Fuzzy Nation (17 page)

“I don’t want reports on every single animal, no,” Bourne said. “However, a report on animals that might get all of us kicked off the planet because they’re this world’s equivalent of cavemen might be nice.”

“They’re not cavemen,” Holloway said. “They live in trees. Or did, until they colonized my house.” Holloway pushed the cup toward Papa, to let the fuzzy try the beverage.

“Jack Holloway, master of the absolutely irrelevant objection,” Bourne said.

“And anyway, they’re not people, which is why I didn’t bother telling you about them,” Holloway said. “They’re just very clever little animals.”

“Our staff biologist thinks otherwise,” Bourne said. “And no offense, Jack, but it’s possible she knows more about the subject than you.”

“Your staff biologist is very excited about a major discovery,” Holloway said, watching Papa sniff the coffee in greater detail. “And while she’s a biologist, she’s not actually an expert in xenosapience. Her having an opinion about whether the fuzzys are people is like a podiatrist having an opinion on whether you need your liver replaced.”

“Wheaton Aubrey doesn’t seem to have the same opinion,” Bourne said. “And you didn’t just have the future chairman of ZaraCorp stalking into your cubicle and screaming at you for ten minutes because one of your surveyors didn’t bother to tell you about discovering sentient life. I was already on his shit list for giving you point-four percent. Now I think I’m on his list of people to have assassinated.”

“Trust me, Chad,” Holloway said. “They’re not sentient.” Papa ducked its head and took a hesitant sip of the coffee.

“Are you sure about that?” Bourne asked.

Papa spit out the coffee and fixed Holloway with a look that said,
There’s something wrong with you
.

“Yeah,” Holloway said. “I’m pretty sure about that.” He picked up his coffee and took another sip.

“I want to come out and see these things for myself,” Bourne said.

“What?” Holloway said. “No way.”

“Why not?” Bourne asked.

“Well, for one thing, Chad, unless you’ve been holding out on me, you’re not an expert in either biology or xenosapience,” Holloway said. “Which means you’re just coming out to stare at the things. I’m not running a zoo here. For another thing, I don’t really want to spend that much time with you.”

“I can certainly appreciate that, Jack, but you don’t have much choice in the matter,” Bourne said. “Per your contract, as your ZaraCorp contractor rep I am allowed and in some circumstances even
required
to perform an on-site inspection to make sure your equipment and practices conform to ZaraCorp regulations. So, guess what, I’m coming out. I’ll be there in about six hours.”

“Lovely,” Holloway said.

“I’m as excited as you are,” Bourne said. “Trust me.” He broke the connection.

Holloway gazed down at Papa Fuzzy. “If I knew you were going to be this much trouble, I would have let Carl eat you that day.”

Papa Fuzzy stared back up at Holloway, unimpressed.

*   *   *

Bourne didn’t come alone.

“If he steps out of that skimmer I’m throwing him over the side,” Holloway said, pointing at Joe DeLise, who sat in the front passenger seat of the four-seat skimmer that had just landed at Holloway’s compound.

Wheaton Aubrey VII, stepping out of the back passenger compartment with Brad Landon, was taken aback. “Is there a problem?” he asked.

“Yes,” Holloway said. “I hate his guts.”

“I don’t think you like anyone in this skimmer, Holloway,” Aubrey said. “It’s not in itself a good enough reason to keep Mr. DeLise in his seat. I brought him because by company regulation I’m supposed to have a security detail when I leave Aubreytown. The board is touchy about me going into the wilds alone.”

“I don’t give a shit,” Holloway said.

“It’s very hot to be sitting inside a closed skimmer,” Landon said.

“So crack a window and give him a bowl of water,” Holloway said. “If he puts a foot on my property, I’m parting his hair with a shotgun.”

“You’re adding murder to your résumé, Mr. Holloway?” Landon asked.

“It’s not murder if he’s a trespasser on private property and he refuses to leave when told to,” Holloway said.

“He’s a ZaraCorp security officer, on a planet administrated by the company,” Aubrey said.

“Then he can show me his search warrant,” Holloway said. “If he doesn’t have one, he’s trespassing. And so are you and Landon, now I think about it. The only one with an actual invitation to be here is Chad.”

“So you’re going to shoot all of us, then,” Aubrey said.

“Tempting, but no,” Holloway said. “Just him. If you don’t think I won’t, by all means have him get out of the skimmer.”

