Fuzzy Nation (26 page)

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Authors: John Scalzi

BOOK: Fuzzy Nation
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“Fair to say,” Holloway said again. “So: ups and downs. But there’s one thing that I respect about you, Chad. It’s that you’re fundamentally a decent human being. There are times when you’ve hated me, but you always invited me to that stupid holiday thing you hold for the contractors you rep. You’ve always been fair in our dealings—and I know not every ZaraCorp contractor rep is. Hell, you even like my dog.”

“He’s a good dog,” Bourne said. “Better than you deserve.”

“Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it,” Holloway said. “One thing I’ve always been blessed with is better people than I deserve. Carl. Isabel. Sullivan, even though he’s dating my ex. Even you, Chad. In your own annoying way, you’ve been better than I deserve. It’s clear I’ve been pretty lucky.”

“It’s a mystery to me,” Bourne said. “It really is.”

Holloway smiled at this. “It’s because you’ve been fundamentally decent to me that I wanted to tell you something. I think you’re about to get royally screwed.”

Bourne stopped. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he said.

“You have a skimmer,” Holloway said.

“I have a company skimmer,” Bourne said. “So what?”

“So I think by the time you get back to your cubicle today, you’re going to find it’s been impounded,” Holloway said.

“What?” Bourne said. “Why? By who? You?”

“Not by me,” Holloway said. “I suspect you’re going to find it’s been impounded as evidence by whoever’s representing Joe DeLise in the preliminary hearing I’ve filed against him for burning down my house.”

“What does Joe DeLise have to do with my skimmer?” Bourne said.

“As far as anybody knows, not a thing,” Holloway said. “And that’s the point, Chad. When they impound it, they’re probably going to run some tests on it, and I suspect they’re going to find that there’s residue of fire suppressant on it. The same sort of fire suppressant I have at my place.”

Bourne looked confused. “How did it get there?” he said.

“Because your skimmer was at my place when it burned down, obviously,” Holloway said. He started the three of them walking again; he didn’t want to stay in the same place too long. “There might be some other physical evidence as well, I suppose, but I’m guessing that’s the one DeLise’s lawyer is going to use to introduce reasonable doubt to my assertion that he was the one who set fire to my place.”

“I didn’t drive it the day your place burned down,” Bourne said.

“Where were you?” Holloway said.

“I had the day off,” Bourne said. “I was supposed to go to that hearing about those fuzzy creatures of yours, but I woke up feeling sick and decided to chuck it. I stayed in my apartment all day.”

“Anyone with you?” Holloway asked.

“No,” Bourne said.

“So no corroborating witnesses to you sleeping through the whole day,” Holloway said.

“So?” Bourne said.

“So, DeLise has already assured us that he’s got numerous witnesses who will swear they’ve seen him, either at work or at that piece of shit bar he hangs out in,” Holloway said. “He’s got enough people scared of him that they’ll testify in court he was where he says he was, instead of where he really was, which was at my house, burning it down.”

“But it doesn’t make sense,” Bourne asked. “There’s no way for DeLise or anyone else to get access to the skimmer. I keep the key fob in my pocket.”

“Has DeLise ever been in your skimmer?” Holloway asked.

“You know he has,” Bourne said. “He was Aubrey’s security detail when we came to visit you.”

Holloway looked at Bourne, counting off the seconds while the tumblers in his rep’s brain clicked into place.

“Oh,
crap,
” Bourne said.

“You left the key fob with DeLise because I wouldn’t let him out of the skimmer,” Holloway said. “More than enough time for him to crack the encryption and make a copy, if he knows how or if he had help. Then later he could pick up the skimmer anytime and when it left the garage, it would be your key fob signature registered as checking it out.”

“Why me?” Bourne asked.

“Because you’re
my
rep, Chad,” Holloway said. “Everyone knows you have your troubles with me. Everyone knows I’m a pain in your ass. There is record after record of you and me wrangling about one thing or another. There are lots of examples of me ignoring you or bypassing you or otherwise running right over you to get what I want. Now with Judge Soltan’s ruling to get more study on the fuzzys, I’ve threatened your job along with the job of every other person on the planet. After everything, it’s not entirely unreasonable for you to snap and decide to take it out on me. You assumed I returned to my cabin immediately after the hearing and decided to burn it down around me. It makes perfect sense.”

