Full Circle (7 page)

Just when she thought it was over, that the much awaited confrontation was over, he showed up for round two. His accusation. A freaking baby? For thirteen years he’d thought of her as a liar and a cheat. Thirteen years during which he wasn’t the one beating himself up. He was holding onto hatred toward her!

She stripped from her lounging clothes, letting them fall as they would. She didn’t waste time waiting on the water in the shower to warm up. Her body shook as the rush of cold water washed over her. After a few moments she was too numb to give it much thought. She stayed in the shower long enough for the water to go from cold to hot to ice cold again. Towel drying her hair, too mentally drained to even think about blow drying it, she automatically slipped on a pair of lace panties and a matching cami and shorts. Feeling down and out didn’t mean she couldn’t dress sexy. Lingerie always lifted her spirts—most of the time. Sadly, she knew nothing would make her forget about Heath’s gut-wrenching words.

Curled into a tight ball, she fought off more tears. A baby? She kept going back to that. And what really stung was he had believed Katriana. He took that bitch’s word over a woman he supposedly cared deeply for. The girl he’d come close to making love to, twice.

The first time being during a sleepover she was having with Mia. But while Mia was sleeping in the other room, Ellie was in Heath’s bed, her body vibrating with need only he could fulfill. They’d made it as far as him stretched out, her on top of him with her nightgown pulled up around her waist, the roughness of his jeans rubbing the inside of her thighs, and his jeans unbuttoned. She was inexperienced, but still felt safe in his arms, and she wanted to show him that.

Willing to put herself out there, she’d taken him into her mouth. She had never felt so empowered as she had in the moment, his orgasm vibrating through him, his hands buried in her hair, and her name the one on his lips. And she would’ve slept with him that night, but as if a switch had been flipped, he sent her away with the feeling she had been the one who’d pushed herself onto him—that he had no choice in the matter.

She had been a willing participant, but he was right there along with her. If she was smart she would’ve stayed away from him from that point on, but smart and Heath had never gone hand in hand.

Two weeks later she’d kissed him again. Biggest mistake of her life. And then it hit her. She sat straight up in bed, her thoughts running rampant. The second time they’d come close to going all the way was the night before he left. He had to have known about the fake letter.

Why would he start to make love to me, fill me with hope and promise, to only rip it away if he thought I was having another man’s child?

Ellie’s heart rose in her chest when she realized exactly why he would put her through that. He was punishing her. While she was giving him her body and heart, he’d been out for revenge. She breathed in and out, trying to find a reason not to crawl out of bed that instant, go over to Mr. Roy’s, and drag Heath out of bed so she could kick his ass. Here she’d thought they had something real. Was it complicated? Yes. But she loved him madly. She would’ve run away with him if he’d asked her to go. For a long time after he left she wondered if he’d ever thought of asking her to do just that, but was too aware of the consequences. She still had to finish her last year of high school, and he knew how she valued her education. But if that was the case, why didn’t he wait for her? What were a couple months if they could finally be together? There wasn’t anything her love wouldn’t do for him. God, she was stupid to ever believe in him—to think love conquered all.

“Yeah, right,” she said out loud, bitterness coating the words like tacky sap on a pine tree.

Sinking back into the comfort of her bed, she mulled over what came next. She had a good life. Heath had broken her heart once and she’d come out on the other side. It was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do, but she’d done it. The experience made her stronger. Tomorrow she would pull herself back together, plaster on a smile that eventually would be true, and try to forget all about Heath Granger. She wasn’t a seventeen-year-old girl this time who thought life stopped because a boy broke her heart. No, the world kept turning, and it was best she kept moving right along with it. She would get over this, just as she had back then. She would find strength tomorrow.

The tears she’d been fighting back finally released with gale force. Tonight she would cry and fall apart. She would give herself one night of self-pity. With that she wept until she couldn’t anymore.

