From Bad to Cursed (21 page)

“Can’t you stop it, though?”

“I’m his, Alexis. I want what he wants. Good or bad. If he wills it, it becomes my will too.” She glanced at me. “As with all of the girls in the Sunshine Club. All but one.”

All but one? All but me.

Because by the time I’d fully committed to Aralt, I’d already screwed things up too badly to have any time to enjoy it. The thought left me feeling dejected.

“I don’t have much time, you see,” she said.

What did that mean?

“Are you dying?”

Her expression was sad. “Not yet.”

I was leaning back, relieved, when the doorbell rang. We both shot to our feet, and Tashi held the flat of her hand out to me.

“Stay,” she said. I heard her at the front door, calling out a greeting to someone and saying she’d be right there. Then she hurried back to me.

With surprising speed and strength, she grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hall toward the garage door.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I’m sorry, Alexis,” she said. “There’s less time than I thought.”

“Time for what?”

She shoved me against the wall and glanced back at the front door. “Forgive me,” she said. She grew more agitated by the moment, shaking her head like she was trying to shake an image out of her mind. “Forgive me. I would never do this, except—”

I would have screamed, but her hand was over my mouth. Her face contorted as if she was in physical pain, and then she looked up at me.

Her cheeks were covered in the black tracks of tears, all melted together like someone had colored her face gray.

“To abandon—try again,”
she whispered. “I need to show you.”

“Try what? Wait—!”

She opened the garage door and shoved me down the single stair. The door closed behind me, and the dead bolt clicked with finality.

I
STUMBLED BUT
managed not to fall. Then I charged at the wall and flipped on the light switch, preparing to start banging my fists on the door and screaming my head off.

But in the moment that the fluorescent lights flickered on, I forgot about all that.

Because everything I’d expected to see when I went into the master bedroom—the symbols, the candles, the movie set?

I was standing in it.

The plain concrete floor had been drawn on with a dark, thick marker, or some kind of black paint—a web of symbols that radiated from the center outward, stars and moons and other stuff I didn’t understand. Instinctively, I raised my feet, trying to get clear of it the way you’d try to get clear of quicksand. But it was sticky. It pulled on the soles of my shoes.

Forced to be still, I finally took a long, slow look around me.

Then, like when you’re standing in the ocean and a giant wave hits you out of nowhere, I was knocked over. I fell to the floor and curled into a ball, my hands over my ears.

But what struck me wasn’t a
physical
force.

It was emotion. Raw, surging, torrents of emotion—ranging from tattered tendrils of fear and pain to huge pulses of anger, jealousy, paranoia—

They formed into a roar that filled my head, my soul, my entire being.

Suspicion, disgust, torment—

I was like a helpless bird caught in a thunderstorm, buffeted from every side by a venomous black wall of hatred, selfishness, hunger—most of all, hunger—and if it continued, it would wear me down like a layer of paint under a sandblaster. Already I was losing pieces of myself, my thoughts—I couldn’t recall who I was or where I was or why I was there.

With my mind wiped clean, the hatred began to take root, filling my head with a pulling, tar-like need to destroy, devour, hurt—and I expanded to meet the force, began to feel its desires as if they were my own.

How I wanted to hurt someone. How I wanted someone to cower before me, begging for mercy, so I could crush them between my fingers. The world swirled dark and terrible, and I was dark and terrible too. The shrieks of pain on the edge of my consciousness were delicious to me; they soothed me and gave me an outlet for my most horrible awarenesses—

That I was imprisoned. Trapped. I contained so much force, and yet I was being held inside this place, rendered powerless. My fury flared up like flames and burned everything inside me.

I wanted to raise my arms and watch the oceans rise with them. I wanted to beat down everything in my path like a meteor shower of death and annihilation. It was a feeling of tremendous power and tremendous frustration, and at the edges of it all was a hunger to escape and be cruel, sadistic, merciless. I wanted to explode. I wanted
out
.

And then it stopped.

I don’t know how long it took me to uncurl myself. To let my own thoughts trickle back into my consciousness. To separate myself from the black, all-consuming hatred that had filled me.

But when I opened my eyes, I saw that the room around me was blank. All of the symbols were gone. The burning candles were dead hunks of wax. The talismans had been swept to the floor and turned to dust.

Numbly, I went to the wall and hit the glowing button, then watched the garage door open with a quiet rumble. I stared out into the night, still feeling like I was walking six feet behind my own body.

He’s evil
.

He manipulated us. Controlled us. And we spent every minute of every day trying to please him. But he was a monster who only wanted to feel blood on his hands and taste fear on his tongue.

