Frog (33 page)

Sino-American Jiabao Women’s and Children’s Hospital compound. An impressive gateway, suggestive of a government office. The hospital marquee hangs above and to the left of the marble-faced main door.

To the right stands a sign the size of a billboard etched with hundreds of baby pictures.

A security guard in a grey uniform stands stiffly to the left of the gate, welcoming or sending off each luxury automobile that enters or leaves the compound with a crisp salute. His action is comically, laughably exaggerated.

A full moon shines brightly on the backdrop, behind which emerges the sound of exploding firecrackers; an occasional burst of fireworks lights up the backdrop.

SECURITY GUARD:
(
takes out his cell phone, reads a text message, and laughs
) Tee-hee.

The security supervisor slips out through the gate.

SUPERVISOR:
(
standing unnoticed behind the security guard, says sternly in a low voice
) What’s so funny, Li Jiatai? (
feels something land on his foot
) Where did all these frogs come from at this time of year? What are you laughing at?

SECURITY GUARD:
(
startled, nervously snaps to attention
) Reporting, sir, the earth is getting warmer, the greenhouse effect. What’s funny? Nothing . . .

SUPERVISOR:
If nothing’s funny, what are you laughing at? (
shakes the foot on which the frog rests
) What’s going on here? Is another earthquake on its way? I asked you what’s so funny.

SECURITY GUARD:
(
seeing there’s no one around, says with a laugh
) Sir, this joke is really funny . . .

SUPERVISOR:
I’ve told you people, no texting!

SECURITY GUARD:
Reporting, sir, I’m not texting. I’m just reading a few text messages.

SUPERVISOR:
What’s the difference? If Department Head Liu saw you, you could kiss your rice bowl goodbye.

SECURITY GUARD:
So what? I’ve been thinking of packing it in anyway. The boss at the bullfrog breeding farm is my uncle. My mother has asked her cousin to get her husband to hire me at the farm . . .

SUPERVISOR:
(
impatiently
) Okay, that’s enough. All this uncle-cousin-husband talk has me going in circles. You might not care about your rice bowl because you’ve got an uncle you can rely on, but I need mine to survive. So while you’re on duty, no reading text messages and no answering your phone.

SECURITY GUARD:
(
snaps to attention
) Yes, sir!

SUPERVISOR:
Be careful.

SECURITY GUARD:
(
snaps to attention
) Yes, sir! (
can’t keep from laughing
) Tee-hee . . .

SUPERVISOR:
Have you been drinking dog piss, or did you dream you were marrying a rich woman? What the hell are you laughing at?

SECURITY GUARD:
I’m not laughing at anything . . .

SUPERVISOR:
(
sticks out his right hand
) Hand it over!

SECURITY GUARD:
What?

SUPERVISOR:
Your cell phone, that’s what.

SECURITY GUARD:
I promise I won’t use it again, sir. Okay?

SUPERVISOR:
Shut up! Are you going to hand it over or aren’t you? If you don’t I’ll report you to the department head.

SECURITY GUARD:
I’m involved in a romance, sir, and I need my cell phone.

SUPERVISOR:
When your father was involved in a romance, he didn’t even have a telephone and he managed to win over your mother, didn’t he? Make it snappy!

SECURITY GUARD:
(
reluctantly hands over his cell phone
) I didn’t mean to laugh, but the message was just so funny.

SUPERVISOR:
(
plays with the phone
) I want to see just what it was that had you laughing so hard . . . ‘In an effort to produce a champion sprinter, the National Athletic Commission ordered a marriage between men’s hundred-metre-dash gold medallist Qian Bao and women’s distance gold medallist Jin Lu. When Jin Lu’s pregnancy had reached full term, she delivered a baby in the hospital. Qian Bao asked the doctor: Is it a boy or a girl? The doctor replied, I couldn’t tell. It ran off as soon as it was out.’ You laughed at that old joke? I’ve got a couple of good ones here. (
He takes out his cell phone, but before he starts reading, he realises what he’s doing and stuffs both phones into his pocket.
) Tonight’s the Mid-Autumn Festival. Department Head Liu said we have to double our vigilance on special holidays.

SECURITY GUARD:
(
sticks out his hand
) My phone!

