Freeing Alex (28 page)

“I’ll get someone.” He drops my hand, stands and pulls the
curtains back.

I grit my teeth through the cramp. “No, don’t. I’m surprised
they haven’t sent me home already, that’s what they would normally do. If I’m
only a few weeks there’s nothing that can be done.” 

“But it’s not right!” He grabs the nurse that walks by
first. “My girlfriend is in a lot of pain, is there anything that can be done?”

“Let me have a look at her notes.” The nurse is very
pleasant. She opens the file at the end of the bed and reads through carefully.

“I can get you some standard painkillers but that’s all we
can do. Unfortunately this just has to run its course, although as you’re in so
much pain now it sounds like it will be over very quickly. Most early
miscarriages can take a few days to be expelled.” She moves over to me and
holds my hand. “Are you feeling okay, emotionally?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I didn’t even know I was pregnant, I thought
skipping last month was just the start of the menopause.” I smile.

“Oh.” She looks surprised. “How old are you?”

“I’m forty-two, why?” I answer.

She smiles. “You don’t look it. Well, Mrs Drake, the average
age for menopause is around fifty-two, but to get that average you have to have
some ladies much younger and some much older. I would say you’ve a few years to
go before you reach that. Do you want a baby?” she asks us both.

“Yes!” James pipes up.

“Well, give it a couple of months and try again,” the nurse
says to me. “I’m sure you’ll be fine next time. I’ll speak with the doctor to
get you discharged. We’ll get you some painkillers and you can get yourself off
home, you’ll be much better there and we’re only a short drive away if you need
us.” She pats my arm and gives me a cheery smile. What a lovely lady.

After she leaves to get my discharge papers and painkillers,
James hugs me closely, tenderly and protectively.

“I am so, so sorry for the way I treated you last night,” he
says. “I’m sorry for this, I know you didn’t know you were pregnant but
nonetheless, it’s
our
baby that I would have loved with all of my heart,
as I love you.”

I look up at him, My James, the Bossman. I can’t believe
he’s just said that, I truly can’t. “I thought this was just a fling? I never
knew that you felt that way.”

He pulls me closer. “A fling? You don’t know how much you
mean to me and I mean every damn word of what I say. Something tells me that
I’m here to protect you, to make sure that you’re loved and cared for… I don’t
know, like it’s my purpose. Does that sound stupid?”

“No, not stupid, just very unexpected. I suppose we should
really get to know each other better, yes?” I say quietly, and I mean it, we
need to get to know each other much better than we do.

He leans forward and places a soft kiss on my forehead. “I
suppose so. I want to take you away, I want to worship you and care for you, I
want to make you mine, wholly mine. I mean it, Alex.”

This is happening far too quickly. In the space of – what,
almost three months, I’ve become a very wealthy woman, left my bastard of a
husband and now I have what some people may describe as a
toy-boy
,
although we don’t look that dissimilar in age. Now, said
boy
tells me he
loves me. My head’s in a mess.

James moves and sits on the bed beside me, his arm wrapped
around my shoulder pulling me close, his chin on the top of my head. It’s so
nice to feel wanted, to feel loved, but I can’t get past the fact that I feel
unworthy of his love and affection. My mind’s running overtime as another cramp
hits and I lean forward. He holds me all the while through the pain.

“Has it passed?” he asks softly.

“Umm.”

The nurse appears with my discharge papers, an information
leaflet and a white box of pills. She tells James, as though I’m not even
there, that if this happens or that happens then he’s to bring me straight
back, although the doctors don’t envisage any problems. She gives James a huge
pad, which he looks at with a
what am I supposed to do with this
look,
and tells him to help me dress, which he does, including helping affix said pad
into my knickers. I’m gobsmacked, there’s no way Lewis would ever have done
that. I take two painkillers with the water from the side of the bed and we
make our way outside where he flags down a cab. We’re home in twenty minutes
and he insists I go directly to bed where he proceeds to tuck me up.

