Game of Queens (35 page)

I was about to complain that she had been lying deathly ill, when Amestris went on without giving me the chance.

“You should have sent to
me,
Vashti. I would have told you what to do.”

As you have since the day I wed your son.
For a breath I thought I had spoken those words of fire aloud, that they hung upon the air between us like winged serpents. “You were ill, Queen Mother. And a woman may not appear at a men's feast. What was I supposed to do?”

“You should have delayed. Yes, delayed until you could get word to me. I would have arranged matters.”

You have arranged too much.
Another thought that slid unbidden into my mind. “Well, it is too late now.”

“Yes, too late. And you need not look so complacent, Vashti. You are not a clever girl, but surely even you must realize you are no longer Queen of Queens?”

As she always had, Amestris derided any claim I had to being able to think for myself. She had ensured I was taught only to play, and now chided me for learning my lesson well.

Sudden anger burned my skin. “Yes, I do realize that. That fact has been made very clear to me. I have only one question for you, Queen Mother Amestris.”

“And what is that?”

“What am I to do now?”

For the first time since I had met her, on the day I was ten years old, Queen Mother Amestris could think of nothing whatsoever to say. I did not wait for her to regain her sharp command over words. I bowed, most properly, and turned and walked away, out of her presence.

“I'm not sure that was wise, little queen,” Hegai said, as I stepped out of the Queen Mother's Palace into the rising day. I paused, and looked up at him, and found myself smiling.

“Probably not,” I said. “But may I tell you something, Hegai?”

“Of course, my queen. Anything.”

“I don't care.”
As I began the long walk back to my own palace—or was it still mine?—I kept my head high and my back straight. Behind me, I thought I heard Hegai laugh softly. But my blood beat so against my ears I could not be sure.

*   *   *

After I had faced Queen Mother Amestris, and had walked back to my palace like the queen I no longer was, I dismissed my servants. I even ordered Hegai to leave me. But once I stood alone, the silence pressed upon me, the very air rasped against my skin.

At first I curled upon my bed, my marmoset burrowed against my neck and my silver foxes cuddled in my arms. But even my pets failed to soothe my restless thoughts. I was grateful to Suri and the fox twins—my wolves and cheetah and little deer had fled from me when I tried to grasp them in my arms.

Will even beasts not come to me because I am no longer queen? Hegai left me alone without one word of protest. Is he no longer mine?
Mocking, Amestris's words echoed in my mind:
“You are not a clever girl, but surely even you must realize you are no longer Queen of Queens?”

Tears spilled down my cheeks; one of the foxes licked them away, its tongue soft and swift. I looked down into its bright eyes, and to my surprise, my despair vanished. “I am no longer Queen of Queens.” A burden I had not even known I carried slid away, leaving me feeling light enough to dance upon clouds. Free.
I am no longer queen. I am free.

I kissed the fox's gleaming black nose and gently set my pets onto the cushions beside me.
It was foolish of me to send Hegai away, to tell him I no longer needed him. Of course I need him!

Well, I would remedy that error now. I would go to Hegai, and I would beg his pardon and ask his advice. And if ever Amestris learned I had so greatly demeaned myself—

I do not care. I do not care! Perhaps she will turn to stone in outrage!

*   *   *

His famed silver mirror, taller and wider than a large man, dominated Hegai's reception hall. A silver Vashti regarded me gravely from its gleaming surface.

“My queen.” Hegai would have bowed, but I held out my hands and without hesitation he clasped them in his. “You should have summoned me.”

“And you would have come.” My voice sounded thin and weak; uncertain. Not at all the firm voice of the mature woman I wished to sound.

“And I would have come. What troubles you—other than having lost your crown and the good opinion of the Queen Mother?” He smiled, squeezed my hands, and I laughed.

“I know now I never had her good opinion.” All I had been to Amestris was a malleable game piece. “And I don't care about my crown. I came to ask your pardon, and your advice.”

“You need never ask for the first, and you may always have the second. How may I help you, my—” The slightest of pauses, as if he had been about to speak a different word. “—my queen?”

