Gambling With the Crown (12 page)

Kadir took everything from her, turned her inside out and shone a light on all the dark corners she’d tried to keep hidden. But she couldn’t deny the truth of her feelings anymore.

She’d tried so hard not to fall in love with him. She’d convinced herself for years that she despised him, that he was a playboy with no feelings and no heart and that he was beneath her contempt.

But it wasn’t true. He had feelings and he was as lost and alone as anyone, no matter how hard he tried to hide it from the world. If not for that, she could have remained apart. She could have kept her heart intact. But she’d fallen in love with Kadir al-Hassan, and she never wanted to be anywhere but here, lost in this tent in the desert with him.

Sadness overwhelmed her then. She would never have a life with him beyond tonight. There was no future with Kadir. Even if he was not going to be the king of Kyr, there was no future with him.

Because this was what he did—he broke women on the rocks of his passion, made them feel special and wonderful, and then he cut them loose without a backward glance.

Emily closed her eyes and swore she would not cry. She could spin up a fantasy where she spent the next several weeks in Kadir’s bed, but she would not lie to herself. For her sanity, she had tonight with him and that was it. And she wasn’t going to spend it sobbing or feeling sorry for herself. There was time enough for that when they returned to the palace and he became immersed in duty.

He rolled away from her and rose, disappearing for a few moments before he returned and pulled her up and into his embrace. She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. He tilted her chin back and kissed her hard, possessively, before hooking his arms behind her and sweeping her up. Then he carried her over to the bed and deposited her on it before climbing in beside her and dragging the covers up and over their naked bodies.

She was wrapped around him and she never wanted to be anywhere else. She closed her eyes and pressed her mouth to his chest, tasting the salt of his sweat against her tongue.

“I hope you don’t want to sleep at all tonight,” he growled, rolling her beneath him until she could feel the thickness of his cock swelling again. “Because I intend to use every minute we have together.”

CHAPTER TWELVE

I
N
SPITE
OF
his best intentions, reality intruded and they fell asleep tangled in each other’s arms after another hot coupling that left them both breathless and spent. It was sometime around one in the morning when Kadir woke, blinking as he groped for his phone to check the time. Out of habit, he checked for any messages from Rashid. There was nothing. It was truly over.

As if being here at the oasis hadn’t already taught him that. He was about to become king, and there was nothing he could do to change it.

Emily lay curled against him, one arm thrown across his waist and a leg propped over his thighs. A current of longing slid into his bones, made his cock start to harden in spite of how many times he’d already come tonight. It would be so easy to turn her over and slide deep inside her again.

Kadir shuddered with the strength of the hunger he felt to do just that. He’d spent much of his life bedding women, but he’d never quite experienced this intensity before. He understood that it had everything to do with the situation he now found himself in. His life was in crisis, caught at a crossroads, and he felt everything strongly.

Emily had said she wanted no regrets, but he had them. He wished he’d stripped his PA down to her delectable skin and explored her sweetness years ago. She said she would have left him, but he would have found a way to make her stay. He did not doubt his ability to have done so and he cursed himself for being so stubborn and blind when he could have had her like this much sooner than now.

He turned and glided a hand over her hip, cupped her breast. Male satisfaction filled him when her nipple began to harden. He wanted to suck it between his lips, but he didn’t really want to wake her when she was sleeping so soundly.

“Kadir,” she breathed, and his heart turned over in his chest. So she wasn’t sleeping after all. And he was damn glad.

“Yes,
habibti?
”

“What time is it?”

“A few minutes to one.”

Her breath came out as a shaky sigh. “We have more time then. I’m so glad.”

He spanned her rib cage and bent to tease her nipple. “Me, too.”

He was tired, but more than willing. Apparently, so was she. But instead of opening her arms to him, she pushed him until he was on his back and she straddled him.

“My turn.”

Kadir lifted an eyebrow. “Your turn?”

“For once in my life, I want the mighty Kadir al-Hassan at
my
command. I want to drive you crazy, Kadir.” She bent and pressed an openmouthed kiss to his chest, trailing her tongue over to his nipple and swirling around it while a sensation very like pain shot to his groin. Except it was too pleasurable to be pain. “I want you to remember me.”

He fisted a hand in her hair. “I could never forget you, Emily.”

How could he? She’d been with him for four long years, and while he’d been an utter fool and not taken full sexual advantage of their time together, he’d never forget the woman who had been his companion day in and day out for all that time. No, they’d not been romantic, but she’d been important to him.

The most important person to him.

