Full Throttle (Fast Track) (23 page)

That startled her into speech. “Move out? What do you mean?”

“Well, what do you think we’re going to do? Float along, not totally committed to each other, playing house, each wondering when the other one is going to bail? I can’t do that.”

“But . . .”

“We had an agreement, right? Yeah, we did. But that was before I fell in love with you.”

“But . . .” Shawn didn’t know how to deal with this. She didn’t want him to move out. She would miss him. But she knew it was unreasonable to expect him to stay when she had no clue what she was doing or how she really felt.

“I don’t want you to submit to me. I want you to submit to love.” With that, he went out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

Shawn was left standing in the middle of the old carpet, wondering how to fix something when she wasn’t even sure what was broken.

 • • • 

RHETT
woke up, his head pounding and his heart aching. He was slightly hungover and he had a crick in his neck from sleeping on the couch, but more painful than either of those was knowing that Shawn didn’t really want to be married to him. It had been on her face the night before at the party, in her panicked eyes, and the stiffness of her body. He had thought it was just nerves, but it wasn’t.

The truth was, she had learned to give in to her desire, to jump off the cliff and trust him, but she couldn’t trust his love, their marriage.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t stay there day after day wanting something more from her, trying to drag it out of her, until she withdrew and he resented that his needs weren’t being met.

Sitting up with a muffled groan, Rhett pulled on his dress pants and pushed off the blanket. Trying not to make any noise, he went down the hall and crept into the bedroom to find a shirt to wear. Shawn was sleeping soundly, her mouth open on a slight snore, her hands tucked under her cheek. He loved her with everything in him, and for that very reason, he knew he had to let her go. He would emotionally bleed her dry. She didn’t feel the same intensity of emotion that he did, and he couldn’t make her feel it.

Without opening the closet, he wasn’t going to be able to find any shirt other than the dress shirt from the night before, and he didn’t want to risk waking her up, given how rough the day before had been for her. So with a sigh, he pulled on the crumpled-up shirt and by the side door shoved his feet into his work boots. He would call Shawn later.

He left the house, but his heart stayed behind, tucked up beside the only woman he knew he could ever love.

 • • • 

NOLAN
was in the kitchen, eyeballing the coffeemaker through bloodshot eyes, wondering how it was possible he was even awake when there was a knock on the apartment door.

“Eve?” he called. “Can you tell whoever that is to go the hell away?” It was his wife’s specialty, telling people off. Besides, she was closer, curled up on the couch, still where they had landed after the party, ripping each other’s clothes off and making pro wrestling look like a low-contact sport. They had never made it to the bedroom.

“My pleasure,” she mumbled.

As Nolan poured grounds into the filter, he heard the door open. Then Eve yelled back to him. “Uh, Nolan, it’s your brother. You might want to come in here.”

“What?” Nolan abandoned what he was doing and went into the living room in his underwear. Rhett was in the doorway wearing his rumpled wedding clothes, the shirt not even buttoned, his feet in boots, his hair standing on end, his face weary. “What the hell are you doing here? Did you get arrested last night or something?”

It was the only explanation his brain could produce for why his brother was dressed like that and at his apartment at eight in the morning the day after his wedding reception.

“Where’s Shawn?” Eve asked, wearing nothing but Nolan’s own dress shirt from the night before.

They were quite the trio of post-party fashion Don’ts.

“She’s sleeping still.” Rhett came in and shut the door, then fell into a chair, his hands going into his hair. “We broke up.”

Oh, Lord. Nolan was going to need coffee for this. “What are you talking about? You got married two weeks ago. Last night you were celebrating.” Though now that he thought about it, Shawn hadn’t exactly been a beaming bride. She had mostly sat and looked like she was mildly nauseated.

“She doesn’t want to be with me,” Rhett said, sounding hungover and miserable.

“I’m going to put pants on, then I want to know what the hell you’re talking about,” Eve said. “That girl is crazy about you.”

“Eve’s right,” Nolan said as his wife went down the hallway. “Whatever you said last night when you were drunk doesn’t matter today. Talk it out, bro.”

