Fur Magic Boxed Set: Talisman, Sage, Fawn, Lola: Paranormal Romantic Comedy (16 page)

Chapter 9

Elias Stout’s house was a kitty litterbox with less sand and more poop. I could smell the thing from across the road.

Not quite what I expected,
I commented, just as Sage settled on the roof and fluffed out his feathers.

What did you expect?

I didn’t have an answer for the bird. Elias Stout’s hovel had stunned me into silence, which was an admittedly difficult feat to achieve. The place was a tiny construction connected to the rear end of a burger joint I hadn’t known existed until that very moment.

Massive trash cans overflowed with greasy burger papers and empty condiment sachets, encrusted with ketchup and mustard. There weren’t enough ‘ews’ in the English language to describe the setting.

He’s a lawyer or something isn’t he? He’s rich. I didn’t expect him to be living like this.

Maybe he saves all his money and spends it on high tech binoculars to spy on Pen and Ami.
Sage’s thought was a ball of distaste and I longed to hack it out of my brain the same way I’d hacked out a fur ball a couple days ago.

Penelope’d had a fit about it since I’d spit it in the general vicinity of her Anne Klein loafers, but what was a cat to do? Like I had control over natural bodily functions.

I didn’t want to go in there. I stretched my legs and padded across the road, dodging the trash spill and a few oversized rats which looked less tasty than deadly. I reached the beige plastered house and hopped onto the window sill.

It looked like an episode of Hoarders. The interior was messier than the exterior. Papers strewn across the floor, along with empty pizza boxes and empty bottles of soda. A computer was on in the background, whirring out complaints as it processed photos of…

This guy is a sicko. He’s got pictures of Ami here, and not the kind that he would’ve taken on a date. Stalker pics.

Sage didn’t reply. I could imagine his reaction. Sage was particularly protective over Ami and I’d always figured he had a little crush on her. He looked out for her without his usual disdain.

The window was open and Elias Stout was nowhere in sight. I had two options: sneak through the trash and find the phone, or run back to Penelope’s with my tail between my legs and figure out a method of warning her.

Or you could change into that hulking human form and scare Elias out of the house.

Chances are he’ll call the cops. Or try to molest me. He’s seen the human form before, anyway. He’ll assume that Pen has something to do with my presence and then he’ll get into high gear. It will expedite the process.

Expedite? You been reading a thesaurus?

Go catch a field mouse. I’m trying to concentrate.

I sniffed and cocked my ear through the window, trying to discern where that weird growling noise came from. It wasn’t the computer, still flicking through pictures of Amelia and Penelope. It wasn’t the empty fish tank, coated in green algae. And it certainly wasn’t the rusty fridge, with its anti-magic magnets plastered down the front. These included the likes of a wand with a massive no-entry sign drawn on top.

And a ‘witches are evil’ poster.

What a card. This guy had to learn to live a little.

Curiosity killed the cat, or so they say and I was a fine feline specimen. Good thing I had a couple of lives to spare.

I hopped through the window, past the piles of dirty dishes and onto the cracked linoleum of the kitchen floor. I kept low and stalked through the house and into the living room. Ah, there was the source of all that noise: Elias Stout was asleep on the couch with one hand on his stomach and the other in an unspeakable place.

For a skinny guy, he’s quite a slob.
I observed the vicinity and padded to the PC. Different pictures flicked up, ones from the afternoon, with Penelope included. Kara and Chase flashed up on the screen with a sideways triangle in the center of the image.

Oh wait, that wasn’t an image, that was a video, and he was in the process of transferring it to the computer. Shoot, I couldn’t work the computer without human digits and I was pretty sure changing into the human would waken Sleepy McSnorey Pants over there.

Destroy it. Do your squirting pee thing that Penelope detests. Put your disgusting habits to good use for once in your multiple lives.

My chin quivered. I didn’t particularly want to squirt all over the machine and phone. Chances were it wouldn’t achieve what we wanted and would leave evidence that I’d been there. No, there had to be another more sanitary way.

Not that this place would smell any worse coated in cat piss.

A radio played gently in the background tinkling out the morose tune Brothers In Arms from the Dire Straits.

I hopped up onto the desk and stood on the wire which connected the phone to the PC and gripped the unwieldy phone with my teeth. I yanked it free and the pictures on the screen disappeared, replaced by an error symbol in the form of a big cross and a computer alert which rang through the space.

