From Here to Maternity (23 page)

‘It’s that bloody picture of Demi Moore on the cover of
Vanity Fair
that started all this women-look-beautiful-pregnant lark,’ fumed Jess. ‘It’s bad enough
being
pregnant, without having the pressure to try to look good when all you want to do is wear tracksuits with big elasticated waists and no bra.’

‘Not to mention the chest hair.’

‘What?’ said Lucy, looking alarmed as Jess roared laughing.

I told them I’d come out of the shower a couple of weeks ago and James had said, ‘Darling, you’ve got a black mark on your stomach.’

‘No I don’t,’ I said sighing.

‘Yes, you do – just there.’

‘No, James, it’s not a mark, it’s a hairy stripe thing.’

‘What?’ he said, looking appalled.

‘It’s a side effect of pregnancy; some women get a moustache down their stomach, it has to do with pigment or something.’

‘But it’s black and you’re ginger.’

‘I am aware of the colour, I have noticed that I now have a Tom Selleck special running down my stomach.’

‘Is it permanent?’ he asked.

‘I don’t know James, I’ve never been pregnant before, remember? Believe me I’m not thrilled to be looking like Tarzan’s best pal.’ And then I told him to drop the subject.

Lucy was staring at me as I finished the story. She looked as horrified as James had. ‘So,
is
it permanent?’ she asked Jess, who, with two children under her belt, was our resident expert.

Jess shrugged. ‘It was one of the only things I didn’t get so I don’t know, but I doubt it. These things tend to clear up once the baby’s born.’

‘This is an eye-opener,’ said Lucy. ‘Can I ask a personal question?’

Jess and I nodded.

‘How is the sex when your bump gets big?’ she said, looking at my now enormous belly.

Jess laughed. ‘When I was pregnant the first time I couldn’t do it in the missionary position when I got to about six months because I was too big and it was too uncomfortable. So I told Tony we’d just have to forgo sex for a few months. Not one to be deterred, Tony came up with a plan.’ She paused for dramatic effect.

‘Well?’ I asked, interested to know what the plan had been. James and I were currently not up to much at all.

‘Tony, ever the thoughtful and selfless husband, reckoned we should test out different positions and find out which would be the most comfortable for me.’

‘Thoughtful of him,’ said Lucy, rolling her eyes.

‘How did it go?’ I asked, keen to find out if there was something in it.

‘Needless to say it was great for Tony, and sore for me as he was bashing against my cervix. After a minute or two I told him there was a reason it was called doggy style – because it’s only meant for four-legged creatures.’

I admit I was relieved. If Jess had told me it was the best sex of her life I would have felt obliged to try it with James. Right now, all I wanted to do when I got into bed was sleep. I really didn’t fancy contorting my body into complicated Kama-Sutra-type positions. Let’s face it, I couldn’t do a decent yoga move so chances are I’d end up doing myself an injury.

‘Was he disappointed?’ asked Lucy.

‘Very, but he kept suggesting other bendy ways to do it until I locked him out of the bedroom and said I was going to tell his mother her son was sexually harassing me while I was pregnant with her first grandchild.’

‘I’d say that took the wind out of his sails.’ I giggled.

‘You’ve got to give him credit for trying,’ said Lucy.

‘I suppose so. Anyway, I’m annoyed with him at the moment,’ said Jess.

‘What’s up?’ I asked.

‘Last night we were talking about getting a new alarm for the house because the one we have is useless. So the conversation moved on to robbers and what would we do if we got broken into. I asked Tony if he thought he’d turn into Rambo to protect his family and did he have a baseball bat hidden under the bed in case of an emergency…’

‘Sure what would I need weapons for, I’d just tell them to leave the kids and take you,’ he replied.

‘Seriously, Tony, what would you do if a robber broke in and said it’s the kids or your wife?’

‘I
am
being serious. I’d say, “Take the wife, she’s all yours.”’

‘Thanks a lot,’ huffed Jess. ‘I gave you those bloody kids and now I’m getting offered to a bunch of thugs on a plate to be murdered.’

‘Well, I’m hardly going to hand over Sally and Roy. You wouldn’t want me to.’

‘No, but it’d be nice if you told the burglars to piss off and said you were going to protect all of us, instead of throwing me out the door at the first mention of a hostage. You could at least try to be manly about it.’