“I’ll call the hotel, tell them I won’t be in today. Someone
else can cover and I’ll call Anna, let her know you’re not well,” he announces.
God, he’s going to be like a bloody mother hen.

“No, don’t bother Anna, she’s out enjoying herself. I’ll
talk to her tomorrow, and don’t tell anyone what the matter is, it’s private!”
I’m firm about this.

“I won’t. I promise,” he assures me.

He disappears from my room. I curl up on my side and bring
my knees to my chest as I was advised to do, close my eyes, and eventually
sleep takes over. James wakes me a few hours later with some supper. Bless him,
he’s made the most dainty little ham sandwiches, cut the crusts off and
prepared a delightful-looking tray complete with a cup of tea in my finest
Georgian Blue china. I’m not really hungry but I manage a couple of the
triangles.

“You need to eat, Alex. It’ll be good for you!” I am told by
my make-shift nurse.

“I’m fine, that’s all I want,” I insist.

“How’s the pain now – any better?” he asks, fussing around.

“A little. I think the worst has passed. I need to use the
loo.” I start to move.

He moves the tray and pulls the duvet back. He helps me from
the bed and walks me towards my bathroom, although I don’t need help walking.
He accompanies me into the bathroom and stands there looking at me.

“I can pee on my own James.” I look at him. “You can go.” I
signal towards the door and for him to leave.

“Oh, okay. I’ll wait outside. Shout if you want me.” He
leaves and I close the door. I’ve never had so much attention paid to me, well,
not in my adult life anyway. I feel so protected, cherished, I suppose.

I do what I need to and clean myself up. But what do I do
about James? I can’t tell him that I love him too because I don’t know if I do,
not at the moment anyway. It’s all a bit too quick. I think I’m still too hurt
from Lewis to consider
loving
another man, and James did hurt me last
night. Maybe things will change in time. Maybe I need to talk to someone,
something I’ve never done in the past. The more I ponder the thought the more I
convince myself that, yes, I think I need to talk, it’s
time
to talk.
I’m only forty-two, I could have another forty years at least, and I don’t want
to spend them alone, that I do know.

I wash my hands and go back to my room. It’s already early
evening, a day gone.

“Did you speak with someone at the hotel?” I ask him.

“Yes, Marcus and Robbie are covering the next few days
between them.” He’s still fussing, pulling the bed straight.

Hell! Have I got him clucking around me for days? “Next few
days!” 

“Yeah, I’m not leaving you, not until you’re fully mended,
and I think we should go away, perhaps to Italy? I think a break, some
sunshine, will do you good. I could do with a break too. What do you think?” He
looks up from his bed-making.

Well, that’s not a bad idea, I suppose, but I can imagine
I’m going to be wrapped in the thickest cotton wool imaginable. Is that a bad
thing? Oh! My mind’s a scramble.

“Umm, we can go to Tuscany? Anna’s off to California and I’d
love to see Maggie’s place over there. We’ll book some flights tomorrow. I want
to register with a local GP as well, I don’t have one here in London.” I reel
off what I want to, need to do.

“I can introduce you to the practice that I’m with, it’s
quite local, but I think booking flights tomorrow is a bit too soon. You’re
ill!” he tells me firmly.

“No, James, I’m not ill! Not really, and I’ll be fine in a
few days time. We’ll do the GP thing and look at some flights tomorrow.” I try
and be firm.

“But why the rush with the GP? You’ve had a complete
check-over today.” He’s just being awkward now.

I sigh. “It’s embarrassing, James, and very private really,”
I mutter under my breath.

“Don’t shut me out, Alex, please. I want to make things
better.” His voice is soft, soothing.

I relent, sighing. “Look, I think it’s time for me to talk
to someone, someone who can help me move on from Lewis.” I finally give in and
tell him why I want to speak to a GP.

“Good, I’m pleased, but I thought you wanted to do this on
your own?” He looks confused.