Elias Stout shifted from his deep sleep.

I dashed off the desk and through the living room, hurrying to the aquarium. I hopped onto the table where it teetered and plopped the phone into the murky waters. It floated to the bottom, sending up puffs of swirling green in the water and coming to a rest with a miniscule bump.

Its screen flickered and died.

Success!

Elias’s stumbling gait echoed through the apartment and my heart leapt into my throat. Bald creepo had risen from his slumber.

“What the…?” he growled and I leaned forward and caught a glimpse of him scratching his posterior and leaning over the computer, beating furiously on the keys. His gaze travelled from his fingertips to the cable where the phone had attached to the computer. He studied the empty space in confusion for a moment.

Time to go.
I hopped off the table and skedaddled out of the kitchen window, just as Elias let out a roar of anger.

“Where is it?” he howled. “Where’s my phone?”

Sage flapped down and landed beside me, near the trash can. He lifted either foot and grimaced at the slimy remains of other’s meals, then turned his attention to the window.

Elias rocketed around the apartment, keening and wailing, ripping open cupboards and smashing dishes in his desperation to find the missing phone. Better luck next time, bucko.

“This is her doing,” Elias yelled. “I’ll make that witch pay for this.” He raised his fist, leaned out the window and shook it at the sky. He glanced up and down the road, searching for the thief, then retreated and slammed his window shut.

He doesn’t take disappointment well, does he?

He takes it better than you do. Enough chatter, we’d better get back before we’re missed. You’ve got a furry white butt to kiss before the night is out.

He was right there. Lola still hadn’t forgiven me for the Fawn debacle.

Penelope’s secret was safe for now, but we had to act fast and get our witchy mistress to undo the spell before Elias came sniffing around again.

Sage and I shared a look. The bird took to the air and I turned back to the road. Together, we set off back to our home. I could only hope that Penelope hadn’t landed herself in more trouble since we’d left.

Claws crossed.

Chapter 10

Another day dawned and Penelope sat at her kitchen table with her bestie, Ami, chattering over steaming mugs of hot cocoa. It could be 100 degrees outside and Penelope would still have a cup of cocoa. Chocolate was her not-so-secret weakness and Ami was happy to join in on the festivities when the mugs came out. Too bad chocolate was also toxic for cats. Seemed all the finer things in life were toxic for me. Except one.

I was curled up in the corner on Pen’s purple cushy chair with Lola right next to me. She’d finally forgiven me for the other night, though it’d taken a lot of sweet talking and ear licks to get her past her initial annoyance. But I’d known what I was signing up for the first time she’d let her dramatics loose upon the world.

Are you okay, Tali?
Lola nudged her cute pink nose against mine.
I’m sorry I was so angry. I guess I just got jealous
.

I understand, gorgeous. I’m a hot topic, but you’re the only woman for me. Never forget that.

Lola purred and rubbed against me and I licked her ears. Gosh, she had the cleanest, silkiest, most luxurious fur and the best smelling ears.

Penelope shifted on the chair. “I don’t know what to do about this anymore,” she said, stifling a yawn. She was tired of late, I’d noticed that each spell cost her more energy and the stunt with El Chupacabra had withdrawn so much of her life force that she’d been unable to wake up until noon the next day.

Pen was weaker than ever and it worried me. If we didn’t find a way to end this soon and get her into Dr. Luke’s arms…

“What do you mean, Pen? You know what to do about Kara and Chase.” Ami licked cocoa off her top lip then gave a toothy grin. “You have to get them to kiss to break the spell.”

Penelope nodded. “Yes, I know that part, but it’s just how to get them there in the first place. I mean, they hate each other worse than anything I’ve seen before. They really don’t want to be in the same room.”

Ami tapped her chin with a finger and settled back in her seat. “I guess you’re right, but we can’t give up hope just yet.”

“If we…” Penelope cut off. Her cellphone trilled the annoying ring, the ring she refused to change despite my phone nudging tactics to get her to pay attention. Even a rousing rendition of Ted Nugent’s ‘Cat Scratch Fever’ would be better than the Apple’s “Alarm” mode.

She lifted it and squinted at the number, then scratched the spot just above her nose and between her eyes. “Who could this be?” she wondered out loud.

“Only one way to find out.” Ami had a wicked glint in her eye as she leaned over and clicked the green phone icon.

Pen jolted and messed a few drops of cocoa on her lap, then stuck her tongue out at her friend. She pressed the phone to her ear.

