Gage, Ronna - The Search is Over (Siren Publishing Classic) (20 page)

Dumbfounded by the question, she almost didn’t answer him. “What does it look like? I’m getting ready for work.”

He huffed. “This can’t keep going on like this.”

She stopped, looked at him with narrowed eyes. “What can’t go on like this?”

“I don’t like walking into a mess.”

At the highest level of her stress, her heart hardened at that comment, but the expression on his eyes worried her. He didn’t seem happy anymore. His gaze lost the luster of a new relationship. “You clean your messes, and I will clean up mine…on my day off.” She blew past him to the kitchen. “I’m late for work. I will see you later tonight, and we can talk then.”

“Don’t count on it,” Rafe retorted.

At the door she paused.
This isn’t happening, is it?
Calm before the storm sensation filled her. She turned toward him. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing, go, you’re late already.” He walked to her and then placed a small kiss on her lips. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Candi left the apartment. In her heart she prayed she could outrun the panic building up inside her. “Hang on for one more night. You can make things right tomorrow.”

* * * *

Rafe awoke before Candi, slid out of bed, and then left the room. Quietly, he closed the door behind him. She snuggled closer to his pillow drifting back to sleep almost instantly.

“Hey, sweetie, good morning,” he softly whispered in her ear. He placed a loving kiss on her cheek. Moaning, she moved slightly. “I made coffee.”

She opened her eyes and blinked back the sleep. Dazed, she looked at him sitting on her side of the bed with the sweetest smile. “You showered already?”

“Yes. And, I even dressed before I woke you,” he teased with playfulness.

“What is this about?” she asked. “What’s with the sweet, attentive change from last night?”

“I am apologizing for the way I griped at you yesterday, and last night’s silent treatment.”

Candi’s eyes’ misted. “You never give apologies.”

“You’re right. It’s not my normal routine. I usually go with the ‘dont talk about it, admit fault, or accept blame
,
and the situation will go away.’”

“On some things I can see your point. Especially like housecleaning and laundry. Why talk or better yet argue when it is easily fixed?”

Rafe smiled. “You got it. Now, go take your shower, while I make a lunch.”

“Okay, I’ll be quick.” Candi quickly got out of bed and rushed to the bedroom door. “Rafe?” she turned to him. “Sometimes we do have to talk about problems, admit fault, or accept blame. Problems don’t just go away on their own.”

He smiled. He looked at his watch. “I still have a little time, but if you hurry, we can have coffee together.”

* * * *

Almost thirty minutes later, dressed in her robe, with a towel around her wet head, Candi joined him in the kitchen for coffee.

“I feel like we don’t have a lot of time together,” she said softly.

“During the week, we don’t really. But what time we do have, we make the best out of.” He grinned. That devastatingly handsome smile of a rogue always took her breath away.

Candi blushed, thinking of their day-off routine. How they usually slept in as late as possible, ate breakfast together, cleaned the little apartment, then ended with an afternoon of making love.

“Well, I’ve got to go.” His statement caught her off guard.

She almost asked why he was leaving and realized that her day off didn’t mean he necessarily had one. “Oh, okay.”

He cupped her cheek in his hand. “Have fun at school. I’ll see you tonight when I pick you up.”

Her elation released a small amount of tension in her gut. “No, that’s okay, I only go in this morning for a half day to take a final.”

Rafe brushed his lips to hers. “I will meet you here then.”

Looking at him now, joy filled her, and quickly it turned to fear.
I’m falling more in love with you every day, but I’m afraid you’re going to break my heart with this constant fighting and bickering. Hang on, Rafe, love is worth fighting for, but you have to fight.
Ignoring the doom building inside her, she smiled and waved him good-bye when he turned around to gaze at her before he rounded the corner. Closing the door, her mind hit overdrive with random thoughts. Refusing to look at the negative, she focused on the positive first.
I will enjoy being in love for as long as it lasts. However, I’m not going to be left in turmoil at the end.
Taking out a piece of paper and pencil from her back pack, she worked out a few figures. “If I put fifty dollars a week in a savings account, and ten dollars a day extra, I can have a good amount of money in case I need to find a new place to live.” Heavyhearted, she grabbed her wallet and counted out ten one-dollar bills. It was the first proactive stand to protecting herself.

On a lighter note, her love swelled again at the sweetness of his efforts this morning. “One thing is for certain, I’ll never regret loving you.”

Chapter Thirty-Five

Lately, Rafe was distracted. His temper flared often, although he didn’t know what was wrong.
Isn’t
f
inally finding happiness supposed to be…euphoric? What the hell is wrong with me?
He loved Candi and knew she loved him.
Where’s that sense of peace?

“Boy, if you want to act like a jackass, then do it in your own bay. Get the hell out of my office.” His dad growled, hitching a thumb in the direction of the shop.

Rafe stalked past him without a word.

“Hey, Rafe!” his father shouted a few minutes later.

“Yeah!”

“I have an oil change that just showed up, can you take it?”

“Yeah, I’ll take it,” he shouted back. The distraction came as a blessed disguise. It took his mind off his own emotional havoc. An hour later, Rafe cleaned the bay after the oil change. He looked up and saw his father standing at the door.

“You want to talk now, boy?”

“No, sir.” Rafe set the handle of the broom against the wall. “Dad, what’s wrong with me?” Ralph Sines chewed on a toothpick, gazing down at his son. Rafe felt his scrutiny and squirmed inwardly. “Is it that bad?”

Ralph cracked a smile and bit back a short laugh. “What makes you think anything is wrong with you?”

“I’m confused.” Rafe was having second thoughts about his relationship.

“I see that. Tell me what’s going on,” Ralph offered. “Is Candi pregnant?”