Aubrey looked over to Bourne, who had stepped out of the front driver’s side of the skimmer. “I have no idea what this is about,” Bourne said.

DeLise did nothing but glare through all of this.

“Leave him your key fob,” Aubrey said, finally, to Bourne. “That way he can run the air conditioner.” Aubrey turned to Holloway. “All right? Or do you have any other unreasonable demands?”

“Is there a reason you’re here, Aubrey?” Holloway asked. He pointed at Bourne. “I know why he’s here; he wants a day at the petting zoo. What do you want?”

“Perhaps I’m curious about the creatures myself,” Aubrey said. “I might lose a fortune to them. I think I should at least get a chance to see them.”

“Sorry,” Holloway said. “They’re not here right now.”

“You didn’t keep them here?” Bourne said. “You knew we were coming.”

“I knew
you
were coming,” Holloway said. “I wasn’t expecting an entourage. And no, I didn’t keep them here, Chad. They’re not my pets, they’re wild animals. They come and go when they please. After the first couple of days they started going back out into the trees. I imagine they’re doing whatever it is they did before I met them. Just like I come and go when I please, doing what I did before
I
met them.”

“When will they be back?” Bourne asked.

“Let me reiterate the part about them being wild animals,” Holloway said. “It’s not like they leave me their day planner when they go.”

“Then maybe we can talk about something else,” Aubrey said.

“What else is there to talk about?” Holloway asked.

“Do you mind if we go inside to discuss it?” Aubrey said. “Because at this point I find it ironic that the only person sitting in air-conditioning is the guy you apparently want to kill.”

Holloway glanced at DeLise, who was still glowering. “Fine,” he said. “Come on.”

Inside the cabin, Carl greeted Bourne, whom he knew and liked, while Holloway discreetly repositioned his desktop security camera so it had a better angle on the outside world and Bourne’s skimmer, and tilted the hat so the camera could see outside.

“So this is the famous explosives-detonating dog,” Aubrey said, petting Carl.

“Alleged,” Holloway said. “Not proven.” He turned back to his guests and sat down at his desk.

“Of course,” Aubrey said.

“What do you want to talk about,” Holloway said.

Aubrey glanced over to Landon. “We have concerns about this upcoming inquiry into the sapience of these animals you’ve found,” Landon said.

“I would imagine,” Holloway said.

“We understand you’ve been called to testify at the inquiry,” Landon said.

“That’s right,” Holloway said.

“We’re wondering what you’re planning to say,” Landon said.

“I have no idea,” Holloway said. “I don’t know what the judge is going to ask me.”

“I would imagine that the judge would ask you to corroborate the report that Miss Wangai has submitted,” Landon said.

“That’s possible,” Holloway said.

“And will you?” Landon asked.

Holloway looked at the three men in his cabin. “I think we can skip the preliminaries here,” he said. “If they ask if I saw the things Isabel saw, then I’m going to say yes. Because I did. It doesn’t mean I agree with her that the fuzzys are people. If you’re thinking of trying to convince me not to agree with Isabel’s conclusions, you don’t have to worry about that. I don’t. What’s more, Isabel knows I don’t. So you don’t have to bribe me to say it.”

“That’s not good enough,” Aubrey said.

“It’s pretty damn good,” Holloway said.

“Not really,” Aubrey said. “She’s a biologist. You’re a surveyor. Her opinion counts for more than yours.”

“So what?” Holloway said. “I live with the damn things. Her opinion might be worth more than mine, but mine will be good enough to keep the judge from ordering ZaraCorp to submit an SSR right off. The worst-case scenario here is that the judge orders more study. If you play that right, that gets you two or three years right there before there’s any final decision on the fuzzys’ sapience. More than enough time to exploit that sunstone seam.”

“I understand you’re focused on the sunstone seam, Holloway,” Aubrey said. “But there’s more at stake than your half a percent. This planet is unusually heavy with metals and minerals, even beyond sunstones. It’s why there are sunstones in the first place. It’s the richest planet in ZaraCorp’s E and E territories. If we lose this planet, it puts ZaraCorp in a vulnerable position.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Holloway said. “There’s no reason I need to know any of that. It’s not
my
problem, outside the very limited issue of the sunstone seam.”

“I’m telling you so you
understand,
Holloway,” Aubrey said. “Because it could
become
your problem, if you want.”

Holloway looked over to Landon. “I’m guessing that’s your cue to speak.”