Chapter Seven

Running a hand over the stubble on his chin, Heath paced up the walkway to his father’s house. His clothes felt grimy and tacky with sand and salt, and he ached throughout his entire body. Sitting up all night in the damp breeze hadn’t been punishment enough, although his thoughts had flagellated his entire being. How stupid could one man be? In the end it came down to him having reacted, his younger man’s pride pricked with pinpoint accuracy by Katriana’s deceit, and no matter which way he looked at it, he’d ignored the message from his heart. He hadn’t trusted Ellie and because he was hurting, had hurt her back. All because he didn’t know how to trust. It had been childishly cruel and unforgivably stupid in retrospect.

And that was back then. Last night, he’d continued his attempts to make her miserable and succeeded. What had she said? Given him her body—and her heart. And he’d accused her of … Ah, it didn’t bear thinking about any further. He’d have to respect Ellie’s edict and stay away from her as much as his father’s impending marriage allowed. Maybe if he did that she’d feel better, and that way he wouldn’t hurt her again. He had no idea how to make reparation any other way.

“Heath? What on earth? Your father said you didn’t come home last night!” Melissa flounced through the doorway, eyes glittering and her face flushed with anger. “Where were you?”

“Down at the water.”

“You look like you’ve been rolling around in your clothes. Are you drunk?”

That’s what he’d missed. He should have taken a bottle along with him and lost himself in it. Maybe his brain would have shut off. “I’m not drunk.”

She moved aside when he bore down on her, and he moved past to step over the threshold. His father poked his head out of the kitchen, a piece of toast in his hand.

“Morning, Heath. You want some breakfast?”

“Let me shower first.”

“What’s wrong with you people?” Melissa’s voice climbed the highest register. “You were out all night and nobody cares?”

With a sigh, he faced her. “I grew up here, Melissa. I used to spend a lot of time by the water.”

Roy cleared his throat. “Right. It’s a small town, dear. Heath used to wander at all hours. Never thought much about it.”

“I see.” From her tone it was obvious Melissa did not see. “I find it rude.”

It
was
rude, abandoning her at his parents, and Heath was fast coming to grips with how his behavior impacted those around him. He was a selfish, self-absorbed asshole. “I apologize. I was at the shore. Thinking.”

“Oh. I wondered—” Whatever she wondered wasn’t shared when Renee hustled down the hall, focused on the kitchen.

“Is there coffee, Roy?”

“Brewed and waiting, my love.”

Renee flashed them a smile. “My addiction, I’m afraid. And Roy never lets me down.”

Heath knew
he
let people down. Maybe he’d read his father wrong all this time, and had been an arrogant, narrow minded, judgmental prick with him too.

“I’ll join you shortly.”

Melissa narrowed her eyes and then nodded, marching after Renee. Heath stepped out of his shoes and carefully picked them up so as not to leave a trail of sand. He dragged his tired self to his room and into the attached bath. His former step mother, or was it his former, former, step mother—he had no idea—had ensured a sufficient number of bathrooms and he couldn’t wait to get in the shower. Setting his dirty footwear in the sink, he stripped off, wadding his clothes into a ball and placing them on top of his shoes. He’d get a garbage bag from Renee later and throw everything into it, then rinse things off in the outside shower.

Standing under a spray of hot water, he quickly washed and rinsed, then shaved. His eyes burned from lack of sleep and the tears he was too proud to shed, but he felt marginally better as he toweled off. He’d wasted years of his life based on a lie he’d fervently embraced.

Hardly self-actualized, Heath tried to entertain what he’d kept coming back to during the night. All that time he’d spent with Ellie, learning her, knowing her as a person, and he’d swept that truth away in a single moment. This wasn’t about Ellie. It was about his lack of self-worth and that inability to trust.

