French kiss (28 page)

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comfortable first -- which
is
pretty cool," Alexa mused aloud, wondering if she sometimes sold nice guys short.

"The thing is," Holly replied in frustration, eager to finally get her host of issues off her chest, "when we were in the car the other night, he
knew
he wasn't pressuring me, so why --"

"It would have been your first time together, right?" Alexa cut in, and waited until Holly gave a short, shy nod.
"That's
why, Hoi," Alexa went on softly. "Tyler's all about the location, the setup. Everything has to be ...just so. God, once he blew me off just because my dad happened to be downstairs." Alexa rolled her eyes at the memory; incidentally -- or not that had been the same day she'd broken up with Tyler. "So come on -- his car? On the way to
Newark?"
Alexa shook her head, and Holly smiled in acknowledgment. "That's so not his style."

"But was he really the same way with you?" Holly asked Alexa, still dubious. She dropped her arms and rested her hands in her lap. "I mean, you guys
did,
you know, do it, after all...." Holly's cheeks burned; it felt kind of bizarre but also surprisingly normal to be discussing this super-private stuff with Alexa.

"Well, only because I initiated it," Alexa admitted, after a moment's hesitation, recalling the cute/

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awkward New Year's Eve at her house. "He thought we were rushing into sex too soon -- even though we'd been together four whole months!" Alexa shook her head in amazement. "But maybe he was right it was after we slept together that things started to go downhill for us."

Holly blew her bangs up off her forehead, deep in thought; four months
was
kind of short -- at least, by her standards. Then, suddenly, Tyler's words from the night in the car echoed in her head:
I guess I sort of feel like we're ... rushing,
he'd said.
I've made that mistake before.
Holly's heart leaped. So he
had
been talking about Alexa -- to explain why their relationship had turned sour. But Holly's insecurities had kicked in right away, blinding her to all that. She couldn't believe she'd been so dense.

"Maybe ..." Holly mused aloud, leaning back on her hands and looking up at the expanse of stars overhead. There was a lightening in her chest that felt very close to relief. "Maybe because
we've
been together longer, he feels like the stakes are ... higher?" She thought of how she'd felt on the riverbank with Pierre how wrong the moment had seemed. With Tyler, she realized, she'd want the moment to be even
more
right. And Tyler must have felt the same way. Of course.

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"Oh, totally," Alexa affirmed, nodding at her friend. "He doesn't want your first time to be anything but perfect -- because he knows you're worth it." Alexa grinned as she pictured Tyler running around Oakridge, buying roses, strawberries, and candles for his big night with Holly. "He loves you, Hoi," she said matter-of-factly. "Anyone can see that."

Holly bit her bottom lip and studied Alexa's face. "You think so?" she asked, her voice shaky.

Alexa nodded, a lump forming in her throat. "Tyler and I weren't ever
really
in love," she whispered, trying her darndest not to make the mental leap to Xavier. "But, just from watching you guys in the cafeteria or wherever, I can tell what you have is so much deeper. More meaningful."

Holly's own throat closed with emotion as she thought of her sweet, considerate boyfriend, and felt a swell of unfettered affection for him.
I
do
take love seriously,
Holly realized, thinking back to her conversation with Pierre the night before.
But so does Tyler -- and that's just why I love him.
How had there been any confusion? She'd loved Tyler all along, even when she'd been distracted by Pierre. But it had also taken Pierre to help Holly understand the depth of her feelings for Tyler.

"What about now?" Holly asked Alexa anxiously. "After what happened with Pierre, and not speaking

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for a week ..." She shrugged, biting her lip. "Will things still be the same when I get back?"

"I'd bet on it," Alexa said confidently, and reached over to squeeze Holly's arm. Alexa realized how much she was enjoying this role of advice-giver; it let her take a break from herself for a while. "I'd bet my -- I don't know -- my new pumps," Alexa declared, pointing to the covet-worthy apricot shoes, and Holly giggled. "You guys just need to
talk"
she added, and rose to her feet, stretching her arms over her head. "And besides, it's not like Tyler knows anything about what happened with Pierre, right?"

