Games (29 page)

Lately, Julia could barely stand to look at Brian, he was so pitiful.  He didn’t have his bright smile anymore and she hadn’t seen his trademark left dimple in days. Even his laughter had vanished. Nowadays, when Brian bothered to visit the house, he moped around
, looking defeated and depressed. It was just a matter of time before his personal life would start to affect his school performance. 

Shay didn’t fare any better. Most of the time she moped around the house like a zombie or hibernated inside her bedroom. The other day she was washing dishes, but was too distracted to pay attention to what she was doing. She absentmindedly picked up the roast Julia had cooked for dinner and started washing it. When Reggie and Julia finally got her attention, she threw the Angus beef down and ran upstairs crying. She spent the rest of the evening in her room.

However, Shay did go to church. She didn’t sit in the front like Reggie and Julia wanted because she didn’t want to look at or be next to Brian. She sat in the back and didn’t participate in the service, but at least she was there.

Yesterday when Brian came over for Sunday dinner, Shay wouldn’t even look at him, let alone speak to him. He brought her flowers, which she promptly threw in the trash. During dinner, if Brian asked her to pass him a dish, she ignored him. When she wanted something, even if Brian was the closest one to it, she’d ask her mother or Reggie. She even asked Josiah for the pitcher of lemonade, knowing he’d probably spill it.

Halfway through dinner, Reggie grew tired of dancing around them and pushed his plate back. “I’ve had enough of this,” he said before he left the table. Julia, feeling his frustration, followed after him.

Inside their bedroom, Julia snuggled against Reggie on their bed. She was determined not to let the lives of their children create a wedge between her and her husband. Eventually, Brian and Shay would move on with their lives, but what Julia shared with Reggie was solid, stable and satisfying.

The intercom buzz brought her thoughts back to the business at hand.

“Ms. Julia, there’s someone here to see you,” her assistant, Michelle
, said.

Julia glanced down at her appointment schedule; she didn’t have anyone scheduled until the afternoon. “Who is it
, Michelle?”

“The young lady says she attends your church.”

True Worship currently had over three thousand members on the roll. Julia had no idea who the young lady could be, but if she was a member of True Worship, Julia would definitely make time for her. “Go ahead and send her in.” Julia sat at her desk and waited.

Nothing could have prepared Julia for her surprise visitor. The welcoming smile disappeared from her face and she quickly had to pray for control over her temper. She remained quiet as the young lady adjusted herself in one of the guest chairs and took note of her grim demeanor. The young lady looked like she hadn’t slept in days and her usual sophisticated conceit had vanished. 

“Hello, Pastor Julia,” the young lady said, with her head lowered and in a voice barely audible.

“
Shannon,” Julia responded dryly, not moved by her humble demeanor. “What are you doing here?”

“I know you don’t want to see me, but I really need to talk to you
.” Shannon’s voice shook. Her entire body shook.

Julia leaned back in her executive chair and folded her arms. “
Shannon, what could you possibly have to say to me after the way you’ve hurt my family?”

Unexpected tears and whimpers poured from
Shannon. “That’s why I’m here. I’m so sorry for what I did. I didn’t mean to do it.”

Once again, her tears didn’t move Julia. “Didn’t mean to do what? You didn’t mean to break into my house? Or, you didn’t mean to fail at seducing Brian?” Julia asked sarcastically.

“Ms. Julia, I’m so sorry for everything.”

Julia stood and planted her palms on her mahogany desk. “Look,
Shannon, you may be sorry, and you very well should be, but I still don’t want you in my office. Now leave.”

The whimpers escalated into sobs with pleading. “Please, Ms. Julia, I need you to help me. I don’t have anyone else to turn to.”

For whatever reason Julia began to feel sorry for the girl. The sight before her gave new definition to the word pitiful. She slid the box of tissue across the desk to Shannon. “Lord, I really don’t need this drama,” Julia grumbled while she waited for Shannon to compose herself. “What’s really going on, Shannon?” Julia asked and sat down, not really caring about the answer.

Shannon
sniffled a few times and blew her nose once more. “Ms. Julia, I’m here because you’re the only person I know who can help me.”

“
Shannon, I am not a psychiatrist,” Julia said flatly.

“But you are everything I want to be.”

Her answer caught Julia by surprise and left her speechless. After using her hand to close her gaping mouth, Julia leaned forward with her chin resting on her fist.

Shannon
continued talking, but kept her eyes glued to the floor. “Pastor Julia, I knew from the beginning that going after Brian was a mistake. He never liked me and to be honest, I never really wanted him. I only wanted the things I thought he could give me. It didn’t matter to me that he constantly turned me down, because I’m used to that. Rejection is normal for me. All my life I have been trained to use and manipulate people in order to get what I want. But now I want more.”

Julia leaned back, still resistant. “
Shannon, what does that have to do with me?”

Shannon
finally looked her in the eye. “Everything. I’ve watched how your presence demands respect. I like how you carry yourself, with respect. You’ve figured out a way to get what you need without using your body or people. That’s what I want to learn. I’ve seen how Pastor Pennington’s face lights up when he sees you. He cherishes you. I had never seen love in a positive light until I saw the two of you together. At first I wanted Brian for financial and material reasons, but after watching you, I wanted Brian to do for me what Pastor Pennington does for you. I thought tricking him into getting me pregnant was the way to accomplish that.”

