From Dream to Destiny: The Ten Tests You Must Go Through to Fulfill God's Purpose for Your Life (11 page)

I’ve heard some men say, “Well, I know I deal with this stuff, but I’ve never actually transgressed. I’ve never put that lust into action. Sure, I look at pornography and have a difficulty with lust. But I’ve always been faithful to my wife.”

Such a person needs to understand that it is not the
sins
of the parents which are passed down to the children; it is the
iniquities.
If we allow lust to stay in our hearts, we are going to see it in our children; because God said He would visit the
iniquities
of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation (see Exod. 20:5).

Here’s the great news. God has made a way for us to be free from both our sins and our iniquities. Isaiah 53:5 says, “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities.” (Remember,
transgressions
are outward and relate to our sins or trespasses.
Iniquities
are inward and have to do with our heart.) Jesus was wounded outwardly for our outward transgressions and sins. And He was also bruised inwardly for our inward iniquities.

In other words, everything that needs to be done for us to be set free from sin and iniquity has been done in Jesus Christ through His extraordinary sacrifice. Jesus has set us free from sin and iniquity by His atoning work on the Cross. But if we don’t allow Him to set us free in the area of iniquity, we will give our children an inheritance we don’t want them to have.

Impurity Is Always Lust, Not Love

To young people, I would say, “If you’re dating someone and they say, ‘If you love me, you’ll do it,’ that is a lie.” Impurity is always lust, never love!
If you are in an adulterous relationship, it is not love; it is lust. Potiphar’s wife did not love Joseph—she lusted after him. If she loved him, she would not have lied about him and allowed him to sit in a prison for 10 years.

Most sin is born of selfishness, and lust is the most selfish sin there is. Lust does not want gratification for anyone but self. Lust doesn’t care whether the spouse gets hurt. Lust doesn’t care if the kids get hurt. If you allow it, lust will take over. And it will affect not only you, but your family as well. You need to know that.

Sexual immorality has consequences (and they are not the consequences that love produces). Those consequences bring great pain and heartache, and we need to make sure our children understand that. Sometimes we don’t adequately explain to them why God says, “Don’t step over that line.” God is not a prude who does not want you to have fun. God warns you to not step over that line because He knows that pain and death are on the other side. He loves you, and He doesn’t want you to take that road to destruction!

I was once asked by a young couple, “If we love each other, and we’re going to get married anyway, what difference does a piece of paper make?”

“None,” was my reply. “The piece of paper [marriage license] makes no difference at all. I’ll tell you what does make a difference, though—the blessing of God. It makes all the difference in the world!”

Who would not want the blessing of God on their sexual relationship with their spouse? When we walk in obedience to God, we will have His blessing. But if we walk in disobedience to God, we have invited destruction into that area of our lives—and the only way to close that door is through repentance.

Young people are under tremendous pressure from the world to compromise, and they need to understand these truths. But some couples who have been married for years also need to understand this—because they may have opened this door and don’t know how to shut it. Well, if that last statement describes you, please keep reading—I can help you shut that door!

I have observed that premarital sex can open the door to dissatisfaction with sex after the wedding vows have been spoken. Because if you are going to have premarital sex, you will have to sneak around to do it.
All impurity involves deception. So if you had premarital sex, you had to do some sneaking around. And that developed an appetite for “sneaking around sex”—an appetite God never intended you to develop. By compromising in this way, you set your marriage up for failure.

I know that may seem like a strong statement, but I have witnessed the sad results of this all too often. When I counsel couples that have gone through adultery, I have learned to ask them about this: “I’m not trying to pry, but I need to know, so we can shut a door. Did the two of you have premarital sex?” In nearly every case they say, “Yes.”

Here is how it happens. When you have premarital sex, you sneak around and get butterflies in your stomach. You get that adrenaline rush because you’re doing something that is forbidden and exciting. But after you get married, you don’t have to sneak around anymore, and that adrenaline rush is gone. Then the man will start to say, “It’s just not the same,” and he’ll want to begin to do other things—X-rated videos, pornography and other things like that—because he is trying to satisfy an appetite that was created by sin.

That is why a man will begin to talk to the secretary at his office and begin to flirt with her—he’s trying to satisfy an appetite for the forbidden that was aroused in him by premarital sex. And then he will begin to engage in an extramarital affair with her. In order to do that, what will he have to do? That’s right—sneak around. He’ll get the same adrenaline rush with her that he had with his wife before they got married. He associates that feeling with love, so he’ll begin to think he loves her and not his wife. So he’ll divorce his wife and marry her.

Think about it. Now what happens? He doesn’t have to sneak around anymore—and now the cycle of sin and deception is ready to repeat itself. That is why some people have been divorced three, four and five times. They are trying to satisfy an appetite God never intended us to have—an appetite that was created by lust, not love.