SUPERVISOR:
I’m keeping it for now. You can have it back when you’re off-duty.

SECURITY GUARD:
(
pleading
) This is a holiday, sir. Families are having happy reunions, enjoying moon cakes, setting off firecrackers, gazing at the full moon, falling in love, but not me. I’m stuck here like a pole, and you’re taking even the pleasure of exchanging text messages with my girlfriend from me.

SUPERVISOR:
That’s enough. Stand your watch, keep your eyes and ears open, and stop all suspicious individuals at the gate.

SECURITY GUARD:
Oh, come on. Don’t pay attention to Big Head’s nonsense. Who wants to come to a hospital on special days? Even crooks celebrate holidays.

SUPERVISOR:
Stop clowning around! Is this some kind of game to you? (
lowers his voice secretively
) On New Year’s a terrorist gang entered the (
unintelligible
) Maternity Hospital and snatched eight babies as hostages . . .

SECURITY GUARD:
(
soberly
) Oh . . .

SUPERVISOR:
(
mysteriously
) Are you aware that a certain someone’s mistress is in the hospital to have a baby?

SECURITY GUARD:
(
cocks his ear to listen attentively
)

SUPERVISOR:
(
softly, secretively
) Get it? Remember, a black Mercedes and a green BMW are his cars. Be sure to give them snappy salutes coming and going. No sloppy behaviour!

SECURITY GUARD:
Yes, sir! (
reaches out
) Now can you give me back my cell phone?

SUPERVISOR:
No, absolutely not! This is a special night. Not only is Boss Jin’s wife expecting to deliver, but Party Secretary Song’s daughter-in-law is due as well. A black Audi A-
6
, licence
08858
, keep your eyes open for it.

SECURITY GUARD:
(
unhappily
) Those pricks sure know how to pick the right day! My girlfriend told me that the moon tonight will be the brightest and roundest in the last fifty years. (
gazes into the sky
) When is the moon full? I ask with a glass in my hand. We toast the heavens with wine . . .

SUPERVISOR:
(
in a mocking tone
) Oh, please! If you’ve memorised everything from school, what are you doing as a security guard? (
suddenly alert
) What’s that?

Chen Mei, dressed in black, a black veil covering her face, enters carrying a tiny red sweater.

CHEN MEI:
(
swaying from side to side, as if drunk
) My baby . . . my baby . . . where are you? Mummy’s coming for you, where are you hiding?

SECURITY GUARD:
Her again. She’s crazy.

SUPERVISOR:
Go chase her away.

SECURITY GUARD:
(
stands up straight
) I cannot leave my post.

SUPERVISOR:
I’m ordering you to chase her away.

SECURITY GUARD:
I am a sentry.

SUPERVISOR:
Your duty station extends to fifty metres on either side of the gate.

SECURITY GUARD:
If anything suspicious occurs in the vicinity of the gate, the guard on duty is required to man his post and stop suspicious individuals from entering, then report immediately to his superior. (
He takes his walkie-talkie from his belt.
) Reporting, sir, a suspicious individual to the right of the main gate. Request backup.

SUPERVISOR:
Damn you!

Stage lights focus on a spot in front of the signboard.

