From Glowing Embers (11 page)

“Don’t tell me you go out with women just to talk!” Julie Ann was numb with jealousy. She pictured his arms filled with perfect little blondes with centerfold bodies. She wondered what he had done to them that he had never done to her.

“What’s the matter, Julie Ann? Jealous?”

She guessed he was angry with himself for seeking her out and angry that he cared about her. He was trying to pick a fight, and she was just in the mood to give him one. “Jealous?” she asked with a snort. “Come on, Gray. You keep telling me I’m just a funny kid. What’s a funny kid got to be jealous of? I get what I want from you, don’t I? We have great conversations.” She said the last word like a curse.

Holding her arms, he slid down the hood to stand in front of her. “This one’s not so great.”

“It’s enlightening.”

He tugged her closer. “I wrote you once, but I tore it up.”

“Easy to say.”

He just stared into her eyes, and she felt small for doubting him.

“What did you say in the letter?” she asked at last.

“I told you I missed you, that I was thinking about you.”

“And you tore it up?”

“It didn’t say enough.”

Her heart beat faster. “What didn’t it say?”

“It couldn’t say this.” His arms surrounded her, and she felt his lips on hers.

Julie Ann knew where the kiss might lead. She sensed a desperation in Gray, a recklessness she hadn’t seen before. She tasted beer as he kissed her, and she wondered how much of his desire was real and how much was the result of the alcohol he’d consumed.

Strangely enough, she didn’t care. She had spent six weeks without him, and she hadn’t believed they would ever be together again. Now they were, and whatever the reason, she didn’t want to leave.

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. She shivered once, then again.

Gray pulled away. “Are you cold?”

She was, but she’d been warming up nicely in his arms. “I’m okay.”

“Let’s go up to the house.”

“When was the last time anybody was here?” Julie Ann asked as they climbed the stairs, arms around each other’s waists.

“I don’t know. My parents don’t use it much after the summer ends.”

Julie Ann watched him unlock the door. She shivered again and hugged herself nervously.

Gray saw the shiver and the hug, and they kindled a slow grin. “I’ll make a fire inside.”

“I’m okay.”

“Yeah, that’s what you said before.” He unlocked the door and pushed it open. “Stay outside while I check the place.”

Julie Ann stood on the porch and watched him disappear into the house. The night-fogged windows did a poor job of diffusing the moonlight, and she lost sight of him immediately. It wasn’t until the interior was lit by the golden glow of a kerosene lantern that she ventured inside.

“After the summer my father turns off the main electrical switch outside. Do you mind the lantern?”

She shook her head.

“I’ll make that fire.” Gray knelt by the hearth and began to pile small sticks in a teepee. “Make yourself comfortable.”

“Are we going to be here long enough to need a fire?”

“Let’s just see.”

Julie Ann perched on the edge of a rocker. She kept her eyes on the small blaze as Gray went outside to get bigger wood to feed it. She wondered what biological miracle was causing her hands to sweat when they were icy cold.

“This should do it.” Gray came back and positioned two split logs on the fire and watched as the flames licked around them. “Come here and warm up.”

Obediently she went to stand beside him, extending her hands toward the flames.

“Why are you so scared?”

“I’m not!” Julie Ann turned so she could see Gray’s face. He was right, but she wasn’t going to tell him so. “What am I supposed to be scared of?”

“Me. If you’re not scared, you should be.”

She searched his face, and what she saw there reassured her. “Why? You’d never hurt me.”

For a moment she saw something very close to fear in his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you, Julie Ann. God knows, you’ve been hurt enough in your life.”

“But it’s made me strong.”

He touched her cheek, and her eyes closed as he stroked it. “Sometimes at night I shut my eyes, and I see your face.” He leaned toward her and brushed his lips where his fingers had been. “I thought we were just friends. That’s what I wanted us to be.”

“We are friends.” She sought his lips with hers.

Their kiss was gentler than the last one had been. When it ended, he held her close. “We should have met in the future.”

Her head lay against his shoulder. “When we were ready for this?”

