from Pain to Pleasure (Gainesville Book 1) (9 page)

He drew her tighter against his body. “But he’s not here, and I am.” He kissed her cheek, dying to feel her lips against his again. “You could be that happy all the time.”

That much was true, but fear still ruled her life. She laid her head on Alex’s chest, glad no one watched them. “I know.” However, the risk was too great. To her and him. She needed to protect him from Brian’s insanity.

“I’m sorry.” His hand rubbed her back slowly, in circles. “I didn’t mean to push.”

“You didn’t.” She tried not to shudder and failed. “I just can’t.” Her tears then flowed freely, and she gripped his shirt.

He faked a smile as he held her. Inside, he fumed. It was ridiculous that he could only be her friend. His feelings for her were so strong they overwhelmed him at times. He had never felt anything other than lust for a girl. Even the few he dated more than a few times in high school didn’t do it for him. He only wanted her, all of her, no matter how long it took him. It was the strangest thing for him to want only one woman.

Danielle clung to him.
How can I string him along like this?
It wasn’t fair that she used him for a shoulder to cry on when he actually cared about her. She could never admit that she had started to feel something more than just sexual attraction. That would make him pursue her even more.
I need to stop this before it gets too far, and we both get hurt.

Lips touched her forehead, and she looked up. Alex smiled, but his eyes told quite a different tale. He obviously hated to be only friends with her. She wished she had the strength to tell him to get lost. Her chest ached at the thought of him no longer in her life. She was thoroughly confused.
How can I want something so unobtainable?

Alex felt the tension and wanted to ease it. He let go of her and took off her necklace. “Thanks for letting me borrow this.” He put it around her neck. “Have you had it a long time?”

“A few years.” Her gaze shifted downward. “My grandma gave it to me. She said it would protect me.”

He lifted her chin. “From Brian?” He cringed inwardly.
Yeah, that’ll ease the tension… Not!

She nodded, unable to say it. “Please…”

Then he realized that maybe getting it out would help her. “You can talk to me about it,” he whispered. He didn’t want the few people around them to hear. “I’m a good listener.”

She closed her eyes. “You are, but some things…” She bit her lip. Some things, she never wanted him to know.

“Nothing’s too much for me to handle.” He caressed her face as he felt her shake. “What just went through your mind?”

A shiver ran up her back. The horrible memory of the first time Brian punished her was so vivid. She saw him hold her hands over her head while he forced his way into her on her bed. She could feel the excruciating pain and hear her own screams. Afterward, the look of approval in her father’s eyes made her sick. He and Brian exchanged knowing looks, and she knew her life would never be the same.

“Danielle… Danielle…” Alex started to breathe harder. He knew she relived something awful and had to make it stop. “Danielle, please. Look at me.” Her nails dug into his forearm, absently. “Hey.” He took her face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I won’t ask again. Please let it go. He can’t hurt you right now.”

She opened her eyes while her lip trembled. “He can.”

He dragged a lone finger down the side of her face. “I won’t let him.”

There was a party at Dave the quarterback’s huge, two-story home that night to celebrate their win. Alex wouldn’t go without Danielle, though. After the game, she had gone to her room and asked him to leave. He heard her sobs through the wall. It killed him that she suffered alone. He took the time to research ways to help. What he found was perfect, in his mind. The issue was how to convince her. He felt that a counseling group and self-defense classes would give her the strength she needed to overcome her fear. All he had to do was make her understand it was worth a try. Her self-esteem was very low.

It had taken a lot of coaxing for Alex to convince Danielle to go to the party. She knew Dave, so he hoped she would feel at ease at his place. He wasn’t worried. His friends protected her as fiercely as he did. They all knew how he felt about her, without a word. He wished she understood what he would do to shield her from any further pain.

Once at Dave’s place, Danielle clung to Alex’s arm, nervously. Her eyes darted all around. She expected to see one of Brian’s friends. The memories that had surfaced hours before made her doubt her and Alex’s friendship. She only held onto him out of fear of anyone else. Men looked her over as they walked through the home. She gripped him tighter and cringed.

“Hey.” Alex put a protective arm around her shoulders. “There’s no one to be afraid of here. I know everyone on the guest list.”

