of snow between them. More was coming down at a shocking rate. She was cold, afraid, shaken, hating that they were searching for Matt, that he could be injured or worse. But there was no denying it—she'd missed this, missed being out here, and she envied Logan for being able to do this every day if necessary.
This
is what she'd been born to do. She had the skills and experience, needed to be out here where she belonged.

Inheriting the resort had been a shock, and she was grateful to her grandma for giving her the experience, the chance to learn the ropes inside and out and to deal with the responsibility, but…and this was a big but…she knew now it wasn't for her.

This
was for her.

Impossibly, the snow fell harder, in huge, silent flakes, and the urgency doubled. They had to hurry before there were no tracks to follow at all. Maintaining control took everything Lily had, and she kept glancing at Logan to make sure he was okay, which he definitely was. She supposed years in a helicop
ter in all sorts of dangerous situations had taught him to be prepared for anything.

Still, if they found Matt here, injured, she had no idea how they would be able to extricate him, not in this weather on this sharp precipice. They were nearly at a crawl now, and then they stopped altogether.

Though Logan was only a few feet from her, the blinding snow made him invisible to her. Then his hand reached through the driving snow and grabbed hers. “Lily.”

She knew what he was going to say and shook her head. “No.”

“The tracks go over.”

It was true. The tracks went right over the rise, a slope so steep that it should have been impossible to ride. They got off their snowmobiles, Lily's terror a huge lump in her throat. Logan took her hand, squeezed it as they made their way as close to the edge as possible. When they saw the tracks, heading straight down, disappearing into a grove of snow-covered trees, she nearly sank to her knees. “Oh, my God.” She reached for her walkie-talkie and called base, giving them their location, then together they slid down the slope, her worst fears coming true when they found a crumpled snowmobile at the base of a wide pine.

With no sign of Matt.

Lily's stomach plummeted, and they immediately started combing the area, calling for him. “Matt!” Her voice bounced off the trees and came back at her. “
Matt!
”

“Here.”

At the weak return cry, she and Logan whipped around. Ahead about ten yards farther down, a white lump leaned back against a tree.

Matt, covered in the fresh snow.

Lily slid down the hill toward him, with Logan right with her. As she got closer, she could see an alarming amount of red mixed in with the snow. Blood. Hers ran cold. “
Logan
.”

“I see him. Come on, Lily, let's do what we do.”

Let's do what we do
.

His words brought her calm. Strength. And because of him, she had skilled hands and a cool head when she reached for a bleeding and broken Matt.

“B
REATHING'S SHALLOW
,” L
OGAN
said quietly to Lily. They were on either side of Matt, boots braced against the tree so as not to slip down the vertical slope. Lily was carefully trying to free Matt of the snow covering him to see his injuries.

Logan had no idea how long Matt had been down, but given the amount accumulated on him, it'd been at least an hour.

“Oh, Matt.” Lily tugged off her gloves and put a bare hand to his frozen face.

“Don't move me.”

Shocky but at least coherent,
Logan thought, meeting Lily's gaze over his, fear and worry in her eyes. He ran his hands over Matt's limbs, but his dread only increased as he discovered why Matt didn't want to be moved. Looked like a possible fractured femur, some cracked ribs and a nice gash above his eyebrow, which was where the blood had come from.

Lily took in the injuries for herself and had to visibly harden herself. “We won't move you until we have to.”

“Just fly me out of here,” Matt said.

Again she looked at Logan. They both knew there
was no way they'd get a helicopter in here with all these trees, and even if they could, the weather was too far gone for that.

They had no choice but to get him down the hill first. “Matt,” Lily said.

Matt closed his eyes. “I really screwed this up.”

Logan had already taken off his jacket and wrapped it around Matt's torso, and Lily removed hers, as well, setting it over his legs, trying to keep him safe from hypothermia. “Look at it this way,” she said. “You're already injured so Sara can't do much worse to you for vanishing on her. Where the hell is your radio?”

“Lost it.”

Logan slid his fingers against Matt's wrist to take his pulse. Weak and thready. He shook his head at Lily.

She removed her helmet and reached for her radio with a shaking hand. It wasn't the first time Logan had seen her remain cool and calm under incredible pressure, but it was the first time he'd seen it cost her. He wanted to make this okay for her, but he couldn't, and knowing she was strong enough to deal with it, knowing in fact that he could count on her to be just as strong as he was, was an amazing thing.

She was amazing. He'd never been with a woman like her before, one just as capable and resilient as anyone on his SAR team. What would it be like to be with her day in and day out, knowing his back was covered through thick and thin?

“I'm going to make it?” Matt's voice shook as his body trembled violently. “Right?”

“Well, I'm sure as hell not dealing with a pregnant Sara alone,” Lily said, trying to be tough and failing.