After all, hadn’t his mother had an affair, her husband and children not worth enough to her to contain herself? Hadn’t his father given up and divorced her without considering his children? Why would Heath believe Ellie would treat him any differently, that she’d see him as someone worthy of her? And that he could indeed trust her. He’d pushed her away that time she’d gone down on him, giving him herself in such a unique way, but not because he was thinking of her. Nope, he’d freaked out at the control she had over him. Ridiculous. It was time he grew up and grew a pair while he was at it.

Tossing the towel over the rack, he padded over to his suitcase, pulling out a pair of boxers and socks. He drew them on and selected some pants and a shirt, ignoring the creases. After pushing his hair into place, he headed for the eat-in kitchen. Renee was chatting with Melissa who sipped coffee, a portion of fruit on her plate. His father was doing something at the stove. Heath’s belly rumbled, a change from the rolling and cramping he’d experienced most of the night. Funny how being faced with one’s stupidity made one seriously ill.

“Coffee’s over there. I’ll start the toast.” His dad threw two pieces of bread into the toaster and resumed stirring a mound of fluffy eggs.

Heath poured a steaming cup of something that resembled tar.

Probably noting his frown, Renee piped up. “It’s strong, but it’s a great brand. There’s cream and sugar over here.”

He took a seat opposite Melissa and carefully tasted the brew. It was indeed strong but tasted pretty good. He took another swallow as his father set an enormous plate of eggs and toast in front of him, and then sat beside Renee with his own portion.

“You look tired.” Renee stole a forkful of eggs from Roy’s plate. “I was a little concerned when you didn’t come back after texting about finding Mia at Ellie’s, but your dad said you often stayed out until dawn when you had things to deal with."

Heath’s appetite fled and he stared at his father who was steadfastly shoveling in his breakfast.

Roy raised his head. “What? You did that as a kid and you’re a grown man now. I didn’t worry about you then because you had a head on your shoulders. You had to, seeing how your mother and I weren’t exactly poster parents and there was also Mia to consider.”

He really didn’t want to have this discussion in front of Melissa who’d abandoned all interest in her fruit. There was more to this conversation than met the eye. Or ear? “Good breakfast.”

Renee nodded, following his lead once again, displaying her sensitivity. “We don’t eat like this every day, although Roy would if I allowed it. But he’s not seeing any heart surgeon unnecessarily if I have anything to say about it.”

Heath pondered that for a while before he spoke to Roy. “Can I talk with you after breakfast?”

The forkful of food paused on the way to his father’s mouth for an instant. “Sure. Renee is going to meet with Ellie and Mia this afternoon to finalize some of the table decorations or something. Maybe she can take Melissa with? Show her around a little beforehand.”

The last thing Heath wanted was for Ellie to have to endure Melissa’s company. There were a great deal of things he didn’t want, however, and most were out of his control. He nodded and tried to eat.

“I’d be happy to take you, Melissa.” Renee sounded nothing but sincere, and he wondered where she’d learned how to lie so facilely, because his date looked anything but pleased to have been foisted off.

“I wouldn’t mind looking around this morning. And then I can keep Heath company this afternoon.”

Accepting it as part of his atonement, Heath forced a smile. “I’d thought about renting a boat.”

“I didn’t bring anything suitable to wear on a boat.”

“I have a few things—” Heath could have sworn he saw Renee fight off a smile as Melissa interrupted her offer to loan her some clothes.

“I’m sure we can find other things to do that don’t involve wind and water, Heath.”

“Sure.” After all, he’d brought her here, and aside from driving all the way back to the airport and putting her on a plane, the least he could do was spend time with her. Once he and his dad had a heart-to-heart. Heath didn’t do feelings well and was dreading the upcoming conversation, but after being smacked upside the head emotionally he knew it was time. At least he could make an effort.

He wasn’t coming back to Seaside again, once more because of Ellie, if for different reasons. She’d said her piece and he’d give her that courtesy, but he’d try and heal the breach a little with Roy. His father had offered the olive branch and it would make Mia happy too. The road ran both ways between here and Chicago, and they could visit him when the urge struck.