CHEN MEI:
(
points to the baby photos
) Baby, my baby, Mummy’s calling you. Can you hear me? Are you playing hide-and-seek with Mummy? Not letting her find you? Hurry, you naughty thing, you little angel, come out so Mummy can nurse you. If you don’t, a puppy will take Mummy’s milk from you . . . (
points to one of the photos
) You want my milk? No, you can’t have it. You’re not my baby. My baby has double-fold lids and big eyes. You’re squinting . . . you want my milk too? But you’re not my baby either. My baby has nice, apple red cheeks, but your face is sallow . . . you definitely aren’t mine, my baby is a boy, a pudgy little boy, but you’re a little girl, and girls aren’t worth anything. (
alertly
) Fifty thousand to bear a boy, only thirty thousand for a girl. You bastards, with your feudal preference for boys over girls, your mothers were girls, weren’t they? Your grandmothers . . . If everyone had boys and no girls, the world would end, wouldn’t it? All you high officials, you intellectuals, you great thinkers, how can you not know something as simple as that? What’s that, you say you’re my baby? You little rascal, the smell of my milk has you drooling, hasn’t it? (
sniffs
) You can’t fool me, you rascal, go dream someplace else. I’m telling all of you, you could cover my face with a blindfold, or you could put my baby in the middle of a thousand babies, and I could find him with my nose alone. Didn’t your mothers tell you that every baby has its own smell? If you’re hungry, go find your mummy. Oh, that’s right, you charmed children don’t call them ‘niang’, you call them ‘mama’ and you don’t say ‘nursing’, you say ‘drinking mother’s milk’. What’s that? Your mama has no milk? How can someone with no milk be a mama? All your talk about moving forward, to me it’s going backward, so far backward that children don’t have to arrive via the birth canal and breasts no longer have to produce milk. You people have turned your job over to cows and goats. Children who grow up on cow’s milk give off a bovine smell, and those who grow up on goat’s milk smell like them. Only children who grow up on mother’s milk have a human smell. If you think you can buy my milk, you have another thing coming, not if you came up with a mountain of gold. My milk is for my baby . . . hurry, come to Mummy. If you don’t, these children will take my milk from me. See how hungry they are, see all those open mouths? They’re hungry because their mamas sold their milk for cosmetics for their faces and perfume for their bodies. They are not good mamas. All they care about is showing themselves off. Their babies’ health means nothing to them . . . be a good little baby and come to Mummy . . .

SUPERVISOR:
(
stands at attention and salutes
) Madam, this is a maternity hospital. The patients and their babies need peace and quiet, so please leave at once and stop creating a scene.

CHEN MEI:
Who are you? What are you doing here?

SUPERVISOR:
We’re security.

CHEN MEI:
What does security do?

SUPERVISOR:
We maintain social order and are responsible for the safety of institutions like schools, businesses, post offices, banks, markets, restaurants, bus and train stations, and more.

CHEN MEI:
I know you! (
mad laughter
) I know who you are, you’re Yuan Sai’s bodyguards, the ones people call watchdogs.

SUPERVISOR:
I’ll not stand for such insults. Without us, there would be anarchy.

CHEN MEI:
You’re the ones who stole my baby! I’d know you even without your surgical gown and mask.

SUPERVISOR:
(
alarmed
) Watch what you’re saying, madam. If you’re not careful I’ll sue you for slander.

CHEN MEI:
Did you really think you could hide your identity from me by changing clothes? That putting on a uniform would make you a decent person? You’re one of Yuan Sai’s dogs. Wan Xin, that witch, delivered my baby, let me have one look . . . (
painfully
) no, not even a single look . . . they covered my face with white cloth, I wanted to see my baby, just one look, but they took my baby away without letting me have a look . . . but I heard my baby cry, crying for me, he wanted to see me too. Is there a child on earth that doesn’t want to see his mother? But they snatched him away from me. I knew he was hungry, he wanted to nurse, you people don’t know how precious the first drops of colostrum are to a baby, you thought I was uncultured, and didn’t know things like that, but I do, I know everything. I sent all the finest elements of my body up to my breasts, including the calcium in my bones, the oil in my marrow, the protein in my blood, and the vitamins in my flesh. My milk would ensure that my baby would not suffer from colds, diarrhoea or fevers, would grow fast and strong, and would be handsome, but you people took my baby away before he had a drop of my milk. (
goes up and claws at the supervisor
)

SUPERVISOR:
(
flustered
) You’ve got the wrong person, madam, take my word for it. Round-cheeked or square-faced Yuan, it makes no difference, I don’t know who he is.

CHEN MEI:
Of course you’d say that. You thieves, you gangsters, you steal children to sell them, a pack of devils. You may not know me, but I know you. Wasn’t it you people who gave me sleeping pills after you stole my baby, and when I woke up told me he was stillborn? Wasn’t it you people who flashed a skinned cat in front of my eyes and told me it was my baby’s dead body? After stealing my baby, you cheated me out of my fee, you said a live birth was worth fifty thousand, but my baby was stillborn, so you only gave me ten thousand, and after taking my baby, you tried to steal my milk. You came with a bowl and a baby bottle to squeeze first milk out of my nipples, saying each gram was worth ten yuan. You bastards, that milk is for my baby. Ten yuan? I wouldn’t sell it for ten thousand!