“I watched your family at Marcus’s CD recording and I was dumbfounded by the way everyone accepted each other, no matter the color of their skin and it didn’t matter if
they were skinny or fat. My family has always made me feel inferior because of my dark skin and my kinky short hair. That’s why I wear so much makeup and all this hair.” She pulled on her blonde tresses, then took a deep breath before she continued. “Do you remember that day you approached me after service? You know the day after I met Brian’s mother?”

It didn’t take much effort for Julia to remember because she recalled telling the Lord that day also that she didn’t want to deal with
Shannon’s drama. “Yes, I do.”

“Well, that day,”
Shannon continued, “was the first time anyone, including my mother, had given me advice that didn’t involve being deceitful or taking advantage of another person. That was also the first time anyone had ever said a kind word to me after I had offended them. That gesture alone showed me that it’s possible for people to still care for one another after they’d done something wrong. To this day, my family holds everything I’ve ever done wrong over my head.”

Shannon
played with the used tissue in her hand. “Pastor Julia, I’m here because I realize that I need help. I don’t like the person I have become. I’m tired of spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. I’m tired of hiding behind makeup and tracks. I don’t know who I am or what I like anymore. Please, Pastor Julia, you’ve got to show me how to change. I promise, I’m for real this time.”

Julia watched
Shannon cry with tears in her own eyes. For the first time she saw the real Shannon. She wasn’t some evil person, but a wounded little girl trying to find her way. The anger she felt earlier dissipated and all she now felt was compassion. It wasn’t going to be easy and it would take a while, but she had to help Shannon.

“Shannon, let’s pray,” Julia said and walked around to where
Shannon sat. She was about to take her hands in hers, but at the last second took Shannon in her arms. Julia sensed her need for comfort and acceptance.
Lord, what am I getting myself into?
Julia wondered when Shannon gripped her firmly.

Shay rolled over and punched the off button on her alarm clock.  It was six-thirty in the morning, time to get up.  Although she tossed and turned all night, she was determined to restart her daily exercise routine today. Since her breakup with Brian, she had not been in the mood to do much of anything. The decline in her appetite was the only thing that kept her a size
-ten. 

Last night she made a decision:
It was time for her to move on with her life without Brian.  She wasn’t going to spend another day crying over Brian Pennington. He represented the past. She was ready for the future. As an attractive twenty-five-year-old woman, with a Master’s degree in education, her whole life was ahead of her. It was time for her to start living her life. After her workout she would look for a job.

By nine o’clock Shay had completed a vigorous workout, showered and was dressed. She didn’t bother to check her voicemail, knowing Brian had made his daily call to her. She didn’t trust him anymore, but his tenacity impressed her. In the two months since the demise of their short courtship, not one day went by that he didn’t call her and pray for her and he never ended the call without declaring his love for her. Today she didn’t want to hear that. She still loved him very much, but it was time for her to move on.

She rummaged through her jewelry box in search of her gold-studded earrings.  She almost lost her newfound liberation when her hands touched the silver heart Brian had given her last Christmas. “Why can’t I throw this in the trash?” she grumbled and instantly felt the empty space she had for Brian in her heart. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t bring herself to throw the heart or anything else he had given her away. She held the heart in the palm of her hand, remembering the good times, until her cell phone rang.

She put on her happy voice after reading the
caller ID. “Hey, cousin.” It was her cousin, Staci.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting dressed then I’m going to look for a job.”

“It’s about time, you spoiled brat,” Staci teased.

Shay rolled her eyes as if Staci could see her. “Now isn’t that the cat calling the kettle black. Stop acting like your daddy didn’t buy you a new Mercedes when you graduated, then sent you on a trip to Europe.”

“Don’t be hatin’. Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping with me this weekend.”

Shay twisted her mouth as she weighed the invitation. Maybe a shopping trip would do her some good. Besides, she planned on starting work soon and could use some career clothes. “That sounds good. Where did you have in mind?”

“
Union Square.”

“I’m in. Let’s meet at my mother’s office building at nine o’clock. You can leave your car in the garage.”

“Sounds good to me,” Staci agreed.

The first cousins talked for a few minutes longer about nothing in particular. After she hung up, Shay went online and looked for a job. She inquired about a few positions then checked her e-mail.

“Leave me alone!” Shay screamed at the computer after she opened a message from Brian with an attached picture of them taken the night before Alysse’s surgery. The message said he missed her and couldn’t wait until they would share more good times together. Shay didn’t want any more good times with Brian, however, she didn’t delete the picture. 

Saturday afternoon Shay laughed and cracked jokes with her cousin as they went from store to store collecting bags. It was the first time she’d been out of the house, except to go to church and it felt good. It was nice to enjoy life again without Brian’s presence. If she could remove him from her thoughts, life would be great.

“Thanks,” Shay said to Staci while they sat in a booth at the Cheesecake Factory for lunch.

Staci gave her a half
-smile. “For what?”

“For reminding me what it feels like to live,” Shay answered.

***

Staci studied her cousin. Shay was two years younger, but they were alike in many ways. Staci knew about her and Brian’s breakup; she didn’t know the all the details, but she knew Shay was devastated. She also knew that Shay loved Brian with all of her heart.

Staci had been trying
to summon up the nerve to talk to Shay since the night of Marcus’s CD recording. She had put their talk off because of how painful it would be for both of them. But after hearing of the breakup, Staci knew she had to speak up. Watching Shay all afternoon solidified her decision to have a heart-to-heart talk with her cousin and friend.

Sure
, on the outside, Shay appeared happy as she tried on numerous outfits and endless pairs of shoes. Shay tried to hide her emptiness, but Staci didn’t miss the sadness that adorned Shay’s face every time they passed by a couple shopping together or when they passed by a men’s clothing store.