He didn’t answer, but she could feel his slight nod. “Being here tonight is a bad idea,” he said finally. “I’d better take you home.”

She had survived the misery of her childhood because she had learned to follow her best instincts. Now her best instincts told her he was right. She didn’t care. When had this decision been made? In the lonely nights since she had last seen him? She wasn’t sure, but she was sure of one thing. Just once, just this once, Julie Ann Mason was going to take something for herself. “I don’t want to go.”

His arms tightened around her. “You know what’s going to happen if we stay, don’t you?”

“Just tell me it’s because you want me and not because you had too much beer.”

“I want you, and I shouldn’t.” He found her mouth again, and this time the kiss was not gentle. It was everything she had ever dared dream a kiss could be. She felt it grow inside her until she thought she couldn’t contain it. She felt Gray’s reaction, too.

He took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom closest to the bay. The light from the lantern he carried crept along the wall behind her. As she waited for Gray to set the lantern down, she noted the double bed, the chest of drawers. She shut her eyes and hoped she was doing the right thing.

“Did you think you’d lose your virginity here?” he asked, walking up behind her and dropping his hands over her shoulders so that she could lean back against him.

“I didn’t think I’d ever lose my virginity, period.”

He laughed softly. “You underestimate your charms.”

“What do you see in me? I’m skinny, I have funny hair, and I can’t see without my glasses.”

He turned her slowly. “You have nice eyes, nice hair. I’d like to see you when you’re a woman.”

“I am a woman.”

“Are you?” He smiled. “I’m glad. Then maybe I’ll feel like less of a heel tomorrow.” He dropped his hands.

She waited for him to initiate their lovemaking, but Gray stood quietly in front of her. “If you’re expecting me to know what to do,” she said, her voice wobbling just a little, “forget it.”

“I’m waiting for you to make a run for it,” he said without a smile.

She felt warm all over at the expression in his eyes. There had been no protestations of undying love, no promises of a future, but in that moment she knew that whatever happened after this night, what was between them was right and good.

She slipped her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers. He took over then, kissing her hungrily until she could almost believe he wanted her as much as she suddenly wanted him. She held back as he undressed her, worried that he would be disappointed, but he was patient, coaxing her out of each article of clothing until she wore nothing but flickering lantern light.

He took only moments to remove his own clothing, but those moments seemed to last forever. He was perfect, just as she had known he would be. He had a broad, muscular chest sprinkled with a minimum of soft brown hair. His waist and hips were narrow, and his legs were long and roped with muscle. And the rest of him? Her eyes flicked quickly up to his, and she could feel color rising in her cheeks.

“I’m not sure this is going to work!” she blurted out.

He laughed, moving closer to her. “It’s been working for centuries,” he reminded her.

“Not with me.” She backed up a little until she felt the mattress against the backs of her knees.

He laughed again and pushed her onto the bed, sprawling beside her to hold her in place before she could move away. “This is no time to act like a funny kid, Julie Ann.”

She sighed. “Do you remember when you asked me if I was scared?”

“That was a hundred years ago.”

“Well, I’m scared now.”

“You’re not going to be for long.” He stroked her hair as he bent to kiss her, but he didn’t touch her anywhere else. “You’re going to be lots of other things, but scared isn’t one of them, sweetheart.”

Miraculously, he was right. She wondered at the newness of being naked with him, of being kissed while she was naked. There were so many things to discover; she wanted to savor each one and hold it to her until it was no longer new. When his hand left her hair and caressed her neck and shoulder, she sighed. When his tongue began its own gentle conquest, she opened her mouth to him. When his hand wandered farther afield, settling on one breast, she heard herself gasp.

Slowly—but never slowly enough for her to completely savor it all—he taught her the things she had always wondered about. With tender patience he took her resistance and turned it into desire.

Finally he kissed her nose, her ear, her eyelids, and moved against her. He told her how much he had wanted her, how much he had thought of her when he’d been at school. She knew he meant it, and she knew something more. He didn’t want to love her, but he was falling in love with her anyway.

