Frenemies (22 page)

5
Reasons to Suspect Your Friends
Have Turned Into Grown-Ups

(or Maybe Just Turned on You)
:

1 Your best friend gives you a very long lecture concerning china settings, table placement, and the importance of “couple friends,” but what it boils down to is that you’re single and thus not invited to her dinner party.

2 Nights out now require consultations with date planners/significant others, and extensive plans involving concrete destinations. “Let’s go out” is no longer sufficient.

3 Speaking of which, when your friends discuss drinking, they’re actually talking about proper hydration for maximum health benefits. Not last night’s shenanigans.

4 When she plans to stay with him forever, buy a house, have kids, celebrate anniversaries, etc., it turns out that she’s unwilling to have those historically graphic conversations about his sexual prowess. It also means you should stop asking.

5 It’s not that she’s screening her calls. It’s that her secretarial staff has strict instructions to do so on her behalf.