Rhett shook his head. “It’s over. Can I stay here for a few weeks?”

Hell, no. Nolan sat down on the couch, his head pounding a little bit. He started to worry that this was more serious than Rhett and Shawn having a drunken fight. “Look, I’m going to give you the same advice you gave me when Eve and I had a disagreement about a minute after we got married—go home and deal with your wife. You can’t stay here.”

“You’re a dick.” Rhett scowled at him.

“You were right, you know. Eve and I talked, and look at where we are. You need to talk to Shawn, sort this out with emotions calmed down.”

Eve came back out of the bedroom in yoga pants. “I agree. I’ve never seen Shawn fall for someone this hard.”

“Except it’s all bullshit,” Rhett said. “We only got married because if she wasn’t married by next month, she wouldn’t inherit the track.”

Nolan blinked. “Excuse me?” God, he really needed that coffee. He hadn’t even put the water in and turned it on, yet he clearly needed it because his brain didn’t seem to be firing at full capacity.

“I mean it was a set-up. She offered me money to marry her, and I agreed because I know how important the speedway is to her. And I wanted an in to her bed, I admit it.”

“
What?
” Eve exploded. “Are you both insane? Marriage is not something you play around with!”

Nolan recovered from his initial shock to second that opinion. “Holy shit, Rhett.”

“You two have no business judging us. You got married impulsively.”

“Impulse is one thing—for money or sex is another.” Nolan couldn’t even believe what he hearing. “Oh, my God, Mom is going to die. She thinks the two of you are in love.”

“You can’t tell anyone for fuck’s sake. It still has to be a secret, for Shawn’s dignity. And the truth is, we do love each other. We fell in love, which in a way, was my plan all along. But that doesn’t mean every plan works out in the end.”

“I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“I knew something was fishy,” Eve said, pacing back and forth, her hands on her hips. “I told you, Nolan. I said Shawn didn’t do shit like this, and I said the whole prenup thing was a red flag.”

“You did.” Nolan should have trusted her suspicions. Then they could have all been spared a wedding reception that was based on a complete lie. “So you’re telling me that even after starting a marriage based on something as mercenary as cash and sex, you do want to be with Shawn.”

“Yes.” Rhett said this like it was obvious.

“If there was no money, would you still want to be with Shawn?”

Now his brother looked downright offended. “Of course.”

It was a legit question. This whole thing was crazy. “Then tell her that.”

“I did. She just stood there and stared at me. I can’t do this, man. I can’t be in love with her and have her unsure if she wants to really be with me.”

“So you snuck out of the house in your wedding clothes while she was sleeping? Bro, seriously. Go talk to her.”

“I told her how I felt. The ball is in her court.”

Oh, God. “I need some coffee.”

“Can I sleep on your couch for a few hours?”

“Yes. We had sex on it last night, though, just full disclosure.”

Rhett made a face. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Fine.”

“I’m going for a run,” Eve announced. “I need to clear my head.”

If Nolan knew his wife, she was going over to Shawn’s.

Which was confirmed when she went and got her keys. Last time he checked she didn’t need her car to jog. Hopefully, Eve would have more luck talking sense into Shawn than he had with Rhett.

Total disaster.

He scratched the tattoo of his wife’s name on his chest as he stumbled back to the coffeepot. The path of true love never ran smooth. More likely you ran out of gas, blew a tire, and hit the wall before you crossed the finish line.

But you were always glad you entered the race.

SHAWN
wasn’t even sure how she had managed to fall asleep, because after Rhett had closed the door, she had spent the first few hours lying in bed staring at the wall. She had debated going out into the living room and talking to him about a hundred times. Every single time she had chickened out.

Of course, when she had gotten up, he was nowhere to be found.

Now she was exhausted, miserable, and confused as hell as she sat on the couch, picking through the box of cards from all their friends and family. Every single one, with its well wishes and words of congratulations, were a new knife in her heart. There was a lot of money. Thousands of dollars, and as she calculated in her head, her guilt and disgust with herself grew. Marriage was a serious covenant, not something you jumped into without zero thought and for practical purposes.

