Full Circle (33 page)

“You're a serious girl, aren't you?”

“Very, I guess. Maybe ‘intense’ is the right word. I work too hard, I think too much. I find it hard to turn all that off a lot of the time.” He had noticed that, but he didn't mind that. His wife had been like that, too, and it hadn't bothered him. He hadn't been the one who wanted out. She was. She was having an affair with her boss in Washington, and she wanted some “time off,” she said, so he gave it to her and came home, but he didn't want to go into details about that.

“Have you ever lived with anyone? I mean, romantically, not your friend, the Vietnam vet.” It was funny to hear Harry referred to that way, it was so impersonal.

“No. I've never had that kind of relationship.”

“It would probably suit you very well. Closeness without being tied down.”

“That sounds about right.”

“It does to me too.” He looked pensive again, and then he smiled at her almost boyishly. “Too bad we don't live in the same town.” It was a funny thing to say so soon, but everything happened quickly with him. In the end, it turned out that he was just as intense as she said she was. He came back to see her for dinner twice that week, flying up from Los Angeles, and then flying back afterwards, and the following weekend he took her sailing again, even though she was totally immersed in her murder case and she was anxious for it to go well. But if anything he soothed her, and made things easier for her, and she was amazed at that. And after their second day on the Bay in his friend's boat, he brought her home, and they made love in front of the fire in her living room. It was tender and romantic and sweet, and he made her dinner afterwards. He spent the night, and remarkably, he didn't crowd her at all. He got up at six o'clock, showered, dressed, brought her breakfast in bed, and left in a taxi for the airport at seven fifteen. He caught the eight o'clock plane to Los Angeles, and was in his office by nine twenty-five, looking neat as a pin. And within weeks, he had established a regular commuting schedule, almost without asking her, but it all happened so easily, and made her life so much happier that she suddenly felt as though her whole life had improved. He came to see her in court twice and she won her case. He was there when the verdict came in and took her out to celebrate. He gave her a beautiful gold bracelet that day that he had bought her at Tiffany in Los Angeles, and that weekend she went down to Los Angeles to visit him. They had dinner Friday and Saturday nights at the Bistro and Ma Maison, and spent the days shopping on Rodeo Drive or lounging around his swimming pool, and on Sunday night, after a quiet dinner he cooked her himself on his barbecue, she flew back to San Francisco alone. She found herself thinking about him all the way home, about how quickly she had gotten involved with him, and it was a little frightening to think about, but he seemed so definite, so anxious to establish a relationship with her. She was also aware of how lonely he was. The house he lived in was spectacular, modern, open, filled with expensive modern art, and with two empty rooms for his two girls. But there was no one else there, and he seemed to want to be with her all the time. By Thanksgiving she had grown used to his spending half the week in San Francisco with her, and after almost two months, it didn't even seem strange to her anymore. It was the week before the holiday when he suddenly turned to her.

“What are you doing next week, sweetheart?” “For Thanksgiving?” She looked surprised. She really hadn't thought of it. She had three small cases in her files that she wanted to close out, if the defendants would agree to making a deal. It would certainly make life simpler for her, and none of them were really worth taking to trial. “I don't know. I haven't given it much thought.” She hadn't gone home in years. Thanksgivings with Arthur and Jean were absolutely unbearable. Ann had gotten divorced again several years before, and she lived in Greenwich now, so she was on hand with her unruly kids. Billy came and went if he had nothing better to do. He hadn't gotten married yet. Arthur got more tiresome with age, her mother more nervous, and she seemed to whine a lot now, mostly about the fact that Tana had never married and probably wouldn't now. “A wasted life” was usually the headline of time spent with her, to which Tana could only answer, “Thanks, Mom.” The alternative was Thanksgiving with Averil and Harry, but as much as she loved them, their friends in Piedmont were so painfully dull, with their little children and large station wagons. Tana always felt totally out of place with them, and infinitely glad she was. She marveled at how Harry could tolerate it. She and his father had laughed about it together one year. He couldn't stand it any better than Tana could, and he rarely appeared. He knew that Harry was happy, well cared for, and didn't need him, so he kept to the life he enjoyed.