Bourne stopped and sat down on the curb, wordless.

“It makes perfect sense,” Holloway said. “Unless someone actually knows you, Chad. Someone like me. You and I have had our moments. But I know you’re a decent person. That’s why I’m warning you about this ahead of time.”

Bourne just sat there and shook his head.

“Come on,” Holloway said eventually, nudging him. “We’ve got to get you back.”

“You could be wrong about this,” Bourne said, after several moments of silence.

“I might be,” Holloway said. “You might get back to your cubicle and then go out to the garage to get your skimmer and find it there waiting for you. In which case, I suggest you give it a thorough washing. On the other hand, you might get back to find I was right—and that you’ve been called to testify in front of the preliminary hearing. In which case, you’re going to find the circumstantial evidence combined with your lack of an alibi is going to get someone off the hook and you on it.”

“You’re telling me all this is going to happen but you’re not telling me how to clear myself,” Bourne said.

“I can’t tell you that,” Holloway said. “I’m already telling you more than I should, and the only reason I can do that is because as far as either of us knows, they
haven’t
impounded your skimmer or called you to testify. You’re not on the docket yet. But you will be. And between now and then, you need to figure out some things for yourself.”

“Like what?” Bourne asked.

“Like who it is that’s decided keeping DeLise out of trouble is worth throwing you to wolves,” Holloway said. “Because whoever it is has decided that there’s nothing you can do to them that could possibly hurt them. So when you
do
figure out who it is, that’s your next step. Finding out what’s going to hurt them the most.”

“There’s no point in that if it’s not going to help me,” Bourne said.

“Chad, this is what I mean about you being a fundamentally decent guy,” Holloway said. “Let me put it to you this way: Sometimes in life you’re going to win and sometimes you’re going to lose. But just because you lose doesn’t mean the other guy needs to win. Do you understand me?”

“Not really,” Bourne said.

“Well, think about it anyway,” Holloway said. “Maybe it will come to you.” The three of them turned a corner and stood in front of the ZaraCorp administration building.

“Your stop,” Holloway said.

“I still don’t like you very much,” Bourne said, to Holloway.

“I haven’t ever given you any reason to like me, Chad,” Holloway said. “And I’m not going to pretend I like you all that much either. Just know that I think you’re a good guy. You’re a good guy and you don’t deserve to get screwed. And as much as I can, I’m going to try to keep that from happening. All right?”

“All right,” Bourne said. Impulsively he stuck out his hand to Holloway. He took it.

“Thanks,” Holloway said.

Bourne nodded and entered the building. Holloway watched him fade into the murk of the lobby and then maneuvered Carl across the street, where Isabel and Sullivan were waiting for him. Carl made a beeline for Isabel, who patted him happily.

“How is he?” Sullivan asked, of Bourne.

“He’s now completely scared shitless,” Holloway said. “Which was the plan.”

“Any idea what he’ll do when he gets called to testify?” Sullivan asked.

“Not a clue,” Holloway said.

“Should be interesting,” Sullivan said.

“That’s a word for it,” Holloway said.

“Stop it, both of you,” Isabel said. “Poor Chad. He is an actual human being, you know. Not just a chess piece for the two of you to play with.”

“He’s definitely a pawn,” Holloway said. “The question is whether he’s ours or someone else’s. And at the very least, we’re trying to keep him from getting framed for arson. Or attempted murder, come to think of it.”

“He’s a good guy, Jack,” Isabel said.

“I know it, Isabel,” Holloway said. “I really do.” Isabel did not look terribly convinced.

“While the two of you were off having your little chat, both Isabel and I got some interesting news,” Sullivan said.

“What is it?” Holloway asked.

“We’re being transferred,” Isabel said. “Both of us. Mark’s been given a general counsel position on Zara Eleven and I’m being sent back to Earth to head up a lab there.”

“Effective when?” Holloway asked.

“Effective immediately,” Sullivan said. “We’ve both been relieved of our duties and have been given three days to pack. Our beanstalk transport is scheduled to leave while you’re having your preliminary hearing.”

“How unsurprisingly coincidental,” Holloway said.

“It’s not just us,” Isabel said. “Arnold Chen’s paperwork snafu has magically cleared itself up. He’s headed for Uraill on the same beanstalk transport we are.”

