Friends Forever (26 page)

“If you let life pass you by now, it won’t ever come back. You don’t get another chance. Your father did that to himself with his work at the ACLU. He got bogged down helping poor people and forgot about himself, and the career and life he could have had. Work isn’t everything, but he was and probably still is a brilliant lawyer. I know he loves what he does, but he could have done better. Izzie, you need passion about life. That’s why I took the job I did and got out of Dodge, because life was passing me by. I don’t want that to happen to you. I screwed it up with you, but the other decisions I made, about my life and career, were right for me. That’s what I want for you. You can have anything you want, if you go out and get it. If you claim it as your own. You have a right to it. Izzie, you need to wake yourself up and take a grab at life. No one is going to hand it to you.”

It was a major wake-up call, and in some ways, Izzie knew her mother was right. Maybe not about her father, who loved his wife and little girl, and his work, even if it seemed unexciting to her mother. But she was right about her, and had been about herself. Her mother had the life she wanted, whatever it had taken her to get it. And Izzie didn’t. She enjoyed her job at Atwood, but the rest was a morass of mediocrity, and she knew it, and she was beginning to realize that in some ways she had stopped trying when Gabby died. She had lost hope about her own life. If Gabby could be swept off a street corner and killed instantly, so could she. And what was the point of trying, or living, or even caring about anything, if it could all be over in a minute, the people you loved could die, or you could die yourself? She had protected herself by not trying, at anything. She was living day to day, and just waiting to be hit by a bus, or for lightning to strike her dead, just as it had Gabby or even Billy. Their deaths had hit her hard. And Katherine knew what she was talking about. Although they were different, and Katherine had never been there for her, Izzie respected her. She was accurate in what she said. And Gabby’s death, and then Billy’s, had impacted Izzie’s faith in life, her will to live, and the quality of her life.

“What are you doing this summer?” Katherine persisted.

“Nothing much. I was going to take some classes to help me with work, but I never got around to signing up,” she admitted sheepishly. In truth, she had been too depressed to do it. And she was worried about Sean dying too. She couldn’t stand losing another friend, if it happened, but she knew it could any day. She expected to hear the news that he was dead. She had been waiting to hear it ever since he left.

“I want you to do something fun. I don’t care what it is. Go to Indonesia, Vietnam, Mexico. The Galápagos. Take dance lessons. Meet people, get out, get rid of the guy you don’t care about, and find one you do. You’re sinking, Izzie. I want you to wake up. I’ll pay for anything you want to do, or anywhere you want to go. But I want you to have
fun
!” She looked earnest as she said it. Izzie could see she meant it, and was touched.

“Do you have fun at what you do?” It was a question Izzie had always wondered about and never asked her.

“Yes, I do. I love my work. I work hard. I play hard. And I love Charles, as eccentric and crazy as he is. We have a good time together. That’s what you need. A guy you have fun with. You’ve already seen the sad side of life. Too much of it, at your age. Now you need to go throw some good stuff in the other side of the scale.”

“I wouldn’t even know what to do, or where to go,” she admitted sadly to her mother.

“Figure it out. You’ve got the time. I’ve got the money. Go for it!” she said, smiling at Izzie, who suddenly felt closer to her than she ever had. “Give yourself a week to make some plans, and then
go
!”

Izzie had a lot to think about after their dinner. She hugged her mother close when she left, and she went home to look at some travel magazines, and check some things out on the Internet. There were ads for the Caribbean, Morocco, safaris in Africa. But what kept appealing to her was Argentina and Brazil. She had heard that Brazil was dangerous for a woman traveling alone, so maybe Argentina. She looked at some more Internet sites then, and got the names of some good hotels. It sounded better and better to her as she read about it. She could learn to dance the tango, she thought to herself, and then laughed out loud. It was an unfamiliar sound, and she realized suddenly that she hadn’t laughed since Billy died, and maybe long before that. She was excited for the first time in months, maybe years. She called her mother the next day and told her her plan. Katherine liked the idea, although she warned her to be careful traveling alone in South America and wanted her to get a driver, and Izzie promised that she would. Katherine told her she would gladly pay for it.

