Game Control (2 page)

  She retreated back to Trattoria for tea, tired from her meagre foray, feeling after the feeble excursion that she had been a terribly long way.

  Yet when she bent dutifully over papers from the conference, the print blurred, 'The Cultural Context of High Fertility in Sub-Saharan Africa' having no apparent bearing on the dusty villages to which she bounced her Land Rover monthly. This persistent malaise had been wheedling its way into odd moments over tea with increasing frequency. Perhaps she had malaria again.

  She kicked herself for not saying hello to Calvin Piper. If he hadn't remembered her she could have reminded him. Surely there was no great risk to her precious hope chest of girlhood adventures. Eleanor realized she'd just turned 37 and she was still shy.

  She discovered that she had left a scarf on the back of her chair in the last assembly, and hurried to retrieve it before

the building closed. She was relieved by mission, however mundane.

  The conference centre was still open, though cleared out. In the main hall pages splayed the aisles like wings of dead white birds. On the way to her chair she picked up papers. Eleanor was like that—she tidied. In hotels, she made her own bed and rinsed her own water glasses and hung her towels so neatly they looked unused. Her insistence on being no trouble often got other people into it, with the suggestion they were not doing their job. Today was no exception. A girl in a green uniform came rushing up and waved at Eleanor's armful. 'No, no.' The girl took the pile firmly from the white woman's hands.

  'It seemed such a chore,' Eleanor said in Swahili, flustered and pinkening. She pointed towards her seat, thinking she had to explain (Eleanor always thought she had to explain, when no one wanted to hear really), nodding and smiling too much.

  Of course the scarf was gone—what continent did she think she was on? Looking lamely about, Eleanor was about to scuttle out, for the empty hall disturbed her. The party-being-over sensation reminded her too keenly of her recent life lately—so much purpose and opinion suddenly gone slack.

  Laughter caught her unawares. In the stripe of chairs, the far rows were rearranged around a familiar gleam of hair, and a monkey.

  She drew closer to find Calvin sitting with several other lingerers from the Population Council Conference, none of whom she knew. Their laughter was of a seditious sort, as at something you were not supposed to say.

  'Eleanor Merritt.' He did remember.

  'I'm sorry to intrude, but—'

  'You were forever
sorry
.' He pulled up a chair for her between him and an older woman, who shot her an icy smile. 'Eleanor works for Pathfinder: opulent funding, international profile and well run—' he paused—'for a waste of time. But Ms Merritt has risen high. From hard work, no doubt. She cares about humanity. Ms Merritt,' he submitted to the group, 'is a good person.'

  'Not always,' she defended. 'Sometimes I'm a shrew.'

Calvin laughed. 'I would love to see it. Promise me.'

  He had called her bluff. She could hardly remember being a shrew; not because she was gracious but because she was a coward. Eleanor vented her temper exclusively on objects—pens that wouldn't write, cars that wouldn't start, the telephones-cum-doorstops that littered any Third World posting. The more peaceable her relations with people, the more the inanimate teemed with malevolence.

  'The Pathfinder Fund,' Calvin explained, 'belongs to that dogged IUD-in-the-dyke school, flogging the odd condom while the population happily doubles every eighteen years. When the fertility rate plummets from 6.9 to 6.87, they take credit, and Ford slips them a cheque.'

  'It is incredibly arrogant,' said Eleanor, 'to march into someone else's culture and tell them how many children to have. Raising the status of women and giving them power over their own reproduction is the best way to reduce the birth rate—'

  'There is nothing wrong with arrogance,' said Calvin, 'so long as you are right.'

  'Besides,' interjected the upright, withered woman at Eleanor's side, 'improving the status of women is not pursued as an end in itself, but with an eye to a declining birth rate. You do not get your funding from Ford by promising to give women control over their lives, but by claiming you can reduce population growth. It's duplicitous. If they were no guiding hand of population
control
, you wouldn't pull in any money, would you?'