Danielle looked up when Dave approached them. He made her feel very tiny, like many of the players did. She shrank back as he put a hand out.

“Hey, man, glad you came.” Dave clapped Alex on the back. “That was an awesome play, wasn’t it?” He looked at Danielle.

She shrugged. “I guess.”

Dave laughed. “You don’t understand football, do you?”

“No.” She leaned her head on Alex’s bicep, vulnerable.

Dave smiled. “You’ll learn.”

“Hey, girl!” Marie bounded over to them, a drink in hand. “I want you to meet my cousin.” She yanked her away from Alex. “Come on.”

Danielle struggled to keep up. “Wait.” It was no use. Marie was pushy sometimes.

Alex watched them go until he felt Danielle was safe. Then he walked to the kitchen to grab a soda. He knew alcohol made Danielle nervous, so he tried to limit his intake.

“So, you got a date for tonight?” a random redhead asked him just as he grabbed a can of cola.

He turned to her and looked down. “Sorry, all booked up.” He rolled his eyes and hoped Danielle didn’t hear about the old him. “Mr. Casanova,” as some used to call him.

The girl next to him ignored his response and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m real good with my mouth.” She licked her lips when he met her gaze again. Then she rubbed her hand over his semi-hard cock. “I wanna see what all the fuss is about.”

“Cut it out.” Alex had hated his old reputation ever since he met Danielle.

Danielle turned in time to see the groping. Tears stung her eyes as some floozie threw herself at Alex, and he did nothing.
They’re all the same
. Brian hit on girls in her presence sometimes. At least he didn’t make her watch him fuck them. He only did it when Danielle was on her period, but it hurt that he shunned her then. She forced herself to look away and back at Billy, Marie’s cousin.

“Billy’s going for a veterinary degree, too,” Marie informed her. “He can tell you all about the program.” She saw Danielle’s eyes. “What is it?”

Danielle pursed her lips and tried not to cry. Alex was free to do anything he wanted. They weren’t together. “Nothing. Forget it.”

She glanced Alex’s way again and saw a cheerleader’s arms draped around his neck. One lone tear fell as she reminded herself she was Brian’s girl. He wasn’t so bad all the time. At least he took care of her financially. She wasn’t free to be with Alex, whether he was faithful or not.

“What part of, ‘I’m not available,’ do you girls not understand?” Alex had had to fend off four girls while Danielle was gone. They were used to him being the one who never said no, which he never had before. Aggravated, he made his way over to Danielle. “What’re you girls up to?” He casually put an arm across Danielle’s shoulders.

She pulled in her lips and fought jealousy. Then she stepped forward to let Alex’s arm drop.
I’m not going to be your fallback girl
. It hurt that he acted like he cared, and then let women grope him.

He thought she was just nervous. The fear was back in her eyes. He had no idea that she had seen what she had.

“Just talking about school, actually.” Marie leered at him. Logan and she had had sex not long before, but she still wanted Alex at least once before graduation. “What’ve you been up to?”

Danielle walked away, upset and confused. She had no right to jealousy or anger, but she felt both. She wanted Alex to wait for her to be ready, if she ever was. That wasn’t fair to him, though.
How do I deal with this?
Her mind reeled. It was as if she were trapped between two lives. One promised pain, while the other pleasure. The choice should be easy, but for her, it wasn’t.
I have to get my head on straight and just choose a path
.

“Hey, pretty girl.” Barry stepped in front of her and blocked her path. “Alex done with you yet?” He assumed they were lovers. “You like football players, huh?”

She looked up, anxiously. “Uh, not exactly.”

“I seen you with Alex earlier.” He winked. “I know what that means.”

Alex had followed Danielle. He saw Barry and knew right away what was going on. He took her hand in his and pulled her back. “Baby, I was looking for you.” Then he leaned down to her ear and whispered, “Just play along, so he’ll stop.” Barry was known for “not taking no for an answer,” although he had never been accused publicly. Alex feared she would fall victim to him.

“Sorry, Alex,” Barry blurted out. “I thought you were done with her.”

Danielle let Alex guide her to the dining room, which was less populated. Then she pulled away. “Let me go.”

“I didn’t want him to—”

She scowled at him, not able to contain her feelings. “Go play with those girls. They all seem to like you.”