Breakfast over, Heath helped Roy clear up while Renee urged Melissa along. His date clattered back to give him a kiss—he caught it on his cheek—before leaving, and then he had no idea what to say or do.

“Grab another cup and we’ll go sit in the study. It’s not as big and empty as the great room.” His dad led the way and Heath found himself ensconced in a leather club chair, Roy sprawled in another. The room was definitely masculine, lined with books and filled with comfortable furniture. As Roy had said, there were some nice seascapes scattered around, Mia’s work, and Heath appreciated her talent and the way the pictures complimented the room. All in all, it was a good place for a heart-to-heart if only he knew how to begin.

The other man looked relaxed, but Heath could tell he wasn’t. His hand trembled when he set his coffee down, and he didn’t look right at Heath. Maybe he should remember he was growing a pair and take the lead. “We should probably talk about some stuff.”

What followed was what every man Heath knew would hate. It was no less difficult for his father, who, after taking a deep breath, jumped right in. His cheeks took on a certain pallor and he swallowed convulsively.

“I was a fool, son. A reactive, prideful fool. Your mother cheated on me and I didn’t stop to think of anything but how I felt. Not her reasoning, not the implications, and definitely not about how what I did … everything … impacted you and Mia. All I was concerned about was my bruised manly pride and how the community must have regarded me.”

Heath tried to come up with something to say, but he was caught, hung up on the bruised, manly pride thing as sure as if it was barbed wire wrapped all around him. He understood his father totally in that moment. He’d perhaps had an inkling back then when he thought Ellie had done the same thing to him—cheated. Like father, like son. A strange sound strangled from his lips and Roy’s eyes widened.

Finally, he got the words out. “I get why you reacted the way you did, Dad.” Despite how awkward the conversation was, he didn’t miss the way his father responded to the paternal title, and sadness and guilt over how he’d treated his only living parent for years added to his burden. “I won’t bore you with the details, but I’ve had intimate experience with hurt pride. It makes people do things that …” He trailed off, thinking his father’s experience had been based on fact, yet he was trying to let go of the pain. Roy had actually had some success if his relationship with Renee was anything to go by. Heath had just found out his own angst had been based on a lie, but if anything, things were even worse. Complicated.

“I don’t follow, son.”

With a gesture, Heath shooed his own issue aside. “I think it was Mom’s death so soon after you divorced that made it even more difficult for me to deal. It was one loss piled on top of another. I mean, there’s a lot of truth in what is said about kids feeling responsible for a divorce.”

“It had nothing to do with you and Mia, and everything to do with your mother and me not addressing our difficulties. We didn’t communicate. I’m not going into details. You’re still my child no matter how old you are, and children don’t need to be privy to some things about their parents, but suffice it to say Joyce and I were headed down a rocky road long before she stepped out on me. By reacting I thought I effectively relinquished any responsibility.”

Heath could see how that had worked. People focused on the cheater and applauded the punitive reaction of the aggrieved party, for the most part. Ellie had supported him and Mia, careful, even back then, not to be too vocal about either of his parents. Sensitive and kind, like Renee. Thinking of his soon-to-be stepmother, he quirked a brow at his dad.

“Are you settled on this one? On Renee?”

Roy flushed scarlet, the silver in his unshaven jaw standing out in stark relief, but he didn’t flinch. “I am. Definitely. Renee is the best. You can sense the goodness in her from a mile away and she’s as honest as the day is long. And not at all materialistic. She’s been through some things too and we’re good for one another.”

Standing, his father paced to the window and peered out. “When I think of how it must have looked—the jokes about my multiple marriages and how I was going through women … It’s a wonder Renee could see past all that.” He turned to face Heath. “I personally don’t care. It’s like it happened to another man, a poor example of a man. I can’t let things like that bother me, not when I have the rest of my life ahead of me with a woman I truly love.”