If you want to close the door that premarital sex has created, you do so the same way you close it with any other sin—go to God and repent. Unfortunately, many Christian couples that have had premarital sex don’t want to admit it. They want to just gloss it over, pretending to others and to themselves that it never happened. But it did happen, and
until that sin is repented of, it will continue to affect them.

If that is you, I am not trying to condemn you, and I am not saying that you have to broadcast your failings to the world. But if you want to shut that door, you cannot just gloss over the fact that you had premarital sex. You have to deal with it as sin. You have to go to your spouse and ask forgiveness for having violated God’s commandments. You’re going to have to call sin “sin” and repent to one another and to God. The two of you are going to have to pray for each other and pray for forgiveness. Because if you don’t deal with it as sin, you will leave an open door for the enemy into your marriage. It is very important that you close that door. If you don’t, it will affect your marriage, your family and your children.

Impurity Will Affect Your Relationship with God

Your family relationships are not the only ones affected by immorality. Immorality will negatively impact your relationship with God, as well. Why? Because immorality brings with it great deception—and God is a God of Truth. There is no falseness, or deception, in Him.

Immorality always involves deception, because in order to be involved in sin, you will have to sneak around. Any person who is involved in immorality is a deceptive liar—that is the bottom line. Now I realize that is a strong statement, but I am not looking down on anyone. I am simply describing the way I used to be! I know what I am talking about, because I used to be a very immoral person. (In other words, I speak from experience!)

Immoral people cover up, they lie, and they become deceptive in every area of their lives. And by doing that, they eventually learn to be deceptive not only with their spouse or their parents—they also learn how to be deceptive with God.

Please don’t misunderstand me—God cannot be deceived! He knows exactly what you and I are doing. But when you open your life to impurity, you open yourself to demonic spirits. And those spirits will tell you that no one sees what you are doing—not even God.

You can’t be involved in impurity and also have an open and transparent relationship with God. You may go to church and raise your hands, but you cover your heart. You learn how to pray without dealing with sin. But what does God say about those kinds of prayers?

Psalm 66:18 says, “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear [me].” Then Proverbs 28:9 tells us: “One who turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination.”

Don’t be deceived. If you are involved in an immoral relationship, it will stand between you and true fellowship with God. When deception takes over, you can convince yourself that sin doesn’t matter, that you can still hear from God. But you are not really hearing from God. You may hear a spirit talking to you—but it is not the Holy Spirit!

Immorality opens the door to great deception. One couple that was involved in an immoral relationship went so far as to tell me that they prayed together. I am going to admit that those words actually made me feel sick—because that is the height of deception. They may be talking to “a” spirit with such prayers—but the spirit they are talking to is not holy! They start to believe that spirit is God, but it is actually a demonic spirit masquerading as an angel of light. Those who are involved in immorality become blinded to the point that they can’t even see their
sin. And they come to believe that God does not see it either.

You cannot have an open relationship with God if you’re walking in impurity. If you persist in immorality, your lying and deception will become a way of life. You will learn how to be a religious person, rather than a godly person. You will learn how to go to church and put a “face” on. You will learn how to go to prayer with a “face” on. And eventually, you will even learn to go to God with a “face” on. But God is not fooled by that “face.”

In the end, you will also have learned how to tune out the voice of the Holy Spirit. Because you know the Holy Spirit is saying to you over and over again, “Turn away from that sin. Turn away; turn back to God; turn back to what is right.” The reason He is pleading with you is because He sees that the end of that road is death. He sees that the end of that road is destruction—a broken family, a broken marriage and a broken life. He sees that. He loves you. And He is pleading with you to come back.

But if you allow lust to stay in your heart, you will learn how to walk in a rebellious relationship with the Holy Spirit. You will learn how to say no to the Holy Spirit over and over again. You will learn to tune out the voice of God and grieve the Holy Spirit.

Do not be deceived. Immorality will affect your relationship with God. If you believe you can keep immorality in your heart and still have a pure relationship with God, you have been deceived.

This is precisely why James wrote this to the church:

But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren (Jas. 1:14-16).

James is wondering,
How in the world could you go back to your sinful ways now? How could you allow that lust to draw you away from the truth? You must have been deceived—because you know that lust will turn into sin, and that sin will result in death.

James is pleading with believers not to be deceived but to let God do a work in this area of their lives. And if you are deceived, God is pleading
with you also. Because the only way you can have a relationship with God is if you renounce sin and repent. You must come to God on His terms, not yours. You must repent, renounce that sin and tell God that you want to come back to Him.

It is vital. Because if you allow sin to thrive in this area of your life, you will not fulfill your destiny.

Impurity Will Affect Your Future