For the first time in her life, someone was going to love her.

IT WAS MUCH
later before either of them spoke again. Gray held her firmly against him as she rested and tried not to think about how much her life had changed.

“Julie Ann, I wasn’t quick enough to protect you.”

At first she didn’t know what he meant. Then she realized he was talking about pregnancy. Things had happened so fast, she hadn’t even considered it.

“What do you mean, you weren’t quick enough?” she asked.

“I wasn’t going to...I didn’t plan...” He stopped, kneading her hip in frustration. “Just take my word for it,” he said finally. “When was your last period?”

“A couple of months ago.” She listened to him draw a deep breath. “Don’t worry. I’m not regular. It’s always a surprise.”

“I hope you don’t have another surprise.”

She tried to imagine a baby. Gray’s baby. She had never even dared to imagine a child of her own. She had so much love to give. A baby would be a gift from heaven, and heaven didn’t bestow those kinds of gifts on Julie Ann Mason. With almost superstitious zeal she had kept herself from hoping for a husband and children someday, because she was afraid that if she really wanted something, it would never be hers.

But she had never expected to have someone like Gray in her life, either.

“Julie Ann?”

“I won’t get pregnant.” She told herself it was true.

“Promise me if you do, you’ll let me know right away.”

“What would you do if I was?” she asked curiously.

“I don’t know.”

“I’d have the baby.”

“A baby would ruin our lives.”

She knew he was referring to their separate plans for the future, plans that didn’t include the growing love between them. Realistically, she knew he was right, but she was still sad that he believed something as beautiful as their child could ruin anything.

“We’d better be very careful, then,” she said.

“I’ve got to go back to school tomorrow. That’s as careful as we can get.”

“Will you write me?”

He stroked her hair. “Will you read between the lines?”

“Yes.”

He was quiet so long that she thought he’d fallen asleep. Then he spoke. “Julie Ann?”

“Uh-huh.”

His voice was tender, and his words were as close to a proclamation of love as he had ever come.

“My father may have been right about us, but after tonight, I really don’t give a damn.”

GRAY WASN’T SURE
which was worse, Dillon’s occasional snore or the thunder outside. He had left the drapes cracked so he could see the frequent flashes of lightning, and the room was filled with light more often than it was dark. It wasn’t the sound effects, the celestial fireworks or the man beside him that was keeping him awake, however.

He still seethed over Julianna’s refusal to try to bury their past. He wondered if she had gone right to sleep after their encounter, or if she, too, still lay awake thinking of things that were better forgotten.

She had her revenge, if it was revenge she had hoped for all these years. Now she knew that she wasn’t alone, that he had suffered, too. He wondered if it had helped. It didn’t help him to know how the past had scarred her, and no matter how deeply hurt she had been, he couldn’t believe she was lying awake in the other room taking satisfaction in his unhappiness.

He had hoped that talking to her, being with her, would help him put the past behind him. Now it loomed over him, a tangible presence in the room, and, despite the storm, the hotel decor and Dillon snoring next to him, he was twenty-one years old again and back in Granger Junction.

Christmas lights blinked a steady welcome along Granger Junction’s main thoroughfare as Gray made the drive from Ole Miss to the colonial mansion that was home. The back seat of his car was covered with suitcases, gaily wrapped presents and a duffel bag of dirty laundry. The seat next to him was taken up by the shapely body of another Ole Miss student, Paige Duvall, who was coming to town to spend the holidays with an aunt while her parents sailed their yacht in the Mediterranean.

“I just don’t want to fly all the way to Greece,” she had told him with a touch of cynicism. “Be a gentleman and give me a ride home with you, Gray.”

Paige intrigued Gray. She was all the things his parents held dear. Beautiful. From an impeccable Old South background. And, despite the lazy sensuality in her slow, easy drawl and big, dark eyes, a lady. She was also intelligent, although she never made a point of it, just as she never made a point of anything. She was studying French, just to study something, and Gray figured that if anything or anyone ever really got her attention, she would be a force to reckon with.