Fully Ignited (Boston Fire #3) (16 page)

“You’ve been drinking. I’m walking you to your door.”

“I told you I’m not drunk.”

Scott nodded, then suddenly whipped the truck down a side street so fast she almost smacked her head on the window. “Yeah, and you also told me you’re not sober.”

He pulled into a space she wasn’t sure actually
was
a space and killed the engine. She knew that, as long as he wasn’t parked in a way that was blatantly illegal or caused complaints, he’d get a little more leeway than other drivers because of his job. Besides the Firefighters Memorial license plate framed by a Boston Fire holder and the sticker in the back window, most of the police officers in the neighborhood knew him and would recognize his truck.

Her door opened and he put his arms up to help her out. She clutched his shoulders and was thankful he held on to her a few extra seconds so she could find her balance on the heels. Maybe she’d had a drink or two more than she thought she had.

He laced his fingers through hers and they walked down the sidewalk together in silence. The neighborhood was quiet and she might have enjoyed the stroll if she wasn’t freezing. And if her feet didn’t hurt so much she could feel each impact with the concrete up into her shins.

Once they were inside the front door, she stopped and stepped out of the heels. Walking up barefoot wasn’t ideal, but she wasn’t going to make it up all those flights of stairs in the shoes.

“Do you want me to carry you?” he asked. She imagined him draping her body over his shoulders and laughed. “I’m serious. I know how to do that, you know.”

She laughed harder, until he actually shushed her. “You’re going to wake up the whole building. Start climbing, Rutherford.”

By the time they reached the top of the stairs and entered her apartment, Jamie was ready to just fall on the floor and sleep there. And Scott didn’t look much better, despite the fact he hadn’t had anything to drink.

“Are you staying?” she asked, tossing the heels into the shoe pile. She’d put them back in their box under the bed tomorrow and maybe add a sticky note to the lid noting she shouldn’t try to wear them for more than two or three hours, and even then only if there were a lot of opportunities for sitting.

“I’d like to.” He looked down at himself. “I’ll have to do the walk of shame in the morning.”

“If you’re going to do the walk of shame, you may as well do it in a fine-looking suit.”

He pulled her close and kissed her until the chill of the night had been chased away and replaced by heat. “I had a good time tonight.”

“It was a beautiful wedding and a great party.”

“I had a good time
with you
tonight. It was nice to touch you and hold your hand and laugh with you without worrying about it being a secret.”

“It was.” She wasn’t sure how she’d feel walking into the station for their next tour, but she had no regrets. Even if it turned out to be awkward, she didn’t have a lot of time left there.

“What just happened?” He put his finger under her chin and tilted her head back a little so he could see her face. “You looked sad for a minute.”

“I’m not sad.” She smiled to prove her point. “Just tired.”

He hooked his finger into the neckline of her dress and slid it up until he could pull the fabric off her shoulder. “We should get you out of this dress, then, and get you into bed.”

They made love slowly—almost tenderly—and afterward Jamie curled into his embrace. It was nice, she thought, that he wasn’t going anywhere. She could close her eyes and drift off with his arms wrapped around her.

And in the morning she would tell him about the transfer.

FIFTEEN

S
COTT
SLOWLY
OPENED
his eyes, not surprised by his urge to smile into Jamie’s hair. He wasn’t much of a morning person, but waking up with her curled against him was definitely getting the day off to a good start.

He kissed her hair, pretty sure she was awake since she wasn’t snoring. Her bunk might be on the second floor, but she’d nodded off on the couch or in the chair on the third floor often enough for him to know she snored like the rest of them. It just annoyed him less when she did it.

“Good morning,” he said when she tried to burrow deeper into her pillow.

“Coffee.”

“Are you hungover or is that how you greet every new day?”

“Coffee.”

He chuckled and brushed her hair away from her neck so he could kiss her nape. “Five more minutes.”

She rolled over so she was facing him, also managing to move a little farther away in the process. Her eyelids were not only very heavy this morning, but still bore some traces of last night’s makeup since they’d been so tired they made love and fell asleep almost immediately.

“Good morning,” she mumbled.

“Do you have stuff to make breakfast or should we go out?”

She shrugged one shoulder, making the comforter slip a little. “I don’t know. I have coffee, though.”

He realized that she might not want to go out to a restaurant, despite the fact they’d obviously been a couple last night. Rick had told her everybody in the bar had their backs, but the reception was over. But what could it hurt to be seen sharing a meal at this point? Everybody who really mattered to him had been at the wedding and they already knew there was a good chance they’d spent the night together.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked, her voice more clear as she shook off sleep. “You look very serious all of a sudden.”