“Why don’t you meet us in the South of France after that? We rented a house in St. Tropez.” Izzie felt like a world traveler just thinking about it. But Katherine was her mother, and she could afford it.

The next day she made a reservation to fly to Buenos Aires. It was a long trip, but it would be worth it. And she booked a reservation at a top hotel, which was amazingly inexpensive, and she e-mailed them to get her a car and driver. She planned to stay for a week, and she could extend it if she wanted to. And she booked a flight from Buenos Aires to Paris, and from there to Nice, and a car to St. Tropez, and she planned to stay there for a week too, and maybe a week in Paris after that. She was booked to leave on the Fourth of July, and planned to return sometime in August, depending on how things went. And after that she called her father and told him all about it. He was excited for her, and grateful to her mother for doing something that he couldn’t do for her, and he knew Izzie needed it. She needed something. She was stuck. She had seen too much sorrow for too long, and it had sapped the energy out of her, without her even realizing it. She promised to drop by and see them before she left.

And then she called John. He invited her to dinner that night and she decided to go. She wanted to tell him that she was going away, and didn’t think they should see each other when she got back.

He took her to a sushi restaurant in Japantown and the food was good, but she realized as she listened to him that she wasn’t interested in what he was saying or in his book. He was ten years older than she was and he had already given up on life. She hadn’t yet, even though she had felt that way for the past several months, or even years, since Gabby died. John wanted to take her to Oregon to go camping over the Fourth of July, and she told him she was going to Argentina to learn the tango. Just listening to herself made her want to laugh. She was feeling hopeful again about life. Suddenly it was an adventure and she was willing to try it.

“Argentina?” He looked shocked. “When did you decide that?” She hadn’t mentioned it before, or even thought of it.

“A couple of days ago. I had dinner with my mother. She offered to give me a trip, kind of a belated graduation present. I’m meeting her in France after that.” She felt like a spoiled brat as she said it, but he wasn’t starving either. He just didn’t want to spend his money, because if he did, he’d have to go back to work, and he didn’t want to. He wanted to keep his life as small as possible so his funds didn’t run out. It was a reasonable decision, but not much fun for her at the moment. She told him that she didn’t think they were suited to each other, and dating when she got back didn’t seem like a good idea to her. He looked disappointed but didn’t argue with her. By the end of dinner, it was obvious to him that she wasn’t suited to his life either. A woman who could go to Argentina at the drop of a hat was not a woman who was going to be available to him for the camping and hiking he wanted to do.

He took her home after dinner and she thanked him, for everything. They both knew they would never see each other again, and it didn’t seem to bother him. He wished her a good time in Argentina, and she waved as she walked through the door and disappeared. She was out of his life forever and neither of them cared.

She dropped by to see Connie before she left, and Marilyn and Jack, and Brian and the twins. Brian had just graduated and was going to Berkeley in the fall. Izzie felt bad because they were giving him a graduation barbecue on the Fourth of July and she was going to miss it. She called Judy, and e-mailed Andy, who was staying in Boston for the summer, and had dinner with Jennifer and her father and Ping the night before she left, and on the Fourth of July she was on a plane to Buenos Aires, thanks to her mother, who had turned out to be her best friend. She had gotten her moving again and in a very major way. In some ways, she had saved Izzie’s life, which had been bleeding slowly from her.

The city was more beautiful than she’d expected. It looked like Paris, and the hotel was fabulous for very little money. And the driver they gave her was perfect. He even took her to tango bars and escorted her inside to protect her. She danced with strangers. She walked through exquisite gardens. He drove her to an
estancia
called Villa Maria, forty-five minutes outside the city, she rode horses and swam and had a great time. She wondered, as she walked in the Bosques de Palermo one day, a beautiful park her driver had recommended, if she was anywhere near where Sean was, but she had no way to know, and she forced herself not to think of him. She also went to the Parque Tres de Febrero, much like the Bois de Boulogne in Paris, where she wandered through the rose gardens, along the promenades, and stood by the lake. She sent postcards to everyone at home, and one to Andy.

