Friends & Rivals (16 page)

‘No,' said Kendall.

The traffic slowed. Ivan's Jaguar eased to a halt behind an articulated lorry.

‘What do you mean, “no”?'

‘I mean I'm not going to sit around and wait for you to figure out a way to have your cake and eat it. Either you get back to London by seven tonight, prepared to tell the world we're together. Or I'll be on the nine o'clock flight back to LA.'

Kendall was almost as shocked to hear the words coming out of her mouth as Ivan was. She hadn't intended to give him an ultimatum. Apart from anything else, the practical problems of her upping sticks and leaving – the most immediate of which was that she was expected in a recording studio in Shepherd's Bush tomorrow morning to start laying down the rest of her Polydor album – were overwhelming. She could always go and crash with Lex for a few weeks, but then what? Her contract required that she spend at least eight months of the year in the UK. Besides, she didn't need a publicist to tell her that the one thing sure to make her look like the guilty party in the media was running away. If she wanted the British public to buy her records, she had to stay and fight her corner.

But she'd been overcome by the emotion of the moment. Listening to Ivan's concern for his wife, versus his knee-jerk rage against her, Kendall had a sudden, terrifying glimpse of the future. If she let him go to Catriona now, if she didn't take control of events, she would lose him. Certainly as her lover, and in all probability as her manager too. She had to take action, to threaten something so drastic, so unexpected, that it would force his hand. She had to make Ivan feel the same gut-wrenching fear that she felt. It was self-defence.

‘Kendall, be reasonable,' said Ivan, whose hands were starting to slip off the wheel with nervous sweat. ‘I have a family. You knew that. I have kids.'

‘I'm not asking you to leave your kids.' Kendall struggled to keep the tremor out of her own voice.

‘But you're asking me to leave my wife.'

‘No, Ivan. I'm just telling you that if you go back to your wife tonight and throw me under a bus, I won't be here waiting. I'm telling you you have to choose. The choice you make is entirely up to you.'

She hung up and sank down on the bed, shaking.

What have I done? What the hell have I done?

Then she pulled herself together and picked up the phone again. ‘Sasha? Yeah, hi, it's me, Kendall. I guess we should talk.'

Catriona Charles sat down on the dog-eared sofa in the library, then got up and walked across the room, then walked back and sat down again. Ivan was on his way, he'd be here any minute, and she literally had no idea what to do with herself. It was as if, in a few short hours, everything had changed, so that even her own body felt unfamiliar, awkward and out of place.

Ned Williams, God bless him, had taken the children ice-skating in Oxford. A couple of reporters were already hanging around outside The Rookery's gates as they drove off, but Ned texted Cat to say that he'd told Hector and Rosie they were there about
Talent Quest
and neither of the kids had questioned him. Of course, they'd have to know eventually, probably before tomorrow. But Ned was right. This was Ivan's mess. He could bloody well tell them.

He'd called about an hour ago, and to Catriona's great shame all her intentions to remain calm and dignified had flown out of the window. He hadn't got any further than ‘I'm so sorry, Cat,' and she'd started sobbing and howling like a wounded animal, screaming at him that he was a dirty old man and that the children would never forgive him. He'd tried to tell her it was nothing, a fling, but every word was like a needle in her eyeball and in the end Catriona had simply turned off her mobile, unable to stomach any more.

There had been affairs before, and they'd hurt, but not like this. Catriona knew Kendall. She liked her. Had liked her. Seeing the pictures hadn't helped, of course. As long as she lived she would never get those images out of her mind. But it was more than that. Things had been so good lately between her and Ivan, so close and loving, almost like the old days. Yes, there were tensions with his work and the children. But Cat had genuinely believed he'd grown out of the womanizing, that all this nonsense was behind them.
What a fool I was
, she thought bitterly.
A trusting fool.

At last Ivan's Jaguar pulled into the drive, spraying gravel in an arc into the snowy lavender bushes. Cat smoothed down her skirt and fiddled with her hair. She felt ridiculously nervous all of a sudden, as if she were the one who'd done something wrong. The front door opened and closed. ‘Catriona?'

‘In here.'