‘Jess, I’m hardly going to argue with a guy in a ski-mask holding a sawn-off shotgun.’

It’s not bloody Beirut, Tony. Burglars don’t carry guns here – they might have a Swiss Army knife if they’re really aggressive.’

‘Well, I’ve no intention of finding out, thanks. You knew when you married me that I was a lover not a fighter, so don’t expect me to change now.’

‘Surely all that testosterone you have would come out in defence of your family.’

‘I wouldn’t hold your breath.’

‘Would you really choose the kids over me?’

‘Yes.’

‘So that’s it! After sixteen years together and seven years of marriage you’d choose the four-year-old and the two-year-old.’

‘Yes.’

‘So you love them more than me.’

‘It would appear so.’

‘So,’ said Jess, ‘I’m not speaking to him.’

‘What would you do in the same situation?’ asked Lucy.

‘I’d feck him out the door so fast he wouldn’t know what hit him. Of course I’d save the kids.’

‘So why are you giving Tony a hard time?’ I asked.

‘Because he should have pretended he wouldn’t be able to choose. We both know we’d turf each other out, but it still isn’t very nice to hear.’

‘Do you really love the kids more than Tony?’ asked Lucy.

‘I still adore Tony, but I love the kids in a more intense, protective way. We’ve lived, they’re only beginning their little lives, you’d have to save them.’

‘What about you?’ Lucy asked, turning to me.

‘I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it,’ I said. I didn’t want to either. Did I love Yuri more than James? Did James love Yuri more than me? I wasn’t sure and, more importantly, I didn’t particularly want to find out. Wasn’t there enough love to go round? But I was going to check our alarm system. I didn’t fancy getting burgled and having to choose or, worse, finding myself outside with the burglars and James’s footprint on my back.

Now that I was nearly seven months pregnant the baby had started kicking regularly, which I loved. With my bump getting bigger by the day, I decided to try to explain to Yuri that he was going to have a little sister or brother. I was nervous about getting the wording right so I began gently.

I sat him down, kissed him, then told him I loved him and that he was the best boy in Ireland and Russia. This always made him smile so we were off to a good start. I showed him my stomach and said, ‘baby,’ then I showed him a picture of a baby and pointed back to my stomach. He smiled at the picture of the baby, which I took to be a good sign. Then I put his hand on my stomach and the baby kicked. Yuri squealed and pulled away his hand. He stared at my stomach, then poked it and the baby kicked again. Yuri giggled, and spent the next ten minutes poking my bump black and blue until the baby got tired of the game and stopped kicking, much to Yuri’s disappointment.

‘So you see, darling, Mummy’s going to have another little baby and you’ll have a little sister or brother, but you’ll always be my special boy,’ I said, smiling encouragingly at him. ‘You’ll have someone to play with all the time. Won’t that be fun?’

Yuri didn’t look like he thought it was going to be a barrel of laughs at all. He looked at me, frowned and then turned away and reached over for his elephant. Damn, this was not a good sign. Maybe he thought he was going to be abandoned again. I picked him up to cuddle him but he shrugged me away and continued to chew on the elephant’s trunk. He always turned to the elephant when he was feeling upset or vulnerable – which, thankfully, had become much rarer recently.

Did he understand about the baby and feel left out already? Maybe I’d confused him. I was riddled with guilt. What if he had a really hard time when the baby arrived? Would it bring back all the nasty memories of being dumped on the doorstep of an orphanage? Although James did keep reminding me that at two months Yuri probably didn’t remember the incident. Still, I was worried that he’d feel left out when the baby was born and that when he grew up he’d always be the ‘adopted’ son. And then he’d disappear off to Russia to become a painter of angry art because of his mixed-up youth. His paintings would be black and the critics would say his mother must have been an awful witch for him to be so full of
Angst.
He’d tell them all how being abandoned once was bad enough, but twice was unforgivable. Then he’d marry a beautiful ballet dancer called Olga and they’d have a child and he’d understand that I’d done my best, that he’d been loved, and he’d start painting in reds and blues…

I’d have to be extra loving and affectionate to him over the next eighteen years so he wouldn’t go off the rails. I bent down and whispered in his ear, ‘I love you, my little Russian angel. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and nobody will ever take your place in my heart.’