“That’s what you’re mad about?” He exhaled loudly. “I told you, I stopped fucking around when we met. Not all the girls know I’m not a player anymore. I told them all to beat it. Really. I’m not Brian. I won’t do things behind your back.”

She met his eyes. “I’m sorry.” Trust was not something she could give. With all the lies she had been told, she couldn’t help but expect it from him, too. “We’re not dating. You should be able to do whatever you want.” It was hard to say, but it was true.

“But I don’t want anyone else.” He lifted her chin and wiped at her tears. “I want you, and I’m willing to wait.” Although his dick just wanted to fuck, and it didn’t much care who.

Danielle felt bad she couldn’t give him what he wanted. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.”

“Then…” His heart wrenched. “If you’re not by the time Brian gets back, I’ll give up. OK?”

She looked away before she headed back to Marie. Her emotions overwhelmed her again. He could never understand why she hesitated. He didn’t know everything. She hadn’t told him what her fate would be if Brian discovered that she had disobeyed him and became friends with Alex. If Brian knew she wanted Alex, he would retaliate, and it wouldn’t be pretty. She was punished for looking at men. Imagine if he saw her hands on him.

Alex stayed close to her for the next few hours. The state she was in was not good. He could see in her eyes that she still fought tears. He knew she was drawn to him, but that scared her even more. He just wanted her to relax and let him in her heart. The turmoil in her expression made him want to fly out to Russia and hunt Brian down. He was the biggest obstacle they had. Then his mind drifted back to his summers at the shelters. Those women were free of their tormentors but still lived in fear. His eyes closed. It would take time and patience for her to be open to his love.

“I’ll be back in a few,” Alex said to the group, and then touched Danielle’s shoulder. “Do you want a drink? They have lemonade.”

She smiled. “Sure.” She felt better than earlier, but she wished she could let Alex hold her. As Brian wanted, she feared defying him.

Within a minute, Barry sat down on a couch next to where she stood. “Hey, come sit with me,” he slurred.

Danielle ignored him and listened to Billy talk about his Animal Science class. “We actually went out to a dairy farm and helped with a birth. It was disgusting. Not sure how I’m gonna deal with that.”

She politely smiled and nodded her head, no longer interested. Her anxiety returned. She did not like being amongst many people for so long.

Suddenly, Barry pulled her onto his lap. “So, how about you and I go upstairs, and I show you why all the girls come back to me.” He put his hand up her blouse and grabbed her breast.

“Get away!” Danielle shouted, terrified. She pushed him and fell to the floor in the process.

Alex quickly came and picked her up. “What happened?” He had seen Barry nearby but thought she was safe with Marie and Billy right there.

Danielle clutched him and whispered, “He touched me.”

“Barry, cut the shit!” Alex shouted. “Keep your hands off of her. She already said no!”

Many around them heard the exchange. A few teammates started to come closer.

Alex held her close to him. “It’s OK,” he quietly assured her. Then he pulled her away from Barry to where Dave stood.

“What did he do now?” Dave asked.

Alex leaned toward him and whispered in his ear, “He grabbed her tit.”

Dave scowled. “I’ll talk to him.” Then he walked over to Barry and grabbed him by the shirt. “Hands off, got it?” he yelled at Barry. “Alex likes her, and you ain’t gonna interfere. Hear me?”

Barry got up and walked away. Danielle was shocked Dave mentioned how Alex felt about her. She wondered if any of them realized she liked him, too.
I hope not
. If they knew, and then others might, as well.

Then a commotion began at the door. “You can’t come in!” Gary, who manned the front entrance bellowed. “Go the fuck home!”

Alex looked up to see Diego just outside. He quickly pulled Danielle out of view. If she saw him, she would be a wreck again. “Let’s go outside again,” he suggested as he led her in that direction.

Diego was reasonably sure he had seen Danielle enter that house hours before. He was not positive, so he checked her room first. It was empty. He tried to see beyond the huge linebacker, but all he got were glimpses. None enough to be sure. He sulked back to his car and just waited.

Brian told him that if she were at the party with Alex, to make her admit she cheated. The phone call was a bit chilling. He had never heard Brian so unbalanced. The fury in his tone instilled a bit of fear in Diego as well. He knew what Brian was capable of and didn’t want Brian’s anger unleashed on him.