Her voice sounded strange and strangled. Ivan walked into the library and saw at once the turmoil of emotions playing across her face. Hurt, pain, anger, fear, confusion. In a long brown tweed skirt and mismatched yellow sweater, with her pale face stained and bloated from crying, she was not looking her best. But there was a poignancy to her unattractiveness that somehow made the encounter even harder. It was impossible not to pity her, and not to hate himself for reducing her to this sad, dishevelled state.

‘I'm sorry,' he said again. ‘I know it's hopelessly inadequate but I don't know what else to say.'

‘There's nothing else to say,' said Catriona. She sat back down on the sofa. Ivan joined her, tentatively reaching for her hand. She let him take it, but felt nothing inside. Numb. As if the hand didn't belong to her. For a long while neither of them spoke. Then Ivan said, ‘Where are the children?'

‘Out. With Ned.'

Irrationally the mention of Ned's name made Ivan bristle. ‘Where?'

‘Oxford. They'll be back soon, I expect.'

‘Do they … have you told them anything?'

Catriona shook her head. ‘You'll have to tell them, Ivan. It's all a complete nightmare. Can you imagine the stick they're going to get at school?'

‘I know. I'm sorry.'

‘We might have to move them. Or, at the very least, take some time away as a family. A month abroad, maybe, until the worst of the storm dies down.'

Ivan withdrew his hand awkwardly. ‘I can't leave England, Cat. Not now. I'm under contract to ITV and I'm up to my neck with Jester—'

‘Screw IT bloody V!' Catriona recoiled, furious. ‘And screw your precious career! This is not about you, Ivan. It's about
us
, our family, our marriage. I assume you've told Kendall it's over? Because I swear to God, if I find one sniff of that child in our flat or anywhere else around this family, I'll …'

She stopped short. Ivan had stood up and walked over to the window. He had his back to her, but something about his body language, the oppressed hunch of the shoulders, the bowed head, made the hairs on her arms stand on end.

‘You
have
ended it, haven't you?'

Slowly, painfully slowly, Ivan turned around. He couldn't meet Catriona's eye. ‘It's not that easy,' he mumbled.

Catriona felt as though she was having an out-of-body experience. Was this really happening? When she spoke, her voice sounded distant, almost detached.

‘Why not? On the phone you said … you said it was just a fling.'

‘It is. It was.' Ivan looked desperately to left and right, as if searching for an answer. ‘I didn't intend any of this to happen, Cat. It just snowballed and … I don't know.'

‘Are you in love with her?'

Ivan forced himself to look at her. ‘She makes me feel young,' he said helplessly.

Catriona let out a short, joyless laugh. ‘Oh. And I make you feel old, I suppose?'

‘It's not you,' said Ivan miserably. ‘None of this is about you, Cat. It just happened. One minute I felt like everything was slipping away from me. Like the best of my life was all behind me. Don't you ever feel like that?'

‘No,' said Cat truthfully, ‘I don't.'

‘Of course you don't,' Ivan smiled. ‘You've always been more confident than me. More mature. It's why you're such a good mother.'

‘Please,' said Catriona. ‘Stop.'

‘But I need more. I can't help it, I just do. Kendall's reawakened something in me, my ambition, my lust for life. It's hard to explain.'

For a moment Catriona just stared at him. She knew him so well, his strengths and weaknesses, faults and kindnesses. In so many ways he was still a little boy. But rightly or wrongly, she loved him.

‘And what about us?' she asked him.

Ivan glanced out of the window, searching for escape. He couldn't answer that question. There was no answer to that question. But instead of divine inspiration, he heard the ominous rumble of Ned Williams's car.

‘The children,' said Catriona mindlessly.

Seconds later they burst into the house, brandishing bruised knees and elbows and talking over one another about their ice-skating prowess. Ned nodded briefly at Ivan and made himself scarce. He didn't dare look at Catriona, who seemed oddly frozen on the sofa, as if someone had pointed a remote at her and pressed pause.

‘We saw your programme last night. You were very good,' said Rosie loyally, wrapping her arms around Ivan's waist.

Hector hung back in the doorway, trying not to show how pleased he was that his dad was home. ‘So, how long are you staying this time? Just for a night?' His chin jutted out defiantly, daring Ivan to contradict him. But it was Catriona who spoke.

