Frigid (28 page)

“Grandpa is coming down this year, doing the Christmas morning thing with us.”

“Wow. He’s driving down from Morgan County by himself?”

“Yep.” Pride filled my voice. “The man is as old as dirt, but he’s still running around like he’s twenty.”

“Your grandpa is so funny. Remember when he tried to build a redneck playground in your mom’s backyard with the crane?”

I laughed. “Yeah, Mom wasn’t too happy about that.”

“Neither were the neighbors.” Out of habit—and I knew that was what led to this—she pried off half the shrimp off the skewers and placed them on my plate. She didn’t even seem to realize she’d done it until she was done, but then her brows knitted and she fell silent.

I already missed the ease of conversation and felt the chill like a harsh arctic wind. “I told Mom about going to vet school.”

“What?” She dropped her knife as she twisted toward me. “You did?”

Thrilled with the fact I had her full attention, I ignored Andrea and Tanner, who’d stopped arguing for five seconds. “Yeah.”

“Well?” Excitement turned her eyes into shining sapphires. “What did she say?”

The dreaded conversation had happened about fifteen minutes after I’d walked through the door when I’d gotten back from Snowshoe. And approximately fifteen minutes after that, I’d started drinking. “Ah, she wasn’t too thrilled about it. There were tears, but I think in the end, she knows it’s what I want.”

“She cried?” Syd winced. “Oh, no.”

I nodded. “She seems better with it now, but I think it’s going to take a little bit for her to get used to it.” Leaning back, I spread my legs until my thigh pressed into hers. Totally on purpose, and she didn’t shy away. I took that as a good sign. “I’m glad I finally got it out in the open. It’s really because of you.”

“Me?” she squeaked.

Tanner tilted his head to the side, brows raised.

I was going to punch him in the face later. “Well, you know, after we talked about it, I knew I had to say something to her soon. You…you gave me the courage to do it.”

Tanner choked.

I was seriously going to spin-kick him in the balls, but Syd smiled—smiled so widely and beautifully that Tanner’s balls might be safe. “That’s great,” she said. “I’m happy for you. Really. I know that’s what you want, and you’ll be great at it.”

Pressure clamped down on my chest, and there was so much I needed to say. Now wasn’t the right time, but I had to say something, because I was two seconds from climbing all over her. “What are you doing afterwards?”

“Nothing,” Andrea answered for her. “She’s doing absolutely nothing.”

Syd slowly turned to Andrea, and I wanted to hug the damn girl. “So you have nothing to do,” I cut in before Syd could say anything. She turned back to me, and I felt like everything came down to this minute. If she said no, then I knew it was done. My muscles seized like I was about to hit a high slope. “Can we—?”

“Kyler Quinn,” a smooth, throaty voice interrupted. “Hot damn, it’s going to be my lucky night.”

The dinner had started off in the seven different circles of hell, but over the course of the meal, I’d relaxed. Not completely, because sitting next to Kyler was a true test of self-control. I was torn between wanting to crawl into his arms and wanting to kick him out of the booth.

But with him looking at me like I was the only thing he needed in his life? I was starting to side with the crawling-into-his-lap part when a voice made to get guys drop their pants slithered over my skin like snakes.

Forcing my gaze away from Kyler’s dark brown eyes, I saw a girl I barely recognized. Took me a few minutes to remember her name was Corie. We’d gone to high school together. Had no idea what she’d been up to over the years, but I remembered who’d been
up
her several times in high school.

My gaze traveled over her red, skintight sweater. Corie had boobs dreams were made of. She looked at me, and I knew she dismissed my presence outright. Like there was no way the fact that Kyler was sitting next to me at a table meant anything.

Any other time, this probably wouldn’t have bothered me. If anything, I was used to random chicks approaching Kyler everywhere we went. The boy was well-traveled, but right now, after everything? Yeah, it did not make me feel warm or fuzzy.

Andrea muttered something under her breath as Kyler turned slowly. “Hey,” he said evenly. “How’ve you been, Corie?”

Corie popped a hand on her hip as her red-painted lips spread into a smile. “I’ve been good. Haven’t seen you around lately. Guess you’re home for Christmas?”

“No shit,” Andrea muttered under her breath, and I was sure Corie hadn’t heard her.

Tanner pressed his lips together as he suddenly became invested in the food on his plate.