“Want to go to New York with me?” Drew looked at her hopefully.

“Are you serious? Why?” She looked surprised. What was in New York for him? Both of his parents were dead, he had said, and his daughters were in Washington.

“Well,” he had already thought it all out ahead of time, “you could see your family, I could stop off in Washington first to see the girls, and then meet you in New York and we could play a little bit. Maybe I could even bring them up with me. How does that sound?”

She thought about it and slowly nodded her head, her hair falling around her like a fan. “Possible.” She smiled up at him. “Maybe even very possible, if you leave out the part about my family. Holidays with them are what drive people to suicide.”

He laughed. “Don't be so cynical, you witch.” He gently tugged a lock of hair and kissed her lips. He was so deliciously affectionate, she had never known a man like him before, and parts of her were opening up to him that had never opened up to anyone. She was surprised at how much she trusted him. “Seriously, could you get away?”

“Actually, right now I could.” And that was unusual for her too.

“Well?” Stars danced in his eyes and she threw herself into his arms.

“You win. I'll even offer a visit to my mother up as a sacrifice.”

“You'll go to heaven for that for sure. I'll take care of everything. We can both fly East next Wednesday night. You spend Thursday in Connecticut, and I'll meet you in New York on Thursday night with the girls at … let's see…”He looked pensive and she grinned. “The Hotel Pierre?” She fully intended offering to pay her share, but he shook his head.

“The Carlyle. I always try to stay there if I can, especially with the girls, it's nice for them up there.” It was also where he had gone with Eileen for the last nineteen years, but he didn't tell Tana that. He arranged everything, and Wednesday night found them on separate planes, heading East, she wondering for a moment at how easily she had let him make her plans for her. It was sort of a novelty for her, no one had ever done that before, and he seemed to do it so well and so easily. He was used to it. And when she arrived in New York, she suddenly realized that she was actually there. It was bitter cold, and traces of the first snow were already on the ground as she rode in the cab to Connecticut from John F. Kennedy Airport. She was thinking of Harry as they rode along, and the time he had punched Billy in the face. She was sorry he wasn't there now. She was really not looking forward to Thanksgiving with them. She would have preferred to go to Washington with Drew, but she didn't want to intrude on his private Thanksgiving with his girls after not seeing them for two months. Harry had invited her to join them in Piedmont, as he did every year, but she explained that she was going to New York this year.

“My God, you must be sick,” he laughed.

“Not yet. But I will be by the time I leave. I can already hear my mother now … ‘a wasted life.…’“

“Speaking of which, I wanted to introduce you to my associate, finally.” He had started his own law firm after all, and Tana had never gotten around to meeting the other half. She just never had time, and they were actually surprisingly busy too. Things were going well for them on a small but pleasant scale. It was exactly what they had both wanted, and Harry was ecstatic about it whenever he talked to her.

“Maybe when I get back.”

“That's what you always say. Christ, you're never going to meet him, Tan, and he's such a nice guy.”

“Uh oh. I smell a blind date. Am I right? A hungry one even … oh, no!” She was laughing now, the way they used to in the old days and Harry laughed too.

“You suspicious bitch. What do you think, everyone wants to get into your pants?”

“Not at all. I just know you. If he's under ninety-five and has no objection to getting married, you want to fix him up with me. Don't you know I'm a hardened case, Winslow? Give up, for chrissake. Never mind, I'll have my mother call you from New York.”

“Don't bother, you jerk. But you don't know what you're missing this time. He's
wonderful,
Averil thinks so too.”

“I'm sure he is. Fix him up with someone else.”

“Why? Are you getting married?”

“Maybe.” She was teasing him, but his ears instantly perked up and she regretted saying it.

“Yeah? To who?”

“Frankenstein. For chrissake, get off my back.”

“The hell I will. You're seeing someone, aren't you?”

“No … yes! … I mean no. Shit. Yes, but not seriously. Okay? Will that suffice?”

“Hell, no. Who is he, Tan? Is it serious?”

“No. He's just a guy I'm seeing like all of the others. That's all. Nice guy. Nice date. No big deal.”

