From The Shadows (From The Shadows #1) (5 page)

As our breathing slowed, he very unexpectedly turned to the fridge and began gathering ingredients for pancakes. I looked on with confusion until he turned his head my way again and asked “What?”

I tilted my head to the side, gave him a slightly hurt look and asked. “Weren’t we just making out?” with a teasing half smile I added “And what´s up with the cooking??”

He began laughing “We need fuel before I end up actually devouring you. And if I didn’t stop now I wouldn’t be able to stop any time soon”.

“Oh…” Was all my brain could manufacture as response to that confession, and part of me was thinking
Screw the food…
But I knew he was right. We needed it.

So I jumped down from the counter and dug into his cabinet for a bowl and a whisker. “Then let me help you” I added.

Cooking with Nathan turned out to be just as fun as it had always been and we ended up joking around and talking away, while working, and it didn’t stop as we sat down to eat either. Being around Nathan was relaxing and it reminded me that I had some good in my life. I could be myself around Nathan. I didn’t have to watch my words and worry how he would react the next second. We just kind of… fit. And all of the sudden I couldn’t understand how I hadn´t noticed that before. Or stop wondering why I had been stuck in a crappier than crappy relationship for so long when this was just under my nose.

Well I suppose some of me knew why; I didn’t know better. Growing up with alcoholic parents that could barely take care of themselves, and much less me, didn’t teach me any better. I suppose it had even convinced me that I didn’t deserve better, that I was bound to travel the same path as my parents. I had even been used to a verbally mean person in my life because my dad would get like Mike. He would yell at me, get mad about the smallest things and then blame me. He blamed me for everything and my mom just sat in her own drunken haze and did nothing about it. If I had one really good memory of my childhood it would have been huge, but to be honest I didn’t even remember any semi good things happening when I was a child. I didn’t remember much pronto!                                                                                                             All I knew was what my aunt had told me, that my mom hadn’t begun drinking until I was around five, and because my aunt hadn’t been around much she hadn’t known exactly how bad it had become until much later. And boy had it taken forever for the system to allow my aunt to get custody. She didn’t have much, her job was not earning her much more than she needed and that was why they didn’t want to just give me over to her. It finally happened when I was around 12 though and she became my substitute mom from there on, saving me from the mess that was my parents.

After Nathan and I finished up our pancakes and cleaned up, we spent the rest of the day cuddling and watching movies. It was Sunday and none of us were in any hurry to leave Nathan’s home to face the hard reality that waited outside the door. And none of us knew exactly how long it would be until our perfect buddle would burst to let hell in.

Chapter 6

On Monday morning I woke up with my head on Nathan’s chest and my legs tangled up with his. This was definitely a lovely place to find myself, and while I tried to gain my consciousness I felt Nathan stroking his fingers lightly up and down my arm. Lying here I felt appreciated and I couldn’t stop a huge smile from spreading over my face.

I turned my face up to look at Nathan and he smiled lovingly back at me.

“Good morning Beautiful” he whispered just before placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

“Morning” I said back. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Yea I slept really well, thank you” Placing another kiss on my temple he took in a deep breath through his nose. “You smell really nice” He said it in a soft slightly sleepy voice. “I could really get used to waking up to your warm little body cuddled up at my side”.

I felt my cheeks turning warm from his comment and with the warmth came again the realization that I had never been this comfortable with another person or felt this… Could the word I was looking for be… Loved?

Nathan had hinted that he had wanted me for a long time, but surely what I felt with him couldn’t be as big as love… Or could it? He had confessed yesterday morning that he was in love with me but was what I was beginning to feel for him as big as that?

I wasn’t sure because I didn’t know much of real, healthy love, but I knew that I really wanted him near. So
wanted
was the word I settled on.
Wanted
was a positive word, it was even a great word and it was a word I was comfortable with!

So I told him “Me too! Being in your arms makes me feel wanted”.

“Good because you are very wanted!” As he added those last few words his eyes became more serious and that was how I knew he meant it.

I might have still been newly single but already I felt like
his
and that thought, in no way, made me feel bad. On the contrary it made me feel even warmer inside. I was, however, not ready to tell Nathan that yet.

We got out of bed and again we cooked breakfast together, and I was thinking that this could become a really nice way to start off every day. On top of the cozy cooking, neither one of us seemed in any hurry to get ready and out the door. I guess some of the wish to stay cuddled up with each other still lingered.

“Nate, aren’t you going to work this morning?” I wondered out loud.

“Are you trying to get rid of me” He countered with a smile.

“No, not at all… You just usually start pretty early, don’t you?”

He just shrugged “Nah, sometimes. When I have a morning meeting I do, but I have a project to finish up and I’m still considering if I want to sit in my boring office doing it” He gave me another smile before continuing. “And I think being around you is better inspiration”.

I just beamed back at him.

Nathan had never seemed the type of guy fitted for an office job and he wasn’t working in an office in the traditional way, he worked as an architect designing buildings like concert halls and other music places. He was a real master with a pen and everything he drew showed his love for music and its flow.

Oh and there came the delicious mental picture; Nathan in a suit. Everyday clothing for Nathan was jeans and a rad T-shirt but when he had meetings he looked damn hot in his suits, with his tattoos showing a bit here and there.

“What about you? When does your shift start?” Nathan asked breaking the mental picture stream in my head.