So she might have lost the track, which would have been horrible. It hadn’t been worth the damage she had done to her own conscience and how the people she cared about would feel when her split became known. If there had been no marriage, she might have dated Rhett and they might have gotten to the same destination in the end. But there was no way of knowing that, and no way to go back. Second-guessing was painful and futile.

The truth was, they might have managed to create a relationship together despite the odd origin, if she had been able to unlock her lips the night before and tell him she loved him.

But then again, she did have a legitimate point—once in a while she wanted to feel in charge.

Though on the other hand, when had he ever really truly been bossy out of the bedroom?

She clutched the box to her chest and cried silent tears.

Which is how Eve found her.

When she heard the side door open she thought it was Rhett, and she felt her hope soar, only to realize it was her best friend.

“Okay, start explaining,” Eve said by way of greeting. “Rhett is at my apartment saying that the two of you got married so you wouldn’t lose the track.”

The blood drained from her face. “What?”

“Don’t worry. I know it’s a secret. It’s crazy, but I won’t tell anyone. But tell me what this is all about.” She sank into the chair opposite Shawn.

So she told Eve everything, starting with the will and how she had impulsively chosen Rhett because she was attracted to him and because she figured he could use the money. “Then the thing is, we did fall for each other for real. We really did. I am in love with him.”

“Okay, so I’m just going to let all the ridiculousness of how you ended up married go for now and focus on the immediate issue. So if the love is mutual, what the hell is the problem?”

“I’m worried about losing my independence.”

Eve blinked. “Why would that happen? I married Nolan and I’m the same person I was before. I didn’t suddenly start wearing pearls and an apron.”

“Rhett is different than Nolan.” Shawn bit her lip. “He’s . . . intense.”

“I’m not going to talk about your sex life, or at least I’m going to try not to. Are you saying he wants you to be like a submissive all the time? Like an actual lifestyle choice? Because I can understand you might object to being led on a leash or whatever.”

“No! Not at all.” Shawn set the box down on the couch next to her and leaned forward. “I’m afraid to be too much in love.”

“You’re afraid to be your mother,” Eve said shrewdly.

Shawn winced. “There is probably truth to that. She never recovered from my dad leaving. I’m afraid to give my heart like that.”

“But in trying to avoid being hurt like your mother, you have become the post-divorce version of your mother—apathetic. She can’t bring herself to care more than superficially about anyone, including her own kids.”

That was definitely true. But the realization that she could wind up like that punched Shawn in the gut. “Oh, God, I do not want to be my mother. She’s miserable, and she makes everyone else around her miserable, too.”

“Let me ask you this very simple question. Would you rather be alone or with Rhett when you go to bed every night? And when you wake up in the morning and you’re having your coffee, would you rather be alone? Or would you like him there?”

Shawn didn’t even hesitate. “I’d rather be with him.”

“Then stop treating every little speed bump like the end of the relationship. Marriage is a learning curve. But you can’t learn anything if you both just bail the second that it gets tough. Give it a shot, work on being together, then in six months, get married for real, with vows you actually mean when you speak them.”

“You think so?”

“Girl, I’m Eve Monroe Ford. I know so.”

Shawn laughed, suddenly hopeful. They could work on their relationship. So Rhett was all or nothing. But maybe he would understand that when you skipped a step or five, you were all in, you just weren’t at the end goal yet. “What should I do?”

“Go to my apartment and surprise him. I’ll text Nolan and tell him to make up an excuse to leave Rhett alone. Just tell him how you feel. You’ve got nothing to lose. I went after Nolan, and look at how that turned out.” Eve sat back, smug. “We’ve basically cornered the market on awesome marriages.”

“And modesty, too.”

“Yeah, well, you’re one to talk. Now get dressed and go talk to Rhett, or I’m going to post on Stoney White’s Facebook wall that you have never gotten over him.”

She rolled her eyes and stood up. “You aren’t even friends with Stoney White.”

