From The Wreckage - Complete (32 page)

A hand touches the small of her back and she turns towards it, instinctively knowing it’s West. As she does she notices the crowd has moved closer, hearing every word they both said, but she sees too much red to care about their little tête-à-tête being witnessed.

“I’m going to make your life hell.” Aubrey laughs. “You can have West all to yourself, but that’s
all
you’re going to have.”

She doesn’t even turn back to acknowledge Aubrey face to face. Instead, she looks over at the crowd with a chuckle and calls over her shoulder, “Go for it.”

She quickens her step and West pushes against her back a little harder. The science building stands close to the student parking lot and Jules makes a detour that way; taking deep breaths as she marches purposefully away from the quad and the watchful eyes of Aubrey and her friends.

West doesn't speak or touch her, so she can only assume he still follows her as they round the last school building. With the noise of the lunch crowd fading away, she picks up on the heavy sound of his boots hitting the ground behind her. The further they walk from the school, the better she begins to feel. Her pulse slows to normal for the first time since she witnessed the lazy, intimate way his body leaned towards Aubrey.

She makes her way to his Jeep near the end of the parking strip and stands next to the passenger door in silence. The click of the locks releasing doesn’t startle her, and she opens the door, slides into the seat and buckles her seatbelt. A moment later West gets into the Jeep, and after a brief second where he looks out the front window, he cranks the vehicle and pulls away from the school grounds. 

They are silent as he drives away, save for the music playing in the background, and it makes it easier to just sit there in peace. Jules tries to calm herself down by staring out the window as West drives. He takes the turns slowly; left, then right, accelerating and decelerating as they hit stop signs and red lights along the way, yet she has no clue where they are going. She hasn’t paid attention; instead, allowing her mind to focus on the small tear in her heart.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

His question is apprehensive and it pulls her from the silent meditation of her heart. She presses her right palm to her chest and rubs it back and forth as if she can mend the crack she visualized on the way to where they are.

Where are we?
she thinks as she lifts her head to look out the window. They sit on a dirt path amongst the trees; the branches so thick and close she wonders if they didn’t scratch his car as they made their way there.

Jules is startled when the driver’s door opens and the warning bell goes off to remind the driver their keys are still in the ignition. She is taken aback when West climbs out, leaves the keys and closes the door behind him. She stares at his back as he walks away. He stuffs his hands into his back pockets and slumps his shoulders forward.

Grabbing the keys, she throws the door open and presses the ‘Lock’ button as she follows after West. She doesn’t call for him. Instead, she chooses to walk a few steps behind while they walk in silence for a good five minutes before ending at a small stream. West stands at the edge of the stream; water rushing up and over the tips of his boots, making them look shiny and new as they get wet.

“I told you I would screw up.” His voice sounds far away over the gurgling stream and Jules steps closer to better hear him. “I take you to one damn party…”

“I’m sorry,’ she cuts in; looking up at him. “Is this about what Jeff said? About you being a bad influence? You know he was just being a prick, right?” 

West doesn’t respond and she bends down, picks up a few stones and tosses them into the stream absentmindedly. 

“I told her to stay away from you,” he explains; finally turning towards her, his hand catching hers before she’s able to throw the final rock in her palm. He pulls the rock away and drops it before interlocking their fingers and stepping closer. “And me,” he adds, catching the way Jules bites her lip nervously.

“That broke me,” she mumbles; her eyes closing briefly.

“I’m sorry I walked away. When Jeff made that comment, I just — it just pissed me off so bad, you know? I wanted to protect you. You shouldn’t be dealing with her wrath.”

She tugs away and takes a step back. “That’s not what I was talking about. When I came around the corner of that building and saw you leaning over her…the smile she had, the way she was looking at you, touching you?”

His face falls and he tries to reach for her. He says her name softly but she holds her palm up; warding him off and shaking her head vigorously.

“Don’t!” she warns. “I realized in that moment, you could break me. You have a power I’ve never given anyone — didn’t even
know
I could give to someone. I stood there and waited for my heart to crack into a million pieces the moment you kissed her.”

“Don’t you get it, Jules? I’m not going to hurt you. I would never do that to you. I needed to get her away from her friends so I used what I knew would work. I-”

“You used what she wanted; I get that,” she interrupts. She can see the logic in it. She doesn’t argue with his method, because that isn’t what bothers her. She tells him this and tries to think of the best way to explain things to him. “It just, for a moment there, it hurt like hell,” she admits.

“Come here,” he requests. He stretches out his hand and Jules doesn’t hesitate to slide his way. He pulls her gently to the ground. The stones poke at her behind and legs, but she shifts into a semi-comfortable position and watches West do the same.

“Tell me what you’re thinking?” he asks and she tries to shake her head, but his eyes lock onto hers. He draws his brows together and waits for an answer, and seems unwilling to accept her refusal to reply.

“I told you. The moment I saw you two together, there was a flash that passed through me where I dreaded the worst. It’s not because I don’t trust you, West. I’m not saying I think you would ever do that, I just…I guess regardless of what my head knows, my heart couldn’t help but protest.”

