Galilee Rising (33 page)

I'm brimming with such hate and hurt it has to come out. Really I just want him to shut the fuck up. With all my might, I slap his face. The room goes quiet except for my heavy breathing. Jem looks as shocked as everyone else in the room, myself included. "Fuck you, cocksucker." And for good measure, I slap him again.
"Fuck you.
"

Still breathing heavily and shaking with unharnessed emotion, I stalk out of the room, past my staring and whispering audience, then out of the wing with what little dignity I can muster. Shannon rushes over to me, but I hold up my hand to stop her. I need to be alone for a few minutes. Away from prying eyes and ears. I all but punch the two elevator buttons. The one going up opens first. Perfect.

When the doors open onto the roof, a gust of wind knocks me back a little. I still walk out. The cold air is bracing, stinging against my exposed skin. I'm past caring. I take large buckets full as I pace around the roof. Tears stream from my eyes, and I swipe them away. I can't keep this up. We're going to end up saying or doing something that will truly be unforgivable. I'm losing it. We--

Out of the corner of my eye, I spy the stairwell door open. Jem steps out with his shirt open, revealing his costume and a pained expression matching my own. He was running away too. Flying away all alone until he could face the world. After a moment his gaze whips in my direction, the misery weighing down his long face all the way to the river thirty stories below.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, near tears. "I'm so sorry I said those things. I--"

I sprint toward him, stopping those words with a kiss. No hesitation this time. He kisses me with the same fervor. I always thought those women who claimed they almost swooned when they kissed a man were full of shit. Being overly dramatic. They're not. If he wasn't holding me and I him, I'm pretty sure I'd be on the ground. I could kiss this man until Armageddon. He breaks away, resting his forehead on mine and tracing circles on my cheeks with his thumbs. "This is hell," he whispers. "I'm so sorry."

"It was my plan. We knew what we were getting into. I just didn't think it would be so fucking hard." I put my hands over his. "I miss you so much. I hate this. I hate it. You don't deserve this. Hell, I don't even know if it's working. What if I'm ruining your life for nothing? It's a stupid plan. What--"

"Hey," he whispers before kissing me again. God, he tastes delicious. "Stop. Just stop. It will work. It will. And then he'll be gone. He'll never bother us again. He'll be gone."

"I can't go back to that house. I can't keep this up much longer, I can't. I
feel
him watching me, like he's right in the room. Waiting for me to slip up. Give it all away."

"Then don't. Go for a drive, get a hotel room. Go out on the boat. Take a break. After what just happened, it would make sense if you did."

"Makes sense you would too," I point out.

"I don't think that--"

I meet his eyes. "One night. Just one fucking night before the shit really hits the fan. God knows we've earned it. Hell, God knows I need it.
We
need it. We've never had a proper date."

He smiles. "You want to go on a date? Now?"

"We'd just have to be careful. I take the boat out, I text you the coordinates. I had Dobbs check
The Athena
. It's clean of bugs. And he really can't track you if you're flying around. So fly to me. One night. Who knows when we'll get another chance? Really." I pause. "One night, just one night where I'm just Joanna and you're just Jem, and there's nothing and no one in this world but us." I kiss him again. "Please."

It's a gamble in a lot of ways, but I don't care. Jordan could kill me tomorrow. We have such a small window, I sure as hell want to take advantage of it. He can give us just one night, damn it.

Jem kisses me this time. "I should go. You too."

He moves away and once again won't look at me. He turns around and starts shedding his clothes. "Jem?" I call to him. He turns back around. "We deserve happiness. We deserve each other. We've earned each other." I smile. "I'll be here. Waiting for you to realize that. Just try not to keep me waiting too long." My smile grows before I walk to the stairwell door. When the door closes, I let out a sigh. "Dear God, please let me win this one. Please?"

Guess I'll get my answer tonight.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

One Night

Jesus Christ, I'm more nervous about having sex now than I was when I lost my virginity a million years ago.
The Athena
only has a small bathroom so performing a full body beauty ritual proves difficult. Shaving, showering, dealing with my crazy hair, it takes forever. The one good thing about celibacy is you don't have to waste hours on this bullshit. I do look damn good though, and it gets me in the right mindset, which used to be the alcohol's job.