“I do… I did, but… Oh I don’t know, I don’t think I can.” I
can’t think straight, and shake my head. “I feel so insecure. Lewis told me all
the time that I was useless, that’s over twenty years of being told that I am
no good, no good at anything, and now I’ve got all this.” I wave my arm around.
“And you, and I don’t feel worthy of it. It’s stupid really, part of me says
that it’s mine and I can have it all and I can be good at running the business
and loving you, but the other half of me, well, that thinks it’s all going to
turn bad again, that in a few months you’ll start beating me because I’m
useless…” I feel the tears pooling and start to run down my cheeks, my
breathing speeds up, I can’t get enough air.

James pulls me close and holds on so tenderly. He speaks
calmly and reassures me. “Breathe, Alex, slowly, breathe with me. In and out
slowly, in and out.” He talks me down. “That’s it, relax. Now look at me!”

He releases his hold and looks directly into me, it’s that
look again.

“You’re beautiful, you’re intelligent – come on, you used to
teach, you don’t get stupid teachers – do you? You’re so special. I will never,
ever hurt you. I swear it. We may have ups and downs, but I will never hurt
you. On my father’s grave, I will never, ever raise a hand to you, Alex. It’s
not in my nature to hurt women, I might hurt men who are bastards, but never
ever a woman.” His tone is so tender, so sincere. I think he means every word.

I contemplate what he’s just said, that he
might hurt men
who are bastards
, and I can’t get over the thought that he at the very
least instigated Lewis’s beating.

“Tell me who you are, James, who you really are. I like you,
I like you a lot, but I feel that I don’t know you,” I ask, softly.

He half laughs, smiling. “What do you want to know?”

“Why did Maggie hire you, really? Why did she bring you into
Reid’s, truthfully? Because I don’t buy it, that you were in the US and she
just happened to hear about you. It doesn’t make sense.” There, I’ve said
what’s been at the back of my mind for ages.

He sighs deeply and runs his long fingers through that hair
of his. He takes a deep breath. Moves away from me and paces the room. “It was
a favour… a favour to Roberto, that’s why I was given the job. I mean, you know
that I’ve known the industry for a while, but when Maggie advertised for a
General Manager Roberto saw the ad, he knew I was looking for a more
prestigious job and that I wanted to come home to England and so he phoned
Maggie. I didn’t know that Maggie knew Roberto, but she knew him very well,
from when she was in Italy forty-five years ago.” He looks at me, waiting for
the penny to drop.

It clicks. Suddenly, everything clicks into place. Maggie,
my mother, must have been in Italy then and Tom Chandler told me that I was
conceived in Italy!

“Oh… Oh… You’re not going to tell me that my father is
Roberto, are you?” I gasp.

“No, no. Roberto’s brother is. Ramiro’s your father. I don’t
know the full story but I know it was kept very quiet.” He pauses. “My dad knew
Roberto, you know that, but he also knew his brother. Listen, how about I get
Roberto to come over and he can explain everything? Do you want me to do that?”
he asks softly. There’s so much empathy in his voice, concern.

“Yes, yes please… Now if he can, I want to know now!” I demand.

James leaves, presumably to make the phone call necessary to
get Roberto here.

Within an hour, Roberto and Gia
arrive at my home. I’m still wrapped in my robe and still a little
uncomfortable, but the painkillers are doing their job. James has me sat in the
living room when they arrive. I’m not permitted to move.

I hear the fuss in the hall and then Gia, who up until now I
haven’t met, bustles in. I can see from Roberto’s and James’s faces that she
wears the trousers in that relationship. Yes, Mama Gia is here, taking control.

She makes a bee-line for me, outstretched arms. “Oh,
la
mia povera ragazza
,” she says as I stand, and she pulls me close. “You sit
down, girl, sit. He’s looking after you, James, he’s looking after you right,”
she says with a heavy accent.

“Yes.” I smile.