They sit with their legs crossed Lotus-style, facing each other with their knees touching and their hands locked between them. One might think they are praying together by the looks of their positions, especially looking at West. He looks down and his shoulders are rounded towards the ground. His face is tucked into his chest so Jules can only see his dark, spiky hair. He stares at the rocks, or maybe their touching limbs, she can’t tell. She only knows he looked defeated when she told him how she feels.

“I don’t want to break your heart,” he admits softly, his voice quivering. It’s just a slight hitch in his tone, but she can tell he is emotional and feels the tension in his grip on her fingers. “When it comes to you, I go a little crazy.”

“Is that what you call the scene with Aubrey? You going a little crazy?”

“She’s such a bitch and I’m an idiot.” Jules gives him a blank look. “I didn’t need Lauren to tell me Aubrey had been talking smack. I’d already heard it from more than enough people before History class. Jeff’s comment about me being a bad influence just spurred my rage. I walked over there and yanked her away from her friends with the pretense of hitting on her.”

Jules flinches at the words, even while she watches his angry face. It’s instinct again. His being with another girl immediately throws her world into chaos. She wishes she knew how to reconcile her tumultuous feelings after only three weeks. He’s only been in her life for a scant three weeks, and already he is practically the center of it. 

“I’m sorry if that hurts you, but it’s how you deal with someone like Aubrey. She is used to getting her way. I filled her head with lies, buttering her all up before I simply told her to stay the hell away from you.”

“I wanted to punch her,” she admits, making West grin.

“You’re so damn feisty, Buffy.” 

Lifting his hand to her lips, she repeats what he said just moments earlier. “When it comes to you, I go a little crazy.”

With a smirk he steers their hands from her lips to his; copying her moves and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. They sit in silence; both looking down at their intertwined hands, the rocks or something else, anything else but making eye contact. Jules looks over at the cool waters rushing by. The bubbly current provides a serene soundtrack to their moment and she speaks, almost reluctantly. “This is going to hurt like hell when it’s over.”

His head snaps to her profile, but she continues to stare at the water. She can see his face scrunching up without even looking at it. He doesn’t have to ask…she knows what he’s thinking.
Over?

“I don’t think I can handle it. I just…call me weak, call me needy. I don’t care what anyone says, West.” Her breathing turns shallow as panic grabs hold of her for a moment. Her mind draws her back to that moment she stood in the Grier house before the twister hit. That moment when she waited for him to crawl through the window and join her. It was excruciating, waiting for him to come through the boarded window after watching everyone else come through. In that moment, she was afraid he had been left behind, that something had happened to him. Then he jumped to the floor and practically teased her, calling out, “
Hey Buffy, miss me?
”

“Then we don’t end.”

He states it in such a matter-of-fact way, much the same as when he jumped into the house that night, that she almost believes him. Like it’s a no brainer, they can stay together forever. However, that’s what she thought it was with Stuart, once. She mentally shakes her head. No, she never felt this way with Stuart. She thought she loved him. She never…what is it? What’s the word for what she feels for West? 

“I need you in my life, Jules. I’m not breaking your heart and I’m not letting you go.”

Need. Yes, that’s what this is.
Need
. 

Her breathing smoothes out at his declaration.
‘I need you in my life, Jules.’
The words swirl around her head and she recognizes the irrevocable truth in them.

“I need you too.”  

“So you trust me with that heart of yours, and I’ll trust you with mine.”

West tugs both of her hands toward him so she is leaning into him and they kiss.
Sealed with a kiss
, she thinks with a smile as their lips mingle. 

“We can cross another item off your bucket list now.”

Jules is turned around, staring out the back window of West’s car as they drive away from the stream. The secluded stream has provided them the perfect spot for an afternoon of kisses and conversation. She feels renewed in knowing they are both in this relationship for the long haul. The word ‘love’ tried to slip through her lips several times but she withheld it, afraid it was too soon to feel love. Her brain chides her that
need
is stronger than
love
. How many people do you love in your life? Your family, best friends, relationships from your past. Out of those, how many do you actually need? The questions hammer at her as she turns in her seat and gives West a bright smile.

“Lost in thought?” he asks.

“No, why?”

“Liar. What did I just say?”

“Ummm.” She hesitates and tries to recall what he might have been speaking about. Realizing she wasn’t listening at all, she turns towards him slightly with a sweet smile playing on her lips as she tangles her fingers in her hair. She sticks the tip of her tongue out slightly, trying her best to look seductive, and raises her brows as she cocks her head.

The car slows when West sneaks a glance her way. He bites the inside of his cheek as his lip tilts up in a smile and Jules bats her eyes flirtatiously. The car rolls to a stop and Jules leans his way when he shifts the car into ‘Park’. She props her elbows on the middle console and stares at his profile, waiting for him to turn her way. When he doesn’t, she presses forward; placing a slow, simple kiss to his cheek. When he doesn’t budge, she boldly teases the edge of his jawline with a spattering of kisses until she reaches his ear. She hears his inhale of breath as her warm breath fans over his skin, and she is pleased by his reaction to her nearness. 

“You said I’m amazing; the best, most wonderful girl you’ve ever known, and we’ll be together forever,” she teases into his ear with a smile before pulling back slightly.

