Fresh Ice (32 page)

“
I don’t know. Maybe he should have before you had to find out on your own. Maybe he’s desperately trying to move on from the past. I don’t know how he’s supposed to do that if he announced to everyone he met that ‘
Hey, I’m that angry hockey player on YouTube
.’”

“I guess I can understand that,” Sarah said softly.

“He hasn’t let anyone get close to him since the night our parents died. I think he’s afraid to care about anyone too much in case they’re taken away from him.”

That explained a lot. It explained why Nathan was so protective of her and
Kayla and Robbie. He wasn’t going to let anything happen to his family and the people he cared about without a fight.

And what did Sarah do at the first sign of trouble? Assume the worst and hurt the only man who’d ever given a damn about her.

* * *

Inside the garage,
Nathan sat in his truck and finished off another beer.

Before stopping off at the liquor store, h
e’d driven up to Mt. August and around the lake to try and clear his head. But it still didn’t change the fact that he could kiss goodbye any kind of future with Sarah. He didn’t blame her though. How could he? He was sure she’d been through enough in her life already than to be associated with someone like him.

Driving around
aimlessly did nothing to numb the pain, so he turned to what mankind have used for centuries. Alcohol.

And now here he was...alone and drunk.

Nathan looked at the empty bottles in the seat next to him with disgust. He got out of the truck, grabbed a beer to take inside and dumped the rest of the evidence into the recycle bin.

H
e hid the bottle behind him so Kayla wouldn’t see it and give him the third degree. He wasn’t in the mood to answer to anyone right now, especially his sister.

Nathan was so surprised to see Sarah sitting in his kitchen that he nearly staggered backwards.

Instead, he gathered what was left of his drunken composure, nodded to her and Kayla and disappeared down the hall to sulk.

In his room, Nathan sat in the dark and took a long pull from his beer
and turned on the TV. What did he expect? Kayla and Sarah were friends. Of course Sarah would still come around to see his sister. Why was he so damned surprised? Well, maybe because when he’d seen her earlier that day, she’d acted like she wouldn’t go near him or his house with a twenty foot pole.

Once again, h
e didn’t blame her. Nathan hadn’t even tried to explain himself. At the time, he didn’t think he
deserved
the opportunity to defend himself.

She already told him it was over between them. There was no point in rehashing his past when she wouldn’t allow a future with him.
The look in her big blue eyes told him she had no doubt he was nothing but a horrible monster.

Nathan
closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands. Drinking didn’t help a thing. All it did was upset his stomach and make him feel emotions he’d tried to shove away for good.

R
ight now, those emotions were pushing at the dam wall, threatening to break through.

It was a damn shame that o
ne act of anger two years ago had changed everything in his life. It was really too bad because he used to be a pretty mellow guy. Growing up, he’d always been the kid who took in injured animals and nursed them back to health. He’d never started fights in school. He took care of his sister even though he was younger than she was.

He’d been a momma’s boy
, too. Always at his mother’s side, eager to learn from her quiet ways.

Then one day, everything spiraled out of control and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. His parents were dead and he couldn’t fix it or make it better or talk his way out of it.
He couldn’t train harder, stop enough pucks or win enough games to bring them back.

And
now, to make matters worse, he’d lost the best thing that had happened to him since then.

Sarah.

* * *

“Well,” Kayla told Sarah after a quick glance at the clock on the stove. “I’d better get going. I promised one of the girls from work I’d bring Robbie over for a playdate with her son.” She lifted Robbie from his highchair and settled him on her hip.

Sarah knew
Kayla was leaving to give her and Nathan privacy and she gave her a smile in thanks.

The front door clicked shut and Kayla’s car engine started and then faded away.

For a while, Sarah sat in the kitchen and thought about what Kayla had told her. It was difficult for her to imagine having two loving parents and even more difficult to imagine them being taken away so tragically.

S
he looked longingly down the hall where Nathan had disappeared. She’d made such a mess of things. Did she really deserve a second chance to make things right?

One thing was for sure. Nathan deserved a second chance and that was all that mattered.

Sarah got up and slowly made her way down the hall. The door to Nathan’s room was open and the TV was on. Hockey analysts droned on about the league’s latest victories and losses.

S
he stood in the doorway and knocked on the doorframe.

Nathan looked over at her. “Hey,” he said. He muted
the TV and sat up straight on the bed.

“Hi.”

“Do you need a ride to a motel?” he asked.

“No,” she said softly.

He turned on the lamp by the bed. The light revealed just how disheveled and tired he was. His eyes were glassy from the beer and wet with unshed tears. “I can call you a cab,” he offered.

“You’ve been drinking.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Yeah,” he said, not feeling too proud of himself. He looked at the empty bottle in his hand and set it on the nightstand. “I was trying to numb the pain, but it sort of backfired on me.” He blinked back the tears that threatened to make him less than a man than he already was.

S
arah looked around the room, trying to figure out where to begin. She saw the torn shirt on the hamper and walked over to pick it up. Running her fingers over the frayed fabric, she closed her eyes and remembered that day in the salon restroom. “Why did you comfort me that day, Nathan?” she asked with her back to him.

