From This Moment On (18 page)

He needed to get over himself, and fast, before Nicola drew into herself any more and disappeared completely on him long before they ever said goodbye on Monday morning. He could feel her closing herself off more with every mile they covered in his car as they crossed over the Golden Gate Bridge, heading north into Marin. And the fact was, he hated losing his connection to her even more than he’d hated having to be in goddamned stealth mode leaving her hotel room to go pick her up at the VIP side entrance.

He reached for her hand and threaded his fingers through hers. “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes were big, surprised, as she turned her beautiful face to his. “Marcus?”

“Will you forgive me for being an ass?”

He was glad, so damn glad, to see her full lips curve up slightly at the corners. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

He lifted her hand to his lips, pressed a kiss to the palm. “There is. I won’t do it again
."

He kept her hand on his lap, pulling her closer to him. They were too far apart in his car. She belonged on his lap, curled up against his chest, where he could stroke her hair, where he could keep her safe, where she could relax and let go of the stress of her high-pressure life for a little while.

“That night in the club,” she said softly, “you didn’t sign up for this. I’m the one who needs to apologize for not being upfront with you from the start. I should have apologized a long time ago for letting you believe I was just any girl.”

“You could never be
just any girl
. And it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re famous.” His hand tightened on hers. “You’re very special, Nicola. Very, very special
."

* * *

Didn’t he realize he couldn’t say things like that to her if he didn’t want her to fall head over heels for him? Lord knew the spectacular sex was bad enough. Now he was telling her how special she was...

Worried he was going to say something else even sweeter—and knowing damn well the wall she was trying to build around her heart didn’t have a chance of holding out against much more—she decided his family seemed like safe ground.

“Speaking of special,” she said, “I’d love to hear about your siblings. Even with just three kids in our family it was really loud and crazy in the house I grew up in.”

“Loud and crazy is dead on,” he agreed, lighting up the way he did every time he talked about his family.

One day he was going to be the most spectacular father. Husband, too. She tried to ignore the pangs of longing in her chest at those unbidden thoughts, along with the shot of jealousy that hit her over the lucky woman who would share those things with him. But somehow, even knowing she was being ridiculous to feel those things for a man she’d only known three days didn’t make her feel any differently.

“Lori said she’s a twin. Are she and her sister really similar?” Marcus laughed at that for long enough that she said, “I’m taking that to be a no.”

Still grinning, he said, “Their nicknames are Naughty and Nice.”

“I take it Lori’s Naughty?”

“And Nice, a.k.a. Sophie, is a quiet, mild-mannered librarian.”

“Do they get along?”

“Sure,” he agreed, “except for when they don’t.”

She managed to remember enough of what she’d read about Smith’s life over the years to say, “They’re the only girls in your family, aren’t they?”

“Yup.”

“It must have been ugly when Lori and Sophie started dating.”

“They’ve started dating?”

He looked so serious that she almost believed him for a second. Laughing, she said, “How many potential boyfriends have you had to beat up?”

“Enough that they should still be celibate.”

Still laughing, she said, “Tell me about your brothers.”

A few minutes later, her brain was reeling as she tried to put together the fact that there was a firefighter, a pro baseball player, a movie star, a photographer, and a whiz with cars all in one family
.

“You Sullivan boys must have kept your mother busy growing up.”

“Still do.”

“It must have been so hard for you to have so much responsibility thrust on you, just a kid who had no choice but to step into his father’s shoes to take care of his brothers and sisters.”

She caught his expression too late to take her words back. He’d looked so open when he’d been talking to her about his family. His eyes weren’t completely shuttered yet, but he couldn’t hide the pain her words had brought to the surface.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, squeezing his hand with hers. “That was thoughtless of me. I’m just sorry you had to deal with so much, so young.”

“No, you’re right. I did feel like I needed to step into his shoes. And I wanted to. I wanted to help.”

“How did your mother deal with it all?”

“She was always there for us.”

“She sounds amazing,” Nicola said, and then thinking how she would have felt in his mother’s shoes if she’d lost the man she loved and had a family with, asked, “Did she cry a lot?”

“I’m sure she did, but I never saw it.”

She squeezed his hand tighter. “Did you
?"

Marcus was silent for a moment. “Do you remember telling me how you’re willing to put up with the pressures of fame if it means you can play your music for people?” When she nodded, he said, “Making sure my family is happy has been worth any tradeoff
."

“You’re the one who’s special,” she told him as her heart broke for him, for all that he’d held inside for so long, and all that he’d had to be for so many people. She knew it was why he was the spectacular man he was today...and yet she wished that it had all been easier for him. “I love how close you are to your family. I don’t know many other people who feel that way.”

“Family is important to you, too, isn’t it?”

“Very.” She’d already told him how much she loved children. Now she found herself saying, “I’ve always wanted a big family of my own. A family like yours, with lots of brothers and sisters who all fight and love in equal measure.”

“How are you planning to balance your career with having babies?”

Nicola shrugged. “I’ve always figured if I want something bad enough I’ll figure out a way to make it work.”

“What else do you want, kitten?”

She gave him a wide smile. “This
."

She leaned over and kissed him hard and fast before letting him get back to the business of driving them to their secret destination.

