Fur Coat No Knickers (13 page)

Not long after I set off
, with my music blaring on the car radio to give me a bit of a gee-up, my mobile rang. I ignored it. I could tell from the ring tone it was Laura. She then rang again. With a sigh, I turned down the radio, switched my phone onto speaker mode and answered it, ‘Tara have you left yet?’ asked Laura.

‘Yes
,’ I said, still a bit peed off that she had interrupted my singing along to Michael Bublé.
‘I’m on my way now.’

‘Have you seen or heard the news at all?’
Laura enquired.

‘No. Why? What’s wrong?’ I gasped.

‘Most flights in and out of Ireland have been cancelled
,’ she said flatly.

The news hit me like a bullet.

‘WHAT? No! Why?’ I stammered.

‘There’s thick, thick fog everywhere and a plane had to do an emergency landing at Dublin
,’ she said. ‘You know what it’s like, the news is pretty sketchy right now.’

‘I don’t feckin
’ believe it.’ I said quietly after a long pause.

‘I suggest you ring Travis and find out whether his flight is going ahead or not
.’ Laura suggested gently.

‘Shit. Okay…
well thanks for letting me know. I’ll keep you updated.’

I pulled in at the next service station and nervously rang Travis.

‘Well Dublin airport seems normal babe,’ he calmly stated, in his slow, sexy, gravelly voice. ‘Hold the line gorgeous, I’ll just go over to the information desk.’

I could just make out what he was saying in his delicious accent;

‘I’ve got the love of my life on her way to Heathrow - I need to know if my flight is going ahead.’

I couldn’t quite focus on the reply he was given because, quite frankly, I was dazed by what he had just said about me being the love of his life. I was overcome with a warm
, fuzzy feeling.

‘Okay babe,’ he said, coming back to me
, ‘there could possibly be some delays, but the flight
is
going ahead.’

‘Thank God for that
!’ I answered, relieved, completely forgetting to even attempt to play it cool. ‘I can’t believe that in just a few hours we will be together.’

‘I just want to hold you so tight
,’ he replied. ‘See you very soon, babe.’

All mashed up with love, I started the car and continued my journey to Heathrow airport. Once I navigated around the heinous one-way system, I parked up in the short stay zone. I really didn’t want to have to walk very far in these stilts. Flipping down the mirror, I checked my makeup, but
I couldn’t even focus on that. I just wanted to look out into the dark, cold, starry sky and wonder what our night would bring. Nervous anticipation about making love with Travis filled my mind. I giggled to myself as I got butterflies in my stomach. I had tingling sensations all over me. It would be strange yet, so exciting. Just the thought of touching him, stroking him, smelling him, taking him all in made my lady-garden moist. Very moist indeed. I would have to try and resist launching myself at him. All I wanted to do was rip his clothes off. I had never experienced a lusty feeling like this ever, ever, ever.

My raunchy thoughts were brought to a grinding halt when I received another text from Travis.

[Text from Travis]

Babe
, I haven’t boarded yet, there has been another delay, but should be boarding in 5 mins xx

I knew it wasn’t his fault, but I felt really peed off. I returned a text with a simple:

Okay x

The flight would only take around an hour so, having some time to kill, I stayed in the car. I applied more lip-gloss, put some music on and chain-smoked a few cigarettes. Soon though, I started to feel cold, very cold. Nice one Tara. Only I could come out in January with just a fur coat and skimpy knickers on.

[Text from Travis]

Babe the flight has been delayed again! This time by 2 hours!! What do you want me to do? Xxxx

A poxy phone call would be nice
, I thought, completely pissed off by now. I punched the direct dial number in my phone to call him. This time I was not quite so happy.

‘I do wish that you would
call
me instead of texting all the time,’ I began, trying to control my tone the best I could. I was just so desperate about the way things were going.

‘Sorry babe, it’s just so noisy here with announcements and so on
,’ Travis said, sounding as damn calm and lovely as ever. ‘Do you think someone is trying to tell us something?’

‘Maybe
,’ I answered, still a little sulky.

‘Babe, I hate the thought of you waiting around all this time. Are you okay? Why don’
t you get yourself to the hotel and I’ll get a taxi over to you when I land.’

And that was it, his voice and concern melted me. I was
so
ready for this, to be part of a couple, to have a man. My Mr. Right, worrying about me for a change, making sure that I’m safe was like music to my ears.

‘I’ll go into the airport for
a coffee and wait for you, as I’d rather we arrive at the hotel together,’ I said, once again bright and happy.

‘Okay
, gorgeous, if you’re sure. I will let you know the minute I board.’

‘Well, with such little time left, we won’t be getting much sleep
,’ I added with a suggestive giggle.

We both laughed and that ended the conversation.
Go to the hotel?
There was no way. I had been dreaming about this perfect meeting of Travis and I for days and days. I’d mapped out every second in my head again and again. I had even watched ‘Love Actually’ several times so I could make sure our airport meeting went just like it did in the film.

Travis and I were two souls destined to be together and a delayed flight was NOT going to ruin that for me. With a face full of determination, I climbed out of the car, locked it and strode purposefully towards the main terminal building.

The second I walked into the Arrivals hall, my resolve vanished. Standing in my beautiful fur coat and stripper heels, I stood out a mile in the crowd of backpackers and tourists. I immediately felt so over-dressed as I awkwardly maneuvered myself deeper into the arrivals lounge. It didn’t help that there were bodies lolling around everywhere. There were even people sleeping on the floor. It was surreal, like something out of a disaster movie. I had descended into absolute chaos. The fog delays must be a lot worse than we thought.