He
turned off the TV and looked down at his hands. “Because I know what it’s like to have people talk shit about you. And it was a good excuse to get close to you,” he added.

T
he sound of her soft laughter caressed him from across the room as she turned to face him. “At least you’re not an angry drunk,” she said lightly.

He sighed and shook his head. “
The beer was a bad idea.”

Keeping her distance, Sarah
took a few steps and stood at the foot of the bed. “Kayla told me about your parents.”

“I figured she would.”
Nathan swung his legs over the side of the bed and set his feet on the floor.

Sarah sat down next to him and took his hand in hers.
“What happened to them?”

Nathan sighed and she squeezed his hand.
“I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“No, it’s okay.” He took a deep breath. This was the first time he’d had to tell the story because after it happened the
gruesome details were plastered all over the news.

“I was on my way over to my parents’ for dinner and when I drove up to the house it was chaos. There were cops everywhere and a SWAT team and lights flashing. A burglar had broken into their house and triggered their silent alarm. The police came and there was a standoff.

“Then I heard the gunshots. One, two and then a third a few seconds later. Then it was quiet. So quiet. Everyone rushed around and I could see their lips moving but I couldn’t hear anything. It was just quiet.”

“Oh, Nathan.”
Sarah pulled him close and held tight.

“He shot my parents before shooting himself.”

“I’m so sorry,” she murmured.

“I miss them so much,” he choked out. “It kills me that they’ll never see Robbie grow up…or get to meet the woman I’m in love with...”

Nathan clung to Sarah as if she were his breath, his life. In a way, she was. She represented the fresh start he’d been searching for. And he represented hers.

He pulled away and scraped his hands over his face.
“What happened to them doesn’t excuse what I did at that game, Sarah.”

“I know
. And I’m sorry about today. I just saw that video and I…I
panicked
. I grew up around so much violence that all I could think about was how I couldn’t put myself in that kind of situation again.”

No one was perfect. Everyone had a past, including her. She couldn’t condemn Nathan for a moment of anger. Not when he’d proven himself to her time and time again. She had lied and stolen before but it wasn’t something she wanted her character judged on. Nathan certainly didn’t base her character
on those instances in her past.

“
You’ve been nothing but wonderful to me, Nathan. I’m sorry I was so quick to judge you.”

“I should have told you about it
, Sarah,” he sighed. “I guess I thought maybe you’d already seen it along with the rest of the world.”

“No. My access to the internet has been somewhat
…
limited
.”

“
The thing that bothers me the most is that you trusted me enough to tell me about
your
past and I…I couldn’t man up and tell you about mine. I’m so sorry.”

“I know
.” She patted his hand. “But now I understand.”

He shook his head.
“There’s no excuse for what I did.”

“But you have remorse. You’re sorry for what you did.”

“Yes, I am. And I didn’t hit him, Sarah. I scared the hell out of the guy, shit, I scared the hell out of
myself
, but I didn’t hit him.”

“What
exactly happened? Why did you grab him in the first place?”

“I came back too soon after my parents... I came back too
soon. Hockey is emotional enough on top of all the grief I didn’t deal with. I should have taken more time off but I wanted to be back on the ice instead of sitting around thinking about all the things I couldn’t change. I couldn’t focus on the game and I let too many goals in. Coach pulled me and when I was walking into the tunnel this fan starts yelling stuff at me. Before I knew what I was doing I…I just
grabbed
ahold of him...

“
I was angry for a long time after what happened to my parents and then I was just numb for a while. Then when I saw you at the salon that day, standing there in the doorway, I started to
feel
again. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose
you
.”

“I’m right here.”

“I know.” He shook his head. “But it doesn’t matter. I’m no different than your uncle.”

“
No!” she cried and clutched his hand in hers. “You’re
nothing
like him! Dwight was
never
sorry for any of the terrible things he did to me. What you did was in the heat of emotion and grief,
not
anger. You didn’t premeditate to hurt someone that day.
That’s
what makes you different.”

He shook his head again.
“I frightened you, Sarah. More than once and I can’t forgive myself for that. You shouldn’t either.”

“
You’ve never been violent around me. Well…” She bit down on her bottom lip. “Except maybe with Skeet.”

“That scumbag deserved what was coming to him.”

“Yeah, he did.”

“I can’t promise I won’t do
the same thing if someone ever lays a hand on you like that again.”

“I hope it never comes to that.”
But it was nice to know that Nathan was in her corner if it ever did.

“Your dad played hockey, didn’t he?”
Sarah asked. That’s what Nathan meant when he said that hockey had chosen him.

He nodded.
“Yeah, my dad was a goalie. He screwed up his knee in college and didn’t play much after that but I remember him teaching me how to skate when I was a kid. He’d lace up my little skates for me and I’d put my small hand in his big one and he’d help me onto the ice. I loved being out on the ice with him. It was the one thing we shared together. And my mom was amazing. You would have liked her, Sarah. She gave up so much so that I could play hockey. They were both so supportive.”

Tears slid down
Sarah’s face while she listened to his childhood memories. She sympathized with his loss and also her own for not having loving parents like he’d had.

“I hate that I can’t introduce you to them,” he sniffed.