Game of Love (22 page)

“After the first few times, I started locking the door, but he’d take it out on her. The yelling went on and on, so I…” She looked away, and he leaned his head against hers, feeling his heart crumble for her. “I just pretended to be asleep.” She sucked in a breath. “And then…then when he left my room…I’d go out the window.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He could have told his father, who surely would have done something. How could that bastard get away with that? Dex clenched his teeth, fighting the urge to curse a blue streak and tear into the fucker’s house. He had to hold it together. If they had a chance in hell, he had to be strong for her. He’d take care of that pig, but first he had to take care of Ellie. Jesus. How could anyone do that to her?

“How could I tell you? I couldn’t admit it to myself. I couldn’t even tell the social worker when she placed me back there.” Tears streaked her cheeks, and he felt her lean away.

Dex pulled her into his lap and held her. “I’m so sorry.” Tears broke free and tumbled down his cheeks. He buried his face in her chest, holding her as their tears fell for the pain she’d held in for so long. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“The thing is...”

He lifted his eyes to hers, unashamed of his emotions.

“When Margie told me I was being sent away, I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay just to be with you. You were the only person I felt safe with. You didn’t judge me, and you didn’t push me for anything. You just…loved me.” She laid her head on his shoulder, and he rocked her in his arms.

Dex felt like his bones had shattered and the shards lodged beneath his skin. He should have figured it out. He should have asked, pushed, done something. The guilt laced his nerves, and this time when he took Ellie’s face in his hands and looked into her eyes, he understood the shadows he’d always seen floating about like ghosts.

“I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. Including me.” He pressed a loving kiss to her lips.

“Don’t. I know you blame yourself for not helping me, and, Dex, you couldn’t have known. No one did.”

Dex brushed her hair from her shoulder. “Were there other times, with other families?”

She shook her head. “Not that I can remember.”

“Thank God.”

Dex stared at the house, thinking of all the things he was going to come back and do to that old man as soon as he had Ellie somewhere safe.

“He’s gone,” she said, as if she’d read his mind.

“Gone?”

“Yeah. The police came and they found his body. He overdosed.”

Dex would have preferred the guy suffered for a long time for what he’d done, but at least he was out of Ellie’s life and couldn’t hurt anyone else.

“I’m sorry I’m so broken. I don’t want to be difficult, but I only know how to be who I am, and I know I’m strong and I can handle a lot.”

“Oh, baby, you’re not broken. You’re hurt. There’s a big difference, and you’re the strongest woman I know.”

He watched her gather her courage like a cloak, pull her shoulders back, and set her chin. “I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and excited about what I will accomplish, but things like the text from…Those things throw me right back to here. I’m terrified of being labeled a home wrecker and a victim—”

“Ellie—”

“Not by you, Dex. Anyone else. I just hate that I was involved at all. Some poor woman is hurting because I was naive. And now he’s telling me it’s not over, so here I ran away from him just to land in his backyard. And when I thought about telling you, I thought it was just going to mess up your life.” She sucked in another hitched breath. “That you’d realize that I really am chaos.” She buried her face in his neck and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m scared, Dexy. So scared. I’ve always been scared on some level, but the idea of losing you, that’s my worst fear. I’ve never told anyone any of this, but I’m telling you. That has to mean something.”

“Look at me.” He drew her chin toward him so she had to look into his eyes. “You’ll never lose me.” He waited a beat while the words soaked in. “We’ll deal with that together, but, El, baby, you’re not chaos. And even if you were, I’d love you through it. If we can work on honesty, then we can make it through anything. Come on. You’re shivering.”

He helped her to her feet, and they walked down Carlisle to Marlboro and made their way to Dex’s parents’ house. The lights were off, and he hated to wake them this late. He led her around to the back of the house, intending to get the key his parents kept hidden beneath the pot on the back porch, but when they came around to his childhood bedroom window, he had another idea. He jimmied the window open; then he helped Ellie up and into the bedroom and hoisted himself onto the brick ledge and climbed in behind her.