But Yuri continued to ignore me and cuddle his elephant. Dejected, I went to call James. By the time he answered I had worked myself into a hormone-induced frenzy and was sobbing. ‘I just tried to uh-uh-uh tell Yuri about the baby and now he thinks he’s going to be abandoned again. He looks really sad… He uh-uh keeps hugging the elephant.’

‘What did you say to him?’

‘I just told him that I loved him and that he’d have a playmate soon.’

‘How exactly did you phrase it?’

‘I just told you.’

‘You were probably too blunt. You need to be very careful, Emma. This is a big thing for Yuri to accept.’

‘I’m aware of that.’

‘You should have waited for me to be there. I’ll handle it when I get home.’

‘Gee, thanks for the support, I’m really glad I called you now. I feel so much better. I’m off to stick my head in the oven.’

‘Calm down, there’s no need for drama. He probably didn’t even understand. He can’t speak, for goodness’ sake.’

‘He understands lots, James. When I say, “Don’t touch that, it’s dirty,” he doesn’t touch it… or if I say, “You’re the best boy,” he smiles. He seems upset. What if the new baby makes him feel left out? He’s suffered enough. What if he becomes really messed up because of it and turns into a mad artist who only paints with black?’

‘Emma, can you please focus on the issue here and not go off on one of your tangents? We just have to keep reassuring him,’ said James. ‘He’ll be fine. He’s settled in so well already, he’ll adjust to the baby in no time. I’ll have a word with him when I get home.’

By the time James got home Yuri was in bed. He had cheered up when I gave him his bath, but had clung to the elephant when I tucked him in and had only given me a half-smile when I sang ‘Incy Wincy Spider’ to him. Granted, I had a voice like a cat being swung round by its tail, but it never usually bothered him. He was definitely out of sorts. I felt awful and kept kissing him and telling him I loved him.

James arrived home and went straight in to say goodnight to Yuri. I left them to it, but I could hear him through the baby monitor: ‘Now, young fellow, you’re not to worry about the new baby because you’ll always be our number-one boy. You’re as much my son as any biological child could ever be. I have lots of plans for you. I’m going to teach you to play rugby and you’re going to be the best out-half in the world and captain England to the next World Cup victory. Or if you prefer you can play cricket for England and bring back the Ashes. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and don’t you forget it. I didn’t understand what people talked about when they spoke of the love for a child, but I do now. It’s pretty overwhelming, actually. You are my number-one priority and nothing will change that.’

I could hear Yuri snoring as James finished his speech and I realized I’d been usurped. I was relegated to second position. I’d be offered to the burglars on a platter. But, strangely, I didn’t mind because I felt the same way. No less in love with James, just overcome with love for Yuri. So much love for such a little person in such a short space of time.

Chapter 26

A few days before Sean’s wedding I was in Mum’s house trying on the dress I had bought. We were flying out the next day to meet Shadee’s family and, needless to say, my mother was up to ninety. Both families were having dinner together the night before the wedding to get to know each other. Sean and Shadee had wisely kept this meeting until the last minute, so that, whatever the outcome, the wedding would go ahead the next day.

‘Lord, Emma, that’s far too tight on you,’ my mother noted helpfully, as I struggled to get the dress over my stomach.

‘Damn! It fitted me perfectly three weeks ago.’

‘I told you not to buy a dress until a few days before the wedding but, as usual, you wouldn’t listen.’

‘It’s fifty per cent lycra – it’s supposed to have lots of room for growth,’ I growled.

‘Well, you can’t wear it, you look enormous.’

‘Thanks a lot.’

‘For goodness’ sake, aren’t you lucky to be pregnant? You moaned for years because you couldn’t have a baby and now you’re giving out because you’ve a big stomach. Never happy.’

‘I’m not giving out and I am extremely grateful to be pregnant. I just don’t like being referred to as enormous.’

‘Big, then.’

‘Lucy and Jess said I’m neat.’

‘Neat!’ screeched Mum. ‘Well, they’re good friends, I’ll say that for them.’

‘Mum,
you’re not helping here. What am I going to do? This is the only decent dress I have and we’re going tomorrow.’

‘Sure can’t you wear a big sheet like the rest of them? No one will notice the difference.’