“Yeah, I’m home for a little while.” Kyler dropped his arm along the back of the seat behind me. “Then
we’re
heading back to school.”

If “we’re” was a hidden code for something, no one got it, especially not Corie. She tossed pretty blonde waves over her shoulder, and then crossed her arms. Even
my
eyes went straight to her cleavage. “I’m on break, too, from Shepherd, until the fifteenth of January. We should get together.”

It was like I wasn’t even sitting there.

“I don’t know about that,” Kyler replied diplomatically. “I’m going to be real busy, but it was good seeing you, okay?”

Corie blinked, and her lips formed a perfect O. I was doing the same thing. I couldn’t even think of a time that Kyler had shot down a pretty girl. Granted, it could be because I was sitting right there, and given our newly acquired history, he was being a little more discreet than normal.

My gaze caught Andrea’s and she had this biggest cat-ate-every-canary-in-the-cage grin, and I couldn’t help the smirk that graced my lips.

“Well, call me. I’ll make time for you, if you make time for me.” Corie smiled, but it lacked the confidence of earlier. “See you around.”

Kyler nodded.

After Corie bounced off somewhere, silence descended on the table and the smirk slipped away from my lips. Unease turned the food in my stomach and I wished I hadn’t eaten what I had. Tanner was still studying his food like he was going to be tested on it. Andrea was remarkably quiet, which meant the apocalypse had started, and Kyler was staring off in the distance, a muscle working in his jaw. I don’t know exactly what made it all sink in then, but I suddenly realized, like
really
understood, that what had happened between us affected every aspect of our lives.

Even our friends.

Because right now, Tanner and Andrea were most likely experiencing a mad case of secondhand embarrassment, or they just didn’t know how to handle the situation. Maybe they felt bad for me, or they felt awkward on behalf of Kyler. They were probably waiting to see how I’d react, if I’d get mad or jealous or run off in tears.

Even if Kyler and I got past this and moved on as friends, our friends would always be uncomfortable. The weight of that knowledge settled on my shoulders and I slumped down, wanting nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed.

The truth, no matter what Andrea said or I wanted to believe, was that Kyler wasn’t the kind of guy who was into commitments. And if he wanted to be with me, he would’ve called or done something after I left. Anything other than drinking himself into a stupor, and of course he probably wanted to salvage our friendship. He was…he was a good guy like that.

Andrea smiled at me, and she seemed to sense how far my mood had plummeted. “You ready to get out of here?”

Ignoring Kyler’s sharp look, I nodded. I don’t think at that moment there was anything I wanted more than to get the hell out of there.

The girls made a quick exit, leaving Tanner and me to our own devices. He ordered a beer, and if I weren’t driving, I would’ve ordered an entire bottle of Jim Beam.

“That went brilliantly,” I said, rubbing my temples.

Tanner snickered. “I didn’t think it went that bad. Well, when Blondie showed up, that was about ten kinds of awkward, but…”

“That was just awkward?” I couldn’t believe that Corie had popped by our table. Syd and I seemed to be getting somewhere and then BAM, a blast from the past. Perfect fucking timing. “I’m sure Syd enjoyed that.”

He took a swig of his beer. “Buddy, you need to tell me what happened between you two, because a week ago, Sydney probably would’ve been irked about that, but she wouldn’t have cared that much. So stop with the bullshit and tell me what happened.”

I arched a brow at him.

Tanner winked. “Or I’ll get the girl version from Andrea, in which you will come across as a giant ass. Tell me your side of the story.”

“I
am
a giant ass.”

He tipped his chin down. “Do tell.”

The last thing I wanted to be doing was talking female problems with Tanner, but shit, I could tell by the way Andrea acted, she knew. He’d find out sooner or later. So I told him the bare basics. No way in hell was I going to go into detail, not about Syd, because that was just wrong. When I finished, I really didn’t feel any better. Sort of just confirmed how much of an ass I’d been this entire time—years of being the King of Assdom.

Tanner sat back, shaking his head slowly. “I think I need another beer to digest all of that.”

“Shit. You and me both.” I ran a hand through my hair. “So yeah, I fucked up. Royally.”