I can count on one hand how many men I've slept with sober. Even with Harry once or twice I was blotto. Hell, I barely remember the last time I had sex, except I hated every second of it. Two drunks in a seedy hotel fumbling around. I can't even call up his face from memory. I never did get his name. Sex was always just something that ended up happening, and in the end mattered very little to me. Just some fun. I'm too fucking nervous for this to be "just fun." A tiny part of me hopes he doesn't show. As time draws on, I fear I may get that wish. I texted him two hours ago with the coordinates but no text back and no Jem.

After an hour and a half, I give up pacing the deck, staring up at the stars, hoping to catch sight of him as he approached. I go below deck to the stateroom and lie down. It does feel good to know no one's watching me. Even if he doesn't arrive, I will do my damndest to enjoy this. The eye of the storm. On the drive to the dock, I phoned Dobbs and told him I was taking the boat out. I also called V at the paper saying I wanted to give her an important story. Hope I don't have to keep that appointment. I do try to fight it, but with the rocking of the boat, I give into the Sandman.

It's cold, so cold the snow swirls around me in a vortex as the wind howls in agony. In a millisecond, I'm chilled to the bone and not only from the Arctic weather. I sense his eyes on me. When I spin around, all I see is darkness. "Joanna!" I hear Jem call me from inside the frost crystallized labyrinth. Oh. So that's where I am. I recognize it now. I pull my bullet resistant coat Justice gave me around tighter and step inside the midnight black maze without hesitation. I'd step into a volcano if he needed me too.

Twist, turn, Twist, turn. It has more avenues than I remember. The moment I move down one, another maneuvers me even deeper. Twist, turn. Twist, turn. Minutes that feel like hours pass as I make what feels like a hundred course changes. And the walls. With every step, they grow tighter and taller until I can barely see the top. After what must be half a chilling hour, I must stop my pilgrimage or my knees will buckle. This is pointless. I'm getting nowhere.

But
he's
getting closer.

The bastard's mimicked my footsteps so I can't hear him, but I know he's there. Stalking me. Waiting for me to fall. To crumble. I hear him breathing around the corner. In, out, in, out like a pervert on the other end of a phone. Me, his prey, remains still, holding the air in my lungs. He knows I know. A second later, I hear the crackling of snow as he takes a step. Shit. I take off again as fast as I'm capable of into the labyrinth with him only a few feet behind. I want to look back, but I don't dare. Every millisecond counts.

"Joanna!" Jem yells again.

Just make it to the center. He'll save me. Don't give up, never give up, just get to the center. The tears on my face freeze as icicles, and I don't even wipe them away.

It just won't end. It never ends.

Hours. I've been running for hours. It's the same. It all looks the same. My ankles feel like they're made of glass and about to shatter. Keep going, just keep going.
He
won't stop.
I
won't stop. I just need to reach Jem. He'll be there. Just please let it end. I've run long enough. I'm so tired. It needs to end. He'll get me. I've worked too hard for the bastard to get me now. It isn't fair. All I want is to get to the center. To him. I've earned it.

"Joanna!" I'm close. He's so close now. And I see it! The light amid the darkness. The center. If I had breath to whimper, I would. "Joanna!"

It ends.

I've found it. The center. It's glorious. So vast compared to what came before. The lights on the ground make the snow almost twinkle like fine diamonds. A winter wonderland. "Jem?" I ask with a grin. But he's not here. No one's here. No.
No
. He has to be here. I sprint all around the circle, checking every shadow, but he's gone. It was all a trick. He was never here.
NO
!

"Joanna," Jem whispers behind me as light as the wind.

I twirl around, but my smile becomes a silent scream. Justin, my phantom, stands a foot away as he was in my last memory. Caked in blood, skin blistering with pus from acid, missing a hand, face bruised and pulpy from the beating Alkaline gave him. But his eyes are what fill me with unspeakable terror. As cold as this night. No one has stared at me with this much ire, this much scorn in my life. That I'm substandard. Inhuman. Despicable. Then I blink, and it's Jem in the same horrific state, a shell of a man drowning in spite. I blink again. He's gone. They're both gone. And I'm all alone in the cold wasteland.