He shuddered as her mouth slid down his chest. Yes, she was the most important person in his life. The one he depended on. And he was losing her. Tonight was the last night they would have alone before he had to return to the palace and take up the duties of king while he waited for the coronation.

Selfishly, he thought of keeping her with him, of keeping her in his bed and in his life—but it was impossible. She was his unsuitable bride, not at all the sort of woman the council would approve of as his queen. She’d won over many people in the palace, whether she knew it or not—but not the hardened council, who saw any woman who was not of Arab descent as highly inappropriate. They had the power to make his life—and hers—hell if he did not conform to tradition and take a Kyrian wife. He closed his eyes and cursed Rashid and his father both.

He had no right to keep Emily. She had a father who needed her and a life waiting in the States. Once she was gone, once his life settled into the routines of being king, he would become accustomed to his life without her in it. It wasn’t as if they were in love. It was lust and friendship and the pain of losing someone he’d known for so long.

And that was not a reason to ask her to give up everything and remain in Kyr.

Her tongue glided around his belly button—and then her cheek rubbed against his cock and his body stiffened. She laughed softly before taking him in her mouth. Kadir had a sudden need to plunge into her mouth, to make her his this way, too, but he forced himself to remain still and let her torture him.

Her mouth was hot and wet and magical and he gave himself up to the pleasure, his eyes closing and his back arching as the sensations built inside him, propelling him to another orgasm as strong as the last.

But he couldn’t bear to come this way when they had no time left. He wanted to be inside her, her body wrapped around his, her eyes glazing and breath panting as he took her over the edge with him.

He reached for her and dragged her up his body, thrusting his tongue in her mouth and kissing her hard. She knew what he wanted and she reached for the strip of condoms beside the bed, tearing one off and then breaking the kiss to roll it on before sinking down on top of him.

She took him deep, until they both groaned with it. His hands spanned her hips, gripping her hard against him, and her palms pressed into his chest as she held herself up.

“You’re beautiful, Emily,” he said, stunned at the picture she presented with her hair falling over her shoulders to tickle him as she leaned forward. Her breasts were high and round and her eyes glittered with some mysterious emotion as she took his mouth possessively.

She whispered as she leaned back again, “You say that to all the girls—”

But she didn’t get to finish the sentence because he yanked her down and kissed her hard. And he didn’t stop kissing her, or thrusting up inside her, until she shuddered around him and ripped her mouth free, gasping his name into the darkness of the tent.

He didn’t let her recover before he flipped her over and rode her deeply, driving her across the bed, driving his demons before him. Vaguely, he thought he was too rough, too uncontrolled, but she gripped his buttocks and lunged hard against him when he would have slackened his pace.

It was a war, but one that exacted pleasure rather than pain. They finally climaxed together, gasping and groaning and sweating and swearing, before rolling apart and kicking the covers off the bed.

When he could speak again, he turned his head, watched her chest heaving. “I don’t,” he told her between breaths as anger and confusion swirled inside him.

Her gaze was puzzled. “Don’t what?”

He gritted his teeth. She didn’t even know. “Say that to all the girls,” he ground out. “You keep trying to bring others between us, but there’s no one in my head except you. No one else I want.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice soft. And hovering on the brink of tears, he realized.

He reached for her hand, caught it in his and squeezed. He was angry with her for bringing other women into their bed and yet he’d trained her to think that way. He thought of all the times she’d escorted his dates from his suite and wanted to groan. Damn him for being so thoughtless. So arrogant.

“It’s my fault. I know it. I’ve not behaved well.”

She let out a shaky sigh. “You behaved like a rich, entitled, handsome prince. And I have no right to blame you for it. It’s who you are.”

A wave of anger flooded him again. And frustration. “It’s not who I am,” he practically shouted. “It’s who you want me to be.”

He shoved his way off the bed and took care of the condom before yanking on his clothes. She sat up, her eyes wide in the darkened tent.

“What are you doing?” She sounded frightened, but he forced himself to ignore his desire to haul her into his arms and hold her tight.

“I need air,” he said, dragging on his boots and standing over the bed, where she sat naked and alone.

“I’m sorry, Kadir,” she said, her voice containing a hint of desperation that twisted his heart. “I don’t mean to hurt you.”

He forced a laugh. “Hurt me? How can you possibly hurt me? I’m arrogant and entitled. And unfeeling. Don’t forget unfeeling.”

He turned to go but she appeared in front of him. Small, naked and fierce. Her hands fisted into his robes and hurt spiraled deep into his soul. What was wrong with him? He was like a little boy again, trying to get his father’s affection and failing miserably at it.

And hurting others to do so.

“You are
not
unfeeling. And neither am I, dammit. But you scare me, Kadir. You scare me to death.”