“James, get this girl some tea.” Oh yes, we certainly know
that Gia’s arrived.

She sits next to me. “I’m so sorry, Alex, so very sorry.
Il
povero bambino
.” She sounds so sad, she frowns and I see the look of pain
on her face.

   I have no idea what she’s saying but I do pick up the odd
word and know that she’s talking about the baby. I swear there are tears in her
eyes as she looks at me. This very rotund Italian lady is definitely taking
charge. I already like her, she’s the sort of person you want by your side in a
crisis.

“James,” she calls. “Where is the tea?”

There’s no messing around with this woman, I bet she keeps
Roberto on his toes, poor bloke!

James appears with Roberto following, they have a large tray
with my best Georgian Blue, four cups of strong tea and a plate of homemade
biscuits that I assume Gia has brought with her.

She passes me a cup of tea and drags a footstool over from
the corner of the room. “Feet,” she all but barks at me. She then proceeds to
plump up various cushions and pad them around me like I’m some sort of
breakable package.

“Alex, I’m sorry to hear your news.” Roberto bends towards
me and kisses my cheek.

“Will you tell me everything?” I speak softly. “About my
mother and my father?”

“Of course. If you let me tell you without interruption I
will tell you the whole story. Is that okay?” He looks at me with his soft
brown eyes.

I look up at this lovely man, this kind man. “Yes, please, I
need to know.” 

He sits by my side and holds my hand tightly with his old
man’s hand. His olive skin is loose and weathered; these hands have definitely
not been a stranger to hard work over his life. I really do like this couple,
they seem genuine and I know I will be told the truth.

“Your mother, Maggie, came to Italy, I suppose, about
forty-five years ago the first time. She and Ramiro met and fell in love, big
time. It was a joy to see they were both so happy.” He looks towards Gia, who
smiles and nods. 

He sighs and continues. “They so wanted to be together but
my father would not allow it, he wanted Ramiro to marry an Italian woman like
me – I was already in love with my Gia.” He smiles at his wife again.

 “Eventually Ramiro and Maggie accepted that they would
never be together, my father would just not allow it and would have caused
trouble if they had stayed with each other, so Maggie came home to the UK, but
not before she bought that villa. I didn’t know until later that Ramiro kept in
touch with Maggie, even though he was then married. Maggie used to take a
holiday at her villa three or four times a year. She was very wealthy even
then, and I think that Ramiro used to visit her when she came over but nobody
knew.” He sighs deeply. “Then a couple of years later, you were conceived, at
the villa. Ramiro told me about Maggie then, that he had continued to see her
even after he was married. He told me that she was pregnant, but he made a
mistake, he got very drunk one night after being with your mother and told
someone he knew, someone he thought he could trust. They told my parents and
the secret was out. Ramiro’s wife, well, she just left. Ramiro disappeared for
a long while, I don’t think he was ashamed but, well, it was a small village, everyone
knew what he had done and he was shunned. Maggie returned home; the rest you
know, I think.”

I’m stunned by what he has told me. “A true love story,” I
say.

“Yes, Alex, a love story, one that could only be made up or
written about, it really was a love story. Ramiro was so in love with Maggie,
so very much in love, and she with him. I think – well, I know – but my father
ruined it all for them.” He looks down, sighing deeply.

I look at Roberto. “So you’re my uncle?” 

He smiles softly. “I am. Maggie and I kept in touch. None of
us knew where Ramiro went. It was years before he went back home. I never held
any of this against my brother, and neither did Gia. My father should never
have forced him to marry someone he didn’t love, it was wrong of him.” He
pauses. “But when Gia and I came to England we met up with Maggie. She helped
us get started, with James’s father.”