I made it about halfway home before my legs began to swim underneath me. I sat down on the curb outside of #65 and wrapped my arms around myself. My body shook, rattling the breath in my lungs.

He was evil, and there was nothing we could do about it.

He was evil, and he was inside us. So deep inside us that I didn’t know where Alexis ended and Aralt began.

He was so evil that even the girl who had loved him for almost two hundred years was terrified of him.

I ambled home, waved a senseless hand at my parents, and lurched down the hallway to the first door, which I knocked on, quietly, slowly, steadily, until my sister pulled it open.

She took one look at me and her face turned as gray as death.

“I need your help,” I said, my parched throat crackling behind the words. “I just met Aralt.”

W
E WAITED UNTIL
our parents went to sleep and then sat on the sofa, wrapped in blankets we’d pulled off our beds. I was in my pajamas, a robe, thick socks, and slippers, and I made a cocoon for myself with my comforter. If I could have settled between the couch cushions, I would have. The rawness of Aralt’s emotions left me feeling vulnerable, exposed. My shoulders still quaked under all my layers.

“Try again,” Kasey said, for the eightieth time. We’d been sitting there trying to figure out what Tashi had meant. “It’s what Elspeth said, too.”

“I don’t get it,” I said. My voice still had the dusty rasp of a lifelong smoker. “Why apologize and then push me into that place?”

“She said she was dying?”

“No, not yet. But she said there was less time than she thought. And that Aralt was impatient. And she chose me because I was different from the other girls.”

Kasey wrinkled her nose. “I always knew your rebellious streak would come in handy someday.”

“But handy for what? What does she want me to do?”

Kasey shrugged and ran her finger along the length of her braid. “She wants you to try again.”

I sighed. “We could always…go ask her.” Even though my body went cold all over at the thought of being back in that house.

Kasey shook her head. “Not tonight.”

I settled back against the cushions, relieved. “One thing I don’t get.”

She looked up at me.

“Before Megan and I joined the club…why didn’t you just
say
you weren’t in danger?”

Not the question she was expecting. “I was trying to keep you from being too interested,” she said, pushing on her forehead with the side of her hand. “I really thought I could explain to them why we needed to stop.”

“But that wouldn’t have worked.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I still wonder—if I’d been able to really talk to them…to Tashi…”

“And then what?” I asked. “How would you have stopped it?”

“I don’t know.” She buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry, Lexi. I’m so sorry.”

“No,” I said. “It’s not all your fault. I should have been there for you.”

“But I was being stubborn,” she said. “They were
my
friends. I knew you’d help me if I asked, but I wanted to show you I could do it alone.”

“We’re just a pair of idiots,” I said.

The moon shone its flat blue light on the wall bordering the backyard, making the view even more depressing.

“So what now?” I asked. “Do you trust me to help you?”

“I don’t know,” Kasey said. “Do you trust yourself?”

I thought about it.
Should
I trust myself?

There were aspects of Aralt I’d begun to count on—always knowing the right thing to say. Believing in myself, in my future.

Yes, Aralt was a being of unspeakable evil. But was I really strong enough to forsake him, or would I wake up the next day and immediately sell my sister out?

“Maybe there’s a way around that,” I said. “If we can come up with some sort of—not blackmail, but…an insurance plan? So if I get tempted, you have something to hang over my head?”

I thought it was pretty inspired, actually.

But Kasey shook her head. “No,” she said. “I’m tired of lies. I’m tired of bullying. I don’t want to have something hanging over your head. If you don’t want to help me, that’s your choice.”

“But I could get you in huge trouble, Kase,” I said.

“Yeah,” she said, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling fan. “I guess so.”

“I wasn’t strong enough before,” I said.

“That’s not true,” Kasey said. “You just didn’t know what you wanted. Do you know what you want now?”

“I know what I
don’t
want,” I said.
But…

It’s so much to give up. It would be like sacrificing a part of myself.

“Shut up,” I said out loud. “Shut up, shut up, shut up.”

Kasey watched me. She knew I wasn’t talking to her.

“Yes,” I said. “I’m sure. I know what I want.”

I pulled the gold ring off my finger, walked to the sliding door, and threw it over the wall into the hills. It was just an outward symbol, not part of the supernatural connection. I was still connected to Aralt, like you’d still be connected to your spouse if you threw your wedding band into the ocean. But it was a start.

I wanted my life back.

When I woke up the next morning, there was a dark circle around my finger where my ring had been, like a bruise. I pulled a random ring from my jewelry box and put it on to cover the black.