‘Daddy's going away for a while,' she said dully. ‘He just came home to get some things.'

The look on Hector's face could have stripped paint off a wall from fifty paces. Without a word he turned on his heel and stomped off to his room. Rosie looked more confused.

‘What do you mean, “going away”? Going away where? When will you be back, Daddy?'

Ivan tried to speak but the words stuck in his throat. At last he managed a stammered, ‘I'll see you soon, Rosie, OK?' and bolted out to his car, driving guiltily away like a thief in the night.

‘I thought you said he came to get some things?' Rosie looked at her mother. Catriona was staring straight ahead, unmoving, almost catatonic. Something was clearly very wrong. ‘Mummy?'

Cat looked up as if seeing her daughter for the first time.

‘Your father's met someone else,' she said quietly. She wished there were a way to soften the blow, but she knew from experiencing her own parents' divorce that honesty was the only policy. ‘He's in love with her.'

Rosie's eyes widened in disbelief. ‘Who? Who's Daddy in love with?'

Catriona sighed, defeated. ‘Kendall Bryce.'

Speeding along the A40 towards Woodstock, Ivan gazed at the road ahead in a daze. This morning, everything had been fine, everything had been normal. He was married, he was seeing Kendall, and the two compartments of his life co-existed in what looked with hindsight like perfect harmony. But now that was all gone. Kendall had put a gun to his head and told him to jump, and he'd jumped. All he could think about was the look on Hector's face as he turned away from him.
What have I done?

He was still in shock when his mobile rang.

‘Cat?'

‘I'm surprised you're answering your phone, you old dog.' Don Peters,
Talent Quest
's producer, sounded in an inordin-ately good mood. ‘Kendall Bryce, eh? That's nice work if you can get it.'

When Ivan had last spoken to Don, he'd been spitting teeth after Ivan's first-night fiasco on the judging panel. Had that really only been last night? It felt like a lifetime ago.

‘Don. Look, if you've called to talk about the reviews, I'd really appreciate it if we could do the post-mortem tomorrow. This shit with Kendall … I'm really buried right now.'

‘Fuck the reviews,' said Don Peters jovially. ‘I wouldn't wipe my arse on a stupid review. I'm calling about our ratings. Have you seen them?'

‘No,' said Ivan. ‘Funnily enough I've been busy with other things today.'

‘Fourteen million! Fourteen fucking million' said Don triumphantly. ‘That's only three million short of the
X Factor
final. We are a massive, fuck-off hit, Ivan. Even if you were a car crash.'

‘Thanks a lot!'

‘Hey, take it as a compliment. People slow down to watch car crashes. We keep up those figures and we're all gonna be rich as Croesus. Now, listen, what's happening with you and Kendall? Are you an item or what? I need to make some sort of a statement on behalf of the show. The public like to know these things.'

Ivan blinked and rubbed his eyes. This was all happening so fast. From live TV disaster to ratings triumph, from a tabloid exposé to officially coming out as a couple with a girl half his age. In the past, for every big change in his life, he'd had Catriona by his side to support and guide him. But now, for the biggest change of all, she was the one person he couldn't talk to. With every mile he put between them, every mile he drove closer to London and to Kendall, twenty years of love and friendship slipped further and further from his grip. It was terrifying, but exciting at the same time.

We'll be as rich as Croesus.

You and Kendall.

Nice work if you can get it.

The line from Macbeth popped unexpectedly into his head. ‘
I am in blood/Stepped in so far that, should I wade no more,/Returning were as tedious as go o'er.
'

Or, more prosaically:
It's too late now.

‘Yes,' he said. ‘We're an item. I'm on my way back to her now. But, listen, Don, I still need to talk to my children. My wife and I … this is all very new. I'd rather you didn't go giving statements before the dust has settled. I haven't even seen Kendall yet, since the story broke.'

‘Fair enough,' said Don. ‘We'll give a standard “don't comment on the personal lives of our judges” line. But it's good news for us. People love a good romantic melodrama. I'll eat my hat if our numbers aren't through the roof next week. So cheer up, eh? Every cloud has a silver lining.'