That made him pause. “I scare you? I would never hurt you, Emily. I’ve told you this.”

“You wouldn’t do it on purpose. Don’t you understand that I have to remind myself of the last four years so that I can—” Here, her voice choked off and she swallowed hard. “So I can leave you, Kadir. So I can bear to go away and never see you again.”

He wanted to hold on to his anger and pain and shove her away so he could stride outside and brood over his fate. But he couldn’t do it. Instead, he tugged her into his arms and held her close, so close he could feel her heart beating hard and fast. She trembled and he scooped her up and returned her to the bed, dragging the covers from the floor and trying to tuck her under them.

“No, don’t leave me. Not tonight. Please, not tonight.”

There was a hard lump in his throat. “I won’t.” He disrobed and climbed under the covers with her again. She wrapped her body around him and held on tight, as if he would disappear if she let go.

He stroked her soft hair, wound his fingers in it, tried to imprint the texture of it on his skin so he would always remember. She was precious to him, and maybe it was more than just the situation that made her so. But he wasn’t ever going to find out, because he would send her away tomorrow.

It had to be tomorrow. He’d intended to have her stay through the funeral, but now he couldn’t bear to have her near him and not be able to touch her again. Part of him, the selfish part, told him he could have her as often as he wanted right up until the moment he sent her back to Chicago. There was nothing to stop him. They were married, and though he had to divorce her soon, they weren’t divorced yet. He could take her back to the palace, spend his nights with her until it was time for the coronation.

Kadir closed his eyes and a wave of pain and loneliness washed over him. He could do that, yes. But he wouldn’t. Because it would hurt her. Because she’d told him she was scared of him. He wanted to know precisely what that meant, wanted to hear her say that she cared for him, but he knew he couldn’t ask her to explain. There was a veneer over this night that was so thin it hurt, but it was essential for them both if they were going to get on with their separate lives.

Separate lives.
Those words were like a dagger plunged into his chest. How would he live without Emily?

He closed his eyes tight against the pain and held her close. He didn’t know the answer to that question. But he knew he had to send her away tomorrow if he was going to keep from hurting her any more than he already had.

* * *

Emily woke before dawn, exhausted. But that didn’t stop her from reaching for Kadir. He came into her eagerly, his body hard and ready. They did not use a condom this time and they both gasped with how perfect it felt to be joined without that barrier. He’d tried to get one, but she’d told him it didn’t matter. She was on the pill.

But even if she hadn’t been, she would have wanted him inside her. If she could take a piece of Kadir with her forever, she would happily do so. When she’d told him that, he’d closed his eyes on a groan and slid inside her.

His voice had been husky. “The idea of you pregnant with my child makes me happy, regardless of destiny or duty or any other damn thing anyone cares to throw at me.”

They made love more gently than the night before, and when he came this time, she felt the hot spurt of his seed inside her. It made her hope, and yet she knew it was a senseless hope.

After they’d washed and dressed and had a meal of baked bread, honey, butter, fruit and coffee, they climbed into the Land Rover to make the journey back to the capital city. They did not speak much, but Kadir reached over and took her hand in his. He held it through the entire trip, until they reached the city and he needed both hands to drive again. The palace knew they were coming and sent out an escort to meet them and clear the way.

They reached the palace sometime before noon and Emily’s heart clenched tight at the change in Kadir’s face. He’d closed himself off, closed his emotions off, until he was once more the arrogant ruler. She thought of him last night in her arms, thought of his raw confession about his family, and ached for him.

How had she been so cruel to him? How had she accused him of not having feelings? He had them and they ran deep. Yes, she’d insisted on bringing the past into bed with them, but it had been to protect herself.

A futile hope, since she loved him so much it physically hurt. She’d thought to inoculate herself against the pain of losing him by dragging the past into the room with them, but she’d only succeeded in hurting him, too.

And now, when she wanted to reach out and touch him, she couldn’t. What they’d shared last night was over. As if to emphasize that fact, he didn’t even look at her as they exited the vehicle. A group of men surrounded him, bowing low, before one began to refer to a notebook he held as he spoke to Kadir in Arabic.

His new PA, she decided, her chest squeezing tight as another servant gestured to her to follow the group into the palace. When they stood inside the vaulted chamber where everyone had gathered to watch their new king return from his vigil, Kadir turned, his eyes meeting hers over the lowered heads of the assembly.

The look he gave her was unreadable, but her heart began to beat a little harder. It wasn’t the look of a man who had any hope, and that made her want to scream at them all that they couldn’t have him, that he was hers and no one else’s.