HEGAI

When I learned that Vashti stood waiting in my own reception hall, for one joyous moment I thought her heart had opened to me. That she had come to me as my beloved. Such a thing was not impossible; eunuchs often married, although not often for love.
She is fond of me; she will grow to love me; we will marry and I will make her happy. She shall be truly loved and happy
 …

Vain dreams, swiftly dead. One look at Vashti before my silver mirror, and I knew my hope was no more than fruitless folly. Still, when she saw me she reached out to me—better than nothing, although so much less than I desired. Drawing upon long years of control over my thoughts and passions, I asked why she had come, rather than sending for me to go to her.

To my astonishment, she solemnly begged my pardon—for what, I did not ask, for she also begged for my advice. And when I asked, she raised her eyes to mine and said,

“What do I do now, Hegai?” Her voice held steady; no tears blurred her eyes. “I am no longer queen, but what am I?”

“You are Vashti,” I said. “You are always Vashti. And you know already what we must do now.”

She smiled and flung her arms tight around me. “Go to Daniel Dream-Master?”

“Yes.” I kissed her forehead, her skin warm under my lips. “Go to Daniel.”

*   *   *

As always, to enter the gate into Daniel's garden was to walk into soothing peace. Nor was I surprised to find Daniel waiting on the blue bench. “Does nothing surprise you, Dream-Master?” I asked. Beside me, Vashti laughed softly.

“Many things, Hegai,” Daniel said, even as Samamat came out of the house carrying a bowl full of cherries.

“That's because you never learn that people aren't sensible, Daniel.” Samamat set the bowl down and sank to her knees beside it; looked up at Vashti. “So what do we call you now? Have some cherries; they're particularly sweet this summer.”

“So you heard?” The most foolish of questions; who had
not
heard what happened at the king's great banquet—and the queen's? Samamat's son Dariel must have told them almost at once.

“My dear Hegai, of course we've heard all about it. The entire empire will know by the end of the week.” Samamat smiled at Vashti. “Well done, Ishvari's granddaughter.”

Vashti's pale skin flushed warm pink; Samamat's praise pleased her greatly. She knelt gracefully beside Samamat, who silently handed her a handful of cherries. “So,” Samamat added, “what do we call you now?”

For a few breaths, Vashti stared down at the shining fruit in her cupped hands. Then she looked at Samamat and smiled. “Vashti,” she said. “Call me Vashti.”

Samamat laughed, Daniel smiled, and Vashti glared. Queens are not accustomed to being laughed at. I bit the inside of my lip to keep silent until I could speak in a steady voice. “That is not proper. Even if you are no longer queen, you are still a princess.”

“Princess of Babylon.” Spoken by Daniel, the words seemed to summon a faraway time and place. Then he shook off whatever waking dream had claimed him. “Well, I don't suppose the two of you came just to inform Sama and me what happened at the royal banquets. After all, I have a reputation to uphold, so ask your question, Vashti.”

Not “queen.” Not even “princess.” But kings had bowed to Daniel Dream-Master. He spoke as his god directed. Never, since the day he had saved me from my owner beating me to death, had he said one word he did not mean.

Vashti glanced swiftly at me, then gazed into Daniel's eyes. “My world has fallen into shards around me. I am no longer Queen of Queens. What am I now? What do I do now?”

“What do you want to be?” Daniel asked. “It's your life, Vashti. How do you wish to live it?”

VASHTI

“What do you want to be? How do you wish to live…?”

Once again I did not know the answer. Once again I knew nothing.

After I had spoken with Daniel, I paced my rooms like a restless cat. Nothing I caught up pleased me. At last I stood quiet and weighed an ivory dagger in my palm. An odd gift, I had thought the day Hegai had placed it in my hand, although the dagger was very beautiful. Upon its moon-pale hilt, leopards of gold leapt at invisible prey. A leopard's head of solid gold crowned the pommel. The beast's eyes glinted fire and blood; rubies.
What do you like to do?
A question asked of me long ago, one to which I thought I had learned the answer. Now I knew that I had not.

I let myself dream, trying futures as if they were jewels.