“I need to be at the restaurant at 11 am to get the place ready for the lunch crowd”

I worked as a waitress at a little Italian restaurant, called ´La Scala´, and had been working there fulltime for the last four years because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to study. So I had to work, and I didn’t mind, much. Sure having some kind of career to look forward to would have been nice, but there was also something satisfying in the knowledge that every hour, on your feet, serving put money in your pocket. Furthermore working as a waitress earned you extra change, if the customers liked you, that is. And they usually did like me because I was easy to smiles, even on days when I didn’t really feel I had much to smile about I still managed. Just sucked that it made me feel kind of fake, but hey if it landed me extra money I would do it. I could always sulk when I got home if that mood still struck.

Today I was all real smiles though. So much that my cheeks almost hurt but that was what being around Nathan did to a girl.

“Alright, you want me to drop you off at work?” He asked and walked up behind me and put his arms around my midsection.

I put my arms over his and leaned my head back on his shoulder, looking up at him.

“If you’re sure it´s no hassle, I would really like that. Not quite sure how the busses go from here”

He nodded his assent and out of the blue said. “How I love seeing you smile this much” On a darker note he added. “I can’t remember the last time I saw you smile this easily”

Then he leaned his head down to place a soft kiss at my temple while tightening his grip around me, making me feel so incredibly loved that I had a hard time believing it was true. I had never thought anyone could care this much about me and it drowned out a lot of the bad memories I had with Mike. Sadly it didn’t drown them out so much that it was like they never happened. I still had doubts and fears, but I was beginning to believe that if anyone could remove those bad memories from my mind it would be Nathan.

“Hey Nik, where did you just mentally fly off to?” Nathan asked yet again noticing my every mood as if I was an open book to him.

“Sorry” I said sheepishly. “I just cannot believe that I can feel this happy though I know trouble is coming”

He kissed me under my left ear and began turning me towards him but never letting his hands move off my body. “I make you happy?” He asked with so much happiness shining in his eyes that it made me lose all train of thought.

“Yea, it´s like all my life I’ve lived in shadows and when you´re around some of the darkness breaks away, you let light into my world”.

He kissed me then, a slow, sweet kiss that told me so much. When it ended I felt slightly irritated that it did. I was falling and I was falling fast and I couldn’t in a million years I understand why I hadn’t seen this coming. How had I let Mike and my parents steal away all of the sweetness from my life?

“You make me happy too” He whispered against my lips, and in a teasing rumple he told me “Now go get ready woman, we need to get you to work in half an hour”.

Then he smacked my butt so I yelped out in surprise “Hey…” then I giggled all the way to the bathroom.

Chapter 7

Nathan rolled into the parking lot in front of
La Scala
.

“When does you shift end?” He asked

I shrugged with my shoulders and told him I didn’t know for sure because Sasha had texted me that she was sick and therefore wouldn’t be at work today. “I think I will get her dinner shift too but I won’t know for sure until I see Mr. Leban”.

“Okay, text me when you know so I can come get you?”

“Nate you really don’t have to pick me up… I can catch a ride with one of the guys or take a bus”

I could see something wasn’t right with him, in the way his eyes narrowed a friction when I said that, but I wasn’t sure if it was his possessive streak showing like it had in the club when I had danced with Tim, one of my male coworkers, or if he worried about Mike showing up. I kind of felt like it was a bit of both. He wouldn’t like another man taking me home because he had claimed me now and the alpha gene in him was not letting any other man take care of his woman. And on top of it we were both on needles because we knew at some point, soon, Mike would try to seek me out, he knew where I worked, and soon he would find out that I hadn’t just left him, I was living with his friend. Temporarily anyway. It was clear that Nathan had no good will left towards Mike anymore, but Mike would still try to sneak his way in to get what he wanted, that or he would flip. Well, when we thought about it we were both pretty sure it would be the latter. And then if flipping out didn’t get him anywhere he might go for the first.

Seriously how could I ever have thought I loved a guy like that? It gave me Goosebumps to think of how he had treated me and it was definitely the bad kind of Goosebumps, the kind that followed the feeling of cold water running down your spine.

I did in no way enjoy the thought that maybe he could show up here and the worse one; that he would show up here today. I just knew it in my gut and I think Nathan did so too.

Nathan grabbed my hand and pulled me to him so I was sitting over his lap, facing him. “I would feel better if I could pick you up Nik...” He told me in a soft voice. ”It is in no way a hassle, okay?” He continued while he was looking into my eyes with a slightly pleading expression on his face.

I stared back into his gorgeous green eyes and nodded before verbally agreeing as well, and as soon as I had I could see the worry and tension disappear from his body.

I then leaned in to brush my lips over his and he ran his right hand into the hair at my neck, to hold me still, as he overtook my mouth. His other hand went to my waist to pull me even closer to his body. I moaned out loud and all motivation I had for working went out the window as I gave into his assault. His tongue was hot and propping in my mouth and I could feel him growing hard underneath me. God how I wanted him, but I had to go earn some money so I could find my own place.

“Nate we have to stop.. I need to go work”

“Drop work and come back home with me” he said in a seductive voice as he started to kiss down my neck, making me whimper and making me grow wet down under.

“You.. Know.. I.. Can’t..” I answered in between breaths though my will to do anything else but to take him deep into my womb was dissolving. Had he asked me to ride him right there I was not sure I could have said no or even wanted to. But he didn’t, he knew better than to try to push me when it came to work, so he returned his lips to mine and gave me a last kiss goodbye before I had to crawl off his lap and jump out of his truck.