“Hello?” she asked, then listened to the person on the other end. She covered the bottom half of her phone and looked up at Ami with wide eyes.

“It’s Elias. You have to hear this.”

“Put him on speaker.”

I shifted and sat upright, blinking in the morning light streaming through the panes of the window and casting a blocked pattern on the rug.

Penelope fiddled on her phone and Elias’ dulcet tones echoed through the room.

“Are you listening to me?”

“I’m here, Elias, can you repeat that?” Penelope asked, setting her cocoa aside on the walnut table beside her. She ran her fingers across the tabletop like she always did when she liked the texture of an object. Or when she wanted to calm herself down.

“Oh, I’ll repeat it all right, missy. I know you stole my phone!” Elias yelled. “I had it here yesterday and you hocus pocused it away!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Penelope said, genuine confusion creasing her usually flawless brow. She shared the expression with Ami, who wore an identical one. “And how are you calling me right now if your phone’s stolen?”

“I bought another one. But that’s beside the point, girl. I know what you did. You’re a witch and I’m going to prove it once and for all.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Penelope repeated, but there was an edge to her voice this time. And Elias picked up on that.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re a vicious, dirty little witch and I have all the information… or I had it. Never mind, just know that I know all about Kara and Chase and the entire town is going to know about it.”

“Look, Elias, I didn’t take your phone. All this other stuff you’re talking about, Kara and Chase? I don’t know what you mean.” Penelope gulped after she finished the sentence. Ami was on the edge of her seat, cocoa resting on one knee and her hand on the other, with her eyes wide and her lips turned down at the corners.

“Like hell you don’t. Just you wait. The minute I find that phone I’ll…” And he hung up. The dead tone screamed in the space and Penelope fumbled to silence it. She shifted awkwardly in her seat and looked across at Ami, who followed suit.

“He’s getting too close to the truth. Why does he keep talking about his phone?”

It’s a real pity us animals can only talk to each other. Life would be so much easier if we could talk to humans. For everybody.

I couldn’t agree more, you sexy feline.

Lola was heavy on the compliments now that she’d forgiven me for my ‘transgressions’.
But think about it this way. If we could talk we’d have to put up with human whining all day long. It’s better that way
.

True that.

Ami tapped her chin again and the surface of her cocoa wobbled in time with that movement. “It seems as if he’s got inside information. Or had some kind of proof on his phone, otherwise he wouldn’t be losing his mind over it being missing.”

“What kind of information?” Penelope rose slowly and took her cocoa through to the sink. I hopped off the chair and followed her, then rubbed against her legs to give her some moral support.

Penelope turned and leaned her palms against the counter, her phone beside her.

Ami came through with her own mug and stood across from her friend, then tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. “I can’t say but whatever it is, it doesn’t sound good. We have to figure out a way to get Kara and Chase to kiss before Elias uses them to out you as a witch.”

Penelope returned to chewing her bottom lip. “But how?”

And silence took them once again. They were fantastic women, really, but planning out their next move wasn’t their best skill set. Leave it to this feline to kick ass and take names. I hopped onto the counter and nudged Penelope’s cell toward the edge.

Neither of the women paid attention.

I meowed and nudged it again. Closer.

Closer.

“Tali, what are you doing?” Penelope scolded, catching the phone just before it toppled to the tiles. She wriggled her nose and looked at it, the cogs whirring behind her beautiful, sparkling eyes. “That’s it!”

“What?” Ami asked, raising a hand to match the question.

“We’ll invite them over to dinner. You can come, Kara and Chase…”

“And Dr. Luke too. I’m sure you owe him a proper date.” Ami said, with a sly grin.

Pen cleared her throat, but she couldn’t hide the blush creeping up her neck and into her cheeks. “I guess. And once we have them here then we can figure out how to get them to kiss.”

“That’s a plan,” Ami said. “I like it.” She checked her watch and sighed, a beleaguered exhale which spoke of deadlines and pressure. “I’d better get home. I’m working on something special for the paper and I’m behind already.”

Pen and I said our goodbyes to Ami, then retreated to the comfort of the living room.

“Well, Tali, this is it. If we can’t get them to kiss then…” Pen broke off, eyes going round as milk saucers. She stared out the window at the front lawn.

And there, at the end of the garden, stood Dr. Luke with a bouquet of roses. Be still my fluttering cat heart.