“How do you know?”

Shawn ignored the question and asked one of her own. “How can something that’s so amazing be so scary? I never thought of myself as chickenshit, but this loving someone—it’s terrifying.”

“Tell me about it. But I combat the fear by drag racing with Nolan. It takes the tension out.”

That wasn’t going to work in her case, since Shawn hadn’t driven in years and Rhett would leave her in the dust. But she had a better idea. “Good call, Eve.” She went to get dressed and go lay her cards on the table. She had taken a huge leap of faith in asking Rhett to marry her. Now it was time to make another one.

 • • • 

RHETT
was dozing in and out of sleep on the floor, his head on a throw pillow from the armchair, his headache between his eyes and misery pronounced. The door to the apartment opened and he sighed, guessing it was Eve back from her jog, or Nolan back from the doughnut shop. He’d said he had a post-drinking hankering for fried dough. Hopefully, whoever it was, they wouldn’t speak to him. He wanted to be left the hell alone.

But his eyes flew open when he realized whoever it was had stopped next to him and was dropping onto their knees. It was Shawn, and in another second, she was on the floor, aligned next to him.

“Hi,” she said, with a soft smile.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, even as a seed of hope began to sprout. He rolled onto his side so he was facing her. He wanted to touch her, but he restrained himself.

“I came to apologize for my behavior last night. You wanted to know what was wrong—the truth is, I’m not entirely sure. But the closest I can figure is that I’m afraid. I’m afraid of these feelings, Rhett. I’ve never been in love before, and I’m afraid of losing Shawn in our relationship.”

Her eyes were glassy with new tears and her voice was quiet, words spoken with conviction. “But I’m willing to risk it. I’m all in if you are.”

The words were everything to him. Her sincerity was clear, and he was willing to work on whatever they needed to make this work. He gave in to his urge and ran his finger across her bottom lip. “I’m all in. I love you.”

It was that simple.

“I love you, too.” Her hand started to wander across the front of his dress pants.

“What are you doing?” he asked with a smile as he kissed her chin, the corner of her mouth, her ear.

“Something I’ve been wanting to do for a while.” She unzipped his pants and reached in with eager strokes and freed his cock.

Rhett gritted his teeth. “What if Eve or Nolan come home?”

“Eve texted Nolan and told him to leave and not come back until further notice. She came over to my house to bitch me out. They won’t be back until we give the word.”

Rhett grinned. “Smooth, Hamby. I like your style.” He stilled her hand. “But you know my stance on oral sex.”

“I can appreciate your opinion. But this is what I want, and sometimes, Rhett Butler Ford, you’re just going to have to do it my way.” Her mouth descended and wrapped around his erection.

“Damn it, that feels good,” he said, laying back and closing his eyes for a second and enjoying the hot stroke of her mouth over him. “But I’m not going to stop being dominating in bed, I hope you understand that. I can’t turn it off.”

Shawn looked up at him over the length of his cock, her lips clearing with a slick popping sound. “I understand, and believe me, I enjoy it, too. I had no idea how very much I would enjoy it. But on occasion, I’m asking you to let me have my way with you.”

It was a fair compromise, especially given that a second ago she had been sucking him, and now they were merely talking. “I can live with that. Now get up here and ride me.”

“Uh-uh. Give me a minute.”

Shawn’s mouth covered him again and he groaned, letting her have her way with him. He had to admit, it was a sensation that drove him crazy, and the view was amazing. He let her go at it, both enjoying it, until his control was threatened. But for once, he didn’t mind. He wanted to lose control with her, he wanted to be swept away on a wave of emotion with Shawn. His wife.

He gripped her arms and hauled her up the length of him. “Come here.” A second later he had her pants down and her astride him. He didn’t bother to tell her what she should do. He let her sit up and start a slow, eager rhythm.

“Rhett?” she asked, eyes dilated with desire, hips pumping.

“Yes, Scarlett?”

“As God is my witness, I will never go horny again.”

If he weren’t so turned on, he would have laughed. “And that is one of the many reasons I love you.”