“I was wondering if we could go out to a restaurant or if we’re back to hiding in your apartment.”

“We might as well go out.” She pulled up on the sheet to cover her mouth while she yawned. “The only people who don’t know are people who don’t matter much, especially since I already know what’s going to happen.”

He frowned. “What’s going to happen with what?”

Her eyes widened and he realized she hadn’t meant to say that. She was probably still groggy and her think-first filter wasn’t awake yet. “With my transfer.”

“You found out the day Danny stopped in, didn’t you?” It made sense to him now. “It wasn’t only the conversation with Cobb that made you seem off. You found out where you’re transferring.”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to say anything until after the wedding.”

Because it was bad news. Or at least news that didn’t bode well for them, he thought, if she was worried it would be a damper on the celebration. “Where are you going?”

“I’m transferring to Ladder 41, effective immediately upon Danny’s return to full duty.”

“Ladder 41. They’re good guys.”

“Yeah, I’ve met some of them at different events and they seem to be. I know they have a good record.”

“They’re not close, but I guess they’re not that far away, either. Are you going to move?”

She shrugged. “Not right away, if at all. I might see how the commute goes for a while because I like my apartment. Plus L-41 is in a pretty swanky neighborhood, so I’m not sure I can afford to live close enough to work to make it worth moving again, anyway.”

He waited a few seconds, wondering if she’d give him some kind of clue that he might factor into her decision, too. Maybe a comment about how staying in her apartment meant they’d be able to continue seeing each other. A joke about her still being on his route to the ice rink, at least.

But the words he wanted to hear from her didn’t come. He rolled over to sit on the edge of the bed and scrubbed his hands over his face.

He’d known it would happen. Their relationship was never meant to be anything but temporary. He couldn’t have gotten any bigger a clue they were nearing the end than he had last night.

Denying the bride’s request to be in a wedding photo was kind of a big deal, so Jamie must have felt pretty strongly about not being in what Lydia considered the family picture. It was awkward when the formal family shot had an ex-girlfriend in it, she had said according to his sister.

Ex-girlfriend.
She already thought of herself as his ex and they hadn’t even broken off the relationship yet. He’d put it out of his mind, especially when she’d walked across the bar and into his arms, but now the pain of hearing that explanation from Lydia returned with such a vengeance, it made his stomach hurt.

“Danny said he’s on track to return to duty next Friday,” she said, her voice very quiet.

“Yeah, that’s what he told us.”

“Scott.” He didn’t respond right away, and then he jumped when he felt her hand on his back. “Hey.”

All he could think about was how glad he was that he’d put off taking his dad’s advice to tell Jamie how he felt about her. While he’d been falling in love with her and trying to wrap his mind around how their future would look together, she’d known the details of her departure and hadn’t even bothered to tell him.

At least he’d be spared the embarrassment of having his feelings rejected. The pain would be bad enough. He didn’t need humiliation piled on top of it.

After making sure his expression wouldn’t reveal any of his emotional turmoil, he shifted on the bed so he could see her. “We’ll miss you around the station.”

He could tell by her eyes that the words had hit their target and she hadn’t missed the far less personal
we.
“I’ll miss you...all, too.”

“It’s not time to say goodbye yet,” he said, as much for himself as for her. “I’m going to make coffee and then we can figure out what we want to do about breakfast.”

She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “That sounds like a plan.”

Scott was brewing the first cup when he heard her get up and go into the bathroom. Blowing out a long, slow breath, he leaned his hip against the counter and tried to get his head on straight.

He could end it today, he thought. The door was open to a
hey, it’s been fun but you need to focus on moving on
talk. Sure, they still had a couple of shifts left to work together, but their relationship hadn’t been a factor on the job up to this point, anyway.

But the idea made him almost physically ill and he knew he wouldn’t be able to say the words. Not today, anyway. Even after the double whammy of the ex-girlfriend comment last night and learning she hadn’t told him about her transfer this morning, he wasn’t ready.

He wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready, actually. But he knew the moment wasn’t now, so he’d keep on going the way they had been and hope she didn’t see the truth in his eyes.

* * *

J
AMIE
SAT
DOWN
at her table, tucking one leg under herself, and opened her laptop. She hated sitting in the kitchen chair when she talked to her mom, but the alternative was standing at the counter. She’d learned the hard way curling up with her laptop on the couch led to some unflattering camera angles.

She poked around Facebook until she got the text from her mom that she was ready whenever Jamie was. After taking a sip of her coffee, she initiated a video chat. And when her mom’s face appeared on the screen, she smiled. The Rutherford household had a desktop with a large monitor that her mom had angled so it was flattering, but she was fussing with her hair when it went live.