“No!” The thought paralyzed him with fear.
Was it possible?
Had they been careful to prevent that? “I’m just wondering if I’m making the right choice.”

“Do you love her?” Rafe’s silent nod was his only answer. “You’re just scared, boy. There’s nothing wrong with a man being scared. It’s cowardice that we have to be aware.”

“Cowardice?” Rafe suddenly intrigued by the new idea.
Am I being a coward?

“Cowardice is making the wrong decision because you are afraid to be scared.”

“What do you mean?”

“Cowardice is staying in a relationship because you don’t have the balls to end it, in saving someone’s feelings from being hurt, or starting a relationship with a woman that you don’t love because you don’t want to be alone.” Ralph waited a few minutes watching his son. “I’m going home. Good luck with this one, kiddo.”

Rafe watched his dad pull his truck out of the parking lot a few minutes later. He locked up the shop and then headed for home himself. He thought about cowardice.
Is it possible to apply this definition of a coward to my situation?
As he drove the neighborhood he grew up in, he noticed the gold, red, and brown colors of fall on the trees. It brought back memories of a time when he had little or no cares in the world. Now he had so much to think about and do.

“I’m not ready to go home and face Candi.” He moaned out loud. “Not just yet.” She is always so upbeat, so self-assured about this decision to be together. He pulled off onto an old familiar street. Suddenly, a beer with old friends sounded like what he needed. Rafe pulled into the parking lot, looked up at the marquis, and smiled.

Desert Illusions
.

“Not all things are a mirage,” he surmised. Opening the door he received the greeting of a long-lost brother returning home. The waitresses, bar patrons, dancers, and bartender gave him high fives and pats on the back. They accepted him back into the fold.

Just like a temple.
He smiled. “Give me a beer!”

Hours later, and after God only knew how many beers and games of pool and camaraderie with Jack, Rafe decided he could go home and face Candi. He looked at the clock and almost fell out of his chair. It was almost two o’clock. “Fuck me!”

Jack looked at him. “What?”

“I gotta get home. Candi is probably worried sick.”

“Okay, I’ll come with you and be your backup.”

“Cool.”

A short ride home later, Rafe arrived drunk and stumbling. He opened the door to the apartment and knocked it into the stereo. “God damn it.”

“Ahhhh!” Jack said behind him, stumbling as bad as he.

Rafe turned to the couch. Candi sat glaring at him in her night shirt, wrapped in the blue-and-white blanket she hung on the back of the sofa. Her book lay on her lap.

“Hiya, Candi!” Jack gave her a big wave of his arm. “How are ya, darlin’?” He stumbled onto the edge of the sofa and fell on top of her.

“Get off of me!” she demanded, slapping at him and pushing him off onto the floor.

Rafe burst out laughing. “Get your ass up.”

“I kinda like it down here,” Jack said. “Not too far to fall.”

Rafe saw the look of loathing in Candi’s eyes.

“If you’ll excuse me.” Candi calmly walked in the direction of the bedroom.

Her clipped words galled him. He didn’t need her messing up his party mood.

“Good night!” Jack and Rafe said together.

Rafe cranked on the stereo and turned the knob to the highest mark, just to agitate her on purpose. The quiet apartment filled with the loud sounds of metal music and a bass beat that shook the fixtures in the apartment.

Candi stomped out of the bedroom. “Rafe, other people are sleeping. I think you should turn it off.”

“I don’t give a damn what you think,” he snarled back.

The shocked expression on Candi’s face added another line of tension to the atmosphere. “Rafe, what’s wrong with you?”

Why does she have to analyze me all the damn time?
Why can’t she give me time to…?
“Nothing’s wrong with me. Why don’t you just leave me alone?” he screamed at her. “Can’t you just leave?”

“Fine!” She turned toward the bedroom and slammed the door.

Rafe followed her, tried to get into the bedroom, but she locked the door. His anger spilled out in waves. He kicked at the door. “Let me in right now, goddamn it.”

She finally opened the door. “What do you want?”

He pointed his finger mere inches from her face. “I want …” The heat of his anger cooled. “I don’t know what I want,” he admitted. He plopped down on the bed.

She sat down next to him. “Where were you tonight?”

“Desert Illusions.”

“You son of a bitch!” Candi’s yell rang through his ears. “I don’t believe it. I come home at one o’clock, to be with you, and you’re out there? You know how I feel about those places,” Candi ranted as she looked at him.

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Rafe defended heatedly.

“You know I don’t like it,” she reminded him with a low, heated whisper. “That was wrong.”

“You don’t trust me.”

“Keep your voice down. These walls are thin. We’re going to wake the neighbors.”

Candi’s suggestion to be quiet was like setting a match to flammable gas. He erupted in explosive anger.

“I don’t give a flying fuck if the neighbors wake up or not. There’s no talking to you when you are like this,” he shouted. “God, this is such a mistake.”

Before Candi said a word, he got up from the bed and pushed past her. A knock on the door interrupted their argument. Rafe stomped to the bedroom, ranting about how she was a liability. He almost tripped over Jack, who lay passed out on the floor. Cursing, he continued his rant and opened the door. He grew silent at the sight of two police officers in the doorway.

* * * *

The next morning Rafe woke up with a splitting headache, a foul taste in his mouth, and lying on the floor by Jack. “What the fuck happened?”

He looked around the small living room to find Candi sitting at the table glaring at him. “Aren’t you going to work?” His sleepy question went unanswered. “What’s wrong with you?” The cold look she returned chilled his stomach.
Uh-oh, what happened?

“Give it a moment. It’ll come to you,” she said, scanning the papers in her hand.

Rafe rolled his eyes, getting up. He then headed to the restroom.
I don’t need her cryptic answers this morning.
When he came out, Candi was in the bedroom changing her clothes.