“Where's he from?”

“L.A.”

“What's he do?”

“He's a rapist. I met him in court.”

“Not cute. Try again.” It was like being a hunted animal and she was getting annoyed at him.

“He's an attorney, now lay off, dammit. It's no big deal.”

“Something tells me that it is.” He knew her well. Drew was different from the others, but she didn't want to admit that yet, least of all to herself.

“Then you have your head up your ass, as usual. Now, give Averil my love, and I'll see you both when I get back from New York.”

“What are you doing for Christmas this year?” He was half inviting and half prying, and she felt like hanging up on him.

“I'm going to Sugar Bowl, is that all right with you?”

“Alone?”

“Harry!” Of course not. She was going with Drew.

They had already decided that. Eileen was taking the girls to Vermont with her, so he would be alone, and the holidays were going to be difficult for him. They both expected it. But Tana wasn't going to tell Harry any of it. “Goodbye. See you soon.”

“Wait … I wanted to tell you more about…”

“No!” She had finally hung up on him, and as she approached Greenwich in the cab, she smiled to herself, wondering what he'd think of Drew. She suspected that they'd like each other, even though Harry would give him the third degree, which was why she wanted to wait awhile. It was rare that she introduced any of her men to him. Only after she decided she didn't give a damn about them. But this time was different.…

Her mother and Arthur were waiting for her when she arrived, and it shocked her to see how much he had aged. Her mother was only fifty-two years old, which was still young, but Arthur was sixty-six now and he wasn't aging gracefully. The years of stress with his alcoholic wife had taken their toll, as had running Durning International, and it all showed now. He had had several heart attacks and a small stroke, and he looked terribly old and frail, and Jean was very nervous, watching him. She seemed to cling to Tana like a life raft in a troubled sea, and when Arthur went to bed that night, her mother came to her room and sat at the foot of the bed. It was the first time Tana had actually stayed at the house, and she had the newly decorated bedroom her mother had promised her. It was just too much trouble to stay in town, or at a hotel, and Tana knew her mother would have been terribly hurt. They saw too little of her as it was. Arthur only went to Palm Beach, to their condo- minium there, and her mother didn't like to leave him to fly out to San Francisco, so they only saw Tana when she came East, which was more and more infrequently.

“Is everything all right, sweetheart?”

“Fine.” It was better than that, but she didn't want to say anything about it to Jean.

“I'm glad.” She usually waited a day to start complaining about Tana's “wasted life,” but this time she didn't have much time so she would have to move fast, Tana knew. “Your job's all right?”

“It's wonderful.” She smiled and Jean looked sad. It always depressed her that Tana liked her job as much as she did. It meant she wouldn't be giving it up soon. She still secretly thought that one day Tana would drop everything for the right man, it was hard for Jean to imagine that she wouldn't do that. But she didn't know her daughter very well. She never really had, and she knew her even less now.

“Any new men?” It was the same conversation they always had, and Tana usually said no, but this time she decided to throw her mother a small bone.

“One.”

Jean's eyebrows shot up. “Anything serious?”

“Not yet.” Tana laughed. It was almost cruel to tease her that way. “And don't get excited, I don't think it ever will be. He's a nice man, and it's very comfortable, but I don't think it's more than that.” But the sparkle in her eyes said that she lied and Jean saw that too.

“How long have you been seeing him?”

“Two months.”

“Why didn't you bring him East?”

Tana took a deep breath and hugged her knees on the single guest bed, her eyes fixed on Jean's. “As a matter of fact, he's visiting his little girls in Washington.” She didn't tell her that she was meeting him in New York the following night. She had let Jean think she was flying back out West. It gave her brownie points for coming home just for a day, and gave her the freedom to float around New York at will with Drew. She didn't want to drag him out to meet her family, especially not with Arthur and his offspring around.

“How long has he been divorced, Tana?” Her mother sounded somewhat vague as she glanced away.

“Awhile.” She lied, and suddenly her mother's eyes dug into her.

“How long?”

“Relax, Mom. He's actually working on it right now. They just filed.”