His hand pops up to grasp the side of her head before she can get away, and he smiles like a fox as his face rounds to meet hers. “While all true, I said no such thing, gorgeous,” he drawls; his voice deliciously deep. It makes her pulse quicken the way he sounds, the way his golden brown eyes narrow and meet hers, and the way his fingers dig into her scalp; softly, but with enough force to claim her. It’s like a scene from a movie; the practiced Don Juan seducing the innocent Mary Jane. He wins in the battle of wiles. She doesn’t even wait for him to initiate the first move, and instead jumps right at his lips and kisses him as if her life depends on it. As if they hadn’t just spent the past two hours kissing on and off between small conversations and moments of quiet reflection.

The console between them becomes a hindrance and she begins to feel frustrated as their hungry kisses grow wilder and more frantic with every passing moment. She wants to climb into his lap, touch him and explore him like she’s yet to do. His free hand has slowly worked its way up and under her shirt at some point. The warmth of his touch brings goose bumps to her skin as his strong fingers splay across her ribcage. His thumb just grazes the underwire of her bra and she tries to recall which one she put on this morning, hoping it is something lacy. A small moan escapes her lips as his thumb lifts an inch and his kiss goes deeper. And then cold air hits her when he pulls back suddenly with a gasp and a curse. His hand stays in her hair, massaging her scalp, as the hand that was just centimeters from her breast dives into his own thick hair and pushes it up off his forehead.

“Sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry, you don’t have to stop,” she whispers; reaching for his shirt to pull him back towards her.

Gently pulling her hand from his shirt, he tugs his fingers from her hair and confesses, “If we don’t stop, you’ll get to see just how much I need you.”

Her eyes flick to his lap. She can’t help it. It’s an automatic reflex, like checking your hair when you walk past a mirror. The proof of his desire for her is evident for all to see, and Jules feels her face turn red as she blows out a deep breath and returns to her seat. She recalls a lesson her mother taught her very early on about how she should never push a boy too far. That it isn’t fair to expect him to act like a gentleman if she allows him to kiss and paw at her (her mom’s words) and then push him away. She feels guilty for turning him on with no intentions of allowing him to go further. Yet, if she’s honest with herself, she knows that if they’d continued she might have given in. Her first time, in a car. How romantic.

“Now it’s
my
turn to say I’m sorry.” 

“For what? For being the woman I desire? I’m not ashamed for you to know how badly I want you, Jules. Own what you do to me. I told you, you drive me crazy.” He winks at her and she blushes even more. 

His lack of embarrassment goes to show how much experience he evidently has, whereas she feels awkward and unsure of herself as the hot coals of desire he stoked up start to die out. He eyes her somewhat suspiciously when she says nothing, and then throws the car into ‘Drive’; taking her hand in his and heading down the small path again.

“So originally I mentioned how you could mark something off of your bucket list.”

“You did?”

“Yeah…that’s what you missed when you weren’t distracted,” he teases; emphasizing the ‘weren’t’.

“Bucket list item?” She thinks for a moment. With the exception of losing her virginity, which now seems to be in serious trouble, she can’t think of a bucket list item she can cross off after the day she’s had. “What is it?”

“You’ve skipped school.”

Her mouth forms a small ‘O’ and she winces. “Oh no! I…crap! Are we going to get in trouble or caught? I wasn’t even thinking when I walked off campus.” West laughs at the way she flips out and Jules glowers at him. “I don’t recall ‘Skipping school’ being on my bucket list before. You made that up, didn’t you?”

“Nope.” 

“I think it’s time you tell me about everything I said that night. What else did I commit myself to?”

“You’ll remember eventually, cheerleader. Besides, it’s kinda fun holding it over you.” 

 

“That was an important day for me. It was the day I decided I didn’t care.” She shrugs and looks at the camera with an apologetic smile. “I didn’t say it was a
good
change, did I? I always tried to be the perfect student, cheerleader and daughter. That day, witnessing Aubrey with West and the snide comment she made to ruin me…it was just, whatever. You know? I decided then and there when I walked off that campus that I wouldn’t care what anyone thought or said about me. Looking back at it now, it was just one of many little notches being made on the wall, sending me over the edge.”

“I’d never skipped classes before. Never. I was freaking out, but West took care of everything. He even spoke to Coach Stiles the next day and got him to write a note to clear my absence with my fourth period teacher. I didn’t bother to ask him what he said, but I imagined by the look Coach gave me when I saw him, it was something pitying. He nodded at me, and after that day began to ask how I was doing several times a week.

“Things were relatively normal for the rest of that week. Aubrey kept her distance, and while the talk of our altercation at the bonfire as well as our conversation on Monday still echoed throughout the campus, it was something I was able to ignore. West and I continued to spend every moment we could together. He brought me to and from school, we ate lunch together, he walked me to fourth period and sometimes was waiting by the door when class was over. After school, we’d grab a drink and sit in his car and talk; always about movies, music, friends or frivolous things. We never talked about the past and we rarely talked about the future. We consciously decided to live in the now. By the end of the week, our fourth since the twister, I knew I was hopelessly in love with West Rutledge.”