Precariously I made my way over to Starbucks, stepping gingerly around the prone figures. I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. It was as if the airport was hosting the whole of England. Doing my best balancing act in my shoes, I eventually carved a path through the crowds to find there was no
coffee, no seats… no anything.

T
he only thing I did find was a lot of
complete
perverts. I don’t think I’ve ever been gawped at by so many dribbling old men. They all seemed to enjoying their drinking Stella-Artois as they followed me around the terminal with their eyes.

I started to feel like a circus act. I had over-the-top hair and over-the-top shoes. I was dressed like nobody else in the airport
- and the amount of makeup I had on would rival that of any clown.

My head started to spin with the embarrassment of it all. I hated the light in places like this. Those fluorescent bulbs were always so cruel.
And why are the floors so damn slippery? Surely not everyone has to wear hiking boots for a flight? It must have been a man that chose this stupid floor. I would love to get him to try and walk on it in heels while carrying a ton in a suitcase
. The fact that I didn’t have a case was irrelevant. I had my brand new handbag with me, which was, in my opinion, the same weight as the average weekend case, if not heavier. I had everything with me too; hair irons, hairbrushes, perfume, phone, tissues, ‘protection’ (and lots of it), keys, nail varnish, nail varnish remover, purse, chewing gum, baby wipes, baby oil, spare knickers and two pairs of sunglasses; one Versace and one Bvlgari. Oh yes, and a bit more makeup.

For what seemed like ages, I traipsed round desperately trying to find somewhere to sit and try ever so subtly to kick off the killer heels, which were crippling me, but to no avail. The airport was now giving out sleeping bags to delayed passengers. What on earth was going on? It felt like the world was coming to an end.

It didn’t take a genius to work out it was going to be a long night, so I headed for the ladies. I just wanted to sit down on a toilet for a few minutes to rest my weary, throbbing feet. I was also now desperate to scratch my lady-garden.
(Why, oh why didn't I listen to Jackie? I should never have had another Hollywood).
When I got to the ladies I found there was a massive queue, with dozens of poor mums trying to calm their bored and screaming babies.
Honestly, could this get any worse?

As I walked back into the concourse to seek out another loo, a group of drunken gobshites caught my eye and beckoned me over. I lowered my head trying to make out that I hadn’t seen them.

‘Oi sexy,’ they called, ‘yeah - you in the black fur coat! C’mon over and share our sleeping bag. There’s plenty of room for one more!’

The cheeky feckers,
I thought, as I ignored them and carried on walking around in circles, hoping to find a seat. Suddenly, I spotted a family ready to leave their table. The trouble was, so had everyone else. There were many of us predators dotted around, poised and ready to pounce on the almost-free table. Everyone’s eyes - mine included - were darting around, assessing the competition for the great race to the table. As soon as the last family member raised their arse off their seat – that was it – the flag was down and we were off! The whole world and his screaming child made a dive for the seat, but, as I started to run, I felt my left hold-up coming loose and sliding down my leg.

‘SHITE!’ I yelped desperately
, as I clapped a hand over the trailing end of the hold-up.
A chair?… Or dignity? Feck dignity - I want to park my arse!
A chair was just within my reach, but I would have to let go of my hold-up if I was to make a proper grab for it. So I reached out, releasing my hold-up. The chair was almost mine. I was so close. At the last moment I saw someone out of the corner of my eye. Without looking up, I gave them a shove and told them to ‘feck off.’ Then, looking up, I realised what I had just done. The ‘someone’ I had just assaulted (after winning the chair of course) was a…  priest.
Shite
.

Hard
ly surprisingly, he looked none-too happy with me.

‘Oh
… Father - I’m
so
sorry,’ I said, mortified. ‘Please, take the seat.’

I stood back up
, unable to look him in the eye, my face red with shame.

‘Ah bless you my child, sure it’s like a game of musical chairs, is it not?’ The portly priest said, nodding approvingly at my quick
volte-face.

As I watched him sit down, on
my
hard earned chair, I felt my hold-up hit my ankle. The priest didn’t say a word as he slowly looked down at the offending object, but I can tell you now… the look on his face was of utter bemusement. The sight will stay with me for life.

I didn’t want a man of the cloth to see me trying to recover my hold-up from around my ankle. Surely I had suffered enough? I swiftly swung my big fur handbag off my shoulder and draped it nonchalantly in front of my leg, as I shamefully backed away with an uncomfortable smile.

‘No problem, Father, no problem.’

‘Hey, Nora Batty
!’ shouted some clever dick behind me. ‘Do you need help pulling your tights up?’

The c
heeky gobshite.
‘Tights indeed. They’re hold-ups! So
there
, you thick-arse!’ In a huff, I shuffled backwards; red-faced and trying to retrieve my hold-up that was still dangling around my ankle. ‘You wouldn't know your arse from your elbow!’ I cursed back, ready to punch something.

[Text from Travis]

Just been an announcement over the tannoy: Would the man meeting Tara Ryan please make himself known, we want to tell him he’s one lucky bastard! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In an instant, a warm feeling flooded through me. I decided Travis was definitely worth the wait (and the embarrassment). To compound the good feeling, as I began to type a reply, I spied a nearby café opening its shutters. They had coffee!
Thank God (sorry, Father)
.

[Text to Travis]

God, you have so said the right thing. You have made me smile. I will wait all night for you if I have to Xxxxx

The two-hour delay became a three-hour delay, but we were still told the flight would definitely be going ahead. At this point, Travis and I decided we had both waited so long that we might as well just sit it out for as long as it takes.