* * *

He pulled off the freeway onto a side road and as the terrain grew wilder, after so many days and months spent in windowless studios and concert halls, she turned on the radio until she found a song she liked, then gave in to the urge to roll down her window and stick her head out of it into the sun and wind like a happy dog as she sang along to the catchy Bangles song about walking like an Egyptian.

Marcus never let go of her hand the entire time and as she felt pure joy move through her, she worked to drink it in, to savor the incredible taste of it.

They hit a bump in the road and Marcus pulled her back inside, her rear hitting the leather seat with a thump and a burst of laughter she couldn’t possibly contain. When Marcus started laughing along with her, her entire soul was swept up in the joy on his face.

As a Whitesnake song came on next, she said, “I love oldies stations like this.”

“Oldies are songs from the fifties, not the eighties,” Marcus argued
.

Oops, she thought, realizing too late that she’d just inadvertently pointed out the difference in their ages. “You’re right,” she said cheerfully before turning off the radio.

A few moments later he was pulling into the parking lot of a really tiny little store
.

“I’ll be right back.”

He returned with a large insulated bag slung over his shoulder. She wanted to ask what was inside, but he looked so much like a little boy with a happy secret that she decided to let him keep it. She’d seen him serious. Intense. Sensual, of course. And caring. But this playfulness was another wonderful layer.

It wasn’t long until he pulled off onto a really rough, really narrow dirt track that required all of his concentration to get them to the bottom in one piece
.

She’d guessed that they were heading out toward the coast, but that didn’t lessen her surprise when he helped her out of the car, slung the heavy bag over his shoulder, and said, “Close your eyes.”

Three days ago she’d been afraid of ever trusting anyone again. But trusting Marcus was as natural as breathing. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and was surprised to feel him lifting her off the ground
.

Her eyes flew open and she found him smiling down at her
.

“You don’t need to carry me,” she made herself say, even though the truth was that she was glad to be back in his arms, to feel his heart beating steadily against her.

“I can’t have you tripping on any branches,” he said against her ear. “Close your eyes again.”

She shivered at his gentle command, even as a devil on her shoulder asked, “What if I don’t want to?”

The look he gave her was so hungry, so full of sensual intent, that her lips actually tingled though he hadn’t kissed them. “Do you really want to find out?”

Her brain screamed
Yes
, even as fear of the erotic repercussions had her closing her eyes just as he’d asked her to.

He chuckled as she wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled in closer to him. All of her senses came to life as he carried her surely and steadily down the narrow path between the tall pines. She could hear the birds calling to each other from the treetops. She could feel the light breeze brushing over her skin, cooling her where Marcus touched her and made her hot
.

“The air smells so good.”

He kissed her forehead in response and with her eyes still closed, she tilted her face up to his, moved her hands to the back of his head and pulled his face down to hers to kiss him.

Giving her one last kiss, he said, “If you aren’t careful, you’ll never see anything but trees
."

His low voice, rough with desire, had her more than a little tempted to do just that. But then he was moving again and she let herself be taken to the place he’d chosen just for her. For both of them
.

The air around them changed from pine needles to salt spray as he stopped walking and slowly put her down, her back to his front.

“Go ahead. Open your eyes.”

She had spent plenty of time on Malibu beaches these past years that she’d been working down in Los Angeles...but she wasn’t prepared for the incredible sight that awaited her.

The blue-green water was so vibrant her brain could hardly believe it was real, that it hadn’t been painted just for them. And the way the surf crashed on the tall, craggy rocks that rose up on either side of the fine, white sand of the beach reminded her of the parts of New Zealand she’d managed to see during her past shows there
.

“Marcus,” she said with wonder, “this is beautiful.”

His arms tightened around her and he nuzzled her. “I’m glad you think so.”

She’d been given expensive bouquets, fancy dinners, even jewels, but only Marcus would think to give her the simple joy of a day at the beach.

She had to turn into his arms, had to tell him how she felt with more than words. She kissed him softly, slowly, then said, “Thank you for the best day I’ve ever had
."

The sun was right above them and it was barely noon, but she already knew nothing could touch the joy she felt from being all alone with Marcus in one of the most beautiful settings in the world.

He looked down at her, his eyes dark with the need she knew had to be reflected in her own. “Are you hungry yet?”

She was, but not for food. Just for him. For the chance to savor every one of these precious hours with the man who was stealing her heart one beat at a time
.

She shook her head and kicked off her ballet flats. “Ah,” she sighed with pleasure at the warm sand squishing between her toes. “It feels so good
."

Marcus had sat down on a nearby rock to take off his shoes and socks and roll up his pants, and she was surprised when he pulled her down onto his lap and kissed her. Just as abruptly, he put her back down on shaky legs and grasped her hand in his to begin walking down the long stretch of completely empty beach.

“You like doing that, don’t you?”

“Yes, I like kissing you.”

“No,” she said, “lifting me off my feet. Carrying me around. Pulling me down to kiss you whenever you get the urge.” She turned to him with a mock glare. “I think it goes hand in hand with the telling me what do stuff.”

He didn’t let go of her hand as he lifted his to run the back of one knuckle down her cheek. “You like it, too.”

His sure words, the flat-out statement that she enjoyed being his plaything for him to move and command however he liked, should have upset her
.