Matt didn't notice. “The baby,” he said softly, and a dreamy smile covered his face. “I almost forgot…”

“Don't tell Sara that.”

He frowned. “Head hurts.”

“Yeah, you cracked it good.” She eyed the line of blood that had oozed from the wound, drying now.

“Stay awake,” Logan said when Matt's lids dropped.

“Don't want to.”

“Too bad.” Lily leaned in so she was nose to nose with him. “Don't you go to sleep. Don't you dare.”

“Hm-mmm.”

“
Matthew Edward Wallace
.” Her voice shook now as she grabbed his jacket. “Don't you leave me. Don't you leave Sara. Or that baby.
Matt!
”

“Yeah. Here.” Matt winced. “Just…resting my damn eyes.” He licked his dry lips. “Don't you guys have chocolate or something? Aren't you rescue people supposed to offer me chocolate?”

Lily sat back and let out a low laugh, squeezing Logan's hand when he reached for hers. He looked into her eyes and saw her fear for Matt, her uncertainty that they could actually get him down without doing more harm. He squeezed her hand again and for one brief moment, she clung.

From her, the gesture felt like a shouted declaration of her feelings, and it jerked his own to the surface. But he heard snowmobile engines in the distance. Letting go of her, he scrambled up the hill to flag the other rescuers down, a feat in itself in the deep, thick snow.

The snowmobiles had to be left at the top of the
cliff. It took a series of people and ski poles used as stakes on the vertical climb in order to get ready to move Matt. His condition had deteriorated and he kept shifting in and out of consciousness. They got him in a litter with a cervical collar around his neck and a hard board beneath his back, but a smooth lift wasn't possible with the steep, unforgiving terrain. Twice the litter slipped a few feet, once setting off a slide of snow.

Lily held her breath the entire time, watching the hill carefully because they were ripe for an avalanche, which would just top this whole disaster off nicely. But a nerve-racking forty-five minutes later, he was up at the top, the litter attached to a snowmobile.

Getting him down took a coordinated effort of the snowmobiles. Two in front to try to make a steady track, a difficult enough task with the steadily falling snow that had covered their route already. Following them went the snowmobile that towed Matt, and then another behind, on the radio, calling out the condition of the litter and whether it was a steady enough ride for their patient.

As the procession took off, Lily turned to Logan. She felt overwhelmed with emotion.

“It's only been a week,” she said.

He didn't blink at the ridiculous and quick subject change. He didn't scoff it off or laugh. He just nodded, and she could have loved him for that alone. “The best week of my life.”

“It's not long enough to know,” she whispered, and shoved up her face guard.

“Some things don't take a lot of time.” He stroked
a gloved hand over her jaw. “You're one of those things for me.”

She shook her head, even as she grabbed his hand and held it to her face. “I'm not ready for you to go.”

“Then come with me. Come to my world for a week. For longer. For whatever you can give me.”

Go to his world…He could have no idea how tempting that was. She didn't understand what it was inside her that made her fight this thing so hard when in truth, she wanted him so very much. The depth of his concern and compassion, coupled with what he'd claimed to feel for her and what she saw in his eyes, robbed her of speech. He was so solid, so right, so good for her, and she buried her hands in his jacket, tugging him close, kissing him hard. He instantly reciprocated, gliding his arms around her and hauling her close with a low groan that reached in and wrapped around her heart.

He loved her.

Loved her
.

Staggering, really. But somewhere along the way, the hard knot of panic had loosened—slightly, anyway—and just thinking it began a glow of warmth from the inside out.

Only a couple of hours passed from the time they'd set out looking for him until they made it back to the lodge, but in that time, the storm had worsened and the roads were all closed again. Logan wasn't going anywhere for a while, but worse, neither was Matt.

They got him inside the first-aid room. Because the lifts had never opened, there wasn't a medic on duty, but Lily, Logan, and Chris all had medical train
ing. They stayed in touch with the local E.R. by phone, doing what they could for Matt, making sure he was warm and stayed still. Sara made sure he stayed awake.

She could have kept the dead awake the way she wailed at the sight of her husband. Lily tried to calm her down, but nothing could do that. Even Matt wanted the hell out and kept asking if the roads were clear. Logan wanted desperately for Matt to be able to get out and get to the hospital.

But for himself, he'd have been fine if the snowstorm never let up.

 

L
ILY GRABBED A BADLY NEEDED
moment alone, standing just outside the first-aid room, protected from the snow by the roof's overhang, staring out into the storm.

Footsteps came up behind her, and then Aunt Debbie appeared at her side. “I need a moment with you.”

Lily glanced at her, all decked out in her usual expensive finery. The only thing missing was her mocking smile. “Sorry. I'm exhausted and not up for any witty repartee.”

“You put your life on the line to save Matt. You did it without even blinking.”

Lily lifted a shoulder. “I blinked plenty.”