Perhaps I will become an Amazon.
After all, I could ride and shoot, even if Ahasuerus did laugh at my lack of true skill—if only the Amazons had not passed into the Land of Shadows a dozen dozen lifetimes ago.

A soft scratching upon my door; I turned and saw one of my maidservants hesitating there. “O queen,” she began, and then stopped, her cheeks burning redder than the paint upon her skin.

No one knew how to address me now. As the maid struggled to find the right words to begin, I said, “What is it, Elea?”

Grateful that I had eased the path, she bowed and said, “The King of Kings awaits—awaits—”

“Me,” I finished for her. “Thank you, Elea. Where is he?”

*   *   *

Ahasuerus awaited me in my reception room; although he did not wear his royal robes, he carried the gold scepter. An official visit, then.

“So you are here as the King of Kings.” The words escaped unbidden, surprising me more, I think, than they did Ahasuerus. It is for the King of Kings to speak first. I could be killed for such an offense.

“I am the King of Kings,” he said, and his voice sounded both sad and sullen.

“Is there any doubt of that?” I sounded more bitter than I intended.

He set aside the scepter; what he spoke now would be his words, not a king's. “I am sorry, my queen—”

“I am no longer your queen, Ahasuerus.” I would not dare interrupt a king's words; a man's, yes, that I would dare. “By your own seal, I am set aside.”

“But not by my wish.”

He looked so miserable I longed to clasp him in my arms, smooth his hair, comfort him as if he were a small unhappy child. “I know. They have tricked you, my—” Suddenly I realized he was not my love; I could not say the word truly. I drew in a deep breath. “My dearest friend, now it is our turn to trick them.” The words came from nowhere, but Ahasuerus promptly looked more cheerful; puzzles always amused him.

“How? You know the law cannot be revoked once sealed.”

“No. But—but another law can always be made, and sealed, can it not?”

“I suppose it can. But to what purpose? I cannot decree that you be my queen again.”

I do not wish to be your queen again.
The words came unbidden; rang so clear in my mind that for a horrible moment I thought I had spoken them aloud. Shaken, I merely shook my head, which Ahasuerus took for abject grief and assent. He put his arm around me and said,

“Don't cry, Vashti. You won't suffer for this.”

I stared at him, and saw that he truly believed what he said. Well, why should he not? He was King of Kings, Lord of Half the World. And he was a man; given even the breath of a chance, he would convince himself that I was better off set aside than I had been as his indulged wife. Suddenly I felt much older than he, and very tired. I sighed and rested my head upon his shoulder, as I had so often done before.

“I will not suffer if you will seal into the laws that I shall still dwell here, in the Queen's Palace, and that I shall keep all that belongs to Vashti, and not to the Queen of Queens. Let it be written and sealed that—”

Then I paused. That what? Desperation summoned my next words. “The edict says that Queen Vashti shall come no more before King Ahasuerus. But if you come here to me…”

“Then you are not coming before the king!” He smiled at last. “Yes, that is what shall be written and sealed. That Vashti shall dwell within the palace and the king may go to her as he wishes,” Ahasuerus finished. He put his arm around me; kissed my forehead. “Vashti, I don't—”

“Write the decree now,” I said. “Please, for me?”

“Anything you ask.” He sounded happier, now that he could grant me favors, mitigate the harsh command that had severed me from him. “Send one of your pages to fetch Mordecai the chief scribe—he will know how to word it properly. This law must be perfect before I set my seal upon it.”

The scribe came and bowed to Ahasuerus and then to me, and listened to Ahasuerus describe what he desired. Mordecai had bowed to me with respect; he looked upon me with neither avid interest nor pity. I decided I liked Mordecai the scribe.

Mordecai sat and wrote, and then read the decree aloud. “By the will of Ahasuerus, Lord of Half the World, King of Kings, Emperor over the Medes and the Persians and all the lands from the Western Sea to the Eastern Mountains, the royal lady Vashti shall dwell in the Queen's Palace in Shushan with all that is hers, and the King of Kings will enter the Queen's Palace as pleases him.”

Mordecai looked up from the decree. “Does that wording please the king?”