He helped her take off her boots, then removed his own shoes and laid their jackets on the desk. They climbed into his bed, and Ellie snuggled in to him, bringing back all sorts of memories. She laid her hand on her stomach and let out a long sigh.

“Dexy?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Ellie whispered.

“For what?” He kissed the top of her head.

“For not giving up on me.”

“You never gave up on me,” he said.

“You never asked me for anything.”

“I did. I just didn’t ask out loud. I asked that you would return. And I asked a lot of you tonight. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me the truth.” He felt the tension fall away from her muscles and melt into him.

“I’m sure of you, Dex. I hope one day you’ll be sure of me.”

“I’m sure of you, Ellie. More than sure.” He covered her with the comforter. Dex laid his head back against the headboard, but he couldn’t sleep. He was plagued by the image of Ellie lying in that house pretending to sleep—frightened and disgusted.

BEING BACK IN his childhood bedroom with Ellie at his side had been exactly the right thing to do. Or at least that’s what Dex hoped. He couldn’t shake the image of Ellie walking down the street alone at night after what she’d gone through, and the feeling of helplessness was so strong that it made his skin prickle. If only he’d known. If only someone had known. He kissed the top of Ellie’s head, silently thanking God that she’d come back to him. She needed him as much as he needed her. He’d always needed her.

Dex was nodding off when his mother appeared in the doorway in her fluffy blue robe and slippers. She came to the edge of the bed and sat down beside him. He smiled up at her sleepily, and she brushed his hair from his forehead.

“I knew I heard that window,” she said. Her hair was loose down her back. Her eyes moved from Dex to Ellie, then back again. “Always the window.” A breathy, quiet laugh slipped from her lips. “Is she okay?”

Dex nodded.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“We went to slay some demons.”

His mother nodded, as if she completely understood, which Dex was sure she did. His mother had the uncanny ability to know what was going on in her children’s lives, as she’d proven when they’d had lunch.

“And did you slay them?” she asked.

Dex slid out from beneath Ellie and settled her head on the pillow. She sighed contentedly and within seconds was once again fast asleep. Dex pointed to the hall, and his mother followed him out of the room.

“I don’t know if we slayed them or not,” he whispered.
I hope we did
. He glanced at Ellie. “It was a start. Mom, did you know about everything that went on when she was a kid?”

She touched his cheek, and her eyes filled with sadness. “Not all of it. We had our suspicions and found out the truth too late. Poor girl. She’s been through so much. I’m glad she’s here now. She always should have been here.”

“How come you never told me?” Dex whispered, gazing longingly at Ellie and wanting to hold her again.

“Oh, Dex. You were so lost when she left. The last thing you needed was to know the truth of it all. Your father took care of it.” She tightened the belt on her robe and patted his hand.

“Dad? What did Dad do? He was mad at me for missing her. I remember. He was kind of a pri—mean about it.” His father’s stern face and piercing eyes came back to him.
You’re a man. Suck it up and move on.

“Yes, that’s your father’s way.” Joanie Remington was a realist. She didn’t make up excuses for his father any more than she’d have made up excuses for him or his siblings. “But he did good, Dex. You should be very proud of him. He had wondered about what went on there, and he did a bit of snooping. He followed you the night you went there.”

“Dad knew I went and didn’t ride me for it? I can’t believe that. He’d have given me hell if he knew.” Dex’s eyes locked on Ellie. As they spoke of his father, his gut clenched. Just like it always had. When they were kids, on the evenings his father had said particularly harsh things to him, he used to run his hands through Ellie’s silky hair, and he remembered how it soothed his prickly nerves.
I always needed you, too
.

“He’s not a bad man, Dexter. He loves you. He just doesn’t know how to move with a tender touch. He was upset with you that night for sneaking out, but he was livid when things came to light much later. Now, it appeared that that man handed out his own judgment, although we’ll never know if it was an accidental overdose or purposeful, but he must have been mentally sick to have done what was suspected. Your father found out that there were others before Ellie. So in a sense, he probably saved many more children by taking his own life.”

Dex’s eyes settled on Ellie.
She wanted to stay. Just to be with me
.