He looked towards James. “We knew about you, where you were
living and that you’d been adopted by your aunt. We would have taken you if we
had known but it was done before we came here. Maggie was golden, a true gem,
and when James wanted to come home to England and I saw that ad, well, I just
had to call her. She contacted James and offered him the job. James isn’t part
of our family, he’s no blood relative, but he’s the closest thing to a son we
have. You see, Gia and I can’t have children. My mother was desperate for a
grandchild, she had one but because of my father’s actions she never got to see
you. I told my mama before she died how well Maggie had done and that her and
Ramiro had a beautiful little girl. My mama cried,
she
would have let
Ramiro marry the girl he was in love with.”

I sit quietly, we all do. Gia is smiling sweetly at me, her
hands loosely in her lap. “Go on.” She nods to Roberto.

“Your father, Ramiro, he is an old man now. Well, he’s a
little younger than me, but life… life has not treated him so well.” He looks
down and smiles slightly.

“He lives just outside Firenze, Florence. He knows about
you, I spoke with him when James told me that Maggie had died. He was broken
hearted, even now he loves her so very, very much. He knows that you inherited
everything and I told him last week that you look like Maggie and that he has a
granddaughter. He cried at that!” There are tears in the older man’s eyes as he
recounts his conversation with his brother.

“So who is Benito?” I ask.

Roberto laughs. “Ah, Benito!” He raises his eyebrows.
“Benito is our cousin’s son. He lives here in England. Our cousin, Franco, also
did not approve of what our father did to Ramiro. When you came to the bistro a
few days ago, James told me a little about your husband, when you went to the
ladies. I let Ramiro know where you were and that I had met you, and a little
of what had happened. James said that your divorce was
messy
because of
your husband.” He pauses for a moment, and he frowns. “Ramiro told Franco about
your husband and asked him to have Benito sort things out… to teach the bastard
a lesson. All we needed was his location and a little proof of what Maggie had
hinted at over the years. She knew, you see, she knew what he was like – don’t
ask me how, but she knew almost everything,” he tells me.

“You’re not part of a
gang
?” I ask. “I want no part
of any sort of
gang
or
group.
And she couldn’t have known
everything
because until a few days ago nobody other than me and Lewis knew what he did to
me.”

“No, we’re not part of a gang or a group, nothing like that
at all. Let’s just say that Benito has contacts within certain legal
organisations that he can call upon for little favours, not very often, but
when it’s needed. Don’t you worry your head about Benito or Lewis. We will see
to it that Lewis signs whatever paperwork is needed to make sure that you are
freed from your marriage. Anna will also be checked upon from time to time. We
look after our own in this family!”

“I thought I had no family.” I’m going to cry, my throat
feels choked. I think that Gia can tell, because she moves to the other side of
me and holds my hand.

“You brave girl,” she whispers ever so quietly.

Roberto looks at me and Gia sitting side by side. He sighs a
deep, thoughtful sigh before he says, “You have family, Alex, you have me and
Gia, and your father would love to meet you. I will telephone him tonight and
tell him that we have spoken. James says you’re going to Italy for a break.
Maggie’s villa – sorry, your villa – is not far at all from Florence, it’s just
outside of San Gimignano. It would be so good for you to meet him, if only for
a few hours. He really is desperate just to see you.”

“I don’t speak Italian,” I say, “none at all!”

“And I only speak a little, you know that!” James jumps in.

“How about we come with you? Gia would love to go home for a
few days, wouldn’t you, my darling?” He looks at his wife. I have no idea how
long they’ve been married but clearly he still thinks the world of her.

“Oh yes, I’d love to go home.” She chuckles, still holding
onto my hand. “More tea, James, she needs more tea.” She looks at James and
wafts her hand over the empty tea cups.

James does as he is told, standing straightaway to collect
the empties. “Are you okay, Alex? You look pale again. Do you want some
painkillers?”

“Umm, please, I think I’ll need them to sleep tonight. I
need to use the loo again too.” I stand, and James and Roberto both stand up at
the same time. They position themselves on each side of me, James has one arm
and Roberto the other. I really am being treated like a piece of precious
china. I’m forced to walk slowly to the cloakroom and James sees me in before
going through to the kitchen. Roberto follows him.