  'All that matters,' Calvin dismissed, 'is that family planning does not work. I am reminded of those women in Delhi employed by the city to mow metropolitan lawns. They use
scissors
. I picture those tiny clinics pitched in the middle of oblivious, fecund hordes much like Eleanor sent to mow the whole of Tsavo game park with her Swiss Army knife.'

  Eleanor hugged her elbows. Calvin put a hand on her knee. 'You think I'm criticizing you. No, I'm agog you keep snipping away. It's bloody marvellous.'

  'Can you suggest what else there is to do?'

  'We sorted things out for India not ten minutes ago,' he noted brightly. 'Institute free amniocentesis. As soon as the

mother finds out it's a girl, the foetus mysteriously disappears. Produce an
entire generation of sons
. In sixty, seventy years 840 million Asians would die out completely. Neat, don't you agree?'

  Eleanor was acutely sensitive to when people were waiting for her to leave. Calvin stopped her. 'Dinner?'

  He'd ridiculed her work. He'd abused her in front of his friends. Eleanor said she'd be delighted, and worried what to wear.

Described in guidebooks as 'a restaurant that wouldn't look out of place in Bavaria or rural England', The Horseman was in the heart of Karen, if Karen could be said to have one. Named after Karen Blixen, the suburb was one of the last white enclaves of Kenya, museumed with mummified women who got too much sun when they were young, women who never carried their own groceries. They were the last of the English to say
frightfully
. Yet they still gave their change to little boys outside the
dukas
, and Karen's beggars were flush.

  Aware that ladies are advised to arrive at engagements a tad late, Eleanor took a taxi to Karen early.

  'Madam! Please, madam!'

  In the car-park she was accosted by a hawker carrying some heavy black—
thing
. It took her a moment to discern the object, at which point she was hooked into a dialogue that would cost her. 'Only 150, I work very hard, madam! You see,
msuri sana
. Please, madam! I have six children and they are so hungry…'

  The kempt and ingenuous young man held before her a carving of an enormous African family. The carving was awful enough to start with, but had been mucked over with tar. Eleanor was reluctant to touch it.

  'I don't—' she fumbled. 'I'm travelling, I can't—'

  'Please, madam!'

  The
please-madams
were not going to stop. She could not claim to have no money, she could not simply walk away from a man who was speaking to her, and some forms of freedom must be bought.

  Consequently, she met Calvin in the lounge of The Horseman trying to keep the big dark monster from her dress.

'For me? You shouldn't have.'

'I shouldn't have,' she confessed woefully. 'He wouldn't go away.'

  'There's the most miraculous word in the English language:
no.
Most children learn it before the age of two.'

  'This is just what I need,' she said, as the head waiter led them to their table, glancing at her souvenir with disapproval. 'A carving of the happy twelve-child family for my clinic.'

  'You haven't changed,' Calvin lamented.

  Eleanor could no more focus on the menu than on conference papers at Trattoria. The prospect of food was mildly revolting: a warning sign. In the company of men she'd no interest in she was voracious.

  Calvin decided for them both. 'The game', he announced, 'is delectable.' His smile implied a
double entendre
that went right past her.

  'So,' he began. 'You're still so passionate?'

  She blushed. 'In what regard?'

  'About your work,' he amended. 'The underprivileged and oppressed and that.'

  'If you mean have I become jaded—'

  'Like me.'

  'I didn't say—'

  'I said. But it's hard to picture you jaded.'

  'I could learn. I see it happen in aid workers every day. You keep working and it doesn't make any difference until eventually you find your efforts comic. But when you start finding all sympathy maudlin and all goodwill suspect, you think you've gotten wise, that you've caught the world on, when really you've just gotten mean.'

  'You think I'm mean?'

  'You were, a little,' she admitted. 'At the KICC this afternoon. This is Eleanor, Exhibit A: the hopeless family planning worker, beavering away in her little clinics among the—"fecund hordes"?'

  He smiled and said as gently as one can say such a thing, 'You still don't have a sense of humour.'

  'I don't see why it's always so hilarious to believe in something.'