Before I left my bedroom, I sat and tested my thoughts. I thought about Kasey. And Carter. And Aralt. And the Sunshine Club.

There was a pull—a craving, almost like a constant low-grade headache behind my ears. But Kasey was right. I was strong enough to see through all of it.

As I headed for the kitchen to get some breakfast, my sister waved me into her room. I closed the door.

“How are you?” she asked.

“Good.”

“No, I mean…how
are
you?”

I made my mouth an O. “
Gooooood.”

She tossed a pillow at me, but I could tell she was relieved. “So about getting started. I’ve officially reached the end of the Internet,” she said. “I was thinking about going to the library later. Can you come?”

“There’s no use,” I said. “All of the paranormal books at the city library are locked up.”

Her face fell.

“And so are the ones at school,” I said. “Although…”

Miss Nagesh seemed surprised when I asked her to keep the library open late for us. But she agreed right away. “I’m just revising my novel,” she said. “I can work at the school as well as I can at home.”

At lunch, Carter came up behind me and touched the curve of my back. “Can we eat by ourselves today?”

I turned to him in surprise. “Sorry,” I said. “You know I can’t.”

“Come on,” he urged. He stared at me, unblinking. I felt his fingers move lightly across my shirt. From around the table, eye beams bored into us like lasers.

Sit here. I miss you.
“Sit here,” I recited, too tired to resist. “I miss you.”

“Ah…it’s okay.” He let his hand fall from my back. “I’ll sit with the guys.”

“Oh,” I said. “All right.”

All through lunch, I stole glances in his direction. But he wasn’t looking at me.

Ever. Not once.

Miss Nagesh fumbled with a giant ring of keys, looking for the one that would unlock the metal cabinet in her office. “I never even thought about opening this thing. What kind of librarian keeps books in a locked closet?”

I shrugged. The kind who gets fired, apparently.

“It’s ridiculous. Your first job this week is to put these back into circulation,” she said. “If we ever get them out.”

“What’s your book about?” Kasey asked.

Miss Nagesh glanced up, her eyes shining. “The next big thing in teen fiction,” she said proudly. “
Harpies.
”

“Wow,” Kasey said.

“Obviously not with feathered bodies or anything,” she said. “I’m taking some liberties.”

“Can’t wait to read it,” Kasey said.

“I have to finish it first,” Miss Nagesh said. “Wait…wait…
got it!
”

The cabinet door swung open, revealing shelves piled high with books.

“Go for it,” she said, backing away. “I’ll be at the main desk if you need me.”

We spent the next few hours poring over the books, looking for anything that might help.

“Listen to this,” Kasey said. “‘One aspect constant to every
libris exanimus
is its attendant
creatura
. The
creatura
functions as bodyguard and servant to its
libris
. It will always be found nearby; if you come across a
libris exani
mus
, you can be sure a
creatura
is close at hand, and vice versa. Be wary, for a
creatura
will take any means necessary to protect and serve its master.’”

And that would be Tashi. “But is it a human or a spirit or something else?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “That’s all it says. This is a book of cheat codes for a video game called
Spirit Killaz 2
.”

“Oh,” I said.

Kasey heard the doubt in my voice. “But it talks about power centers, too. I think the people who made the game actually did their homework.”

My phone buzzed. I glanced at it, expecting to see Carter’s name on the caller ID. But it was Megan’s. “Hello?”

“Where are you?” she asked.

I hesitated. Luckily, the question had been rhetorical.

“Because I can tell you where
I
am,” she said. “Sitting on my bed studying my French vocab.”

Studying?

“There was a pop quiz today!” she said. “And I totally bombed it.”

“Wow, that sucks,” I said.

She made a disgusted noise. “I know, I’m so mad.”

My ears pricked up. Mad at Aralt?

“I keep thinking, what did I do that Aralt would want to teach me a lesson? Am I taking him for granted? Was I ugly today?” She sniffed. “I’m never wearing that skirt again…Did you notice anything?”

“No,” I said. “I thought the skirt was cute.”

She sighed. “All right, well, I thought I’d ask.…I’ll talk to you later. Or tomorrow, maybe.
Je dois étudier
.”

“
Bonjour
,” I replied.

She laughed. “All right, Lex. Stay sunny.”

“Stay sunny,” I said. And hung up.

Kasey was watching me.

“Megan said—”

“I heard.”

“Something’s going on,” I said.

Kasey let the book rest in her lap. “I hate to say it, Lexi, but…”

I knew what she was going to say before she said it. We needed to go talk to Tashi.