Tears still stream down from my eyes when I wake, the sobs wracking my body as I curl into a ball. But it takes a moment for me to realize someone's holding me, shushing me while he pets my hair. I cling to him tighter. I open my eyes and through the tears see Jem in full costume except for the cowl. He's perched on the edge of the bed, cradling me in his lap as if I were a child. "Don't cry," he whispers. "Why are you crying?"

"You weren't there. Then you hated me," I whimper.

"I'm right here." He hugs me tighter. "I'm right here. It was just a nightmare."

I force myself to calm down, each stroke of my hair wiping the misery to a manageable level. It was a dream. Just a dream. "I didn't think you were coming."

"Neither did I," he says. He stops stroking my hair. "Here."

I pull away to find him holding out a handkerchief. "Thank you." My great seduction scene is ruined. I'm about as sexy as a hundred-year-old man in a Speedo right now. Oh, God I'm all snotty, and I'm sure splotchy. I blow my nose. "I swear I was a stone cold fox a few hours ago." He watches with a smile, and when I'm empty, I smile back. "We never get anything right, do we?"

"I don't know." He meets my eyes, and his smile grows. "I think we manage the important things."

My smile matches his. "Such as?"

"Respect. Friendship. Acceptance."

"Is that enough?" I ask.

"Absolutely not."

He grabs the back of my neck and brings my lips to his. Even in my less than pristine physical condition and emotional vomiting, he still wants me. And God knows I want him. In this moment, I want him more than I've ever wanted a man before. Even Justin. Yet that fear from before whacks into me with the force of a car crash. For a split second, I have the urge to push him away, but fight it back with equal force. I'm not letting anyone sabotage this, especially not me.

When I imagined this, and I've lost track of how many times I've played this potential scene over in my head,
I
was the aggressor. He was the virginal, blushing flower who only ever slept with one woman years and years ago. This astounding man continues to surprise me. He literally rips off my shirt, buttons flying everywhere. My pants and underwear receive similar consideration. He has me at a disadvantage. I haven't a clue how to remove his uniform. All my groping and nary a zipper is found. He takes care of that too. There's a secret zipper around the waist, a fact I'll file away for next time. He's not shy, that's for sure. He stands naked for a moment, allowing me to snap a mental picture. He may appear skinny and weak while dressed, but without clothes he's chiseled and powerful looking, like a wild cat. He pounces like one too.

The world falls away as it always seems to do whenever we're together. There's nothing but him. The feel of him. The taste of him. His smell. And those eyes. I've never gazed into a man's eyes as he moved inside me. Every time I close my eyes, he caresses the eyelids, and I open them again. It's beyond intimate but makes this already blissful experience so much better. He seems instinctively to know where to touch, where to nibble, when to change rhythm. We just fit. And when we bring each other to nirvana, I have never felt so close to another being before. Like we're one. And this one, I'm never letting go. I'll die first.

We lie together on the small bed with my head resting on his chest and a dopey smile on my face. "Now, aren't you glad you came?" His grin changes and I realize what I actually just said. He chuckles, and a second later I join in. "Shut up. You know what I mean. Lord, you get laid once and all of a sudden your mind needs a good scrubbing."

"I've always had a filthy mind. I just hide the fact better than most."

"Oh huh, yeah. Just keep telling yourself that."

"What does that mean?"

"Let's just say on more than one occasion I've caught you undressing me with your eyes. I was just too much of a lady to say anything."

"You are one to talk, Miss Fallon. The night we met, you were all but licking your chops while we talked. I feared for my virtue."

"Yeah, it took a lot of willpower for me not to drag you upstairs to a hotel room and have my way with you."

"I wish I had known that. When you vanished, I thought I'd done something wrong. I flagellated myself over it for months."

"I'm sorry." I bite my lower lip and smile mischievously as I move up closer to his mouth. "I'm sure there are multiple ways you can think of for me to make up for it. In multiple positions." I give him a smooch before resuming my position right over his heart. "Just give me a few minutes to recover. Not all of us have super-stamina."