Landon smiled. He opened the folder he was carrying and walked the few steps to Holloway to hand him a paper document from inside it. Holloway examined the document. “It’s a map,” he said.

“Do you know what it’s a map of?” Landon asked.

“Yes,” Holloway said. “It’s a map of the northeast continent.”

“It’s a map of the one continent on Zara Twenty-three that ZaraCorp has not begun exploiting,” Landon said. “We only this last month received the go-ahead from the Colonial Authority to work the continent.”

“Okay,” Holloway said. “So?”

“So it’s yours,” Aubrey said.

“Excuse me?” Holloway said.

“Zarathustra Corporation is initiating a pilot program in which a single surveyor will be responsible for the exploration and exploitation of a continent,” Landon said. “This surveyor can handle the job however he wants, probably by operating exactly how ZaraCorp currently does in dealing with its surveyors. The difference is that the head surveyor will receive five percent of the exploitation revenues for his administration of the continent.”

“Minus operating costs and whatever percentage he allows his own contractors, of course,” Aubrey said.

“Yes,” Landon said. “So call it four-point-seven-five percent.”

Holloway grinned. “I suppose this means you’re not kicking me off the planet at the end of my contract,” he said.

“It would appear not,” Landon allowed. “If you agree.”

“And you’re keeping this from looking like a completely transparent bribe to me how?” Holloway asked.

“Because it reduces the amount of staffing ZaraCorp has to have on planet, which saves us money,” Landon said. “And also because the five percent contracting fee is tax-deductible.”

“ZaraCorp already pays almost nothing in taxes,” Holloway said.

“Call it insurance,” Aubrey said.

Holloway hooked a thumb at Bourne. “So I become a multibillionaire by doing
his
job,” he said.

“On a somewhat larger scale,” Landon said. “But, yes. Best of all, you can staff out the whole job. You don’t even need to be on planet. You can be back home on Earth, watching the revenues by the pool.”

“What do I have to do for all of this?” Holloway asked.

“Destroy Miss Wangai’s credibility,” Aubrey said.

“That’s not going to be easy,” Holloway said, after a minute. “Not to mention it will look really bad for you to give me a continent after this.”

“Give us credit for subtlety, Mr. Holloway,” Landon said. “We will wait an appropriate amount of time before we make the announcement. And Miss Wangai will not be punished in the slightest for asking for the inquiry, which by law she was required to ask for. Indeed, she will be promoted to head up one of our labs back on Earth.”

“Which is to say, kicked upstairs, far away from here and the fuzzys,” Holloway said.

“You’ll do something good for her career for once,” Aubrey said. “She’ll get kicked upstairs, you’ll get kicked upstairs, even Bourne here will get kicked upstairs.”

Holloway looked at Bourne. “Really,” he said.

“Well, sort of,” Aubrey said. “We told him he could work for you. Figured you’d be motivated to take care of him.”

“I suppose I would be,” Holloway said. Bourne, for his part, looked thoroughly miserable, as he had through the entire conversation. He knew he was being used as cover for Aubrey’s trip out to Holloway’s compound, and knew what happened to little people caught in the middle of big people’s plans. Holloway almost pitied him. “So that takes cares of the humans,” he said. “What about the fuzzys?”

Aubrey shrugged. “If they’re important to you, take them with you to the continent,” he said. “Give them their own reservation. Whatever. ZaraCorp will even chip in for a ‘save the fuzzys’ fund. Make us look good to the folks back home. Just as long as no one gets the idea these things are people.”

“Isabel has video of the fuzzys,” Holloway said. “Secure and unmodifiable video, showing them doing things she believes indicate sentience.”

“You taught your dog to blow up things, Mr. Holloway,” Landon said.

“It’s not the same thing,” Holloway said, seeing where Landon was going and echoing Isabel’s arguments to him. “And if you’re suggesting I say Isabel taught the fuzzys tricks to perpetrate a hoax, I’m curious how you think you’re then going to be able to turn around and promote her.”

“She didn’t train the fuzzys, you did,” Landon said. “Admit to the judge that you trained the animals to do these things before Miss Wangai arrived. We’re not disputing the animals are smart. You could easily have taught them how to do these things. Say that you perpetrated an innocent hoax. As a prank. She was taken in and filed a request for an inquiry before you could come clean. That way she’s completely blameless, and you just look like you were playing a mean but innocent joke.”