“Well, people have fucked up more than you have, bro. Trust me on that.” He leaned forward, expression serious. “The shit with Zach is fucking terrible, but you didn’t know that stuff was going to happen. Sydney’s a reasonable girl. She’ll get over that.”

“I don’t think
I
can get over that.” I paused, staring at the table. “The fucker
hurt
her because of what I did in my past. If it wasn’t for me, she never would’ve gone through that.”

“But you didn’t do that to her.”

“Is there really a difference?”

“Yes,” Tanner said adamantly. “It’s not a huge difference. You did create the situation, but you didn’t force that fucker to do anything. That’s not on you, bro. It’s not.”

I got what he was saying, but it would take a lot to absolve me of that guilt.

“And that’s not the big issue,” Tanner said, eyeing me. “Did you lie to her about Sasha?”

“Shit.” I raised my hands. “I really don’t know. I mean, when Syd asked me about her, it was before anything went down between us. I didn’t think Syd really thought of me any different. All I said was that Sasha and I weren’t like that. And we’re not. We hooked up once over a year ago. I just wasn’t thinking when I said it to Syd.”

“Hmm, technicalities are a bitch.” Tanner finished off his beer, eyes narrowed. “Did you really think Sydney didn’t have it bad for you?”

“No. I didn’t. I couldn’t think that, because if…”

“If she didn’t, then it would ruin your friendship. I get that, but damn, that girl…you must’ve been rocking some serious denial.” He shrugged. “Makes sense, though—you secretly wanting her and shit.”

“It does?”

Tanner laughed. “Yeah, man, you didn’t like it if a guy even looked in her direction. Hell, if
I
looked at her too long, you’d get pissed. And when you went after Nate? That’s some pretty hardcore ‘friendship’ right there.”

“Shut up,” I growled.

He smirked. “So what are you going to do? Be a pussy, or fix this?”

“Excuse me?” I shook my head. “Dude, you’re lucky I like you.”

“You’re lucky I don’t bullshit around.” He winked as he pulled the sleeve of his sweater down, covering one of the intricate tattoos etched into his arm. “Look. I’m being serious. You love this girl, right?”

For once in my life, I didn’t hesitate. “Yes. I love her, Tanner.” Holy shit, that was the first time I’d said it out loud. It shook me up and my voice was thick. “I love her more than anything.”

“Then what’s the deal?”

I stared at him. “I’m pretty sure I listed all the problems.”

“You listed a bunch of unfortunate shit is what you did. Nothing not fixable. It isn’t like you did something unforgivable. It’s not like one of you two is dead.”

I didn’t know what to say at first. “Damn…” And that was all I could say.

Tanner sighed. “A lot of people would kill to have the chance to be with the one they love. Don’t mess it up.”

He never really talked about his past, and other than the weirdness between him and Andrea, he didn’t really talk to girls. Slipping in and out of their beds? That was more up Tanner’s alley. “What about you?” I asked.

“Me?” He laughed again. “I am allergic to that shit. Love? Nope. All I’ve seen that do is tear people down and fuck up lives. I don’t want any part of that.”

My brows shot up in surprise. “Whoa. That’s…that’s positive.”

“Whatever. We aren’t talking about me and we aren’t going to, so get that look off your face.”

I raised my hands. “Message received.”

Tanner cocked his head to the side and gave a tight smile. “Anyway, all I’m saying is, why are you still sitting here talking to me?”

Staring at him a moment, I shrugged. “Who else is going to drive your grumpy ass home?”

Changing into my pajama bottoms, I tugged a long, thick cardigan on over my tank top as I padded downstairs in my slippers. Feeling incredibly mommy-needy, I was disappointed to find her already passed out on the couch next to Dad, the multicolored lights from the Christmas tree flashing over their forms. I resisted the urge to wiggle between them and demand attention.

I headed into the kitchen and grabbed the box of cocoa out of the cabinet. Once done, I took my chocolate goodness upstairs and set it on my nightstand to cool down. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun as I shuffled over to the bookcase. What I needed was to lose myself in a good book—one with tons of sex and angst, complete with an unbelievable happily-ever-after that made me love and hate the book at the same time.

As my gaze traveled over the spines, some straight and others warped, my brain wandered right into annoying territory. It had a name—Kyler. God. I didn’t want to think about him. I didn’t want to think about how he’d looked at me when I’d left with Andrea, like I’d hurt his feelings or something.