And he probably doesn't need to know,
Holly thought with a sigh. She got to her feet, too, assuming Alexa was ready to go back to the apartment -- she was definitely feeling the cold now, especially by the fountain. But to Holly's surprise, her impulsive friend turned to face the fountain, hopped up on the rim, and stepped right in.

Holly watched, half-amused, half-worried, as Alexa, hiking up the short skirt of her paisley dress, began tiptoeing through the ankle-high murky water. "Are you okay?" Holly asked, taking a step closer. "Is this about Xavier?" Alexa seemed calmer, but maybe her unexpected fountain-visit was some sort of troubling response to the trauma.

Alexa -- who had stepped in for no other reason

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than, in that moment, wanting to -- turned around, the cold water covering her feet, her soles flat against the slick marble bottom. She felt like the blonde girl who waded through the fountain in
La Dolce Vita,
a stylish 1960s Italian movie Alexa's dad was obsessed with. She felt airy and free and, for the time being, not focused on her heartache. She knew the pain would return later that night, or tomorrow, but she'd worry about it then.

"I'm fine," she promised Holly, smiling at her friend's concerned expression. It was so like Holly to always look out for her, even when they'd just been discussing
Holly's
problems. Alexa realized their whole trip had been about that: Holly selflessly putting aside her own issues -- boy- or sports-related or otherwise -- to help Alexa with hers. Alexa choked up; she couldn't think of a single other friend who would have done that for her. Definitely not Portia and Maeve, her supposed bests.

Alexa's eyes welled with fresh tears as she studied her generous friend, who was still motioning for her to get out of the fountain. "Hey, Hoi?" Alexa said softly, remaining where she was.

"Yeah?" Holly asked, taking a step closer to the fountain, putting her hands out for Alexa to take.

"I know we aren't as close as we used to be, back in the day, but..." Alexa swallowed her tears and put

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her hands in Holly's. "You know you're my best friend, don't you?" In that moment, Alexa understood both the full weight of those words,
and how
true they were. Holly
was
the best the best friend Alexa could have had at her side throughout her various crises. The best friend to make Alexa laugh after having her heart broken. And the
only
friend with whom Alexa would have wanted to spend her last spring break of high school. Right then, Alexa could think of no other way to express her immense gratitude than telling Holly that plain, simple truth.

"I am?" Holly asked, holding on to Alexa's hands. Hearing the once-familiar title filled Holly with a warm glow, but she also was a little wary.
Been there, done that,
Holly wanted to say, remembering how close the girls had been in grade school and how much it had hurt when Alexa had decided to ditch her in junior high. "But, Alexa," Holly argued pragmatically. "We hardly even spend time together back home and our other friends "

"I know," Alexa sighed in disappointment. "But we can change that -- like, we
should
sit together at lunch if we want to." That wouldn't be too hard, Alexa thought, considering she no longer planned to sit with Portia and Maeve every day, anyway. "And I promise to be better about calling you to make plans on the weekends," Alexa swore, once again feeling a

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small and utterly random - stab of pleasure at the thought of returning to Oakridge. "Besides," she added, as she finally stepped up on the rim of the fountain, letting Holly help her down onto the pavement, "I think there's more to our friendship than how often we hang out, don't you?"

Holly nodded, knowing how right Alexa was. She and Alexa
did
have a rare bond one that ran far deeper than how much time they spent together at the mall. And though Holly didn't doubt she'd maintain her closeness with Meghan and Jess (providing the girls were still speaking to her after the stress she'd put them through this week), it was comforting to know she could turn to Alexa whenever she needed to discuss serious boy matters.

Leaving wet footprints on the pavement, Alexa retrieved her bag and shoes, and Holly followed suit, both girls laughing quietly over Alexa's fountain escapade. As Holly was straightening the heel of her crushed velvet flat, she caught sight of the time on her silver wristwatch -- it was after midnight. "I should go to bed soon," she told Alexa. "I can't oversleep
again.'"