As I do what I need to, I can hear them talking in the
kitchen – or rather, I can hear Roberto talking to James. “You look after her,
son, she’s precious. She’s been through too much to be broken again. Ramiro
will, well… let’s just say he’ll be livid if anyone else hurts her. He’s lost
her for too long to see her hurt any more, you understand me, James, you
protect her with your life.”

“Don’t worry, I love her and I’ll never let any harm come, I
promise you. As soon as she’s strong enough we’ll fly over. The hospital said
that this will take a few days but it’s something she has to go through. The
nurse that discharged her said she thought she was over the worst.” I can hear
James making tea as he talks to Roberto.

“Let’s hope so, it would break Ramiro to lose her after only
just finding her again. God, James it breaks me too. What did that bastard
actually do…”

He stops as I stand in the kitchen doorway. I’m clutching my
stomach. “It hurts, James,” I cry, I can’t stop the tears.

 “Oh, it hurts. This baby— oh, James!” Even though I didn’t
know I was pregnant I think the events of the last days have suddenly hit and I
realise as I stand there what is happening.

I break down and sob to My James. He holds me tightly as the
body-shaking sobs take hold. Gia emerges from the living room. “Oh, Alex.” She
rubs my back. “You poor, poor girl.”

Well, they’re all fussing now. Roberto has taken it upon
himself to finish the tea that Gia ordered James to make. James is holding me
upright and close as the trauma of the day, emotional and physical, takes hold
– something that I have until now managed to stave off – and Gia, well, she’s just
brilliant, organising this, getting Roberto and James to fetch this and get
that.

My James leads me to the living room and sits down beside
me, holding me close.

He whispers to me, “You want them to go?”

“No, no, I’m fine. Just give me a second.” I mentally shake
myself and after a few minutes I wipe my eyes with a scrappy bit of tissue I’ve
found in my robe pocket.

I reach for the glass of water that’s been put together with
some painkillers and take them both. Gia offers me a couple of biscuits. “You
should eat with the tablets,” she tells me, “it’s best.”

I know she’s right, so I munch on one of the biscuits that
she has made with, I have no doubt, love. These two would have made such
wonderful parents to someone, it’s such a shame they weren’t blessed.

Once I’m mostly over my emotional meltdown, I look at
Roberto. “You wanted to know what Lewis did?”

His face hardens. “Only if it doesn’t upset you any more,
only then.”

Gia gives Roberto a stern look. “What did you ask that for?”
she snaps.

He shrugs his shoulders. “Ramiro?”

She huffs and carries on dunking her biscuit.

“I’ll show you.” I look at James for reassurance.

“Only if it’s okay with you, sweetheart?” he adds.

“You do it, please.” I look to my lover.

James signals to Roberto to come and stand behind the sofa.
I reach for Gia’s hand. She places her cup down and moves further towards me. I
know I’m going to break down as soon as I hear Roberto gasp, and I know he
will
gasp.

I loosen my gown; I’ve a strappy night dress underneath.

James checks with me once more. “You sure you’re okay with
this?”

“Just get on with it… please,” I whisper.

I feel James’s fingers at the top of my robe, brushing
across my shoulder. He slowly pulls the left-hand side down, revealing the
iron-shaped brand.

“
Il fottuto bastardo!
” Roberto hisses.

“And this.” James puts the left-hand side of my robe back
and moves to the other side. He repeats the process, showing Roberto the little
LD brand on my back.

“I can no longer be responsible for my brother’s actions!”
Roberto snaps. “Gia, is she okay?” He looks at his wife, speaking softly.

I’m quietly sobbing, the tears rolling down my face. I’m
aware that Gia is looking at Roberto and shaking her head. She hasn’t seen what
Roberto has, but I can tell by the way she’s looking at her husband and holding
my hands that she is horrified by the look on Roberto’s face.