“You look beautiful, Mom. As always.”

“Oh, hi, honey.” She leaned forward, peering at her monitor. “You look a little tired.”

Jamie smiled because she knew her mom said it out of concern and not criticism. “Restless night, I guess.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Probably something I ate.” She didn’t like lying to her mother, but the truth would worry her a lot more than thinking her daughter ate something too rich before going to bed.

She’d screwed up by not telling Scott about the transfer right away. He hadn’t said anything, but his mood had changed and she didn’t think it was the transfer itself. They’d both known that was going to happen.

After far too much time tossing and turning, alone in her bed last night, she’d decided it had to be the timing. She’d wanted to wait until after the wedding to start the process of saying goodbye, but because of their relationship, she should have confided in him the day she found out where she was going.

Their relationship.
She wished she knew what that meant.

“Jamie?” Her mom’s voice broke into her thoughts. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She forced herself to sit up and look chipper. “So when do you think I should come home?”

“Is it that young man you’ve been seeing?”

“We’re not really seeing each other.” Jamie sighed. She really didn’t want to try to explain Scott to her mother.

“You told me you’d gone on a date. But I heard a man laughing once while I was on the phone with you, and assumed he was watching television. And when you sent me a picture of how you organized those baskets in your living room, there was a hockey stick leaned up against the wall. Since you can’t ice-skate
or
roller-skate, I assume it wasn’t yours.”

“And yet you didn’t ask.”

“You’re my private one, sweetie, and you talk when you’re ready. I took for granted you’d tell me if it got serious.” Jamie looked away, taking a sip of her coffee, and she heard her mom sigh. “Uh-oh.”

Looking into her mug, Jamie mimicked the sound. “So I kind of love him, I think.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful.”

She looked at the screen, knowing she was about to disappoint her mom. “Not really. We’re not...it’s not. Dammit. We work together, so it’s awkward.”

She wasn’t surprised when her mother’s eyebrows shot up. She knew how her daughter felt—or
had
felt—about becoming involved with fellow firefighters. “He’s in your company?”

“Yeah.”

“How does he feel about you?”

She shrugged one shoulder, leaning back in the chair as she untucked her leg before it went to sleep. “We have a good time together, but that’s it. And I’m leaving anyway, so it’s a moot point.”

“Your text said you’d be working in a different part of the city, but that you’re not giving up your apartment. Maybe not working together will be a good thing.”

“We’re not really marriage compatible. We kind of have different views of raising a family, I guess.”

“Because of your job?”

Jamie nodded. “Yeah. Plus, it was always kind of meant to be temporary. It wouldn’t be fair to spring something more on him at this point.”

Her mom pointed a finger at her computer’s camera, which made Jamie smile. “It wouldn’t be fair to
you
to walk away from a man you
kind of love, you think
just because coming to a compromise might be hard work.”

“I know he likes me, Mom. We like being together.”

“You should tell him how you feel, Jamie.”

She nodded, though the thought made her stomach hurt. “I should. But I should wait until I’m done at that station in case things get awkward. I don’t want it to spill over into work.”

Her mom narrowed her eyes. “You mean you want to wait until after this casual thing of yours should be over because then if he calls you or stops by, you’ll take it as a sign he might want it to continue.”

She chuckled, not bothering to deny it. “Maybe. But also because I don’t want things to be messy at work. Now, when do you think is a good time for me to visit? I’d like to wait until at least July so I’m settled in at the new station before I take a couple of tours off.”

As she hoped, the prospect of nailing down details distracted her mom from Jamie’s
kind of
love life. She looked down, frowning, and she knew her mom had her planner open on the desk.

“I think Tori’s planning a family vacation the week after July Fourth, so maybe later in July? Let me look.”

While her mother looked at the calendar on which she tracked four households in two states, Jamie drank her coffee and thought about what her mother had said. While she was serious about not wanting to take the chance of souring their relationship while they still worked together, her mom knew her better than anybody and she probably wasn’t wrong about waiting to see if Scott wanted to keep seeing her once she’d transferred.

Maybe working beside her for weeks had changed his mind about her job being too risky for a mother. It was one thing to imagine a woman rushing into a burning building when she had kids at home. But he knew her. He knew she was damn good at her job.

“Maybe the third week of July?”

Jamie pulled up the calendar on her phone to see if she had anything scheduled for then, though she was sure she didn’t. It was time to give her mom her full attention and put Scott out of her head. They had two more tours together and then they’d see if the end of her time at Engine Company 59 was also the end of their time together.