"So it's England tomorrow?" Alexa asked as the two girls circled around the fountain and began wending their way home through the silent, moonlit streets. "For
real
now?"

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"I have no choice," Holly replied as they crossed the rue St-Gilles. "The whole team flies back together on Sunday morning." Holly knew she could no longer hide from Wimbledon. Whatever fate awaited her there, she simply had to face it. And, more important, Holly finally felt like she
could
return to England: She even wondered if she'd been destined to miss her train that morning, just for the purpose of being at Alexa's side in the gallery. After the encounter with Xavier and seeing Alexa much more subdued now Holly could safely know that she'd come to Paris for a valid reason. Her work here was done.

"I just hope Ms. Graham isn't too harsh when she explains to my parents that I've been expelled," Holly added blithely, linking her arm through Alexa's as they walked.

Alexa laughed, bumping Holly's hip with hers. "Listen, don't worry -- I bet it's actually going to work out okay."

"You'd bet your shoes again?" Holly teased. "Or maybe one of your bags from Frou-Frou?" she offered, gesturing to Alexa's paisley clutch. "St. Laurent, watch out -- I'm going to end up with your whole wardrobe."

"Well, I definitely owe you
something,
for, oh, I don't know, asking you to jeopardize your entire future for me," Alexa replied as the girls arrived at the

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rue de Sévigné. They walked toward the familiar shuttered house, and Alexa took out her key.

"You don't owe me anything," Holly assured Alexa as her friend unlocked the door. She leaned over and kissed Alexa on one cheek, non-Parisian style. "If it wasn't for you, I'd never have come to Paris. And I'd never have had the best week of my life." Right then -- drunk off the emotional night Holly did feel like her time in this incredible city would more than make up for any punishment she'd have to endure.

But she'd probably feel a
little
different tomorrow.

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CHAPTER FIFTEEn

new Jersey Kiss

I bet it's actually going to work out okay.

Alexa's words rang in Holly's head, mocking her, as Holly climbed the steps of the Wimbledon hostel. Waking up before dawn in Paris, Holly had felt fairly calm, but during her Chunnel ride back to England, the first tendrils of dread began to take root. Now, as she unlocked the door to the room she shared with Meghan and Jess, Holly's pulse skyrocketed. She was sure she'd walk in to find her friends tearing their hair out, rending their clothes, and wailing in agony.

But stepping into the quiet room, Holly found both girls fast asleep. Jess was sprawled across her top bunk, one arm hanging off the edge, while Meghan lay curled up on the bottom bunk, snoring softly. Holly felt a momentary flash of relief maybe this

290

was a good sign. As she shakily set her duffel on the single bed next to the bunk, Holly realized that it was only nine o'clock, and that today, Saturday, was supposed to be another free day for the team -- since it would be their last in Wimbledon. So it made sense that Meghan and Jess were still in bed -- though maybe the girls were sleeping off the effects of their hysterical sobbing from the night before.

Holly considered waking her friends, but then decided that she'd rather postpone hearing the bad news. First, she'd treat herself to a hot shower; she felt achy and grimy after the long train ride. Still, she figured she should let her friends know that she'd returned safely, in case they woke up and saw her bag. From her duffel, Holly pulled out a pen and the spiral-bound notepad her parents had given her before the trip "You never know- when you'll need to write information down!" her mom had clucked -- and scrawled Meghan and Jess a note that she was back and in one piece and fully understood if they never wanted to speak to her again.

Holly had had some practice writing notes that morning; before leaving Paris, she'd penned three separate ones for the sleeping St. Laurent cousins: A
love-you-see-you-in-Oakridge
note for Alexa; a
thanks-for-the-hospitality-and-handbag
message for Raphi, and, working up her nerve, a heartfelt
I'll-never-forget-you