“Why was he so hard on me?” Dex asked. “If he knew what happened to Ellie, and he knew how I felt about her, why would he push me to let her go?”

“For the same reasons Ellie kept secrets. It’s all they know.”

She said it so matter-of-factly that it threw him off balance for a minute.
It’s all they know?

“But…” He shook his head.

“Oh, sweetheart. Sometimes with your fancy apartment and your huge career, I forget you’re still only twenty-six. You haven’t experienced enough of life to see it for yourself yet, but we’re all just doing the best we can. Your father learned from his father. He raised you doing the best he knew how. And as for Ellie, growing up in the foster system is difficult. The social workers do the best they can to decipher when kids are telling the truth and when they’re vying for a new placement or for attention. And I’d imagine that Ellie spent years keeping quiet for fear of not being believed.” She looked thoughtfully into Dex’s eyes. “And as for me, well, I just do the best I can, too. I love each of you with all my heart, but without your father’s stern love, you’d have grown up to be wishy-washy wimps.” She smiled, and it lit up her eyes.

Her eyes lingered on Dex for a few breaths, and in those moments he realized that there was far more to his parents’ actions than he’d ever realized. How much restraint had it taken for his father not to say something to Dex about Ellie being in his room at night? James Remington, control freak, six-foot-four retired four-star general. Stern father, harsh motivator, and when Dex was growing up…the man to be obeyed. To know his father had taken steps to protect Ellie cushioned Dex’s mixed emotions toward him.

Joanie shifted her gaze to Ellie, and her smile faded. Dex’s heart ached. “I worry about her. She’s a sweet thing, and if she’s anything like she was as a teenager, she’s strong willed and very, very private. You can see that she feels safe beside you.” She sighed. “She looks as precious as you used to treat her. Be careful with her, Dexter. As much as you think you can’t take being hurt again, I’m not sure she could take it either.”

“I love her, Mom. I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. But we have to trust each other. We’re working on it, and I think tonight helped a lot, but it’s kind of up to her.” He shrugged.

“That’s where you’re wrong, honey. It’s up to both of you. To trust is also to be trustworthy. She has to be able to tell you things when she’s ready, even if it’s way past the time that you’re ready to hear them. And as much as that stings, you have to trust her enough to allow her to do so.”

“That makes no sense. If you love someone, you share everything. You’ve always taught us that honesty was everything. I remember you saying,
As long as you’re honest, you’ll never be punished. No matter what you did.
Was that all a load of crap?”

She smiled. “No, honey. I don’t dole out crap. Honesty and trust combined, they’re everything, but forcing someone to tell you anything before they’re ready is controlling. Trust in her and honesty will follow.”

“But how? How can I trust when I know she’s keeping things from me?”

“Do you trust me?” his mother asked.

“Of course.”

“I kept what we thought had happened to Ellie from you. Do you feel differently about me now that you know that?”

“Well, no, but…”

“Dex, until she can trust that you aren’t going to hurt her like everyone else in her life has, she’s not going to trust you.” She narrowed her eyes in a way that said she knew exactly how they ended up back on Marlboro Street that night. “And that includes forcing her to come forward with things she’d long ago buried deep inside herself. Just as you can’t trust her until she’s sharing her deepest thoughts with you. It’s a double-edged sword that needs to be danced around carefully. You’ll figure it out, Dexy.” She looked at the clock on his bedside table. “Goodness, we’d better get some sleep. When you mentioned she was back, I knew you would eventually end up back here. We’ll have breakfast in the morning.”

Dex settled in beside Ellie and closed his eyes, hoping his heart wouldn’t get slashed too deeply. As he pulled her closer, he knew that even if he ended up hurt again, Ellie was worth the risk.

ELLIE SAT ON the edge of Dex’s bed, trying to ward off the memories that being back in his room brought careening back. The fear of lying in the bed at her foster home, listening to the grunts and noises of that awful man pleasuring himself, irritated her skin like dozens of spiders crawling over her limbs. She fought against every muscle to remain motionless when her mind screamed,
Get out!
She’d seen her foster father in every shadow all those years ago—heard his voice in the wind.