“You do that every day,” Debbie said softly in an awed voice that had Lily taking another look at her.

Wow. Aunt Debbie was really impressed by her. Stop the presses. “Have you somehow missed the meaning of
ski patrol
, and the fact that I've been on it for years?”

“Yes,” Debbie said honestly. “I have. And I want
to tell you in advance that I'm sorry, though I don't deserve for you to accept my apology.”

“What are you talking about?”

“When Mom left you this place, I was green with envy.”

“You were not. You said good riddance and moved to New York.”

“No, I believe my exact words to you were that I wished I believed in voodoo so I could curse you with pins and needles and watch you die a slow, torturous death.”

Lily laughed.

Debbie's lips quirked. “Yeah, you did that then, too. And since most of what I wanted to do to you is frowned on in today's society, I settled for talking bad about you every chance I could.” Her smile faded. “And playing silly little pranks on you to amuse myself.”

A chill took hold of Lily that had nothing to do with the storm outside. “What?”

“Like removing a few out-of-bounds signs, screwing with your food deliveries, putting up party posters, messing with your computers. Even tossing random files from your desk into the trash.”

Lily stared at her. “And then today with Matt…?”

“No! God, no, I didn't get him hurt on purpose.” Debbie's eyes filled. “That was just stupid, dumb, bad luck.”

Lily saw the tortured honesty in her aunt's eyes, and swearing lavishly, she paced the deck. This was unbelievable. She'd been racking her brain, trying to figure out if one of her staff members, or even a guest,
could have been the one causing trouble, and all along it had been the one person she'd never even considered. Sure, Aunt Debbie had been a pain in the ass, with her demands and her the-world-owes-me-service attitude, but this…this betrayal was way over the top.

“You did hear the
I'm sorry
part, right?” Debbie asked her when she came close again.

“Why the hell would you do any of this?”

“I told you. I was jealous. Here we were, two peas in a wild pod, and yet somehow you still managed to make my mother believe you could handle all this.”

“I didn't ask for it.”

“No, that only made it worse.” Debbie's smile was sad now. “Because you pulled it off in spite of not wanting to. I wanted to hate you for that, and instead I only love you more. Damn it. Now if you want to kick me out, I get it. But I'm telling you I'm done making trouble for you.”

Lily could only let out a baffled laugh. “Do you want me to thank you? Do you know how many times you sicced Gwyneth and Sara on me, making my life a living hell?”

“Yeah.” Debbie sighed in remembered pleasure. “And that was always fun to watch. I wish my sister and I were as close as you three.”

“You are insane. We're not close.”

“Aren't you?”

Lily looked out into the storm as her thoughts raced. Gwyneth was a sanctimonious pain in her ass, but she always had Lily's back, always, whether Lily wanted her to or not. And so did Sara.

And she had theirs.

“I'll leave as soon as I can get out,” Debbie said. “I think I might have overstayed my welcome this time.”

“What, you think you can just create havoc all over the lodge, and then disappear to leave someone else to clean up your mess?”

“I can't believe you'd want me to stay.”

“I don't want you to stay. I don't want you anywhere near me right now. But you're going to face the consequences of your selfishness, and you're going to do it here. When this crisis is all over, when Matt's safely in the hospital and the guests are home, you're going to sit down with Gwyneth and Sara and you're going to explain exactly what you did to me, to the lodge, and why. It will be up to us as a family to decide where we go from there. Until then, you are going to stay in the lodge and you are going to work your ass off. Cleaning rooms, bussing tables in the cafeteria, shoveling snow—Whatever this lodge needs, you're going to do it.”

There was a split second when she thought Debbie was going to argue, was going to come back with a smart-ass comment, but then she straightened her shoulders and met Lily's gaze. “If you're willing to have me here, then fine. I suppose it's the least I can do.”

“Damn right it is,” Lily said, trying to stop her hands from shaking in the aftermath of way too much adrenaline flooding through her system. She'd take a mountain cliff in a storm any day over this kind of crap. “You can start now, by washing down the tables in the cafeteria.”

Debbie simply nodded. And then she was gone, leaving Lily alone, watching the snow fall in eerie silence, wondering why everything seemed…wrong.

 

L
ILY HAD NEVER KNOWN THE SNOW
to fall so relentlessly. It continued to come down at the rate of a foot an hour, choking the life right out of the entire Tahoe basin and seeming to put her entire world into a weird time freeze, where everything that was wrong stood in ultraclear focus.

“At least we have food,” Matt muttered, half delirious, half wasted with pain meds. “We're not going to have to turn into the Donner party.” He forced his eyes open. “Promise me we're not going to turn into the Donner party. The weak got eaten first, and I'm feeling pretty damn weak at the moment.”

Sara stroked his hair. “I promise to eat Gwyneth and Lily first.”