“He must be excited,” Holloway said.

“He’s miserable,” Isabel said. “He called me about it and was wailing. He’s waited his whole life to decipher the language of a new sentient being, and they won’t let him. They’ve locked him out of his files entirely. They locked me out of mine, too.”

“I still have copies of yours,” Holloway said.

“Which is the only reason
I’m
not wailing,” Isabel said.

“They’re clearing us out before the CEPA xenosentience team can get here,” Sullivan said. “Anyone who knows anything about the fuzzys. Except for you, Jack.”

“You figure that’s ominous,” Holloway said.

“Don’t you?” Sullivan asked.

“I’ve been in ominous mode since my skimmer fell out of the sky,” Holloway said.

“We’re worried about you, Jack,” Isabel said. “Both of us are.”

“You can’t fool me,” Holloway said. “You’re more worried about Carl.”

“I’m serious, Jack,” Isabel said.

“I’m more worried about the dog, myself,” Sullivan said.

“There we go,” Holloway said.

“Mark,” Isabel said.

“Isabel, Mark,” Holloway said. “Your new assignments don’t change anything. None of this changes anything. When we woke up this morning we had three days to prepare. We still have three days to prepare. If we pull it off, three days is all the time we’re going to need. If we don’t, then it’s not going to matter one way or another. For now, let the future take care of itself. We’ve got three days. Let’s get to work.”

 

Chapter Twenty-two        

Judge Nedra Soltan took her seat and peered out into her courtroom. “This looks familiar,” she said to Holloway and Janice Meyer, who were standing at their respective tables. “We talking fuzzy creatures again, Counselors?”

“No, Your Honor,” said Meyer, who was representing DeLise, who was standing with her at the defense table.

“I think the defendant is bit of an ape, Your Honor,” said Holloway.

“Watch it, Mr. Holloway,” Soltan said. She held up a sheet with her notes on it. “It says you are acting as your own counsel.”

“There’s someone else I might have asked, but he’s being deported off-planet today,” Holloway said. “So I’m stuck with myself.”

“You know what they say about the man who represents himself in court, Mr. Holloway,” Soltan said.

“Yes. I do know it,” Holloway said. “But I also know the law. I even used to be a lawyer.”

“Disbarred,” Meyer said.

“Not for not knowing the law,” Holloway said.

“Yes, I know,” Soltan said. “After your performance the last time you were here, I looked up your file. You punched your own client.”

“He deserved it,” Holloway said.

“Maybe so,” Soltan said. “But do anything like that here, and being disbarred will seem like a cakewalk in comparison. Do you understand me, Mr. Holloway?”

“I give you my word I will not punch my client,” Holloway said.

“Very droll, Mr. Holloway,” Soltan said. “Sit.”

Everyone sat.

“This is a preliminary hearing before a judge,” Soltan said in a tone of voice that suggested she had said the same bit of verbiage innumerable times before, in front of people who knew exactly what she was going to say. “In cases where the nature of a colony makes it difficult or impossible to convene a grand jury, the plaintiff and defense may jointly agree to have evidence for a potential suit examined by a judge, and to have witnesses examined by the same, who will then determine if there is sufficient cause to bring the matter forward into a full court trial, either civil or criminal. Do the plaintiff and the defense so request?”

“Yes, Your Honor,” said Meyer.

“Yes, Your Honor,” said Holloway.

“Does counsel understand that this hearing is for the benefit of the judge alone for determining the adequacy of the evidence to move forward to a trial, and not the trial itself, and that as such customary trial rules concerning discovery do not apply?” Soltan said. “That is to say, one or the other of you, or both, may not be aware of the evidence or witnesses called by the other.”

“Understood,” said Meyer.

“Yes,” said Holloway.

“Does counsel understand that the determinations and rulings of the judge in this preliminary hearing are binding pending full trial, provided there is one?” Soltan said.

Meyer and Holloway both gave their assent.

“Fine,” Soltan said. “Then let’s get on with this. Mr. Holloway, what are you accusing Mr. DeLise of?”

“He burned down my house,” Holloway said.

“So, arson,” Soltan said.

“Arson, yes,” Holloway said. “Also attempted arson for attempting to burn down my outbuildings and failing, destruction of personal property, and attempted murder.”

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