  'Why didn't you tell me to sod off?'

  'Because when people are wicked to me, I don't get angry, I get confused. Why should anyone pick on Eleanor? I'm harmless.'

  'It's harmless people who always get it in the neck. Why can't you learn to fight back?'

  'I hate fighting. I'd rather go away.'

  They talked, as expatriates did incessantly, about Africa, though Eleanor suspected this was the definition of being a stranger here. Real Africans, she supposed, never sat around at dinner talking about Africa.

  'I should feel lucky,' said Calvin. 'Not everyone gets to witness the destruction of an entire continent in his lifetime. Of course, if I had my way I would kick every sunburnt white boy off this continent. But not without putting mortality back where we found it, so these witless bastards don't reproduce themselves into spontaneous cannibalism. Import a few tsetse fly, sprinkle the Ngongs with tubercle bacillus, unpack the smallpox virus the WHO keeps in cold storage in Geneva. Did you know that we preserve diseases? The eagles are endangered, but the germs are safe.'

  'What about development?'

  'Develop into
what
, mind you? Pizza Hut? No, what Africa could use is some good old-fashioned regression.'

  'It's seen plenty of that.' Her smoked trout starter was exquisite, and only made her ill.

  'Not enough. I'd remove every felt-tip, digestive biscuit and gasguzzling pick-up from Algiers to Cape Town.' Calvin disposed of his boar pâté in a few bites. 'Go back to
Homo sapiens
as pack animals, huddled around fires, cowering in trees and getting shredded by lions to keep the numbers down. No campaigns for multiparty democracy, no crummy tabloids, no Norwegian water projects. Just life, birth and death in the raw, busy enough and awful enough that you never have a chance to think about it before a hyena bites off your leg.'

  'Back to the garden,' Eleanor mused.

  'You never saw it, Eleanor, but when I first came to Kenya in 1960 this country was paradise.' He gestured to the tarry horror that would not quite fit under her chair. 'No
watu
with their hands out every time you tie your shoe.'

  'Don't you imagine any twenty-year-old here for the first time is just as knocked out?'

  'What knocks them out is it's grotty and crowded and nothing works. And all right, so the Africans should get their Walkmans like everyone else. So Africa isn't special. But when I came here it was. So there's nowhere to go, nowhere special. So it's every man's right to be garish, filthy and completely lacking in foresight. Terrific.'

  Eleanor glanced warily at their waiter as he brought her main course; he spoke English. 'You sound like a child who's had his playground closed.'

  'Don't imagine I'm reminiscing about how smoothly the country ran under colonial rule. No, when there was no telephone system not to work, no electricity to go off, no water piping to over-extend—now, that is working smoothly.'

  'Well,' ventured Eleanor cautiously, 'Africans
do
have a right to telephones, electricity and running water—don't they?'

  Calvin withered her with a look of excruciating weariness.

  'Then, you should be happy,' Eleanor backed off, relieved the waiter was no longer listening. 'Most Africans have no such amenities, do they? Of which I'm painfully, and constantly, aware. In shops, I put a chocolate bar on the counter, next to a woman with two kilos of
posho
and a little fermented milk with which she has to feed the whole family for a week—I put the candy back. Everywhere I go on this continent I feel ashamed. I'm tired of it, Calvin. I am dying, dying of shame.'

  'They like
posho
. Africans do not identify with your life at all. They see white people the way you look at oryx.'

  'Hogwash. They want cars and I have one. Try and tell me they don't resent that.'

  'Give your flipping car away, then.'

  'That won't change anything.'

  'That's the first intelligent thing you've said. And at least—' he pointed to her hartebeest—'you now eat your dinner.'

Calvin had just joined USAID himself, and asked her to dine at the Hilton. His fourteen-year seniority had daunted her then, and maybe that's why she'd felt compelled to make a fool of herself: because he was so much older and more important and she had no idea why he would go out with her. She was only aware in later years, once her looks had begun to slip, that she had once been rather pretty.