Then she flew to Paris, spent a night at a small hotel on the Left Bank, flew down to Nice, and went to St. Tropez. Her mother and Charles were thrilled to see her. They took her to restaurants and dinner parties, and dancing at the Caves du Roy one night. It was the most fun she’d ever had with her mother in her entire life. And then, on the spur of the moment, Izzie treated herself to a weekend in Venice on her way home. It was perfect. It would have been better with someone she loved, but she didn’t care. She felt free and excited and alive, and she spent four days in Paris on the way back, and then flew to San Francisco. She felt very sophisticated and worldly when she got home. And she felt alive again. Her mother had given her the most incredible gift of all. She had given her back herself. And when she went to work for her second year at Atwood, she told the kindergartners all about it: a place called Argentina, where people love to dance, and Paris—she showed them a postcard of the Eiffel Tower—and Venice, where everyone rode around on boats called gondolas. She showed them a postcard of that too.

“We went to New Jersey to see my grandmother!” a little girl called Heather piped up.

“And did you have fun?” Miss Izzie asked her with a big smile. Izzie looked and felt like a new person. Wendy was relieved to see it. The summer had done her a world of good.

“Yes, we did,” Heather said. “My grandma let us run around her backyard naked, and she has a pool!” Everybody laughed at that.

It was a special day for Izzie because Daphne and Dana, Marilyn and Jack’s twins, started kindergarten that day, and they were thrilled to see her. There was a continuity to their lives.

“Sounds like you had a fantastic summer,” Wendy said as they poured juice and put cookies on a platter.

“I really did.” Izzie smiled at her. “It was the best summer of my life.” After four of the worst years of her life, or the hardest anyway. She hoped the bad times were over now. And all she could hope was that Sean was alive and well and happy too. For the first time in years, since losing Gabby, Izzie felt alive again. And she was thinking of going to Japan over Christmas. Suddenly, thanks to her mother, the world had opened up to her, and she wanted to be in it.

Chapter 20

T
he excitement of her summer trip carried Izzie straight through to Thanksgiving. The gift her mother had given her had been incredible, not just paying for it but inspiring her to go. It had been the best summer of her life.

She was still thinking about going to Japan, or maybe India, but she had decided not to go at Christmas. She was thinking about going over Easter break, or maybe the following summer, but she wanted to be home at Christmas, to spend it with her father, Jennifer, and Ping. She had talked to Andy several times after the summer, and he said he was jealous of her trip to Argentina, although Paris, Venice, and St. Tropez didn’t sound too shabby either.

“Who’s your generous lover?” he teased her.

“My mother. When are you coming home?” She was anxious to see him.

“I can’t come home for Christmas. I’m either studying, in class, or at the hospital, constantly, and so is Nancy. We haven’t slept in three months.” But he sounded as though he enjoyed it, and he said he’d come home as soon as he could.

Izzie had just started her Christmas vacation from school, when the phone rang on Saturday morning and she heard a familiar voice. Her heart raced for a minute, wondering where he was. But he was alive at least. She hadn’t spoken to him since March. It was Sean.

“Oh my God, where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said, laughing at her. “Look out your window.” She did, and he was standing there, waving at her, talking to her on his BlackBerry. She opened her apartment door and ran downstairs to see him. He had grown a full beard, and he looked very thin. But he was there, he was alive, and he looked healthy. He was laughing when he saw her and gave her an enormous hug.

“Where have you been for all these months?”

“Colombia,” he said easily, the way anyone else would have said “L.A.”

“I was in Argentina last summer,” she said breezily, and he stared at her. She looked better than he’d seen her in years, and happier. He wondered if there was a new man in her life, but when he followed her back in to her apartment, there were no signs of it and she was alone.

“What were you doing there?” he asked suspiciously.

“I went to learn to dance the tango. And then I went to St. Tropez.”

“Did you win the lottery? Did I miss something?”